I Kicked A KID Down A Hill! | #reddit #redditstories

Intro this week we have a girlfriend who kicks a kid down a hill a wife who gets her sister-in-law arrested a husband who accidentally texts the wrong number a sandwich that ends an argument and if you're a patreon oh if you're a patron on patreon saved it there you go we're doing smut the return of the smut I teased it a couple weeks ago but it's happening now finally this week uh and also we have another segment from The Amazing underboki host of the weird distractions podcast Reddit on Wiki Starts Now get therapy yeah welcome back to another John still coughing damn uh welcome back to another episode Another Monday Reddit readings episode of Reddit on Wiki with me today I got Double J John and Josh how you doing boys good I'm not coughing so I'm doing well John have you gone to a doctor no Jesus I think I have time to go anywhere I mean I guess currently right now you can't go anywhere glad to see that heater is working or at least I assume uh no I just well actually it's my water water tank that got messed up so they replaced that that's too Grand down a drain everyone home ownership is a [ __ ] scam and [ __ ] you Texas because you don't know how to set your [ __ ] houses right I hate this place I can't wait to get out of here can't wait for you to leave brother I can't wait how's the Deep Freeze down there it's all right yeah not that not that not that frozen roads are icy and then the tires uh that they sell or cars down here aren't good on ice so a lot of people stayed home work was closed schools were closed businesses closed I wanted a donut this morning didn't happen uh but it's fine parts of uh Alberta and Saskatchewan have been like -40 to -50 degrees C Jesus which is like I don't know somewhere like it's likeus 50 degrees Fahrenheit uh which is crazy terrible God damn sounds awful so for sure people there aren't leaving the house right like y'all are just staying indoors uh I'm pretty sure I mean maybe not school kids but pretty sure people go to work God damn yeah you just really quickly go to car to house to office you don't spend too much time outside all right well are we ready to hop into the stories today boys let's do it all right I will say I definitely thought I was hosting last Monday so all these stories are from last week so I'm also going to have a fresh perspective on these cuz I have no idea what I chose last week y'all wow I love when the stories are ALS Al surprise to you those are always fun yeah it's always good this is coming from crossposted from our ground score Story 1 advice from Mary gtz 2011 this is a girlfriend who kicks a kid down a hill yeah I heard this one when you reading the intro and I was like what the [ __ ] surely he said wrong right he misspoke right we got to retake that uh that's crazy all right here we go my girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years now a few days ago she told me the following she left to take our dog to the dog park in our apartment complex when she got there a boy who we now know is 8 years old with a ball pump approached her and asked if he could pet the dog she let him then when he took too long she told him that our dog can't poop if she's distracted well the kid did not respond well to that and followed them into the dog park he climbed into a tube tunnel in there and when our dog went over to sniff the tunnel my girlfriend saw him poking the dog with the pump she told him not to do that and leased our dog and took him to a trail that goes through the trees behind our apartment complex that's decently far from the dog park while she was there on the trail letting the dog sniff around she noticed that the boy was following them still with the ball pump she pretended to get on her phone and asked the boy something like what's your name the police officer on the phone wants to know the boy then got angry and started running at them my girlfriend put herself between the kid and our dog and he stabbed the basketball pump in her leg oh she then him sending him tumbling down the hill by the path she said that it was an automatic response but I don't know if I believe that the boy ended up spraining his wrists and his parents called the police my girlfriend was quite questioned but not arrested and the parents want to press charges and as much as my girlfriend insists that she thinks it will be fine I can't get the idea of her being violent towards a minor out of my mind I want kids someday and I thought that I knew who I was dating she injured a child and I feel so gross that I've been dating sorry for the smile it's insane uh that he took this way uh she injured a child and I feel so gross that I've been dating someone like this how does our relationship move forward that's where it ends uh I mean your wife was assaulted I don't know why you're not more concerned about her I know it's a kid but still got a weapon you know what I mean uh oh yeah and I'm sure it was just like yeah a reaction like if someone attacks you you're going to react uh you have no idea how you're going to react but you'll we you will react uh and hers was to just kick out probably to in fear yeah I mean it's unfortunate that it was a kid that sounds you know uh not care of properly well now we can't diagnose but he's following somebody with uh what could be a weapon a weapon also stab somebody yeah also poke the dog with the said weapon exactly also where are his parents what's an 8-year-old doing at a park by by himself also following strangers uh yeah that's what I was going into I'm like probably not you know a well taken care of kid where he's uh just alone in a park for hour more sounds like uh so yeah it unfortunate for everyone involved but uh yeah don't blame your wife for this this is not her fault at all well she's just the girlfriend they're still dating sorry questioning he's questioning if he could still move forward in this relationship knowing that his girlfriend kicked a child got assaulted well it could have been way he didn't take her side like it could have been the dog that attacked him you know what I mean that would way worse yeah and then if the dog attacked the kid