Kristen Bell | Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

hello and welcome to armchair expert I am Dak Shepard and today my guest is the lovely Kristen Bell she was Ronica Mars Sarah Marshall Princess Anna and she's currently Elanor shellstrop in the good place she can sing she can dance she can do drama she can do comedy she's frustratingly talented and special and above all those things she's my wife and even more importantly she's an incredible mother to our girls what is funny about this in interview is that I naively assume this would be a slam dunk because we've acted opposite one another in a bunch of things and done dozens of interviews together and for the most part those things have always been pretty effortless and in full disclosure she was my first interview because I was so confident it would go well but on this day this day you're about to hear we just were not getting along we were bickering and impatient with one another and the first half of the interview was a struggle in fact I considered just leaving this unreleased because truthfully I'm embarrassingly controlling throughout most of it and she is by my estimation very suspicious of my motives throughout But ultimately I have decided to put it out because it's real and true and we do find our way back to liking each other by the end in short I want you to think of this episode as the antidote to our Samsung commercials please enjoy he's an oper he's aner Rob tell us when we're ready we're ready um goad and slide your cans on MH I'm very excited to welcome what will definitely be the clo the the guest I'm closest to in the whole world assuming we don't have our children on Kristen Bell thank you for joining me on armchair expert thank you for having me and you're a little nervous right I can't CU um truth but told we've been arguing for about the last 12 minutes so just little bitey little things yeah we're we're both on edge MH and that's not how I like to go into a public discussion yeah or or public appearance with you but you were annoying me so I bit back and that's life and how what was I doing that was so annoying mostly just asking you to do this right is that the main complaint well I did look I did have to go to Michael's today and then I I'm missing Garland and I really want that Garland for any folks that don't go to Michaels that's a yarn store right it's a like a crafts and and here's a perfect example of why you're being annoying yes it is a craft store it's not a yarn store but it also has great Garland and if you need yarn where's the best place to go uh any of the McDonald's knitting St water Village okay um well I associate maybe wrongly Michaels with crafts and yarn and knitting needles those kind of things right so you you would prefer to be at Michael's you've made that abundantly clear but I also think because you have this new you have this podcast now and you're like excited to strip people down and I'm just scared at what you're going to ask me cuz you know I don't know a lot of stuff and I also don't have a good memory so you're going to be like but I have I have all your memories now locked in here this podcast with yourself about me I considered it I I really would prefer I think everyone prefer if I did because I do a great impersonation of you yeah and uh maybe it'd be better if I just recounted all your stories as you you could no you're not I love you you were just you were being annoying because do you want to hear my impersonation of you sure well there's another example of why but like I was trying to get work done for a job that I have right which you have a lot of them and I'm very appreciative and talk over it and making jokes and saying do you guys see all the bay laurel trees we got outside and I was like does he not realize I'm trying to get this done as quickly as possible so I can do this podcast then you're refuse to get a door on your bathroom and I give you a perfectly accurate observation that we could put a curtain and you say it's scientifically technically impossible not because you just hang a curtain there so just so everyone knows we're in a um what would be described I guess as an attic that's been converted into a little room above a garage uh of a house that we are the the PO trying to move into and it's yeah it's it's it's shaped oddly well I here's the thing you and I have different I I wish you could see this room because you and I have different ideas about nesting and how to welcome someone in here for me I would probably get the wood chips off the ground I would um vacuum the carpet I would possibly take all these like loose cords this like open Live electrical system yeah so guys there was a wall in here and it really cut into the open space so I tore the wall out with my own two bare hands which an actress of your caliber should be grateful that she married a husband who knows how to tear a wall up but you're not hearing any of that you're just hearing all the complaints about the it's not a complaint I'm just saying if you're going to be inviting people here to your podcast you have to have a door on the bathroom by the way what I think if we went downtown to a new restaurant and it look like this we'd go so cool they left all the you love to make you love to make observations about like current hip things like you hate the word artisan and all this stuff you don't we don't know that all I'm asking you is in feet how many feet away is that toilet bowl from my face right now it is no no no what you have to do is picture me laying end to end cuz I'm a little over 6 feet so I think it's about 15t away from you I think that's less than two bodies of you I think it's probably one and a half but regardless let's say it's 12T away you're close to the kode that's inarguable right and if you have a guest up here let's say Robert dairo does your podcast yeah he likely will yeah right so he's not going to want to go to a toilet that first of all I can see into right now you have to put a curtain on that okay you have there's certain things do to have human beings want to spend time with you first of all I hear you and I respect your opinion about this secondly I've spent dozens of hours in here writing staring at that exact doorway which is at a 70° angle the ceiling it is technically impossible to get a barrier between the toilet and the guests so this is just something I've come to accept and I think the faster the guests come to accept that the better toilet in the middle of the room when you're having people over honey you can't do that but how about this I need to go to Michael's anyway watch this tomorrow I'm going to go to Michael's and I'm going to get you a beautiful piece of fabric that looks like it's ripped straight off of few old diaper bin and I'm going to hang it up with two hooks and it's going to work perfectly and then at least I'm going to feel comfortable that if my girlfriends want to come here and do your podcast that which by the way is I can't wait for all your girlfriend come see this is what this is why you were annoying me B you started biting no I'm going to give you a standing Innovation if you solve this problem the barrier between the commode and the guest I can't wait okay and I'll do it yeah I will give you your propers I'm going to fix it all right knowing that you were going to come on I thought of a story that probably we haven't told in public that I think is pretty funny and we I love you so much too um I love you even when you're annoying mhm well that's the key mhm if you can get through the annoying times you got a shot yeah so when we first met um our very first time hanging out by choice we were we met at a dinner party that was not our choice and then we ran into each other at the Red Wings game also not planned but then we hung out intentionally right we went to what was your favorite restaurant you always went to a firefly firefly I met you and your friends there and then we ended up back at your house and you had a hot tub yeah and we went in the hot tub together yeah with a my room all my roommates initially yeah but then they all but that's they off they peeled off but they were there because they knew I was like dating and then it made me nervous and they wanted to make sure you weren they knew I was like a top predator yeah yeah like apex predator well they saw you and like most people immediately didn't trust you right so Ryan well it was like going in a hot tub with a jungle cat like a jaguar or leopard yeah sure sure sure anyways so it it ended up being just you and I in the hot tub and at a after Ryan whispered to me a couple times are you okay are you sure you feel safe about this so you you Ryan left and we were by ourselves and then you said what we were talking we were in the middle of talking and then you said what Here We Go From my perspective which I understand you take issue with you like most guys unintentionally and perhaps even subconsciously your eyes darted down to my sternum area and perhaps the left and right side of my sternum which I refer to as my breast yeah and I said to diffuse the air cuz I noticed you pop down once or twice I said what are you looking at my fake tits right so you so Kristen said what are you looking at my fake tits now in my defense and I I I maintain this position I'll admit anything you know me I've I've admitted the most terrible things possibly that's true you're very honest yeah [ __ ] the bed in an orgy I'll say that at a dinner party so what I'm saying is it's weird to me that I would not admit looking at your boobs cuz I'll admit to staring at your ass a ton that night I sincerely uh my gaze definitely was probably on your boobs but it was not I wasn't looking at your Bo right but can I just tell you something you're you're an ape okay you're a a man you do something subconsciously even you know people I work with don't even realize it look I stare at everyone's hairline and I don't realize it until someone's pointing it out and I I don't think that I'm staring at your hairline yeah but well cuz I want to know what's going on but um I felt I noticed you were looking down and I do believe 100% sincerely that you don't think you were doing it yeah but as any woman can understand sometimes their eyes Dart and they won't they don't even know they're doing it right so that's neither here nor there so you did though we agree on this you said what are you looking at my fake tits yeah which I thought was a very funny joke because I have very small boobs but they are very very they were very very perky you think you were in your 20s at that time you were 27 and I was 32 and um so they were very perky and then uh later so that was clue number one for me you said what do are you looking at my fake tits then clue number two was uh we're now dating for a couple months we go do one in Rome and you uh I know you're in a show called Veronica Mars and I think okay I've got to watch this show as a good boyfriend I end up watching it I end up loving it and becoming a marshmallow proper but between seasons one and two you came into the room and you said oh look at this this is when I got my boobs yes right yes because at the time in 2004 or five push-up bras were like the hot ticket item like real proper push-up bras from Victoria Secret well engineered yeah so I had discovered that and in addition I my my hormones were sort of rearranging themselves in my 20s and I lost a lot of my um like some sort of chubby cheeks as a kid and and my body started to fill out more like a woman so I got hips and I got boobs and I was 24 25 years old so again because my breasts are so small I thought it was a very funny joke to say oh that's when I got my boobs because look how late I went through puberty I actually have a boob that someone will recognize as more than a raisin on camera and that's why I that you said that yeah so so uh from my point of view you said look at my fake tits and then you said this is when I got my boobs and then there's another one but it would be breaking the anonymity of a family member but another really really spot-on piece of um a piece of proof that you had fake boobs and so I was under the impression that you had fake boobs yeah and which I which I still to this day find so but we later cleared that up so yes honey you're always right about everything well I'm only going to bring up stories where the the punchline is is I was right yeah okay so uh you know months are going on uh we're dating things are great and um you are occasionally making jokes about people with fake boobs or you're making observations I don't want to say you're body shaming anyone but between you and I not like jokes but like we were I remember what you're talking about we were yeah like a c look we live in Los Angeles and sometimes when someone walks in with an extreme amount of plastic surgery and it wasn't body shaming but it was like whoa where some look at those bolons exactly they look really really really tight or it's like I Kumba where like you know it's insane and I remember what the breaking point was well the first few times this happened over the course of months I didn't say a thing I just was like oh that's weird she has fake boobs but she's kind of making fun of fake boobs or observing fake boobs or whatever and then finally on like the fourth time it happened I finally broke and said what do you want me to do right now I feel like this is a test like should I join in and and comment on these boobs uh and you were like what are you talking about and I will say to set the scene at the time we were in Hawaii I have very very few memories but I remember this clearly we were in Hawaii I was wearing a an orange Rachel P dress which if anyone knows Rachel P it's like this thin t-shirt material you do not need to wear a bra with it if you have very small or I wasn't wearing a bra with it it was like a halter and we were in Hawaii and it was one of those like braless days where you're wearing a a sort of like bikini top and I said something about oh yeah like woo wow we or something about a girl that had you know gigantic fake boobs and