Mom Life Unfiltered: Jessica Szohr (The Orville, Gossip Girl, Shameless) on Embracing Parenthood, Na

[Music] welcome to emotional support thank you for joining us and now here's your host alisandra tesani this is going to be the best podcast because it's it's so honest and real and we have babies out outside being walked right now we have babies inside the house screaming we have computers not working and of course um it's a good thing we have we are good moms and our kids are eating and living and breathing because if I had something to do in a dayto day with a computer technology I'd Fail Hard like hard that that's not my forte I would honestly think like clicking a link and like signing on to a podcast would be much easier especially because you've had a [Laughter] podcast but no not for me funny you to ask it doesn't work that way it doesn't work that way well for everyone who's listening welcome to emotional support we're here with a fan favorite Jessica zor um a dear friend um and this is going to be tons of fun and it's just going to be a quick silly episode where you know Jess had written me and was like I want to have a conversation about all of the things that happen to us moms that are overwhelming that are exhausting that we don't talk about that no one talks about and I thought this is a great kind of little fun thing that we can just share just some things and what's exciting is you have two gorgeous girls um and I'm not going to know the ages correctly because I think I know that Bo's a little bit older than lady but I think a lot older actually like right two years older in January okay so so like she's like a year and a half older right year and yeah but it also like it goes so fast so fast um so to me even though I know lady wasn't just born a couple months ago I still feel like pregnant when you I found out you were pregnant that feels like yesterday and I know we all know this as moms like people say this all the time I'm like let me guess it goes so fast the days are long but the years are short by the way that quote couldn't be more on the nose like oh my gosh it's so the nose did it ever frustrate you when people would say it to you though when when Bowie was very little because for me I would be like people would be like oh my gosh enjoy every moment like savor it enjoy and I'm like [ __ ] you like I'm just trying to have fun with my baby I know you're like it's what yeah it's just one of those things or like when people write away when she was like six months like are you having more I'm like can I enjoy the six months and like get my body back and like can my vagina get smaller again please before we have this conversation um yeah but I think people just they mean well they mean well but some yeah but here's what here's what's like really crazy to me and again to start off like I'm very blessed I have two beautiful healthy girls yes I wouldn't change anything in the world I had a great pregnancy Bowie latched like we went through this the last time and I don't mean to be like bragging about it but in a way I do because I have it I had it very good she's a great sleeper she eats well so I am very blessed but I think for some reason because I was it was a surprise pregnancy like we weren't trying then all of a sudden like oh my God but I knew I wanted to do that with Brad yeah I wasn't as much as I was reading up on things I was just kind of going with it like right like oh I should try that or or someone would send me a link to something I'm like oh that's a good idea to try like sleeping with the pillow this way or that way whatever many different things but because I wasn't like trying for months or years I wasn't like reading all these things or stressed about stuff you weren't overly prepared yes I was not at all so I think in a way that kind of benefited like kind of helped my situation because then everything that was happening I'm like okay yeah wow because every couple weeks especially when the babies it's something new like all of a sudden you think when they're like sleeping through the night and then you're changing from you know breastfeeding to bottles or getting off the bottles then it's like oh they're teething so and literally like every time you learn something it's like another challenge and you're like what and all you're doing is like you don't know if you're doing it right or wrong and it doesn't matter what you read no I mean tell me how you feel no it doesn't matter what you read something that actually happened to me like literally minutes before um we did this podcast was you know we're like rearranging the the garage and stuff and lady had picked up this like this like pipe thing I mean that sounds like terrible like I don't mean like a pipe I mean like an actual physical either way it was like a long stick thing that that it holds up um a sign it's like a banner sign thing whatever and she's like going around and she like like blowing it and I was like oh my gosh like let's put that down and before I could even say like let's put that down she cut the inside of her mouth and she starts just like gushing blood like the Exorcist oh my God oh my God like it's over this is it like andan you have to be as calm as you can be you can't calm and I was like you know what and it was so funny because literally at 5:00 a.m. I could not sleep and I was watching this video and it was mayam beic and she was talking about how so it's like very bizarre how this all happened but she was talking about how when you we we always say to babies or we always say to kids if they fall and they hurt themselves you're okay you're okay everything's okay and that's so wrong you're not supposed to do that you're supposed to say I know that you're in pain I know that you're hurting I Can Only Imagine I'm sorry all this stuff you know and and mom is here to make it better or let's see what we can do you know you will be okay but right now it's okay to feel your feelings yeah but it was so bizarre because at 500 am I watched this video and then this like first time I ever saw I know chills I know it was the first time that I'd ever seen like blood come from my baby where I was like oh my God oh my God and I was I did the thing I was like I know that you're hurting I know that you're in pain I'm so sorry honey like we're going to get through this together and you're going to be you know wonderful and we're just going to clean this up and like have a little Chi-Chi because a boob always makes you feel better um and but it was that thing where it was the first time I remembered something that I learned like as a mom I I used that tool that