then then they're going to be responsible for that which is insane because that kid provoked the dog exactly so it could have been way worse and if they do end up pressing charges like can't they just be like well why was this kid out by himself kid stabbed me also the kid I have stab marks that match the [ __ ] ball pump that the kid had yeah there's I don't think they win that case no so Kevin hates kids now cuz one time when I was walking when I was walking him this was when he was probably like seven or eight months so I walked him around the neighborhood and this is the time when like I didn't walk him far yet like I just walked him around the block just so he can sniff around the environment there's like a crowd of kids um probably like down the street and of course when people see corgies are just like oh my God corgi's so cute and then I I stopped them like Midway they were running towards us I'm like hey he's in training right now he's not supposed to be like interacting with people yet I just want him to like go for a walk but these kids were insisting like I want to pet him I'm like hey don't yeah like stay away chill and yeah so one of them like ran up on a bike like behind me I didn't see him and then Kevin freaked out and he got scared he took off like he was he was able to Wrangle out of his his CER right and this dude Beed home and like he ended up like [ __ ] himself right oh no and then these kids kept following him in a bike and just kept running like ah corg corg and this was the time when I was in physical therapy so I couldn't run and I was chasing this dog like [ __ ] like I that was like the most like adrenaline that I've got in a while cuz I was scared he was going to go in a busy street and get run over right but for some reason Kevin was smart enough to like run exactly to our house and then when these kids were like hella just saying like oh want to pet him and I was like get the [ __ ] away from here like get out like to the point uh that I pretty much cussed out the kids right and then now when we walk and I told Juliet about those kids he's just she's just like if they get near Kevin again I will [ __ ] drop kick down and I was like I'll do it for you I'll gladly kick the [ __ ] out of these kids so parents teach your kids how to interact with dogs right yeah if a stranger says like hey you can pet him leave him at that and and teach them how to properly like introduce yourself to animals cuz at the end of day these are like even though they're trained per se they're wild animals at the end of the day and they can they can bite back for sure yeah okay wild story but this reminds me of my childhood neighbor who had a [ __ ] monkey uh and uh wait what he had a monkey I don't know how legal it was uh yeah he had a monkey what kind of monkey I don't know I don't like Marcel from friends or I mean it was probably that size it wasn't a [ __ ] gorilla you know what I mean it was a monkey you know he walked around with the monkey on his shoulder and I guess one day like an aggressive kid you know was messing with it and then it like bit the kid and then they had to they had to uh I don't know if he had to put it down or give it up or yeah and that that's usually what it is kid being little [ __ ] yeah yeah well just not knowing right they're not taught properly yeah yeah yeah yeah it's responsibility the parents at the end of the day teach your damn kids how to interact not even just like dogs even just people don't have them [ __ ] be running up to people cuz if someone approaches me my initial reaction is just defend myself yeah exactly moral that story [ __ ] them kids there we go exactly I got it there it is we found it all right are we ready for the next story yeah that was like a three in one story was it well because you told the story John told the story oh that's true that's true we got a monkey a Kevin story my God this one is a wife who gets her sister-in-law arrested this is coming Story 2 from R/C confessions cross posted by a goat blood unicorn Valkyrie hey nice did she call the uh abortion police in Texas uh no like that one story not like that one story she called the CPS her husband's sister and got her arrested and now her husband is filing for divorce interesting so could be could be for a good reason I guess I was going to say it could be justified yeah we will see I feel like everyone's going to say that I'm wrong and that family comes first and I should have stayed out of it because this is exactly what my husband's entire family has been saying to me and now they all hate me and my husband is filing for divorce against me you better believe wicam Maniacs that was all one sentence Jesus oh [ __ ] his love those posts where there's no grammar like oh [ __ ] where's this going wait the husband is divorcing the wife reported yeah oh okay yeah interesting and that whole family all the in-laws hate op okay his family told me instead that I should have talked to them and have one of them safely drive the kids to Grandma's and I should have helped his sister instead of ruin her life and get her arrested and have her kids taken away from her so I called the CPS on my husband's sister who is 29 years old she has four children and three baby daddies she's unmarried she's a single mom and is in full custody of all of her kids but she's also an alcoholic she usually puts her kids in daycare on random days even when she's not at work because she wants to go to the bar and drink and find a guy she's always jumping in relationship to relationship and she's always putting her kids in daycare so that she can get hammered she also drinks and drives with the children in the car she claims that it's not that serious because she's Tipsy and when she drives she is a better driver when she is tipsy rather than sober never true [ __ ] that's not true Ipsy driving Believe It or Not same as drunk driving y'all yep yep she is not a good person in fact I hate her unrelated to that but she is also a backyard breeder she was starving the mother dog because she didn't have time to take care of stupid dogs when she has a job and kids to take care of again these are her words the mama dog