you said is this a trap yes what am I supposed to say and I said what do you what do you mean what are you supposed to say I'm just and I said well you have fake boobs you had breast augmentation and now you're you're making fun of this and I don't know whether I'm supposed to join you or stay quiet and I just can't do it anymore and I you shocked shock well first of all because I again to set the scene I wasn't wearing a bra at the time I have no boobs and they were just it's just like little skin tags and I thought you think I did you think I did this to myself and this is what I got yes and then later I purchased these well I was ripped off no I and then I explained to you I have friends I have female friends that have had breast enhancement that have gone from an A to a b and then you said well I would have some scars or something and then I said but I well just to further my point I wasn't even a b it was an a skin tags I no I think you are a bee I'm going to give you a b well I know you think that but I have the bers and I purchase them so as much as I want to sit they were they were beautiful boobs they were beautiful boobs and they were they were inordinately perky and it made sense to me one more Point there's nothing to make them sag I've seen I've seen small saggy boobs they exist in fact they're not that rare it happens well so okay I mean Grandma maybe years were sitting sitting way up high as Bob Seager would say yeah there's because there's nothing to pull him down okay well anyways what is um really funny about the whole thing is that um for months I thought you had fake boobs and I was very disinterested in them if you recall and then when I found out those things were real and they were that perky I was so excited wasn't I I was all there was a huge shift and you said I said well wouldn't I have scars wouldn't you see scars cuz this is an important part of the story where you are right so I'd like to highlight that to make you feel good you said they you don't need scars anymore they can go through your belly button I said your armpit or your belly button no way but then I remembered let's name drop Minka Kelly used to be like a nurse's assistant and I said surg surgical assistant I said I said let me and I know she's done boob jobs and I said let me ask Minka and I said can you go through your belly button and she said yeah absolutely so you this whole time assumed that I had a hanger like a really first class well I thought you had a really highend boob job because there was no evidence of it well I'm that's so flattering and now after I've had two children for you I think you you know that who was right and who was wrong well yeah now now now now you know I got to say they're still in really fine shape that's another thing that could go much more sou so I think things are are doing great thank you honey now you and I differ in a bazillion ways all of them yeah we're almost polar opposite um again I love you I love you too okay so one of the ways we differ is that I was not a kid who wanted to be an actor I didn't I didn't know an actor we live we both are from Detroit um there weren't many working actors in the whole state so it seemed Preposterous uh to me nor did I do theater or any of that stuff no but you wanted to entertain you were always the clown you were you wanted to entertain you were you were pulling focus a lot in your life let's put it that way so I was deflecting from the fact that I was dyslexic and going to special ed yes okay well let's not get too vulnerable yeah okay so um you did though you were what eight years old when you decided you wanted to act no well yes and no um I was always a mimic so I would I almost had a little very little tick uh where if I heard you still have it when we watch movies Kristen Whispers almost every line to herself as we watch the movies it's not every line but it is I can't stop it because if I hear it I have to figure out how it can come out of my mouth right you got to see if you can do it I got to see if I can do it so to but to watch shows with accents that's where it kills me to watch Game of Thrones Abby yeah you were pretty much um titles to titles do in everyone's lines don't sit next to me uh while we're watching something but any any foreign nomin best picture you're going to be all over it's trouble it's trouble um but I I mimicked a lot of things as a kid and I was always really into music I was I heard music everywhere and I heard things musically so I started studying voice when I was younger it wasn't 8 years old I think but my mom knew that I wasn't um like big enough to play sports or I wasn't really succeeding in thata although you did play baseball and you were a standout let's just say that you good you were right about half that sentence I did play baseball oh well you I guess when I was young anyway the point is I joined a local theater company and the the sweet part of the story this sort of like Hallmark lifetime moment is that my mom drove me to uh stage Crafters which is a local theater in Royal Oak Michigan and sounds like they sell yarn stage stage CF so she she said uh do you want to audition for this play and I said yes and I memorized a shell Silverstein poem to say on stage and I was probably 12 which one 13 from the Where the Sidewalk Ends or Light in the Attic hell if I remember okay um and when we got there I saw that everyone was sitting in the audience while people went up and performed my desire uh to mimic or it wasn't really even a desire to perform my um hearing things musically was always to myself it was very very intimate I didn't really want I liked to be funny and make people giggle but I wasn't in into performance yet and the fact that there were kids in the audience and adults watching you perform it made me feel very very uncomfortable and I started crying we left the theater and I remember in the did your mom give you a tough love talk no which is weird cuz I have so few memories my memor is so awful but I remember this very clearly we were in the parking lot of stagecrafters and she said listen you memorized this I think that you would enjoy this being a part of this theater company if you have a bad experience today and you don't enjoy it we never have to come here again we won't even drive past this street that's good yes so she's basically said we can strike it from the record if it's embarrassing or humiliating we never have to talk about it again and I that's a good pep talk it's a great pep talk it was a wonderful thing and I did we need to memorize that for when the inevitable happens and our children want to audition for things and I um I got a I was cast as a uh we did raggedy an and Andy I was cast as a banana in the First Act and a tree in the second act I didn't have any lines but I really liked that sense of community you were like Eddie Murphy you played all kinds of characters yeah banana tree inate object I loved the sense of community and I loved that uh people in the theater were allowed to be dorky and there wasn't like this popularity thing there wasn't this a standard it was like you were weird and wonderful and I just I liked making the sets I liked it was the Island of Misfit Toys yeah and I was still studying music and then I sort of discovered um musical theater but through at the same time my mom was recognizing that I was happy there and so she submitted me to like a local commercial agent and well yes cuz that's the part I I'm now reflecting on is your mother sent us some VHS tapes or no rather she had transferred some VHS tapes to DVD and on those you're a very little kid doing like monologues in front of the camera oh yeah but but but you need because that was that seems intentionally with a professional uh end in sight yes and I was probably between like 11 and 14 when I did that and I prior to that prior to the invention of the video camera I would watch Disney movies and play them in the background so I could get some of the orchestration and on my boom box press record and like do aiel and do all of the and I don't know what I was keeping those for and even when I was singing um my fair lady in front of the fireplace and I'd set up the video camera when I was 12 years old the idea that someone would ever watch that was humiliating I would I would be way too embarrassed so again like this I still have this like duplicitous nature about acting where I really really want to do it but I don't want anyone to look at me doing it mhm I think I've heard a lot of actors say that yeah um but I I'm I'm interested specifically in the um the professional aspect so you were putting yourself on tape you were auditioning you were in a Kmart circular holding a bicycle I've seen that picture so when you're that age you were very much thinking I'm going to do this as a li for a living hopefully when I grow up yeah no no not at all I you were just kind of going through the steps not even realizing what it was add making money we didn't have a ton of money and I was that was a college fund for me I had not even thought about adult life or what I would do I knew what I enjoyed right now and I suppose if someone sat me down which is actually what happened when I was 17 in my counselor's office in my high school and they said what do you want to do with your life I said I have no idea they said start with what you love I said I love theater they said you can study that I said great have a have a have a wonderful day that's what I'm doing right was never an epiphany of I'm going to do this it was um those Kmart circulars I mean you got 400 bucks every time you did it and we needed that we needed that money so you know you you're an enigma to me in a lot of ways and um these are all the reasons I married you you have by my estimation a pretty pure draw to this whereas and maybe it's cuz I'm a comedian or whatnot I was a middle child I didn't get enough attention I very much wanted attention I loved being funny as again a defense mechanism for feeling stupid for going to special ed all these things you can you think of a motivation you had to do this um that you feel like was maybe treating some kind of wound or helping you heal or it's just it was fun and you did it like a sport CU it seems to me that you it was fun and you did it like a sport which is interesting a lot of it is that a lot of it is I you know we've had this conversation before about what is being good what is altruism you know is it selfish or selfless because when I'm helping people I get a real boost I get an ego boost I like that feeling so in some ways you could argue it's very selfish to oh I'm going to get to that okay great um but but when you are on stage and people are enjoying something um but you don't think it didn't so um it made it just made me happy Kristen had many stepdads as I had many stepdads it was you and your mom versus the world most of the time yeah I mean my dad was there but yes that 50% of my life was me and my mom world yeah and you had like a latch key right oh yeah uhhuh your mom worked hard A Ton hours as a nurse so none of that it's not like you went there and you felt like oh this is um I I'm getting a bunch of the attention that I would normally be getting if I lived in a nuclear family with two doing parents and all that yeah maybe yeah now that you say that maybe because although your mom does dot on you quite a bit uh-huh yeah getting attention from my mom was never my problem I think um I felt big uhhuh oh and you're you're very tiny if people don't know you're almost invisible well I I also have the child's voice and I look young and every time I'd go to the grocery store like someone calls me sweetheart that that [ __ ] bugs me like end that is interesting because on a stage size is irrelevant you can be as powerful as that's what it is it made me feel the guy with ACR megal in the play you think I probably felt powerful I felt like I was good at something because I I I was I have you know not had a difficult life like I I was accepted I had friends I I wasn't yeah you were popular yeah but I but I was I never felt really like good at something or special at something and I think when I discovered music I particularly because music is so um peaceful to my brain it when I was singing or when I was involved in a musical theater production it I was uh not turbulent at all and I wasn't thinking about popularity or you know divorces or anything like that it was just a it was an escape and it was also um something I felt very good at yeah confident yeah it was yeah and and one of the things that was on this tape because you would memorized different things is you had remembered line forline a very famous Lee pressant nail commercial which I don't know if it aired all over the country it's certainly aired about 300 times a day in the Detroit metro area and um could you just refresh my memory of how that goes sure it goes like this these are the amazing Lee press on nails they press on in seconds no glue no mess simply press on Lee super stick tabs then press on Lee press on nails that's all easy on easy off use them again and again they just won't break or chip polish and they're nearly impossible to chip Lee press on nails in a variety of colors for a quick easy split press on what's so amazing about your memory you've already referen natural and glamour lengths that's what they also said in it you've referenced several times already that you have a bad memory and I can test it that there's like vacations you don't remember we've taken but your your ability to remember that type of thing because you haven't done your Le press on nail commercial for me in about a year yeah it was right there for you and then you are the exact same way with the lyrics Right lines from movies because I heusing I think a neurologist would have a real field day studing studying your brain when I'm watching something there's something about me that is more present I guess I'm an observer which is strange because I it seems like I like to be in the center and and making things up but really I think that my true personality is an observer and