tool worked um but also being scared shitless inside being like my little baby has blood and it's my fault cuz I allowed her to use this you know pole pipe thing you know what I mean and but it's overwhelming right but it was the first time that I actually was able to use that advice yeah yeah I love that it happened like this morning that it was like fresh in your brain and you know my sister had told me that CU my both of my sisters had kids before I did both of my younger sisters so I was so funny I'm like I need advice I need this but that was a big thing my sister Megan from right away was just like always when they're hurt and sometimes it it's it's just on the tip of your tongue you want to do it and and I don't know for some parents it might be even to help yourself like you're okay because you're gonna have to be because we're just gonna have to make this okay right sometimes I'll find Brad being like you know if boy Falls or and he's like you're okay I'm like we it's not how we say it Brad you can't she's not okay right now even if she's gonna be in her emotions and what she's trying to like they don't know how to express anything else I that's like such a good topic to bring up because I don't think you you wouldn't be really aware of it until someone kind of explained it to you like when my sister said it like what do you mean girl and then when she was explaining she's I'm like oh and then when you're in it with your child you you can feel that they know that something's wrong right now yes but you hit it on the nose and I think that's a really important for anyone that's expecting or has a little baby now that's I think it's a big thing because especially as they get older they're they're falling more when they're like running and playing all the things you know when they're not calling and walking they're not hurting themselves they're moving yeah yeah and you know it's so funny because I always laugh because I think that you and I are very similar in the way that we are with our kids and like how we raise the babies of like letting them be who they are there we're very like loose there's no like defined schedule there's no diff they have to eat at this time like on the minute you know we kind of are like let let them be like who they need to be and and guide in that direction and I guess a question that I have that's like just coming to me is like where did you in quote unquote learn your parenting style like did you was that how you were raised um oh gosh my mom was very much let us you know we we slept with her we cop my we my mom slept with us till I was probably like 10 or 11 yeah um so there wasn't like a specific bedtime um I wouldn't say she was overly strict she she was and there was five of us so we were always on the go um I I it's like what I was saying before I think because everything was so new I was just trying to learn it and I think with you and I watched this with you like you you bring lady everywhere you go that was very much what I did so she wasn't foreign to things when we first you know what I mean first of all I was seven months pregnant when I moved and got all new doctors so that was kind of it kind of our lifestyle like you have a busy thing but I also want my children's children to be involved in my lifestyle I don't want to be like okay I'm working the of course we're gonna have to work certain hours and have our time sure but like I still want them very much involved so if like I'm going to dinner with Brad I want boy to come to dinner with us you know what I mean honestly like I'm the same way yeah yeah and I tell I was just actually talking to our friends from New York who are expecting yeah and I said to them one thing I think you guys really should do because they are out and about a lot with like travel and work and all the things also live in New York City which is just busy to begin with I'm like do that in the beginning right away because if it becomes normal and I don't mean just eating at restaurants I'm saying go to the park on other kids going to art shows I take her to I'll take her museums yes little classes that we do together so she's not foreign and I actually think it's helped her um like her personality with other people and how to treat other people just because she's been around it we're not just like well and I and it's so funny because I will never forget and I talk about this all the time with Jenna Goldsmith like how I you know I always say to her like I learned so much more than anyone I feel like in our episode when I when I told you that I was pregnant we were talking about like what it was like and everything and I remember you saying like I put Bowie on the plane like at a very young age like we were having to travel because you know your partner literally was playing hockey all over the world yeah and like you had to go you know and you were like that we have no choice but like I love that you didn't stay home I love that you constantly put her on a plane she went to different cities she experienced different cultures she got to see like different countries like that is so amazing and I that always always always stuck in my head where I'd be like I don't know if like it's too early like I remember stur just was like oh let's go to the Bahamas we' wanted to go and I'm like I don't know is it too early and then I'm like no you know what like Jess went and like she would always go and take Bowie with her I think it's so important at such a young age to constantly if you can like be flying be traveling and and doing it because it's part of our lifestyle and that's going to have to happen and so I need her to be flexible I need lady to learn to be like resilient and you if you're she's doing it with you the first time she's all doing it then it becomes like it's a safe place for her to go to all these places and do and here's the other thing even if you're not an actor working the way you and I will work as our mom we're also blessed because we can book a show or book a movie and bring our children to work not everyone has that which no I thought I didn't even realize that until having a baby I'm like wow she can literally come to any job for the most part that that we'll do which is 99% of people can't see that it's very well and we're very blessed but even if you don't have if you're not an actor or an artist in the way that we are even if you're living in a city and not getting on planes I think going to different stuff like going to an art gallery even though it was like fun bright colors it wasn't necessarily like a playground for a kid but it it also manag us like walking and makinging