died during labor and more than half of the litter didn't make it either she never took this dog to the vet either she just sold the pups that did make it anyways this part is a random story but this is the main reason why I [ __ ] hate my sister-in-law I would like to kick her down the hill I was going to say that's going to be my response too anyways I took a recording of the evidence and I also called the police gave a license number and other information on where she was heading the police got her and they checked her blood alcohol percentage she's still in the county jail because no one wants to pay the $1,000 for her bail but my husband's mother and uh I'm guessing the other sister-in-law are working on her bail and are going to get her out by tomorrow morning she doesn't know when CPS will return the kids though I feel like what I was doing was the right thing but my husband's family hates me now my husband said that this is not my place he is leaving me and I'm begging him not to I feel so vulnerable now too because I just had a baby 6 months ago oh also his sister is apparently threatening to beat me up when she gets out of jail okay so threat of assault on you I hope they got immediately yeah I hope they got that on the phone that she was calling on going to beat your ass cuz they record the [ __ ] out of every phone call uh of those you know when you're in county jail or any jail I assume maybe I don't know is that it yeah yeah that's it okay well like my first thought is the whole family is mad about her uh for jail mad at the sister but you should be mad yeah cuz your nieces and nephews are also your family and they're being treated poorly and put in dangerous situations uh take that way more seriously than you are like what the [ __ ] and the fact that that family is enabling that bad behavior and what Josh said like enabling or you know putting the the kids in danger why would you want that for your family honestly you did the right thing and it's good that your husband is probably going to leave because it seems like that family is cuckoo and they're they're just enabling danger and and and look I'm not going to be here be a hypocrite and say like I've never I I've driven drunk in the past right and I have my documented cases of like me being a dumbass in the past and another thing that people don't really recognize about doing [ __ ] like that is you can say like oh I'm doing okay I'm I can drive whatever like Tipsy and all that but you're not um factoring the the fact that you are endangering others out there there could be someone who's just picking up milk at the grocery store and you hit someone and you just ruin that person's life yeah um and not only that you're endangering your kids every single time you drive around drunk as hell uh it's good that this person is going to jail and I'm kind of happy that the kids are being taken away because they need to be in a home where they're safe and you know just going places safe and not someone who's drunk driving them around so that family's ass yeah yeah I agree it's insane that they are mad at op uh when they watched the mom one wild to say like oh it's cool that I could drive my kids Tipsy and then nobody in the family bats and ey or you just watch her [ __ ] kill multiple dogs and then just be like oh yeah I guess that's cool too that's just normal yeah we haven't talked about that I don't I don't even want to get started with that one I feel like that has to be a legal or something that you it definitely is Tak care of animals yeah animal abuse there you go yeah that you can't just get away with that it's unane that she was able to just sell the puppies that were alive and have no re Rec course like nobody said anything to the police about that that's crazy yeah unfortunately I think that's more common than people want to realize definitely is yeah ter adopt adopt or responsible breeders there are responsible there are responsible breeders you are right yeah that's true that's true I don't know straight cats I don't know anything about dogs if I'm being yeah we in a barn yeah every dog that I've ever gotten was uh somebody else being like I can't take care of my dog here's a dog and I'm like what are you why do why me but anyways that's TR neuter your pets people please stay and neuter your pets all right we don't say that we're going on ad break so I'm not going to do that are we ready for our third story did no I said that I'm not going to do it so then you know technically that negates the fact that I did it interesting third story here we go Story 3 all right this is a husband who accidentally texts the wrong number this one is a personal story from our own subreddit r/ rdit on Wiki this one is posted not crossposted from uh bright ground score jump 5279 shout out to you hopefully you're a listener yeah that's true that people could be writing personal stories on here and have no idea clue wow yeah I did of course that makes sense wow okay so this is titled you texted the wrong girl dumbass okay my husband and I have been married for 14 years and I thought we were happy we had a few philosophical differences but overall I thought we were doing well one day I noticed that he was keeping his phone really close at hand which was not normal for him he was not a morning Pizza texting him at 2 in the morning yeah hey you up you want a pizza it's the [ __ ] Jake from State Farm but for real what are you wearing khakis khakis that sounds hideous you sound hideous oh you sound hideous he was not a morning person at all his Norm was to stumble his way to the coffee pot and take his morning shower but he was grabbing his phone off the charger and taking it into the bathroom with him every morning so I got up in the middle of the night and checked his messages while he was asleep dozens of texts to a woman and the recent ones refer to being glad that he was seeing her next week oh he had told me that he was going on a wait for it guys a business trip ah oh there it is classic which wasn't unusual since his job requires uh that frequently although I am not good at face-to-face confrontation I managed to tell him that I had discovered his affair