I'm just sort of regurgitating a bunch of weird things I've experienced when I'm acting I think that's false modesty I think you're much better than all that um so um I I think another unique thing about you I'm basically just going to go through all the things I I find very unique and attractive about you okay you you have a um kind of unique mix of good girl bad girl in that I mean you love rules you were you followed them to the the te the letter of the law and um yet you also for a reason yeah yeah and yet you also had sex with people you weren't hung up about that right right yeah you had some promiscuous sex yeah sure yeah AB like one night stce yeah yeah yeah of course I like that they're fun uhhuh and you also like would try drugs yeah minimally yeah I did I've Tred I smoked a lot of pot in college right I uh you also tried Ecstasy but it didn't work is that what happened it's my memory because look I tried mushrooms and they were not real mushrooms so yes my intention was to try mushrooms with a bunch of friends that have done them before yeah and then I guess they didn't work and I only knew that because the girls I were with were like these don't work these are just like yard and you don't have an addictive bone in your body when we met you were a smoker and then all of a sudden a month went by and I reminded you you had not smoked in a month and you just quit but had didn't didn't even realize you quit well because sometimes I would when I was in my 20s I would smoke cigarettes when I was really stressed because it made me feel like that was something to take the stress away I think it was just like the movie cliche version of what I should do right um like post sex yeah and then also you're right when I started hanging out with you I wasn't stressed anymore and then you were like don't you smoke and I just didn't remember that yeah I had to remind you that you were a smoker but I wasn't really and it really it would like on and on like I would buy a pack of cigarettes throughout my 20s every couple months I guess yeah um yeah and one time in college someone got ecstasy and I tried to and I can't be sure it wasn't a Tic Tac right but we did go to a Dave Matthews Band concert and that's where the confusing memories start to layer in you don't know if you're just high on the performance totally yeah yeah totally you love Dave Matthews yeah crashing to you baby and Martin ston you really really loved during that period but um so that's kind of unique I think people are either goody goodies and they don't really do anything or they're like me in their um scumbags so you're kind of in the middle you're open to trying things yet you generally follow the rules well I grew how do you make those decisions like when is why is it that sometimes you would go [ __ ] it I'm gonna I'm GNA do Ecstasy I'm GNA go to Dave Matthews and I'm G to pound some Molly get the party started to me it's it's my using my own barometer of what is good and bad for me it's also um promoting happiness reducing suffering if I'm with my friends and someone has wheed or mushrooms or something and I'm in my 20 I'm not raising kids like great but but am I going to go rob a liquor store or am I going to like you know I'm I can't I literally can't even think of anything else bad um but like do other bad things if my thing was am I causing someone else suffering if I'm not if I want to have sex with someone and I'm in college and I'm consenting and he's consenting and we don't want to have a relationship and it turns out to be one time no one suffers there right you know so and we're both interested for a second and then it goes away like that's no one's suffering to me it's happiness versus suffering always right you don't but do you think there was any point where so you went to this this Catholic school and um your mom's conservative yeah and then you went away to NYU yeah and do you feel at all like when you were at NYU you were like I'm going toed reell no it wasn't a rebellion so much as a blossoming because when I was in school the sort of Baseline of what you're taught is there is good and there is evil and I just don't believe that anymore and when I went to New York you know you're you're taught all these things in a small town at a parochial school about Good and Evil and people that do drugs are bad and and this is bad and that is bad and this is what's good people they were high on the list back then big time and then I went to New York and all I met were these like am drug queer lovely gay musical theater boys and I was like oh well here's my answer it comes from life experience it doesn't come from whatever religion teacher told me was good or bad it comes from me seeing these like lovely individuals that sometimes dress up like women or love Broadway shows or whatever the you know my all my gay friends were into I was like oh this is happiness and when there's happiness I don't run from it so I was like great these people are lovely it's all they smoke weed I'm going to try a little yeah well which was weird cuz they didn't even smoke weed but other friends I had in college who were super happy and balanced and lovely they weren't like ending up in the gutter right and they were like we just have weed and this might be fun and we're in college and I was like great well and that yeah so maybe that's a little bit of the key now that I think about it is the difference between you and I experimenting with drugs which is I straight to the gutter well I I would imagine that you knew people who did stuff and they their whole thing was appealing to you and you thought oh I'll try that cuz I like that person I trust that person whereas I was like you know reading Bukowski or whatever I was reading going uh or you know on the road and they're talking about drugs and I'm thinking oh my God I want to experience that not I didn't have like I didn't like you you were cliche in the fact that you like every other boy read on the road and decided to live in your car for a year like that was like super important to well I don't think many boys went and lived in their cars but I did and I feel very proud of that yeah and I would not feel proud of that cuz I don't want to I'm not you don't want to drop out of societ I know I don't and not because of a piece of literature like I'm writing my the book of my life and I want to do it by Discovery Well you were mimicking Disney characters and I was mimicking some authors I thought were really cool sure yeah but then you know you come to find out it's probably better on the page than it is waking up at you know 5: in the afternoon cop and telling them to leave the Walmart parking lot you've been parked here for two days right um I never came to in a Walmart parking lot unfortunately that's one story that's still out there for meone you die never came to I'm going to put he never came to in a Walmart parking lot um so another thing about you that I find very uh admirable is that you are able to root on your friends who happen to also be competitors of yours in in in the most you know basic uh Dynamic that we are actors and we audition for parts and we have a lot of friends who are also actors and they audition for sometimes those same parts and you are um it's amazing you've I've witnessed you um lose roles to friends or um you know and you're able to just be very happy for them and cheer them on and I think that's incredible it's happiness versus suffering so I would be sad if I lose a role to everybody else Emily if I lose a ro Emily Blunt yeah which has happened numerous times before and by the way I'm not saying it like it was between me and Emily I were after the same thing yeah along with a hundred other girls in Hollywood and they chose Emily rightfully so cuz she's a spectacular actress to me it's happiest happiness versus suffering I might feel sad because I didn't book it but Emily feels happiness and she's going to do a great job and that movie is going to be great better because she's in it because she's spectacular it's just happiness versus suffering to me because I kind of weirdly live by what I've discovered to be the Buddhist way of life which is that you know when somebody's about to get hit by a bus you don't uh push them out of the way because you're helping someone else you push them out of the way because that person is you we're all sort of intertwined and someone else gets the role and I love that person then great but to me that feels a little bit like um acting a certain way and then trying to explain it later or after the fact so then you attach some principles uh to it like oh I believe in this or I believe in that I'm saying I didn't know that was the Buddhist way and then when I heard it I was like oh that's kind of what I feel right but I would argue that you're largely not in control of your emotions and that you don't you just don't have those emotions and the reason I think you don't have those emotions is you have incredibly High self-esteem I think that's really the the base for why you're able to doesn't when someone when Emily Blunt gets that role you go oh she uh she's great and she'll be great in it and that's great you don't go it doesn't make you feel less than you don't go oh I'm a piece of [ __ ] because she's great right which is wonderful and it's so healthy she doesn't have she doesn't have that effect over me she doesn't have anything to do with me right if I'm a piece of [ __ ] I'm a piece of [ __ ] because I'm a piece of [ __ ] having nothing to do with Emily Blunt I've just been clear on the that my whole life right but and and you I know from all the stories from your childhood you seem to have had pretty high self-esteem most of your life you didn't find yourself in situations where you're being taken advantage of and you you were not a victim very often and I um I believe personally that you know we think that we get self-esteem by accomplishing things like oh I'll graduate from UCLA that'll make me feel good about myself or I'll I'll be on TV that'll make me feel good about myself or I'll date this person and then that'll make me feel good about myself but in my experience none of those things ever made me feel good about myself things that made me feel good are esteemable acts self-esteem is doing esteemable acts and you actually by your own judge you you feel good about who you are and so I think that you've you know I've only over the last 13 years been given an opportunity to like help a lot of dudes get sober that gives me self-esteem um exercise gives me self-esteem so you have a a ton of self-esteem which is very attractive and and I think it's from doing esteemable act so what are the the things you do that give you that self-esteem I seek a lot of things out sometimes to my detriment I mean everyone's on a learning curve sometimes I sign up for more than I can swallow um I work for a lot of different charities when and you always have right I always have and that's because I think everyone is doing the best they can with what they've got and so when different people reach out to me um like Gift of Life which is a bone marrow registry of course I'll do your PSAs that's wonderful I I know a friend of a friend who needed that service and um like being an ambassador for baby to baby or for an ambassador for no kid hungry those are all worthwhile things I think that you went to Brazil as a teenager andun and help deliver babies uhhuh I did um I helping other people because I see I'm an empath and I see myself and everyone else and I I can sometimes feel what they're feel and I would want someone to help me it's as simple as that I think this but it's counterintuitive it's counterintuitive um to think that you will end up getting everything you want in life by being very selfless and being very of service to other people that's not that's the most intuitive thing I could possibly yeah not to me my thing is like oh you have to bend everyone's will around you to your will to get what you want that's so backwards it's the only way you get it karma is not [ __ ] like you can call it Juju or whatever you want but like the energy of the world that's real life you know and I think if you walk into situations with an open heart and someone says like oh I'm stressed and you ask them questions about it or oh I have to move and you say I'm not doing anything on Saturday do you need any help you're not saying it because you're trying to like get points in the afterlife or or make your life better you're doing it because you can also look at it like oh I can spend the day with this person and make their life a little bit easier and out of that I get self-esteem which makes me feel great like you know like working for path which you know well you also rescue dogs yeah rescue everything I like nurturing things and I I don't think that the um that there is a recipe for self-esteem I think it's it varies for everyone right so you have your laundry list of things that you value and then you go out of your way and spend time to to do that um I have a different list everyone's got a different list and I think it's it's important to recognize the things you think are important and that are admirable uh and then put some effort into doing those things because it leads to confidence it leads to loving yourself and you can't really and it's it also breeds humility and and sort of a humble perspective in that look I don't deserve this I don't deserve to be one of the only people who doesn't have to worry about their bills and gets to feel beautiful when she gets her makeup done like I don't deserve that but I have been put in a position where I was given opportunities and I was born kind of cute and I can read a room really well and act um appropriately in social situations and those things have led me to get great results out of my life and I think that that should be spread around I I mean I am a secret socialist like I want I want to share things and I don't really think it's fair that um I make as much money as I do and I want to sort of spread that around I think you should make more I don't H I don't like