having boundaries of like okay we can't touch that sweetie but it was also in a place where I knew she wasn't going to like get hurt yes but it was just different things it was also beautiful cool artwork it wasn't like I took her to some that she wouldn't understand she actually was like understanding the Shadows but there's certain things you can do in your community in your city or drive an hour and go to the farm and let her feed the animal like there's so many things you can do um and we also have like a great backyard we have a pool and trampoline we so it's not like we always have to be running but you can you can make you can do things and I just think it helps them it it does and it helps so much and I love that you say like creating the boundaries of like you know what this is and and it's so funny I was talking to a friend who was um who is not religious like by any means but we were talking about about preschools and she was saying that her kid is going to go to a Catholic school and I was like oh that's so funny because like you're not religious you're partner is not religious like so bizarre and she's like yeah but you know what she's like it's a good school and she was like the reason why I don't have a like an a problem I would say with like them going into the church for like 30 minutes like during the day because it's not about like learning about like Jesus or whatever it may be it's about then learning yes being able to sit in a room be still be quiet be young and learn that sometimes you have to be in a place where you're still and you're quiet and you can't be loud and you can't be running around and you have to have discipline and I was like wow I never like that's something I never would have thought to to have have that that moment and it's like yeah that's why you should bring kids you know to to places where maybe they need to learn they can't be unruly you know what I mean kids will always be kid but there are moments where maybe they're going to have to have a little bit of discipline and what a great way to teach that I mean maybe not great way but I don't know I I think it was like pretty cool I was like oh that's interesting you know yeah I think that's really yeah that's very great it's actually like that's a good topic to talk about like because Bo's gonna be three in January and so like finding her boys yeah has she started preschool yet no we do like music class swim class dance class soccer we have four things a week right now take I'm exhausted by the way it almost takes more time to get out of the house and get there than it does for the 40 minutes of each of these things but um I don't know we Brad and I just had this conversation because Lexi started early and I'm like I I don't know I think I have to wait till four or five that's when I went he's like it's different now so I don't know yet but no she's not but the discipline thing because now that she's like talking a lot and knows what she wants here's like something interesting sharing I don't know where you guys are at with sharing it's it's a hard thing for me because it's like if we're at home and she can play with her toys and then we go to the splash pad and someone wants to play with it a lot of people are like okay we share give the toy up now I'm not saying I don't want her to not share I think sharing is caring and and there's a way to do it but I think it's very strange for in my opinion for parents to all of a sudden just be like share it with this kid like what do that explain to your child that all of a sudden W we're not there yet and I've I've never even thought about that it's very difficult thing Al because I it's not at all that I want to teach her that she shouldn't share with someone or especially but it is a stranger you've never met this person now this flashpad and someone wants to come play so I'm you have to try to find the way of doing it well how about you tell them we take turns right now you're going to play and do this but a lot of parents in front of me and I'm listen I've probably at one point been like share it with your cousin so I'm not sitting acting like perfect and this is just my opinion some someone else may say no get give the toy up I find it hard because I'm like this is hers she's been able to play at home with it all by herself all the time and now some stranger who we've never met comes up and takes it and I have to say mine yeah yeah and I have to say yeah give it to him no that's her toy but how what's you know what I mean what's the it's what have the well here's my question what have the parents said to you like I would be mortified like anytime lady grabs something of someone else's I'm like oh my God I'm so sorry I'm like she doesn't she doesn't have any siblings like she just grabs things because she thinks everything is hers like I'm so sorry I'm trying to teach her but like what have the parents said to you well I sometimes I'm like well you know at one point I'm like well boy that is yours so let's just tell him very nicely like hey that's mine and we want it back and she's she's been good about that but sometimes I hope it's where the parent comes in and I don't want someone else's child but maybe you say that isn't yours let's give it back and ask her if we can use it because it's been different things whether someone grabs it and their kids are going to be kids I just think there's like a fine line in the sharing situation where we have to understand that it has to confuse your kids that if all of a sudden something they've been able to play by themselves and they're somewhere with a stranger yeah it's really crazy to be like yeah give it up well I think also like think about if someone took your cell phone out of your hand a stranger well you're in the middle of writing an email I'd be pissed exactly kid who can't express their emotions and then we're like almost encouraging that to be okay for that feeling of something being snatched that's theirs yeah and it can't feel great no no it can't feel great fine line because it's and again it makes it sound like I'm saying she shouldn't share and that is not what I'm saying no have you ever had a conversation with like parents that has gotten a little like like feisty or like been like oh or you're like how could you possibly like I'm not at the age yet I feel like where that happens but I just I have such a testy um personality and I feel like if someone's going to like [ __ ] with my baby like I'm gonna be like [ __ ] I am about to go down right now like you have no idea what I'm gonna well listen this happened in our music class there were there were some