and asked him if he wanted to do marriage counselling to repair our relationship oh that is generous very generous I mean good for you for for approaching it that way I ain't repairing [ __ ] you're a bigger person than us yeah mhm he Gass matter of fact I'm squaring up against Juliet right now lose your ass You' get your ass prob would you mentioned on The Daily that she beats your ass all right uh he then Gast lit me and told me that I was imagining things there was nothing to the text messages he sent to The Other Woman it was just flirtation and that he didn't want or need counseling which is still cheating yeah buddy flirtation is also not allowed when you're married I think I'm like entertaining the idea yeah what the [ __ ] you're imagining things babe I'm just [ __ ] flirting flirting I'm just flirting what a crazy response uh but he said that since I thought our relationship was in trouble perhaps we should separate for a while oh big surprise there buddy oh just a while yeah he would take our he going to want a little open relationship we're on a break when he gets back he's going to be like I think we should open this relationship and then she's just out getting all the guys dick appointment he's home alone da uh he would take our big motor home and live in a local RV park while we quote unquote thought things out so I followed him to the RV park intending to bring him back to his vehicle which was parked at our house on the way there he texted me directions to where he was going a few minutes later I get another text from him which uh parenthesis going from memory here said we are headed to the RV park she's in a pissy mood so it will be after 5 before I can get back to the RV and I can call you can't wait to hear your voice love you andot love you that's more than FLIR me crazy it's just flirtation just flirting God I love this woman yeah for a moment I was confused as hell and then it hit me so I texted him back quote you texted the wrong girl you dumbass there was radio silence for several minutes and then he texted OMG wild to start that way OMG you're imagining things you're also [ __ ] uh it's just flirting dude OMG I'm so sorry I don't want to talk about this okay I turned around and either there's nothing to talk about we're done good that is the proper response to that [ __ ] that guy what a piece of [ __ ] insane if you want a divorce just divorce don't you know go behind their back it's so [ __ ] disgusting yeah if you're unhappy about your situation open your mouth first and have that conversation people resorting to cheating off the bat I just got zero respect for people like that I don't want to talk about it John okay well give me directions to your RV park Josh we're going to go to the RV park what a romantic date there are some uh comments in our section that uh op wrote back uh oh wicam Maniac Lyn 0712 wrote please tell me you screenshotted all of his messages to her and then sent them to yourself which op replied this was 13 years ago and I didn't know about taking screenshots to be honest I kept the text he meant to send to her on my phone I was also able to access both of our phones text history from Verizon to her number and they were texting each other like a couple of giddy teenagers about every few minutes when I looked at damn when I looked at our banking history uh he always took care of our financials I saw that he had actually written checks to her to pay off some of her expenses from our joint account what the [ __ ] boy you got me [ __ ] up yeah I'm taking that trailer back yeah for sure definitely not keeping it cuz of all the the dirty [ __ ] they probably did inside that trailer true oh no yeah I'm selling that getting it cleaned and then selling it I ain't even cleaning it bro just straight up sell it sell it as is stains and all car it like 13 years ago there weren't screenshots hard to imagine a world man I was show I was hella showing my age uh couple days ago I was trying to get direction somewhere and I I told Julet I'm like hey can you pull up the map quest she just [ __ ] stared at me and laughed oh Map Quest bro I was like God damn the socer games she's older than me actually oh okay okay she she also knows about the map quest but she just looked at me she was like are you [ __ ] serious she's way more hip damn can you remember we used to [ __ ] print those shits out PR and then if you [ __ ] up you're just miss turn BR it's over brother no [ __ ] clue where we are you pull out that big map that unfolds you try to find the road you're on see I'm actually happy that like in the the Texas freeway so when you when you like Miss a turn you can just go back to that exit ramp and then there's usually like a a turn around Lane right to get there California they got that [ __ ] so like sometimes like you exit out and there's not even a the same entrance to go back to that that highway I'm like [ __ ] driving in Texas is very easy but it it does suck that there's no public transport but I am glad they figured out not really figured out cuz traffic is still insane uh traffic ass I do appreciate the there's like exits like so many exits and u-turns it's it's almost impossible to [ __ ] up I would have probably done it the the highways there are crazy there's so many of them I'm scared dude there's like a a somewhere like near Haiti there like a suburb in Texas or in Houston where there's like a lane of freeway when they all intersect and like if you add them all together at that one intersection it's like 20 something Lanes of traffic oh my God [ __ ] stupid I [ __ ] we need a train guys what are we doing ottawa's got one Highway and that's it oh there's so many I get anxiety when there's only one lane I'll be passing anytime I see like a passing Lane I'm like speeding over oh like going in between hell yeah I'm like I can't do this [ __ ] all right next story and last story unless you're a patron this is a Story 4 sandwich that ends an engagement o a sandwich must have been a really [ __ ] good sandwich or it must have been a really terrible sandwich oh that's true how does that work if it ended the relationship maybe you know they someone a partner made like