seeing suffering I you know what it is part of it is that I just have a really hard time with suffering in any way that you know that's like when we do the path Movin which is another place I help with people assisting the homeless like I move my friends and I gather my group of friends to move transitionally homeless families into Apartments because that's what I should be doing with my time yeah and and I I applaud all that stuff but I do think um I do think everyone's selfish I think everything's selfishly motivated um and I think you can too look at the results I'm getting look how happy I am with my life because I guess I'm just saying if I were young and I were listening to you I wonder if I would um feel daunted or overwhelmed um by the notion that you have to have this desire to do something selfless because you either have it or you don't but I do I'm trying to put a spin on it that says you know uh it's actually selfish in a great way to be of service to other people because it ends up making you feel way that you can be your best yeah I don't think that your spin is correct I think everyone should be of service more and if everyone was of service more we would live in a lot better world I think people need to get over themselves I think like you don't need to have that many mirrors in your house you need to start thinking about other people and that's just the always the place that I've that's always the lane I've driven in and it yields excellent results for me because at the end of those days I feel awesome I feel really really helpful and that self-esteem yeah well you value yourself in a very healthy way and which means you put up with less stuff as well throughout your life yeah exactly I put I don't put up with [ __ ] I'm not a victim but I also I want to leave the Earth better than I found it but I do think when people I I think there's and we've observed this with tons of our friends who date and you see as they get a little happier a little healthier or a little more confident than the people that they date they seem to you seem to match self-esteem with your partner yeah so two people who feel terrible about themselves think they deserve each other and they and then it's just riddled with all these things but you seem to match you know whatever your own self-esteem levels at yeah don't you think yeah cuz you have excellent well you have very good self-esteem but then you also have a ton of insecurities I mean I have in I'm very prone to self-loathing for sure yeah um so one of the the only the the only professional downside that I've observed is um in the past and I think you're way better at this now and I think it's very clear to you now exactly what you are too many things no that's not what I was going to say oh I was going to say there there have times over the last 10 years where you wanted to be everything yeah you know we would were lucky enough to know Tina Fay and Amy polar and when we've hung out with them afterwards you felt like [ __ ] I need to be as funny as those two like right I need to and then there are roles and movies you've wanted that are deeply dramatic the person that's going to play that role probably really was in a terrible car accident or raped a three dozen times you know you've also wanted to play those super dark um people yeah the Shawn pen roles yeah and how is it that over the years you have kind of gotten more comfortable being exactly who you are because by my estimation you have like to me what makes someone unique or what makes them appealing is that they have a unique recipe of funny dramatic interesting sparkly whatever it is and it's that unique combination of those that makes that person appealing and often you can be trying to you know accentuate some other aspect of yourself more than you naturally are vice versa and to me it seems like you've found a perfect Lane that you're in now which is you're just you you are funny you're a great dramatic actor you are a great singer you are not the best singer you're not the best dramatic actor you are one the best female comedians you know like well I feel lucky to be here you know what it is it's ease of life I'm looking for the easiest Lane I'm not here to suffer MH I'm just not and so yes if I spend my time after having hung out with the brilliant and lovely Tina and Amy if I spend my time talking to myself about how I'm not funny as funny as they are and I never will be and how can I be as funny as they are it's Miser well and that's something you and I talk about a ton which is comparing yourself to people I don't want a comparison hangover you get comparison hangovers every lip gloss in my drawer is fine until I see Monica's lip gloss and then I want that one it's all comparison it's useless and it's a waste of [ __ ] time yeah it doesn't really matter what you've done or accomplished in your life you will definitely be able to find someone who's much better at whatever comes out of you know living in a group that's too big we're supposed to be living in groups of 115 where somebody is the best at everything someone's the best bike rider someone's the best Baker and now we live in the age of social media where you truly see the best of the best and everyone feels less then I just don't have time for it part of it is because I've had kids and I've realized that I can get self-esteem in a ton of other ways being a good mom or being wife or getting the right Garland which I still need to do by the way to go to Michaels for the house um but by the way this piece was brought to you by Michael's please check out any number of their 1400 locations nationwide but it's it's that I just don't have time I don't have time to suffer right I just don't I want to choose the easiest Lane I want to choose things that make me feel good so thinking about how I'm less than doesn't make me feel good right doing a move in for a homeless family that's moving out of a shelter makes me feel good well also for me if I'm comparing myself to other people I almost every time feel worse uh but if I compare myself to a previous version of myself I feel really [ __ ] good exactly yeah and I think you've since I've known you gotten incrementally better every single year I've known you well that's despite what you said about your boobs post kid large in part to do with the things that you've taught me about self-improvement and the things that like we've learned in therapy but really even less than what we've learned in therapy and More in what you've taught me about self-improvement and a fierce moral inventory and really like AA training yeah like I think everyone should go to AA really AA should be the most required thing it should be taught in first grade we act like it's treating alcoholism but it's actually Tre yeah it's treating The Human Condition and it's so helpful to go through those steps you are so much happier when you come out the other end yeah and um so you just brought up something that U we're both really fascinated and which is yes so throughout time uh Homo sapiens have been here for uh you know 175,000 years and for 95% of that we were living in groups of 200 members so you were going to the best at something you know it it might not have been something spectacular but you were going to be the the fastest runner or the person that's uh least afraid to jump off something tall there was all these different ways that you could be exceptional but now you're on Facebook and there are two billion people and not only are there two billion people but the version you're seeing of their life is curated so you're seeing them uh when they jumped off the waterfall in Hawaii you're seeing them get married you're seeing them you know win a prize or whatever it is or perfectly shot on a a beach where they didn't have roles in that photo so now you're comparing yourself to 200 two billion people at the best moments of their life and there is now pandemic levels of anxiety and depression among young people right now do you think we add to that problem you and [Music] I oh wow um I certainly hope not although this does border a little bit on the idea that not that you can't help everyone but if someone is choosing to compare themselves everywhere around every corner I'm not not allowed to have pretty pictures on my Instagram right so but I but what I will say is I particularly with social media try to do a good job of Show Yourself putting boob tape on and [ __ ] like that yes because well a because I think every woman should know and B because you know I think people should know what people look like without makeup and you know unperfected and know that I have you know whatever the problem is I have like you have 30 or 40 people that get you ready for these red carpets yeah 100% they're spraying your face on yeah it's a lot of work there's a lot of stitches there's a whole I think I certainly hope we don't add to it I try to be real well I think we can get I think you and I often um try to balance uh being honest about how much work this relationship requires a lot of work so much work with you um you know that we've gone to couples therapy or that you know you know what what we do to to try to you know daily stay together we're we're very kind of honest about that and I do wonder sometimes people are like oh shut up we get it you [ __ ] are in a normal relationship I don't but here here's where you and I differ and here's where your lower self-esteem is coming in I don't care if anyone's saying shut up oh ye yeah you know what I mean well I know in my heart the right thing to say I am always yeah I am always anticipating what burns someone well yeah I I think again because of going to the special ed room or being uh from a broken family in a neighborhood that was mostly marri whatever it is I am always trying to anticipate what shitty things someone's going to say to me and have a retort for it and that's like hardwired if you don't like what I'm posting you no one's requiring you to follow me you're not legally obligated to follow me I'm posting things I think that will make people smile Jason baitman always says Uh there's nothing funny about perfection and I think a great way to attack that's the way I sort of attack social media because social media in my mind it's you know it can swerve so negative and sometimes it's about you know politics but ultimately I think it should be something that makes people smile not that gives them a comparison hangover and I don't think there's anything funny about perfection so whenever I do post something I try to make it as real as possible and even if it is you know something that seems braggy I try to bring it down a notch or yeah you also deal with like um people's negative comments on Twitter better than I do just in general yeah because you know tend to really upset me it does a weakness of mine I see you on the couch when you're but I've gotten much better I just don't well yeah I like to engage in debates know people I've never even met I have no idea if they're the crazy guy in front of 7-Eleven with a [ __ ] parad on his shoulder I treat that person as if we are on stage at Rice hall at UCLA debating but here's the thing if somebody says something nasty it says every it says nothing about you and everything about them I agree with you and when I'm in a healthy state of mind I agree with you 100% but to this point I think you and I try to tell people that um if you think uh you're going to be at the grocery store and meet somebody and that person is going to be perfect for you and then you're going to be able to put it in neutral and just Coast on into your retirement that's crazy it's [ __ ] nuts right cuz something that I see a lot um when I'm reading Twitter replies is like I just need to find my Christen Bell or I just need to find my Dax and I just want to let everyone know that we had a long road before we were found contentment wouldn't you agree I think you're not looking at it from every angle th those simple replies I think are you know Sometimes women sometimes men mostly women probably saying uh it's possible I think the fact that we lead with how difficult it is and how much work it takes is the honest way to do it and I think we're not we're not um giving Miss information we're not saying look how easy this is and then they respond with I need to find my Dak sheeper or Kristen Bell right because when we met um it was not a ThunderBolt from either of us right we were but we were at a dinner party and we basically um I I had just broken up with somebody so I was not in any state of mind to be looking for a Suitor you didn't know who I was I didn't know who you were I just remembered you talked so much at the table you told a really cute story about shopping at Target and I thought oh that's great this gal is um a movie star and she shops at Target super pumped at like the 40% off discount and I I found that appealing but I think you're underestimating you're acting like we're giving people a comparison hangover and I think maybe we're just giving people hope like well no I'm I'm not acting like we're giving people that I I'm I'm bringing up why we are always leading with that oh okay well because you sound I think we do a good job of you were saying is it a problem when people say are we part of goals I don't think so because we're leading with all the imperfections we're being honest and I think look a lot of good change comes from people having hope in dark times you want to see hope you don't meet well that's what I personally wrestle with is like oh you know what fairy tales exist for a reason myths exist for a reason yeah um it's fine that there's a fairy tale or a myth that people believe in that warms their soul and it's the idea that you can find someone who desires self self-improvement and uh communication and betterment and a life alongside you and that that commitment is possible because around every corner people don't do enough self-improvement life in general well it's very hard to change you have to have something generally life-threatening before you'll change or die I didn't though I guess