instruments out and this little girl slaps Bowie and I'm like no oh my God and I like first of all wanted to say something to the little girl then I wanted to say something to the mom then I was like I have to in a real quick like second when this is going on I still have to present Bowie in a way so that she feels safe but also does the right thing but it's all like and and my emotions are taking over I was like pissed so I'm like and Bowie put her hold my earrings [ __ ] hold my earrings take my earrings and Boe said you don't slap me and pointed her finger at her and I'm like okay and put the girl in her place and it never happened again the mom came over and said sorry I said listen that was the first time anything like that has happened it did catch me off guard but like okay and again I don't think the girl was trying to be malicious they're at that age and you know maybe she wanted the toy Bowie had I don't know but again these are things where it's like hard because I I also don't know I think the mom should definitely let her know like that's not okay but I don't know that you go and yell at her because I also don't think kids here yelling when you I don't think so at all no talk to them and explain like hey hitting like that is gonna hurt someone feelings and that's not okay I when I hear parents yelling oh it's heartbreaking little kid that I'm like oh and now again now I might not have known what their morning was like maybe it was a crazy you know but I just feel like yelling feels like you're getting something done but it doesn't really get you anywhere it's like worrying worrying is like a rocking chair it gives you something to do but doesn't get you anywhere like yelling at a kid is like I don't that's that was a Ryan Reynolds from um fan Wilder it's one of my other favorite quotes what a great quote that just just pulls out from Van Wilder wearing like a rocking chair it gives you something to do but doesn't get you anywhere and I think yelling with children is I just don't think they hear it but it's true no I think it's the same thing no and I don't think they hear it and you know it's so interesting like here here another question that that comes up is you know ladies at the stage where she's definitely testing to see like how far she can really go and we laugh like she loves love loves doy like she loves her dog so much but she just loves to torture doy like we're convinced that like peew has like been reincarnated and like Peewee did not really love doy and was like why did she come in my life and I feel like peewee's soul is now inside lady and he's like now is my opportunity to like torture this this poor dog and like get back and you know we we and doy will growl at her and like we're very afraid like she's going to snap like I don't think she ever will snap but like I knock on wood because I don't trust anything I don't trust any human or living creature like whatever you never know what's going to happen you know at the end of the day they're animals animals you know and how would you like someone trying to put your finger in your butt like all day long like no like you would be like I'm sorry like this is not happening um and so I I feel like we constantly are trying to like say no without saying no right that make sense yeah what is something like yeah how did you talk to Bowie without being like no no no no no because I notice so many kids around us all they say is no no no and I'm like with their first words because obviously they hear it a lot right yeah and I'm like oh like I don't want Lady to always just be hearing no like I need her to understand like why are we saying no you know why are we saying you cannot do that or like please don't put your finger up dod's butt like you know what I like what is something that you did with Bowie yeah something that would like we'll say that makes her Bo birdie sorry Bowie birdie Bradley it makes our dog birdie because she would do that too and I don't know if it's a thing where they know that the dog isn't going to or instinctually something as a kid I because there's things I do and I'm like I can't if I was birdie I would have snapped do you know what I mean like some like oh my gosh but she loves birdie to death so it's like weird but I don't know if she can feel like hey this dog is just going to protect me and love me I don't know it's it is but you do it does scare you because at the end of the day this is a dog um but I would a lot often we say that's GNA make birdie very sad and if Bird's very sad she might cry because you're hurting her feelings so we try to go that way more than constantly no and sometimes a hard no just has to be it like the other day she threw something in the car while I was driving and I'm like Bowie you cannot do that I can like I mean it came flying over my head the back seat I can laugh now Alex first I didn't expect it it was like one possession in the back seat it was like a hard hard toy too not like a soft ball or like her bunny it was I'm like and it like went and hit the window it just literally like scared me yeah course my reaction wasn't great because I was like Bowie you don't and you know it was like a four lane busy street but um no I think more I think the most is just trying to always kind of get to their level that's going to make them very sad you know what I mean that's what has worked with her well I don't want birdie to be sad well then you really can't you can't do that to birdie because that's gonna hurt her feelings and we don't want that you know I I think she's too young to say like compare like I think when you get older to like Lexi's age you can say hey you wouldn't want someone to treat you that way so let's not do that you know right Lexi seven or eight Lex's eight but I think at two and three that they don't they can't comprehend that she doesn't really want to hurt Bird's feelings so it she kind of she hears I think hears that more than just no don't do that right but every kid's also different I don't know like yeah I mean it is all different no it is so how has it been I feel like something that that is not talked about a lot is how you know every parent I feel like is so different in the way that they rais their kid and like all this stuff and like I I think I've been quite like vocal about it like how frustrating it is sometimes for me because I feel like I'm so loose when it comes to lady in the sense where I'm just like whatever like you want to go to Disneyland today like let's go to Disneyland oh you want to go like you know I'm like I'm like we're so loose about things right it's like there's no schedule there's