the worst sandwich they ever made is like I do not want to eat this for the rest of my life oh I see I understand okay gotcha this is coming from r/ two hot takes call us we' love to collab uh stole stuff from them this is uh are we really doing this this is cross posted uh by mediocre ground score watermelon uh go follow two hot takes by the way I feel bad for stealing their their stuff watch Morgan suas it's a Reddit thing it's just another subreddit that's true they can read stories off of ours I don't care I wonder if our stuff gets posted over there too I don't know hey congratulations on a tour by the way I see that they're hella touring the US congrats when when Spotify was doing the podcast [ __ ] and everybody was sharing their top five or top six podcast they were probably the most uh you know anytime we got tagged they were also tagged uh they were probably tagged way more than we were tagged but there a the vent diagram of fans definitely exists I would yeah I think their Circle engulfs our circle on for sure absolutely there might not be a of this show that also does not listen to two hot joks please respond to [Laughter] me uh this is titled my 26 male fiance 24 female is reconsidering our relationship over a sandwich oh so I think it is what John said [ __ ] the sandwich isit ass next month we'll have been together for three years we've been living together for 11 months and I proposed 5 months ago this situation is absolutely absurd to me a couple weeks ago my 26 male fiance 24 female asked me to get takeaway because she was too tired to cook oh British yeah takeaway takeaway can I get a Chinese anyway wild they that's why they say it yeah that that's how they say Chinese food yeah can I get a Chinese excuse me excuse me what I don't think this legal it feels racially charged England it does it feels very racially charged she's an A&E nurse which I'm not sure if you guys know what that is a& E network right yeah uh yeah I was say account executive that's what I'm recruiting for I have no idea I don't know it's a she's a nurse Nur I don't know uh British people let us know if you know something emergency ooh amputations and emergencies uh first point of contact for patients as they enter the hospital oh okay I don't know what the stands for accident and emergency nurse that's exact go that oh hell yeah nice John uh she's an accident and emergency nurse and was still recovering after having had Corona virus which she caught at work I went to Greg's after work and I had a voucher where I could get a second free sandwich identical to my first order I thought Greg was like his friend or something I guess Greg Greg is probably like a grocery store I'm assuming it's like aega like a Publix yeah could be I have no idea but that's funny I I was like oh it's Buddy Greg yeah GRE of course Gregs I ordered us tuna crunch baguettes plural when I ordered this I forgot that she's allergic to several types of fish and shellfish including tuna oh now it was an honest mistake on my part but she flipped out I offered to cook for her instead and I was going to let it go because she was just getting over being ill but she was still mad the next day and left our flat to go stay with one of her mates oh definitely British besides the tuna she was also upset that I couldn't recite her usual Gregs order by heart or order from another one of our regular takeaways even though she knew mine she has a better memory than I do because she needs it for her work nice excuse uh yeah she hasn't returned and she says she's reconsidering our relation ship over a sandwich she says that the sandwich is just a symptom but I think that's absurd I made one mistake forgetting her allergy but I don't believe it's something to end our relationship over she was disappointed when I got home and told her what sandwiches I bought but I didn't think it would be something she'd leave me over my family and even my mates say that I'm right and this is absurd for her to be reconsidering our relationship because of a sandwich the one time I spoke to her since she left she says that her family all agrees with her our lease is up at the end of next month and she told me to go ahead without her if I want to stay in our flat I do love her I want to marry her it's completely absurd to me that I'm in this situation and I cannot believe it I I I could see I could see where the the girlfriend flipped out cuz allergies are a crazy thing like you know people who have penut allergies if you feed them anything closely to that like that's their life in danger essentially right um but I can also understand where the guy coming from I'm very forgetful I don't remember [ __ ] half the time but I mean there's remedies for that too you can write down your girlfriend's preference so that way you exactly remember what you know you remember what they like um notes apps exist for a reason you can just put like subway this is what they order you you could do that um but I have a feeling that there's is there a little is there an update or is there more to the story cuz that was all that was it but I didn't check the comments to see if somebody like posted anything I'll look it up while you're talking that reaction is a little too harsh for it to be a breakup right away maybe there's just a bunch of little things that the boyfriend didn't do uh for for the girlfriend to react like that cuz you know little things add up right and she was probably at her Wit's End saying like hey I feel like you don't you don't like the little things or you're not doing the little things for me so I don't want to spend the rest of my life with you so there's probably something that the boyriend is not telling us fully in the story that's at least that's my what I'm feeling about it yeah that's exactly what I was thinking too John like uh it it sounds like cuz cuz she did say something like that to him it's like the little things or something like that she said it was uh that the sandwich was just a symptom symptom that's what yeah so it sounds like there are other things going on also she is recovering she's probably not happy like you know what I mean uh and you bought her a sandwich