my life-threatening thing would be like when I met you I wasn't nearly as healthy and the the the life-threatening thing would be would I lose you you know if I didn't change if I didn't become less jealous and more flexible and um I just think giving people hope I think there's um being a a sort of shiny light of saying like this is possible and it comes it has to come from both sides you have to know your self-esteem and meet someone that deserves you I think all those things are good things to pump out into the world yeah and I do think um what you had when we met that I believed pretty quickly was you are at your core a very good person like I can trust you because there were all these moments when we were first dating right that you cuz your family and my family are so different like when I'd ask you to get me water exactly so my you know I I grew up with a single single mother working midnights as a janitor with three kids one a baby one a teenager uh and not making enough money so the way you showed each other that you loved one another was to not be a [ __ ] drag on them to be self-sufficient and not pull at the already uh decimated resources right right so in my family um being needy is basically like saying I don't love you or don't value what you're going through so we would be early on we would be dating and we'd both be sitting on the couch and you would say can you get me a glass of water yeah and I thought let not label that as needy let's label that as I was looking you know I no no I'm I'm saying what my family was like and then yeah when we would be on the couch and you'd ask me to go get you a glass of water I was interpreting like oh she doesn't value at all uh my you know uh what things I'm already dealing with and this is and I was afraid that if I got up and got you a glass of water I was establishing a a pattern and that for the rest of my life you would just sit on the couch and never get your own water and I would get it for you until I realized that you were a good person like I I believe you are a good person and and it allowed me to stop questioning your intentions or what patterns we were going to fall into and and then I now I do get you glass water the thing I think you weren't seeing like sometimes guys don't know when their eyes D down at boobs the thing you weren't seeing at that time and I you you see it now is there were just as many times where we were sitting on the couch and simply because I was excited about the fact that you were my boyfriend and I like to nurture I'd look over at you and I'd say can I get you anything oh yeah and you would always say no but I was cuz I couldn't bear to be needy and I would say are you sure and sometimes still get up and go to the kitchen and get us both a glass of water or whatever it was but I wanted to establish a relationship of nurturing and not dependency but depending on each other to be the comfort and the Zone where everything is okay so it's super healthy and I agree that it was that is how you should be um but that but that again that's where like trust me because well no I what I was hearing was I don't love you yeah that is the that in my family would equal I don't love you you would never ask someone to do something for you that you could do for yourself so I and this is where like an objective outside therapist helps because uh Harry could listen to us talk and he could go oh I know exactly what's happening you're he's hearing this and you're hearing that and actually mine is the polar opposite because in my family doing things for someone else is how you show them you love them and there's also if you're taking up 90% of the relationship you're only leaving the other person 10% so give the opportunity to the other person to nurture you and let because you get self-esteem from taking of husbands get it wives Get It parents get it towards kids kids get it towards animals when you're taking care of something you feel good about yourself so I would offer to take care of you can I get you anything and I would be denying you right you were deny it's like when I try to buy my mom dinner and she doesn't want me to cuz she's the mom and I tell her you're denying me this great pleasure of being able to spoil you now since you spoiled me my whole life right and when I was asking you for water when she heard that then she could get on board right you have to explain it and when I was asking you for water I was giving you the opportunity to provide and protect for me even if it was just with a glass of water yeah I was always dying to protect you I know but I don't want you to protect me the way you want I don't want you to punch anyone I want to fight like 10 guys and I've been in the car when you've jumped out of the car when someone has hurled a Big Gulp at our windshield on Sunset Boulevard and you pulled the emergency break and got out and kick the [ __ ] out of him and I don't like that kind of stuff you didn't get horny when I did that no I did not see I would I would say that that was a moment where um you grew towards me which I always appreciated which is uh here's a situation that makes you very uncomfortable me beating a guy up on the sidewalk and when I got back in the car I knew I was in very big trouble and you um assessed that the last thing I needed at that moment was to hear more bad [ __ ] and to be told I was not a good boy how dare you yeah and we got to a restaurant and I had well we thought maybe broke yeah I thought we thought we broke my leg from kicking the person mhm and you got up to go to the bathroom or so I thought and you had gone into the back of the restaurant and and had them make a big bag of ice and you came back to the table and you just slid it under the table and I put it on my leg and I just thought that was so generous of you cuz I'm sure you wanted to go listen man I don't want to be in fights on the side of the road that's not what life I'm trying to live moed out of Michigan for a reason yes yes so two I just thought that was very big of you I appreciated it well you're welcome I was growing towards you I was doing that because I loved you and I knew you didn't need to hear that secretly it was also the stronger move yeah it was a it was a def baller Mo to go I'm not going to say anything you're going to know how I'm seething yeah but then and I did but then I'm also going to do I'm also going to get you a glass of water I'm ined off the couch and get you a glass of water you need something I'm going to take an active step to show you how I love you without embarrassment or humiliation and I'm going to do something for you to show how I provide and protect and nurture you which is I'm going to get out of the get up from the table and say I need to go to the restroom secretly come back with a bag of ice not tell anyone else at the table and slide it to you because I want to meet meet your needs yeah it was very appreciative and this is my whole point about how I look at life look at what I got out of that I got maybe one of the most formidable moments of when you fell in love with me and I now have your undying trust because you know I protect you I earned that and I earned that by being actively good to you yeah not by demanding ask me about my day like all the things in having done something that would normally War you can get all the things you want in life by being actively good to another person that's where my perspective comes from you know I didn't well in in knowing me had you started you know picking apart why that was not the right thing to do I would have just gotten defensive and explained why that type of uh behavior is required or or you'll get killed I know you would have I I look at every problem from the solution backwards I don't do it perfectly every time but I try to look at it from the solution backwards yeah another nice thing you really did that I want to bring up because it just reminded me of it is uh when um my father was dying in 2012 I was going back to Michigan a lot and obviously you couldn't come with me uh because you were working and I was working and so I was just getting uh enough time to be doing that and so I was back just before Christmas and um I was having a very hard time with it harder than I was anticipating and there were so many people in this hospital room um friends of his and I didn't feel like I was getting the time with him one-on-one that I wanted to or or they would start crying about his condition and then I'd be left to comfort them and I was so mad that I was spending my time with my dad comforting strangers and it was weighing on me a ton so I left and I went and built a wheelchair ramp in front of his house so that I could take him home and you had talked to me the night before and then uh I built the wheelchair ramp I came back to the hospital and I called called you and I said I'm going to go back into the the hospital room and I'm just so bummed that all these people in there and I just want time with him and I was pretty emotional you were saying you didn't think you could handle it yep and then um someone knocked on my window in my car and I turned to my left and looked and it was you you were standing there on the phone I thought I was talking to you in LA but you had secretly flown home and you knew where the hospital was and you surprised me and that was really nice well you're welcome but when I spoke to you the night before again I'm an empath I can tell what's happening in your voice I could I also knew you go you were acting very sexy sexy wasn't the word I was going to say you were you were acting very nonchalant about the fact that your father was dying and I didn't say anything but I could obviously see that that was a misrepresentation of what was what the emotions that were actually in there yeah uh and I so I was monitoring that closely from a distance closely from a distance right right up close and personal from a distance from very very far away and I uh I don't you didn't say anything in particular other than I just could sense it I just could sense that you needed me like you like you needed me to get you ice without telling anyone I just could sense it and so I just booked a flight and flew on a Friday night and then the Highlight was we went in together and you were very pregnant like Mon and then my dad who wasn't talking at that point right he and he just felt your belly about an hour he was very attracted to you too mhm oh he made that he made that clear yeah when we first started dating um Kristen went home uh to Michigan and thought I'll be nice and in an attempt to impress Dax as I do often I said I'm going to get to know his family while I'm here so that I and again I'm going to do something that seems selfless so that it will feel selfish because I gained something I'm going to get to know his dad I'm going to come home and be like I spend time with your dad and he's going to look at me adoringly and that was my plan and your dad uh I made a date with your dad to take me out to some disgusting chain restaurant and he picked me up and one of the first things he said I was getting in his car which was like full of old water bottles and one of the first things he said to me was oh I got to show you this x-ray look at my hip and he pulled out these x-rays from the back seat his whole back seat was full of x-rays yeah X-rays and water bottles and then we went to a chain restaurant and we talked about you and I politely watched him skewer the waiter about everything cuz he hates waiters and everything waiters do are wrong uh and so uh there is no level of service that met his standards well suggesting the daily special was like pushing something on him in a way that he like making him choose a different career path or something just don't order the Cod if you don't want the codent yes so um I then went home and he dropped me off and I remember like an hour later I got a text that said pick you up again tomorrow at late yeah he was making a second date yeah so you had to go out with him twice yeah on a very short trip home he really monopolized your time he did yeah but he was lovely yeah he was very attracted to you I think I think only in the way of compet he only the way of competing with you the other funny thing about that was is um at the beginning of when I was going back home you were just pregnant like you weren't showing and we were trying to keep it very secret we don't want anyone to know right um and um I told him and I said you know I'm going to tell you this but you you can't tell anyone okay and and then um later he was in the hospital and as I was walking down the hallway to see him in his room like I passed three different nurses that were like congratulations I heard your wife Christen Bell is bright it yeah he was not trustworthy no you could not trust him at all with the secret mm-m yeah it's all right he had other qualities he did everybody everybody's got their stuff you know yeah now let's talk about the wor the worst thing I did not intend on talking to you about this but um the worst thing I think I ever did in your presence I know exactly what it is yeah um so we have a longstanding issue with leaving the house on time I think it's a very male female normal thing I'm not good at it I'm admittedly not good at it about 10 minutes I'm neurotic about being on time or early to places y to a I think that's a waste uhhuh and you're late to a fault so this is a um recipe for disaster and it always rears its ugly head particularly when we go to the movies cuz I like to get there with plenty of time to get that popcorn and get my soda and I don't see the point of my day when I have to get to a movie theater 25 minutes in advance in a light theater especially since even during that 25 minutes when I've like just patronized you and been like fine we'll get there whatever time you want and like you won't let me go out and look at the movie posters because you're like it's about to start nor we're late too probably more of I can't have this conversation with you just tell the story so we were um this was one of our worst uh times of