nothing probably to a fault right it's probably she's G to like you know in 15 years be like oh my God my mom like did not even think twice about like me needing a nap and was like she'll be fine like you know uh just some cand or something I don't know she does nap she naps in the car she loves to nap in the car like she's very relaxed um and she does she takes two naps a day she she loves it but it has to be either in the car or a stroller like she or in my arms like she's someone that needs that that I I like to say like that pressure almost of like you know she doesn't sleep in her crib she doesn't nap in her crib like none of that she sleep with you at night every night yeah okay I love that boie comes in at anywhere now from 3:30 a.m. to oh 6 and then she sleeps till like 8:30 or 9 yeah but she just started doing this probably about three months ago otherwise she was sleeping in her crib until then and I don't mind it like I'm like yeah sometimes I'm like should I go wake her up now Brad's like just we'll get her when she gets up she comes in every night and I love it I love it she here's the thing you're never gonna later on you're never going to regret that she laid with you no I'm never going to be like oh my God she was cramping my style go back make her sleep in her crib you know not saying a crib's bad but I meaning if that works for you you're never going to be upset that you allowed that or that she's in you know what I mean no definitely not but I feel like it is hard because I say that out loud to people and like especially when it was first happening like you know she used to sleep in the bassinet next to us and then I would say we went to New York when she was like 5 months old maybe and like she was like oh this is funny like I've tasted the bed like it's never going back any other way you know what I mean and then she wouldn't go back in the bass andet under the crib so it's like whatever it was kind of my fault but I'm okay with it but it's so funny because I would always tiptoe around like being like people would be like oh do you you know co co sleep share whatever it's called and I'd be like I guess like she sleeps with us yeah people would be super judgy about it and be like oh my God like how do you have like a sex life like how do you have a life and it like got very uncomfortable for me and I also like it's no one's business but my own how I rais my baby like so I guess you know since you are pretty much very similar to me in the sense where you are very loose with B you do bring her everywhere like how do you deal with maybe like new moms that you don't know I'm not talking about your friends I'm talking about people that you maybe meet like at a mom class or at soccer or stuff like that or dads like how do you deal with like navigating like yeah because I always act like I'm like I'm like oh I'm so cooky like I have a cooky life but I'm like I'm not cookie like I'm pretty with it but I like I put on this like pretend hat you know I I'm an actor right um I you know it's hard because I think we as a mom everything that you're like the new things that come whether it's like whatever the new challenges and then when they're finding their voice some kids are more calm some are more vocal some you know want to explore more some are fearless like but we'll go jump in the pool some other won't so the way I parent and handle things are going to be different than you so but what's hard is I think because we're always wanting to be the best parent that we can be and try you know just being the best that we can be in any situation with our kids and still make a family life good and your your marriage or your relationship I think when anyone when you feel a little judgment or a little oh that's like you it it hits a certain nerve because you're like already trying to do the best you can so to have someone kind of like not agree or like be a little judgy I'm like it it it's not cool it like doesn't feel good because also no one understands anyone else's household do you know what I mean like how we put boy to bed at night is very different how someone else does but it's also because of the way your kids are like you and Lady may sleep way better together than if she was in her crib you might be a mom who like wouldn't sleep great if she was was in her crib yeah so why she should be able to sleep with you and no one should judge that let that be what it is do you know what I mean because yeah you know like I don't like it's tough the first three months slept with us and Brad was like come home from practice and he's like no one's ever heard of this because she would sleep on my chest but it was the best way she would sleep when I put her in the bassinet next to me I couldn't sleep I was so worried about her breathing or so worried about her choking or so which no one also tells you that everyone's just like oh did you sleep train I'm like well I'm worried that she's like G to choke at night no literally like my full-blown panic of like I don't trust a baby monitor the baby monitor is going to go out then one's going to happen in the middle of the night then I'm not gonna hear her she come say hi come say hi Bowie that's another topic like how do you balance Life as a mom like trying to work like if you would have just seen Dad run in here so fast and I'm like listen it's Al like it's cool if it's boy but like if I'm in the middle of a director session trying to get emotional or trying to do something and then my daughter runs in I mean it's going to be hard to like get back there so sometimes I'm like Brad today's fine because it's alen she knows Bowie and knows us but like if I need like a 10-minute audition scene like you need to be fast like you were on skates like like has that happened before too one time I mean at the end of the day my life is my kids so like yeah it's it'll always be okay but you know how that is if you're in the middle of a scene like you know when you would like do a self tape and then your cell phone goes off and you're like so mad because you're like airplane mode yes yes everything no so how do you balance I would say like not being like you know just like a mom and like your your being you know this new persona but like how has it been how have people perceived you because like obviously everyone knows you from Gossip Girl then you had like a different life being like doing all kinds of movies and TV and stuff but then you had the Orville and then that became like the next like version of you in the sense where you were an alien for a little bit you know and now everything is Mom Mom Mom m mom you know how do