that she is potentially deadly allergic to uh which is a very big oversight on your part I feel as partners that is something that should be front of mind when you're ordering something for them uh especially food allergies like that for me that's like if if she wants it to end it I don't blame her her uh I would recommend like counseling or if she if she wants to stay into it uh but yeah I agree with John I think he's leaving out a lot of things that have added up to this uh this blowout yeah and before I start I I do want to say that there is a comment that I thought John would find funny and I'm surprised he didn't do himself actually uh the number one comment is uh by black hartish they write allergies could be severe especially around fish nuts and for getting oh this guy's shellfish godamn it is that what it is y [ __ ] for getting allergies in a relationship and where you provide or share food is a huge red flag and could be lethal to the allergic partner in addition this was probably just the last draw in a series of selfish acts everything in his defense talk screams that he has no clue what is actually wrong to which user qru luu uh John already predicted it writes you mean shellfish AE son of a [ __ ] yeah I'm surprised he didn't get that one immediately you bastard this is the first time I've seen John mad at a PUD it's crazy he's mad he didn't I'm mad that I didn't say it but the moment you started saying it I was like God damn it shellfish could have been here as soon as I said allergies you were like [ __ ] but yeah that first comment does uh does a great job of encapsulating what was wrong with this this guy keeps going on and on about like oh it's the sandwich that caused this it's the sandwi but really this was just like the last draw that broke the camels back you know what I mean and every time there's a story like this I hate when somebody's like yeah all my family and friends are on my side of course of course they will be yeah I'm sure you're not telling them that you know this was you know one of many things that you [ __ ] up exact shown that you don't care uh so uh of course they agree but yeah yeah I'm surprised they didn't do one of those little edits where uh like the the one the last am my the [ __ ] we did uh when he was like oh yeah my wife doesn't do [ __ ] doesn't do cleaning around house oh yeah by the way she's also like eight months I'm surprised there was no crazy reveal oh yeah by the way like I cheated on her and [ __ ] did all this other [ __ ] but oh my God the way this dude phrases it there's definitely something fishy about it [Music] you [ __ ] [ __ ] I love it I love it all right don't be koi now Sean koi oh you bastard all right moving on this is the amazing underboki segment Is this poster OK? of the week this is is this poster okay yes I missed I thought you were leaning into that this guy [ __ ] to and I'm like wait did you change it up uh for this segment your boys will read two posts from the cringiest parts of the internet and be faced with the ultimate question is this poster okay think of this segment as similar to let's say it all together guys does thisy [ __ ] you'll fix it in post Josh thank you I won't I won't all right so post number one this is originally sent in to Alex via the cultivate Discord join that [ __ ] oh by uh user steamship back in October of 2023 in parentheses damn Alex says apologies for taking this long to add it close parentheses but here's the message we're just as bad for responding to here's the message from steamship followed by the post that they actually sent hey Alex it's up the goat it's saskia from the row server hey hey that's the goat mod right there the [ __ ] goat hope you're well I came across this while scrolling through Tik Tok live in case you're not familiar sometimes people post these kinds of things and invite people to debate them on it but I thought it would be an interesting one for does he [ __ ] or [ __ ] Mary Yeet segments uh no worries if not though but thought I'd send it over anyway okay so this is like a a screenshot of a Notes app it says boundaries for my girlfriends so I guess these are boundaries for or like requirements he has for a girl to be his girlfriend this guy doesn't definitely have a so already if you have a list got a list this guy absolutely this guy does not have a girlfriend my God if you have a list I had to [ __ ] zoom out so I could read it all in in one uh because that's how long this [ __ ] stupid ass list is but here we go requirements to be this loser's girlfriend uh he's single for sure absolutely is you must be five foot 6 or below you must have green or blue eyes you can't be too confident or self-secure holy [ __ ] you must be willing to cook you cannot have any male friends you will not talk back to me during our disagreements you must be 18 or above yougive me I mean okay yeah that goes without saying the only good one I've heard you will give me five Sons you must have a good relationship with your father no smoking or vaping you will wear sensible clothes parentheses no flares no leggings no mini skirts and parenthesis you must not have any celebrity crushes you cannot have tattoos you must dye your hair SLC color your nails to a color of my liking you cannot post yourself on social media you cannot have any past traumas uh and you must not be career or degree focused you cannot get jealous when other girls try to talk to me nobody's talking to you my gu absolutely uh this is a weird specific one uh not that all of these aren't weird and specific they're all weird yeah but this one says You must have failed your driving test at least once what okay you don't want anyone that could [ __ ] drive away from his dumbass okay whatever and then the last but not least you will come on the back of my motorcycle so that's poster number one so now we must ask is this poster guy oh is this poster okay and or does this guy [ __ ] no both to both both yeah that is unhinged he doesn't want a partner he wants a uh they can program yeah a subservient uh like part like wife I guess I I can't even call her a partner because it wouldn't be every time I see these things I I'm like