leaving the house I was very pissed by the time we pulled out of the driveway and I was driving we were going to see Never Say Never the Justin Bieber documentary I was seeing it for the second time cuz I enjoyed it so much yes and I was driving um you know even faster than normal to get there cuz I was afraid we were going to late and I came flying around this corner at Argyle and something in Hollywood and it's kind of a gentle right turn I think it's probably a 15 mph turn yeah in yaka and I went through that turn at about 50 m an hour and there was a huge group of pigeons in the road and in my life experience up to that point you can't hit a pigeon even if you wanted to hit a pigeon you can't hit them they always get out of the way of your car and um and this this on this occasion they did not get out of the way and you hit upwards of 20 pigeons it was it was the worst at the windshield oh my God even saying it now I I feel even worse than I did then um it was it was brutal it was uh it was a terrible terrible thing I lost my breath and we were already fighting so when that happened I knew this is over like she may leave me over this um it was it was bad it was really rough you're not exaggerating that it sounded like running over like a a long line of cones or something yeah for sure and we got to the movie theater and we were meeting friends there who had kids and we sat down I wasn't speaking y you were not going to talk to cried through the first third of Never Say Never y um and I apologize like a 100 times I said I don't want to speak to you right now right uh and my one regret this is more a story about the the power of that movie right because it really brought us out because we were by the end of that movie we were laughing and crying and cheering about Bieber it really pulled us out of it didn't it that's true well the one my one regret is that I thought about right after we did it uh making you get out and check for signs of life and I didn't do that and I'm very regretful even to this day because thinking one of those pigeons could have suffered again happiness versus suffering because of something that we did collectively we did yes I was 10 minutes late I wasn't there 25 minutes in advance to the ark light theater but you were speeding and acting like a [ __ ] crazy person to try to get to the theater which I did not think was an okay expectation to Happ it was an uncalled for speed for sure yes and then we got I still I was so stunned as to what had just occurred in my life that I didn't have the withth all and this is a very very few moments do I regret where I didn't have the wherewithal to like find my Moxy and say what I meant and what I wanted but right after the documentary which which healed us a bit we were at least on speaking terms when the movie ended well because I realized I wasn't going to leave you over this but what I was going to do is tell you we will drive which I did we are going to drive past and make sure none of them need to be put out of their misery and if they are you are going to get out of the car and you are going to do it with your bare hands yes because if you're going to kill them in the car you should be able to kill them with your bare hands I mean we should have eaten them really your responsibility and we drove past and thankfully none of them but a couple were dead in the road y um and just when I thought oh thank God this movie kind of um got us back to talking uh you said we need to go back now and I was like oh Jesus we're going back to the scene of the crime and we're going to relive you're going to either perform CPR or you're going to break their necks and that is going to be what something that you're going to have to deal with yes and the and we went back and there were a few dead birds and luckily none of them were suffering I didn't have to do anything uh morbid as it turns out that was rough yeah yeah but again you in light of that I did the probably the worst thing I could do by your standards is I murdered some innocent animals which is a big no no you're an animal lover I grown into one I felt terrible too but I was too worried that my relationship was over I think to truly more than the birds in the way they deserve but again I was grateful the way you handled that it could have gone a much different way MH yeah but you could feel how sincere I was that I felt really really terrible about that right MH yeah well and I also in my head went like well he didn't hit a kid this will serve as a learning lesson that yes I can try to be more on time but you cannot freak out and panic like if we're late for you know I don't even know what would be an event that we'd have to freak out that much like a well there really isn't one is there there isn't but now that but that not one that deserves um driving through a group of birds no but that does I'm not trying to make that as an excuse for like I can be late for anything but even if it was really important it's still can't deserve that amount of crazy behavior right and I knew that that was the I didn't need to teach you any of that lesson that lesson was learned by those dead well similarly I knew as I got back in the car after beating that guy up that that was that was not the right move for you and that it was and the great thing is I you put me through such a severe situation that I went oh this is never going to happen again in my relationship so if I can handle this one time again as we were saying early you do at the end of the day trust that I am a good person at my court very much yeah well we didn't say that you just said that out of the blue just now you I said that the reason I was wait what I've been saying it about you yes yes but yes I also believe that you are a very good person at your core and you're also a person who maybe more than anyone I've ever met learns from your mistakes and learns from your experiences so I actually knew that like oh I'll never have to have this fight again we'll never talk about whether or not beating someone up is okay like this it I don't know it just it felt like something had been put to bed and we had gotten over something together like and like that you've actually on a couple different occasions have have said I could beat some which I also appreciate it there's been one or two occasions where you thought it was okay which made me feel good cuz then I got thought oh well she's rational about this like there may be a situation where I knock someone out yeah well the dude I caught taking an upskirt picture at LAX the other day and then I confronted him at LAX um lax's personal Sheriff yeah yeah I wouldn't have minded him out right I like that um I think it's well documented that you're a bleeding heart liberal and I'm pretty close to a bleeding heart liberal but one thing I I find unique in your perspective and I really appreciate is you um are able to see both sides and try to find the Middle Lane in a lot of these situations you're not afraid to Buck the party line right and I do think something that's weird about where we're at today is um everyone's trying to evaluate what the impact of social media is and all this technology is and and the thing that I think is happening that's that's weird is computers run on binary opposition a one or a zero that's how they function so there's only two options and I feel like somehow that has invaded our cells where now humans more than ever are everything's binary your left or your right you're conservative or you're a liberal you're good or you're evil and I think that you have a very um healthy view on that people are both good and evil and that there's you don't need to be uh you know broadly saying well this person's perfect and I I rever them and I will defend them against anything or this person's just evil well I think that that comes from um shedding the skin that I grew up with which is people who do drugs are bad people who are gay are sinners or whatever it is and then realizing happiness is everywhere and really the only two things you need to focus on is happiness and suffering it's not good and evil it's not black and white it's not red or blue it's happiness and suffering period And I also think that you know the one thing that I like to talk about in the age of social media is just like is clickbait is is the lack of nuance in any conversation because the convers context there's zero context yeah the context the nuance the the details they're very important to a story it's like you know you could say hey see this movie it's about XYZ and you go oh I'm not really interested in that and then you see it you see two hours of context you see two hours of the Nuance of the movie and then you're like that's the best movie I've ever seen the story some of the best movies ever made have the worst oneliner explanation the story surrounding something is vital it it's it is the existence of said things so I think in every conversation we're having publicly right now like you know you're politically you're never going to find a politician with a perfect voting record and do you know why because we're human beings we are all apes and at at five years ago when that person voted on the wrong side of the line it's because at that point they were probably doing the best they could with what they had and the bottom line is do you trust them now do you trust that at way back when they were allowed to make a mistake I also think we don't allow each other to make mistakes yeah I personally I like again I think it's part of that whole curated lifestyle thing which is like we even have a friend we have a friend who's very very smart uhhuh and we both respect a ton and he found I guess Facebook does these Time Capsule things right where they'll send you a picture that you took eight years ago or whatever and he had gone to a Halloween party dressed as an Indian from the subcontinent yeah well it was a c it was a pilgrims and Indians Thanksgiving party yeah right and then so his clever take on it was oh he was an Indian from India yeah yeah and he was mortified by this and he took it down right he went through his Facebook and got rid of it which is surely the ethical thing to do I suppose but it did scare me in that no you're still a great impressive person with that in your background you know that's something that's a decision you made seven years ago that at that time felt right and now by today's standards it's probably not right and now we're going to pretend cuz it is just pretending that it didn't happen and it's not you're never getting the full story so now you're evaluating your own life next to these other people's lives who have been edited well but I also phally I think there's a medium even to what you're talking about and it is yes I did it if ever brought up I could defend it in saying you know what cultural appropriation wasn't really like a a a public discussion back then and it felt okay for some reason and I don't know why it felt okay I just know that my I didn't have malicious intend and now I see how it could possibly cause someone to suffer and so I pulled it down because I don't have any intent for anyone to be offended so I see where actually even pulling it down is okay but it's like the The Hiding all of our mistakes well yeah to me it's like the the pressure of oh well so here's yet another person who's not um made any mistakes or uh made a bad judgment call you know that's kind of what I mean I've made a ton of bad judgment calls and you have to and one thing I love most about you is your willingness to site specific mistakes to talk about how you've evolved well I've done every bad thing you can do I think I know and I yeah I just I I think we don't give ourselves and each other enough forgiveness and and because the bottom line is no one's perfect no one's no one's got a spotless record what things do you do is there anything that any characteristic of yours that that is associated with you either publicly or even in your friendship group that you feel fraudulent about like do you ever feel like a fraud when you're laying in bed yeah how outgoing I am because in my Elder years in the sunset of my life I'm realizing I'm re well it's not Twilight yet more Sunset I'm realizing I'm not as outgoing as I think I am I enjoy that to a this is a stupid one but it's just the first one that came to my mind like I enjoy coming and cheering every up everyone up and being the life of a party and being bubbly but I'm realizing I don't enjoy it past a certain point I never really know what that point is but I'm really recognizing that I I'm a 50% an introvert and I'm becoming more comfortable with turning down plans saying no to things or even being in my house you also have depression yeah for sure but but that's not necessarily linked to my depression that's actually fixes my depression my depression comes out more when I'm trying to be everything for everybody and I'm trying to stay bubbly in the life of the party and the smiley one cuz sometimes I just don't want to be sometimes I want to even when you're home and we have friends over I want to retreat into my room to read a book and be quiet with myself and I'm realizing in this these Sunset years I'm that I'm okay with that I don't know I I what would you say I'm fraudulent about cuz you know me very well and you also do a better job of pointing out my flaws than no I I don't have a I I'm not in the business of telling you your flaws I'm just curious I mean there's a million times where I'll feel fraudulent um I think when I see all those relationship goal hashtags on our thing I think oh [ __ ] I have to be the perfect um partner and I'm not the perfect partner and I you know do regrettable things we're wearing different glasses because I actually think the reason that we get those hashtags or whatever it is is because we're so honest about and clear about how difficult it is right because no well that's what I'm really proud of you for always being honest publicly about having depression and being on medication because I could imagine being um 19 years old and knowing you're in Frozen and