you find that people who whether you're fans whether it be people that you work with like your agents and managers or producers like how do you think people have perceived you to be different now that you're a mom do you find yourself being seen in a totally different way than you were before yeah I I also think it's just like in internally and everything for me like everything changes like you you just the lens of life is different because of being a mom like yeah things you want to do how what you want your kid to learn or understand or see your relationship changes in a way like you almost fall more in love but then it also tests your relationship in in so many ways too um so I don't know if I don't really know how everyone else is perceiving me I just think it's like personally for me if everything feels different it is um even in the fact of like there's going to certain jobs I'm like okay like how long is that one going to go where do that one shoot where before I had her I'm like I would more am I working with and what director is it and you know who's the cast not like the questions of like what before I even asked that like where is it shooting yeah not that I wouldn't go but like now with Lexi in school and stuff like that there is going to be certain boundaries but um or certain decisions that I have to make but I um I don't know I think I also just think because of how different the Orville was from Gossip Girl Shameless was kind of in between like where it was like I remember Gossip Girl but like not an alien um yeah I think I also think my fan base kind of shifted too because people who are watching gosip BR were not watching the orbo you know what I mean right right um did you yourself ever find having like this is something that I've been going through I find myself like having such a severe identity crisis where I like wake up in a panic every day where I'm like I know that I'm meant to be a mom and like this is like my most important job and I'm so almost blessed and lucky that I can't work right now because it's forcing me to be with her but then at the same time I'm like oh [ __ ] like when things do go back to normal and I don't have a manager anymore and I have this new agent and you know are they do they really know who I am do they know that now that I'm a mom are people perceiving me in an older fashion like am I not going to be actress anymore like am I going to you're meant to be an actress for sure you know what I mean like that's been like going through the head of of you know and I and I also like to say it's probably still because I'm breastfeeding and like I'm I'm still like balancing out my hormones and my emotions and stuff but did you ever have that moment where you had like kind of this identity crisis where I know women not just in the business I mean all women have this of like who am I you know after having a yeah I also think we've had an interesting like couple of years because it was the pandemic so the our whole world of in our whole world in general but then specifically for what we do took forever to get back and then even if you were working on something the way the way the testing and auditions were which I think the inperson auditions affects a lot of people in a way because I just think an energy in a room is very different than than these tapes so I think we're great in a room yeah yeah I mean I honestly feel like that is a big part of our whole thing so you you got you put that into the dynamic and then you put in now that there a stri writer strike and then there's the SAG strike we've been in a real funky like place with all of it and not to mention as all of those things are happening then we both had children plus the industry is not what it was when we first became actors it's a completely different thing any way you cut it that from from movies to TV TV to movies you know movie stars being TV stars TV stars being movie star I mean the streaming so it's like all of that was already going to be kind of a oh my gosh like where what kind of film or movie do I want to do next what am I doing then throwing being a mom in it plus all of that I think we're in a very interesting kind of frustrating but also blessed to to be able to be actors um in a way too even though there's a lot of stuff going on but I think in general it's just a really difficult thing so don't for sure I've woken up or for sure there's days I'm like I need to be on a set again like Bo will be coming with me but I like need to be I need to hear action and I need to like get into a character and I need to do this so that yeah that's for sure happened I mean there's times I've cried about it there's times I've really taken in that we it is what it is and also blessed like it's also it was like the last Rider strike I remember when we were shooting Gossip Girl it was like a paid vacation in a way not paid but like because we knew we were going back to a show sure right now no one is everyone's like if you go back to something that you were shooting or if you do something you just we just don't know where the industry is because of what everyone's fighting for with the strikes as well right so it's like you know like is it harder for stuff to get made is it going to be easier to get cast is it going to be more show last shows well I feel like it it's such an unknown and I feel like I went to this event yesterday and it was like one of the first events I've been to without lady because once again I bring her to every event that I go to I'm like and now I have to ask if it's an 18yar older event because because usually I just assume I bring her along I'm like what do you mean like she we match like what do you mean it's cute um Her IMDb and wire image is way higher than mine is um it's pretty cute um but um I I I went to this event and this girl was so sweet she was phenomenal and so gorgeous and sweet and she was telling me that she was an influencer and I she was like you know what do you do and I was like I'm certainly not an influencer you know what I mean by any means like you influence me well I influ thank you I will take that but I mean in the grand scheme of things and I'm like wow it's so wild because even I feel like five years ago if we would have gone to an event right and we would have been there it would have been actors musicians um producers maybe there was like one or two bloggers but really they were like bloggers who also were actors and like and now it's like it's such a different world that I feel like such a fish out of water at a a Los Angeles Wellness event because I'm not you know I don't have a Blog I don't have a famous