this can't be like a real person right this is like [ __ ] made for engagement made to [ __ ] and then I'm just like oh that's so [ __ ] like anytime these things happen I'm just like how do you write this and then go on Tik Tok live and then debate this for hours dude uh Andrew Tate brought out the worst in society they are now boldly pronouncing this on the internet uh yeah it's unfortunate but he should have stayed in jail is he still in jail no no one sleep with these people I don't want the their offspring in the world great yeah that's not post number two this post includes an image that was shared on r slash not how girls work I don't know what this is I imagine this is what forchan looks like but I'm not totally sure I've never been is it like the pinkish background or green background is that okay yeah that's probably forchan okay yeah Josh knows I've actually never been on 4chan I've just seen like same found this on 4chan and then it has this pink background yeah that's where I've seen it only on Reddit I've never actually on the site I'm actually scared to go on that site uh it seems like the closest to dark web as as as you can get yeah right I don't know yeah forchan is the worst places of Reddit uh as a website so yeah I don't know yeah I maybe who knows maybe there is good stuff on there and it just gets a bad rep but I will never be the one to find out but yeah it I feel it's like sifting through a hay stack to find the good things okay so this is kind of just I don't know how to read this so I'm just going to read it as is uh this is posted by Anonymous uh they write father send their daughters to wife school state or privately funded women learn all the skills necessary to be a good wife cooking cleaning hous making are there state funded wi schools not that I know of I've never heard of that in my life that's why I'm confused holy [ __ ] watch Utah has it yeah say if there was a place it'd be Texas too one of the places I guess it would be sucks that I can't say you're wrong yeah not where you are but outside of well I mean yeah Texas all the big cities are liberal yeah but uh yeah anyways back to the list that you learn out state funded wife school I guess uh house I pay for no [ __ ] taxes for that minimal math for grocery shopping and measurements you can't know a lot of math only minimal just the adding and subtracting dollars child rearing sex classes when old enough how young are you sending women to wife school well hang on actually I'm okay with them teaching like sex ed to to people so if if that's one of them sure that one could be included I just in my mind don't believe that those sex classes will be good or helpful no I 100% I mean dudes some dudes need sex EG cuz they probably don't know how to pleasure women for sure I don't know if they teach that in sex classes I've never had one actually did y'all have homec hell yeah not but we had sex SE yeah I never had that hell yeah Texas brother SE does not exist a few weeks out of our it was a few weeks out of our fed class yeah we or something or at least my school didn't we never had the sex talk we saw how to put on a condom and uh a bunch of terrible diseases nice oh yeah The blue awful that was one we saw put that in the in the sex class I mean it scares you you're like well I'm definitely putting a condom on oh that's good meanwhile me I'm like that's crazy I got to try that one all right looks like a delicacy Jesus Christ uh they must learn fashion and modesty animal caretaking gardening and emotional support you are a low to Middle status man walk into wife School women are graded from E up to through a and then s grades factored by technical skill age attractiveness personality graded women are separated by floor each floor higher in the building a higher grade women step out of the elevator on your chosen floor staff blows a whistle girls called to assembly room you walk in this guy they need to track this man uh and well this is just the handmaid's T well yeah and then wait for this one uh definitely illegal topless girls ages 16 through 22 are then lying for you to choose each has a name tag with their father's contact information wait we're not calling for that sorry yeah Yeet him I guess since we're not allowed to say full but yeah uh holy [ __ ] [ __ ] is this just like a a fantasy that he has yeah I mean this I got to believe that there's not a state or privately funded wife school no I think this must be a yeah fantasy yeah a suggestion he has if he was in charge maybe I don't know but okay yeah the yeah obviously the grossest part of it all uh so I don't know man I would not be mad if this guy was to you know not here disappear not here yeah oh this is I guess we don't have to decide who is worse we just have to say that they're both they both ass if we want to do the who's worse this guy's worse cuz at Le at least the other guy had a c other at least the other gu said 18 yeah gross you got to choose the Lesser evil between the two yeah I guess so uh but yeah I wouldn't defend either of them not at all I'd be fine with both of them shot not being here but holy [ __ ] it of course we have to ask D the segment is this poster okay no jail maybe death to state psychiatric care those are few and far between but sad all right that's this is tight that's it for this episode I do have Reviews/Comments some venos to read uh before we get to uh John and Josh's if they have any comments or anything like that but all right this first one is from Michaela they write for the amazing new intro song I was cheesing so hard when I heard all the little voice clips of you guys rather than Shia aggress aggressive aggressively yelling at me Michaela sends 11 cents thank you for that thank you and there have been people that are are asking for the old one back uh I think we're going to stick with it I think enough people like enjoy to it yeah yeah it's it's it's like when yeah someone said it I think in our Patron where they're like it's like when your favorite sitcom gets a new intro song and you hate it for the first View and then you look back on it you're like oh yeah that song slaps it's kind of like that I'm hoping hopefully