seeing your TV show and thinking oh I'm [ __ ] up cuz I I have these spells where I don't enjoy anything in life and I don't want to get out of bed and I hate myself and you know I wish I could be like her when that is part of you yeah well that came from you because if you'll remember I was about to do Sam Jones the long form interview show mhm and I said I don't have anything to talk about what should I talk about because I get utterly nauseated when actors talk about their craft too much yeah luckily you and I don't have much craft that's true F till you make it and you you said why don't you talk about your depression and anxiety and I said that's kind of a great idea in fact I didn't recognize it until you said it but it's the most responsible thing I could do CU what I don't want to do is make young girls or anyone who might look up to me think that this is easy or perfect um or natural I work very hard and again I work less hard in my the sunset years because I've done it for so many years I just happiness is a choice to me just like loving someone is a choice you really get on my nerves sometimes but I've chosen to love you and I love loving you and it's the same thing with happiness you can wake up and you can feel however you want but choose to be happy choose to see the good in the day yeah to me that's too simple I think I don't think you can choose to feel good I don't think you can choose to get sober you can't choose to not have mental I think you have to actively take action well that's what I mean so so wake up so for me wake up feel depressed I'm choosing not to feel depressed today what am I going to do I'm going to go down and run on the treadmill for 10 minutes or I'm going to run around the block you you make the choice and then you execute the actions that that will get you there like yeah I have a checklist when I feel like [ __ ] I go through the checklist I'm like oh have I called another dude who's trying to get sober oh no I haven't done that have I worked out today no I probably haven't done that have I taken a walk have I done something I don't want to do for you uh you know and I go through that list and 9 99% of the time I'm not doing all those things that have proven to result in happiness or contentment and now the reason that I've gotten over a lot of it is well a because I take a medication that helps balance me and then B that I have become habitual about the things that make me feel good right you know when you told that story at my checklist on Sam Jones um there was Fallout and I think this is something both of us were from your mom's sisters oh oh oh my gosh that's right and I'm curious what your opinion is um on how much of your story is your story and you're entitled to tell it and then what obligation do you have to the people in your life for their privacy and how do you make that call of whether it's for the greater good or cuz I one time told and maybe it was on also on Sam Jones [ __ ] you Sam Jones um I told some long story and it it involved a lot of my stepdads and there was stuff about the violence and then I think my mom initially was embarrassed by it and she was a little bit mad and then I felt guilty and then but my mom's such an an amazing evolved human being that like a week later she she called me and she said you know what I was wrong this is your story I'm part of your story and you're part of mine and you're entitled to tell your story so much from your mom I know I've I I I it was really nice cuz I I had felt really guilty but it is tricky cuz you and I chose to be um you know in in the public light and It's Tricky right It's Tricky I I tend to lean toward well first of all I'm a person I'm a big believer in that nothing should be taboo I'm tired of how little we talk about sex in this country I'm tired of how little we talk about mistakes well I get into trouble in aa I'm not supposed to say AA out loud on this I'm not allowed to say AA in any public form form at whether I'm doing a radio show interview or on TV uh because you're supposed to remain anonymous at the level of press and television uh but I think that was a rule that was created in 1950 when you could lose your job because you were a previously an alcoholic and we don't live in that world now if someone looks up to the way that you're handling your life and you say AA and looks into it and benefits from it to me Pro is in the pudding so yes the Fallout that you're talking if I publicly relap it will not be a failing of AA it'll be a failing of Dak Shephard not working the steps in AA right right right right the Fallout you're talking about was that because I made a mistake in that when I was I had understood well first of all I have a very bad memory and that's not an excuse it's just the truth but my my mom I thought had said to me that my grandmother was one of the first people they tested electroshock therapy on and my grandmother was depressed and she did drink a lot yeah she was also a wonderful woman I didn't get into the fact that she was a wonderful woman on well there's finite amount of time right but rightfully so certain members of my family were saying you we feel like you sort of slandered this woman we all love yes yes grand and I didn't mean to I the truth is that they wanted they they suggested trying electroshock therapy on her she never did it and so that main detail kind of stuck out because I misrepresented it because I didn't I I understood it to be something different well also you're getting information that's going through the filter of your mother and anyone that hears a story from you and I they hear Too drastically different versions generally of the story so so you know you have to um recognize it already went through a filter before it went through your filter right and and also I misheard it and and by the way it wasn't really the point of the story the point of the story was this was a generational illness right but but always taking a step back I can understand how members of my family felt like um I I misrepresented someone that they loved very very much and that it sort of like tarnished her record or something which personally having known my grandmother I think that she because I know she was a good person she would want anytime she struggled to be used for the betterment of other people that's just personally what I believe so that's how I sort of felt okay after that interview even after having been called by members in my family saying like why did you say that now it feels because anyone who knew loved my grandmother loved her because they knew her because she was wonderful yeah um although I did sort of have to apologize because I said something that wasn't true they didn't test electos therapy on her but they had suggested it and that was a point of the story in that there has been a sort of serotonin imbalance in my family for a while right and it can be hereditary I mean it's also environmental but whatever yeah but I I personally don't believe things should be taboo I think we should be a lot more open and honest I mean look like I'm you know like a really good happy go-lucky bubbly mom goody Goodie and I can say with confidence like I've had one night stands and I don't dozens and dozens and does well I'm not going to say whole gamut all sizes shapes but like I'm not into sled shaming I think women should recognize their sexuality just like men and even if men say they've had like there I didn't do anything wrong wrong and I don't want to let society's view of something make me feel yeah people underestimate that uh being a human is messy business it's just [ __ ] messy business yeah and you're going to make a ton of mistakes and errors and uh and you got to forgive yourself and you got if you're going to forgive yourself you got to forgive other people yeah and I forgive you I forgive you too yeah I adore you love you um that's basic it that's it I adore you anything else um no I wrote other stuff down but let me forgiving I'll ask one final question okay you and I disagree on almost everything and what percentage of the time are you grateful for that Dynamic and Which percentage of the time do you wish I would just shut the [ __ ] up and do whatever it is you want to do H I was going to say 50/50 but I don't think that's accurate I think it's 7030 or realistically 6545 65 10 we have 100 we well now it's 50/50 again it's 6535 65% of the time I'm incredibly grateful for the dynamic and the amount that you challenge me and the way in which you show me things in a new light and your ability to teach me things and 35% of the time I think you're being belligerent and difficult and I wish you would be quiet because I've uh done a lot of dishes and um done a lot of things around the house and I wish that you would just be quiet and help me I think the thing that brings it out the most in you and I is when we watch a reality show which we watch a bunch of yeah well cuz you're you kind of end up in the business of judging these people's character and kind of making predictions about what they who they will be in future episodes and you and I are always we differ because you see wolves I see sheep and that's because of the people we were exposed to you were around a lot of wolves I was around a lot of sheep I look for the good in people but I'm often arguing look you don't know how that was edited we are in the television business you don't know the moments that were edited out of this or how this was and I just get Spidey senses I like look at the dude's eye are you the one are you the one I'll see these guy eyes and I'll know right away and sometimes you're right but then there are certain times where like we're watching stranger things and I you nail it and I nail it because I'm like the boyfriend is a good person and you're like no he's going to be the villain and I said no that is not going to be the villain I do love him yeah you love them you love a lot of guys yeah yeah it's um if I can list your crushes really quick I think it's amusing um uh uh say amusing well I'll tell you why it's amusing uh well one is Peter Dinklage you're the moon about him he's very sexy yeah he's very sexual very sexy uh Vincent did off for you also very sexy yep um ti. Big Time sexy yeah yeah uh uh Riz Amed yeah yeah also uh so you know when people ask me if I ever get jealous of you making out with guys in movies or whatever it is I say to them I wouldn't even know what to be I wouldn't even know where to begin on who I should be fearful of cuz just on the surface toao and Dinklage are just they're opposite human beings in every way yeah and um you know they're both in your they're both a bullseye for you so I could never say like well I can't ever let her hang out with an NFL player cuz I know she's nuts about 7 foot tall built dudes work for me it's got to be a light liity it could be absolutely anybody anyone yeah you better stay on your toes DX Shepherd yeah well it's liberating because I go it would be waste my it' be a waste of my energy to even try to predict yeah and I know you're attracted to anything with legs both male and female so it none of it bothers me cuz I can't get around it yeah a heartbeat is a prerequisite but anything beyond that is probably it's just fun in games yeah have you ever dated a guy that was as high on the Kenzie Spectrum as me what does that mean the the Kenzie spectrum of being gay right I don't know how exactly it breaks down but I'm whatever the last number is before you actually lik it I'm right there at the precipice right yeah I have I went to musical theater school oh that's true yeah but do you think maybe those guys did like dicks and they just weren't open about it yet no no they they were straight they both married women oh okay all right then um then maybe it's not unique but I am that last stop on the on the you are weirdly you're this Paradox cuz you're also the last stop on the manliest most gorilla type guy you could get because not a lot of guys talk about beating someone up on Sunset Boulevard very few people actually do it mhm so you're like the Spectrum it's fortunate I was raised by a woman whatever part you like about me is that was the nurture that I know I love your mom you met the version of me without my mom and that was my dad and even he had her for about 11 11 years no and this is a man that fought any and everyone at Costco that was dared go get a sample while he was getting a sample you were going to be in a fight with with him that just is exhausting to me like I don't suffer versus happiness I can't I can't do it well it's through him that I as you know we I for the whole time we've been together I've been on this uh I've had this goal of of relaxing in traffic which has been almost impossible for me to do I have I have bad DNA I really think I have like something bad I have you know it probably was useful uh 20,000 years ago during the P scene or something but now it's completely useless but um my father was the Breakthrough for me because I was in traffic with him in Michigan and he was be coming unglued I mean I really thought he was going to have like his fourth heart attack while driving the car and I was looking at him and I thought oh my god the guy who cut him off isn't suffering at all that guy is about his merry way he's not even thinking about my dad and my dad has uh two gallons of cortisol in his blood right now his his heart rate's 185 and he's on the verge of coronary collapse he's losing yeah even if he wins even if he flips the guy off and the guy's scared and he drives away and victory is his he's [ __ ] losing his body is deteriorating because of the state he lets himself get in and I was driving to my meeting and traffic was pissing me off and I had an epiphany where I said hm well you live in Los Angeles and the traffic's been this way for 40 50 years and it's going to continue to be this way for probably another hundred years so who's going to change in this scenario MH LA traffic or Dax and that's a super healthy way for you to look at it because that that works for you and I look at it a little bit differently