Tik Tok it's just so wild and it's like wow what are our kids like being raised in it's like a different gener it's it's insane to me like to think about when we would go to like chi on like a Monday night back in the day like but think about this we couldn't even you had to like not bring your cameras in we didn't even have cameras on the phones then let's not remember what happened to the camera and Monte Carlo like speaking of cameras like should I remind you when we had uh we God knows where that digital camera is like first time I met Jessica like we had a digital camera we were taking all these like wild fun pictures like nothing inappropriate but like every celebrity was on that camera and we went to a party um with the prince of Monte Carlo and lost camera and then there was a picture that came out of me dirty dancing with Kevin mcale who's gay okay and at the time what with Jenna ushkowitz okay so like nothing fishy there and we were dancing to Britney Spears and they're like o spotted like Al T I'm like honey listen it was a good moment but it was not what you think and they turned it into what whatever they wanted it to be I was like first of all no one knew who I was so like it wasn't even that like Scandal because kapra didn't come out yet like literally like I had done like a few like guest spots here and there and like 20 Pilots that never got that like you with that Apple picture everywhere in New York City all over the world that was still holding on to that moment yes loved that I love that moment but it's so but but it is interesting and it's like scary I feel like learning like oh my my god do you want your kid to be on screen time like do you like care if they're you know watching this like the other question is like do you care if there's pictures of your baby out I mean I know that you share people with I mean with your audience and and your fan base like I went back and forth with that for a while for months I still go back and forth and it was kind of to me where I'm like cameras are just everywhere now so it's like even if and now I know I I put some out of Bowie than if we were just walking somewhere but it's if you're G to hide your kids then you it's like a whole thing all the time and then I'm like does she deserve that that anywhere we go where there's cameras out we have to be careful or if someone does get her in the background hey can you delete that because cameras are every anywhere we go and then if you're definitely going to kids things people are taking pictures of their kids so there's a fine line of like if you're going to do it and want to protect your kids like is it every which way you go so it's like everything we do have to be guarded and sheltered and worried all of that or the other way so I feel like there's a balance in it but then someone else would be like well there's not a balance like either you're showing your kid or you're not like if you which I do show booy and part of it is like she's my world and my life and and we were okay with it I I don't it in the beginning when I was just a new mom and just trying to breastfeed and be there and I wasn't on set and stuff I wasn't really worried about it I just was like I I'll decide later yeah and then when I decided it I remember there was a night where I'm like Brad's like if you're overthinking it then maybe just don't do it and I'm like but you're going to overthink things with your kids like what class you put them in where you're traveling or what job you're going to take or who you're gonna let be around your kid so you I am GNA overthink [ __ ] this is my kid everything we do from here on out affects her and yep many ways and then I just kind of I think I might have went on to a few of our friends pages and kind of felt out like the people that I I parent similar with or that I respect and you know what I mean not saying that I don't respect others in that way I just was kind of like let me see this couple who I've known for a long time who kids are very let me see how they do it some some didn't at all show them and a few did and I think at the end of the day I was just kind of like I'm always going to protect her and be here for her but to not have any picture ever of her out in the world is just like in this day and age is just not going to happen yeah and I feel like honestly we're very similar in the sense where we're very open and we're open with our audience and that's kind of why people are you know close with us want to hear what we gotta say yeah yeah and the other thing is I talk so much about on my podcast about her because that's my whole life and like just like you talk about her all the time like that's your life and I feel like it's just a part of me and and yeah I mean I mean there's some kids in my music class that that have parents that are in the business that are like oh my gosh can you please not take video and so like we respect like everyone in our music class knows don't take video like or if you do it's only for yourself like don't take it anyone else it's just your kid so I think it's a balance and but I think for me totally and that's fair people don't want it but that's what I'm saying then it's like every little thing you're going to too much over for me yeah and if that is something that you specifically are really like hey I just that's something I don't want my kids picture out there then s each their own then don't do it I just feel like nowadays it's just even if there isn't a camera out there's cameras everywhere wants to get something off there you know yeah yeah well that's a really tough one that's a tough one I mean the real question is like is Bowie ready to be an actor because she is so cute this girl is too funny I mean I don't know someone an agent did reach out to us to did actually asking if we would want her to get signed with them and I was like listen I don't know I'm like not I'm not against it but I'm like maybe just let's wait till she's like old enough to kind of decide I don't know but like maybe when she's like four or five like do you want to silly and funny I told I told lady like as if she even talks back to me but I told lady like there was an agent that approached and I was like sure like why not oh she'll do she'll do print modeling like no one even knows it's her and this is a funny story that and I I I'll leave it at this okay she books this job I'll start with this she books this job and I was like oh my God they had me like put on a video a picture of her and whatever sent it sent it on and I was like oh my gosh if she gets this this is going to be like so fun like whatever um and she