hopefully Yeah by June hopefully everyone's banging along to it it'll grow on you like estons if you know don't give too much away brother oh my goodness uh you got to be a patron to know what that what that meant exactly right uh next up we have Emma who writes from the January 8th Monday episode and the review read uh I am a licensed therapist and I definitely recommend y'all to people so [ __ ] let's go that's at least two out of 10 therapists love now right yeah it's three I think I think that's three three [ __ ] it let's go that's crazy love y'all we we need to make a shirt now recommended by three in 10 therapists three therapies approved uh we update every time we get another one it's four now hey new merch also I always just venmo you you guys because I suck at using Reddit so I'm here for a consult if you guys ever need LOL oh Emma sends 50 cents thank you Emma might have so much trauma next up you will have a f day with me we have yeah we have Jesus uh Andor Jesus Christ himself who knows they write nice I appreciate the Vibes on the podcast you guys have a great Dynamic and remind me of how I am with my friends cheers to a great year and they send $2 and 69s so that's what nice hell yeah thank you for that next up we got sah who writes could not relate more to the details of Jon's childhood and being raised up smiley face thank you all for being so open they send $10 oh [ __ ] thank you very thank you next up we got Steph and Ryan who write my wife and I have been listening to you for a long time but I found out today that she doesn't listen to your ads so gasp after some negotiation uh and then you got to love that they still spelled Shawn wrong in that part you love to do it she agreed to send you guys some money so keep up the good work Steph and Ryan send $10 oh wow appreciate the compensation for missing out on our you want for the next few months yeah skip it away Susie writes in all caps you changed the theme song applause applause applause applause celebrate celebrate horn celebrate horn I'm glad that you guys took my advice and it sounds great happy New Year guys keep being awesome smiley face Susie sends $30 hey as far as the war goes on who's paying us for the songs we let's change it again and then have people pay again I think uh the on that side of the Civil War has won the new theme song side sh should I become a DJ guys yeah maybe honestly people are loving your music wow and then last but not least we got Carrie who writes Happy New Year to the boys I got a work bonus and literally my first thought was I should share this with the boys voice I'm officially brainwashed by Sean's endless venmo plugs Carrie sends $30 thank you Carrie holy [ __ ] thank I'm glad it's working on somebody use that elsewhere instead of giving it to us if you want us to return your bonus money we can and will treat yourself but also you know we'll we'll keep it do got problems about that better believe hey one of our boys getting married this year so we might need it yeah you yeah you fool all right uh John Josh any comments reviews for sure uh I got one review here from Ellie and they give us a five star and say postsurgery Comfort they say love listening to the podcast while I was recovering from a hysterctomy shout out a Dr daa of is it Plano Texas or piano Texas Plano Plano uh and then they say a rare OBGYN win in Texas it really keeps me laughing and gave me something to interact with while I was on six weeks of bed rest so glad you were able to recover and find a good OBG uh YN in Texas probably is pretty rare I think probably the OBGYNs are good it's just the law you know what I mean that's true you're right you're right the doctors themselves I don't think they like the laws here yeah I mean it makes their jobs way harder I would imagine yeah oh yeah uh and then crystal says this podcast makes my workday bearable five star thank you you guys will or John will specifically enjoy this one he says they say this podcast brings me much needed laughter especially in my stressful work environment I hope one day to be a rich rich and join the patreon and then they go on to say you guys are awesome JN is my favorite and toast is bread 100% heart it's facts no yep you're godamn right it's [ __ ] facts [ __ ] out of here it's different uh that's why you're not the favorite Josh I know I well of course I know um and then I got one here though I thought was funny uh it's from well I'm not going to sh their name out because I don't want hate uh one star oh no dumb show or unoriginal garbage and that's the review well yeah yeah we read stories that aren't ours yeah and we react to it of course it's not original I just thought that one was funny thank you yeah thank you for writing a review I guess you took time out of your day to be negative how does that make you feel but yeah we're living rentree yeah is this reviewer okay no probably not maybe oh yeah maybe maybe they just got a lot of time we're just not their thing you know and it's okay we're not for everybody that's fair yeah that's uh that's my reviews for today John you got anything for us I don't have any reviews but I do have a call out uh we have new merchandise out we do have a Valen Giant's day merch coming out designed by the amazing Janelle uh man she just put put the work and she made like our vision come come to fruition fruition actually it is really good so the cop uh valentin's day merch we're going to have uh I think the guys and I talked about it we're going to try to do like more of like a orderly release uh merch so that way we have uh fresh fds for you guys that you can uh that you can rock so uh that's uh Reddit on wik shop.com am I right yes you are correct Reddit on wiky shop.com get in time bu Valentine's Day and rock that [ __ ] and buy it for your partner because it's Valen gine yeah spread gin all over the world that's it all right thank you guys for joining me on this episode thank you wicam Maniacs for listening we'll see you guys on Friday unless you're a patron then we'll see you on Wednesday I think or maybe Tuesday who knows anyways thank you guys later and I will say uh this is a balers gate fanfiction SMUD [Music] woo