booked it they were like show up to this Sound Studio where it was a Christmas shoot okay and I was like oh my god dream and it was like in September I was like oh my God this is so amazing so she shows up now this was for Disney okay so this is for the Disney Christmas campaign and I was like my daughter it was her first job like okay I'm like this is the Christmas card like it's happening like this is so exting anyway so okay this is really fun so we show up and I'm like freaking out I and I found myself being the stage mother that I like despised growing up and seeing all around and I became her and I was like I need to calm myself right now and everyone's like oh my gosh is this her first job like oh my gosh welcome to the IND you know entertainment industry and I'm like oh my God it's like so awkward you guys don't know who I am like this is so bizarre for me like I was like having this whole like moment and she's like running around playing with with Mickey Mouse toys so anyway so they're like okay we're going to put her in these pajamas they put her in these pajamas they're Christmas they're adorable they're plaid and you know everyone knows like she doesn't have a lot of hair going on you know so that's okay this little girl comes in the same ages lady with long gorgeous blonde hair and a big bow and I was like oh my gosh how cute like I wonder if they'll like do something together naive me okay has no idea what's happening they go okay you know what actually we're not going to have lady in this we're going to have the other baby wear this I was like she's been cut my daughter's been cut from the campaign before she even shot it it's over like this is it this is how it ends her career began and ended in one second you know anyways they' shoot this little girl she's so cute and then they go actually we're GNA put lady in something so they put lady in this yellow Mickey Mouse sweatshirt with jeans and big black fuzzy like army boots and they put her in hair and up and I was like oh my God so cute and they start giving her a combover okay and I'm like oh my God like that's kind of bizarre like she's so cute like why are you giving her combover then we go on the set and they're like okay like we're going to play her favorite like music so she's playing you know cute little like Disney Nightmare Before Christmas and they had like a baby Wrangler that's like over here lady you know whatever and they the photographer did not hear her name and the I overhear the photographer go wow he is just such a handsome little boy and I go what and I go well his name is Lady um but and they're like oh no that's a girl they whispered to him and and he goes oh my God I'm so sorry uh are you the mom and I was like yeah and he's like I I'm so sorry I I I thought it was a little boy I was like whatever gets the job I guess and I was like oh my God who am I to be like whatever gets the job like I and I said it out loud and I was like they looked at me like I'm crazy and I'm like no no trust me like I've been in this business forever like I'm an actress you didn't mean that I didn't mean that and I'm like going through my IMDb and they're like we do not give a [ __ ] who you are ma'am like get your child out of here like they are done and I was like well that's lady's first job so then they're like they announced the Christmas campaign and it comes out like October 1st and her sweatshirt's not on there she's not on there I'm like she's been cut and after that I was like you know what for lady's sake I think it's best she's not in the business because she has the crazy stage mother inside me that that's been dying to come out so so it's not that my daughter couldn't handle it because she had the time of her life on set it's that I was like oh my God oh my God I know how to make her smile I know how to do this like don't you know who we are like crazy person so that's my my two cents of advice um on that note I think that I will wrap this up we are gonna have to do this again because this has we'll do yeah we'll do a part two but um that is it's adorable and beautiful and like funny like our industry is wild it's crazy it's wild it's crazy and you know what like I we just have to laugh about it and the best thing about this industry is that I have made some of the coolest friends in the entire world you being included in that and you know how special like if we didn't meet in that one time in Monte Carlo you know what I mean like who knows if we would be here right now having this conversation and who knows if I would have raised lady the way that I did because truly you were such an impact of that like oh my God I that is like the nicest compliment and I think you're really killing it I also don't think we not just you and I in general because we're so busy and your day-to-day and when you get done doing certain things or you're with your you know child you're not trying to like be on the phone like some people are like like Nina the other day was like you are the worst she's like it took you three weeks to call me back I'm like I'm bad with it because I just like being try to be as present that's a big thing trying to be as present with your kids as you can because that it goes fast it goes fast and you know and if people can't understand that and they can't forgive you for that then you know they're not meant to be laugh it off she was I know she did she's the best but yeah but it but some people like don't get it you know what I mean some people don't understand it and you know you really find the people that also reach out to you during the postpartum you know people that have like texted you or write you in or like how are you doing Mom you so make sure you like hold tight those people that showed up for you because it means a lot you know in the long term and when you do have a minute or you are on the phone with someone or in A Moment Like This like let your friends know they're doing a good job because I think I think a lot of I think our partners I think people in general in the world just expect us to do it because we do it and we do a damn good job of it but we aren't told that a lot and not that I need a pet on the back but like Day flowers out of nowhere and he's like I just want to say thanks I'm like honestly Brad what did you do and he's like I told the lady at the grocery store was doing it to be nice and I was like oh my God that is the sweetest thing it really like made my whole week I love flowers but like the recognition of just like I see you I see you and I hear you and you're you're you're here and you're doing great mom and like Round of [Music] Applause