which is like when my when I was young and my mom said if you ever talk to a telemarketer and you're annoyed be nice because you don't know if that person's parents died yesterday you don't know if that person's in a wheelchair and having a bad day like you don't know anyone else's life and I think that's a really good lesson that we should all be talking about more you don't know you don't know what's going on with me I don't know what's going on with you so when I'm in traffic granted I don't have the DNA that you have but there are certain things that piss me off it might not be traffic but sometimes it is when I'm driving and somebody cuts me off I don't know if there's not a pregnant woman in that car maybe they're trying to get to the hospital I don't know if they're trying to get home because their kid broke their wrist like maybe there's a medical emergency I don't know and I I don't care if they are on fire in their car yeah I know on their way to rescue someone from a well if they're in the left lane going under the speed they deserve know driv my response to telemarketers is oh my God I'd love to talk to you about this credit card I'm busy right now can I get your home phone number and I'll call you during dinner and we'll talk about it but you know what it's like me youve actually as much as you hate trying they have to have a job yeah there's other jobs other job they don't need to be met with sass I guess that's what I mean yeah you shouldn't be um uh aggressive and uh and hostile to towards them but if you can make a good joke about it maybe it's where and as much as you do hate my reaction to other drivers you do like when I say to people oh how are you enjoying this is this your first time driving yeah you kind of like that joke yeah or you say uh uh to Tele marketers or someone you're on the phone with this your first day and then they say at work no no no on earth when when you're having trouble like making a return on the phone or something but yeah but as long as it if you feel like the other person's going to enjoy that and not feel like the butt of a joke again happiness suffering yeah that's the scale I appreciate you doing this I know you didn't want to sure you don't love being on podcast or no I actually do I was just it's not with me no I was nervous what was your fear did you think I was going to try to get you to admit something you didn't want to admit or I thought well because came in with a little fear I think didn't you because I feel stupid around you a lot because um you're more book smart than I am I'm a lot more emotionally intelligent than you are but um it takes a while to uncover that emotional intelligence and I thought I don't know I I thought um that I you would ask me a lot about my life and I like wouldn't have answers that measured up to what you were trying to get and truthfully it's cuz I want to to please you I wanted you to have a good podcast and I didn't know if I could do it but luckily we started right off the bat by bickering about something very sincere and that that you know leads yeah you had a good idea the other day we got in a a a good siiz fight and then we worked it out and I said that should have been the yeah mhm yeah we should I'll just start recording when we're fighting at home should we start broadcasting yeah that's more helpful cuz like watching us roller skate at moonlight roller rink probably doesn't help anybody it doesn't help your relationship like you know anyone go buy a ticket and go roller skating but figuring out how to you know apologize help could help be vulnerable maybe maybe we should do that yeah I doubt this did it but it still worth it well hopefully it was entertaining I'm going to have you on every other week okay cuz you're drastically more popular than me and it will really help okay okay but I only need to go to Michael's tomorrow okay let's get you over to M let's stop this and get you over to Michael's right now all right I love you stay tuned if you'd like to hear my good friend and producer Monica padman point out the many errors in the podcast you just heard hi Monica hi what did I did I make a lot of erroneous claims you did um I really didn't think I had to be honest I was like oh that was a pretty clean well I'm usually way more out on a limb I think well well as you said in your introduction this Kristen Bell episode yeah is the first one yes so I really um I really nitpick okay you're going to take me to task well yeah so I don't know um I don't know if all of this is really relevant or important to hear but we'll try you know okay okay so at the beginning yeah you guys have a discussion about yarn stores uhhuh mhm and Michaels Michaels but you you said the best place to go for a yarn is McDonald's or Taco Bell okay right right and actually the best place you don't think that that red is an obvious joke okay do you think a lot of people got in their cars and raced Taco Bell to get y it seemed really sincere and I think Taco Bell would appreciate a clarification okay thank you the best place to buy yarn in Los Angeles uhhuh is the knitting tree okay not a sponsor let's just add out of the goodness of your heart that's right the little knittery okay in Los FES great or gather downtown LA there's three good yarn places none of which are Taco Bell or McDonald's or Michaels I'll say that okay great I hope that drives a ton of yarn business to those folks cuz they sound small mom and Poppy don't they and they all use knitting well no the third didn't anyways what else they Gathering okay um okay uh you also labeled this very room we're in an attic which I like that you call it that but this is not an atct this is a converted atct I I I will argue to the death this is an attic space yes this was not designed to be look at look across the driveway at the regular house you see the same pit pitch and Eve of the the the roof line that's just all attic up there that's exactly what this was built to just match the roof line of the house and it's just all adct so someone converted this they built this on top of the garage specifically as an extra absolutely not I bet you this was converted into this room in the 70s not 1920 we'd have to dig into the historic well it might have been built after well I I'm saying that this was just an empty attic that then was converted into this room I'm going to have to James we need a third segment where I correct your Corrections that's probably true okay what else it's not adic um we're gonna have to I didn't do something I was supposed to do can we pause real quick you allowed to pause cuz I wanted to bring a tape measure you don't have one here do you you know I've had one here for yeah and Lincoln took it yeah you wanted to talk about the we could with my feet we could do it with my feet they ex actly 12 in hold on CH was sitting there she was sitting right [Music] here pretty scien yeah I feel 15 feet what did I say it was um you guys just said a bunch of random numbers you're just shouting at some no you didn't I'll go back and listen and double check that I'm pretty sure you did not well you can just simply State you've measured it and this it was 15 the correct the correct measurement is 15t from Kristen to the commode from Kristen to the toilet and you can see it from where she's sitting okay um okay and and um here we go here's one here's another way you were wrong okay I wish we had okay um the this one's a weird one because you didn't you guys just had a lot of inpersonal things that were kind of we okay and you're in a you're in a unique position to know these cuz you're our best friend and have been for years so and I know you might be the objective Outsider um yeah okay well this isn't really correction but I did want to side with someone no well that was happening a lot throughout the my listen um the breast augmentation yeah you are of course right that you can you can get that procedure done through your belly button or armpit yeah um and the the uh arm pit one is intramuscular no it's called trans exil end endoscopic breast augmentation that sounds expensive uhhuh sure does and the um belly but Naval is called transumbilical breast augmentation oh great so if you're going to go uh and get your breast augmented yep just know that that's what you need to be requesting specifically tuba yeah specifically um no scars with that one um I had a little correction for Kristen oh great yeah yeah let's light her up I don't Norm I don't think I'm going to normally do that but in this case I will because I feel comfortable doing that with her um her memory is terrible yeah so I had to check some stuff I checked some stuff with her mom oh wow you really went for it I did I so again this is just another human who was experiencing this at the same time I couldn't like look it up on the internet so I don't know for sure but Lori Kristen's mom said that Kristen was 13 when she started playing music oh which is much later than Kristen recalls it yeah considerably cuz I think she said like eight years old or something yeah yeah so five years off at a period where 5 years represents half of your life she's 100% off she's about to be in high school yes when she started which to me just makes me even it's even more gross cuz then she's that good and she started pretty late yeah that makes her more of a prodigy yeah exactly um I tried to get the name of the shell Silverstein poem but um forgot she did not have that information for me okay um oh okay so so acromegaly yeah I wanted you to tell people what that is because I don't think everyone knows what that is so it is in general it's if you have a tumor on your pituitary gland and the pressure on your pituitary gland causes your gland to make way more HGH than it should and your body continues to grow and grow and grow after puberty or even excessively prepuberty and a very famous person with acral is Tony Robbins who we like in worship yeah did your did you read about it was that all right yeah okay great well I didn't and it's kind of you can kind of uh uh uh visually uh um identify it be because generally that you have a really big mandible right your your jaw your jaw bone and um you know Andre the Giant famously had Acro megal and so did uh the tallest man in the world his name's like um R oh [ __ ] you're GNA have to check any W Waldo Emerson or something is the tallest man in the world yeah I was the tallest man in the world you know from my kid my childhood Guinness spook of world records and he had it yeah you got severe I think he was he was maybe over 8T tall you mean Robert pers ping W wadow yeah wadow there we go I said Waldo yeah Robert pers I don't even know the mdle Robert persing and how was he was he 8 feet something he was 8 fo2 8 foot 11 holy [ __ ] that's 9 feet tall that's that's crazy wow um are you sure dony Robbins has it yes because I I thought he looked like he had it and then when we were watching the documentary I looked up I I I Googled does to uh Tony Robbins have acromegaly and he does and he opted at least in the thing I read online to not have the procedure uh to remove that tumor from a pituitary gland wow yeah because it wasn't he did not oh now I'm remembering he didn't have something that's basically called organ megal which is his organs hadn't gotten huge that's where it be becomes fatal yes or pathological interesting great um great okay um I also this is just me because I'm not a religious person yeah and I'm not smart enough to know this but um a parochial school MH is a church-based school I mean that was kind of clear in the way she was talking but I don't know if everyone knows what a parochial school is Right a nonsecular school yeah right yep great um I just want to throw in um really quick just to give you some credentials that you did get a 4.0 through all of of high school even a little higher cuz you had a class colge College not high school oh not high school but you graduated college University of Georgia with a 4.0 yeah um is oh boy not now the LI quite I didn't hey and I never said that I said I got one b in college oh okay and a smattering of C's and D's and it was and some I failed a couple class so all a and one B that's that's yeah and the B was a 89.8 and it was not rounded up and I got a hunch that was cuz of your personality probably I really went in and begged oh you did oh my oh my god wow Shameless I was very upset yeah okay cuz look otherwise you could have said 4.0 and it would have been correct um what else let's see oh you Kristen said she's a secret socialist and I wanted to be very clear that she's not a socialist although she thinks she is she's not no she's not a socialist but she believes she is so she is correct in that she believes she is but I don't want no she's people to think that cuz it did come out of her mouth and I know that that not to be true yeah that's not true okay um I think what she really means is that she'd like to see a really nice safety net yeah uh in Social Services provided for low-income people I don't think she really means that she wants the state to own she's a li who wants equality for everyone but yeah not state run um let's see what else oh you said the podcast was brought to you by Michaels and it's not yes that was a joke yeah let's be clear when we're talking about ads I think we got to be really clear okay not yet brought to you by Michael eventually brought to you by Michaels correct okay um you said homo sapiens have been here for 75,000 years no I didn't yes you did no I didn't I would have never said that I would have never no I'm an anthropology major I know they've been here for 150,000 years 200 well that's according to the Smithsonian website they don't know [ __ ] dick they know everything um yes when I as was I was saying you when I went to college and majored in anthro they they did say they even said 250,000 years but now currently like YoVille who just wrote sapiens is saying like 17 or something well cuz there's just a lot of debate about when it was its own species like clearly defined couldn't have had a a a fertile progeny with uh a previous homid right that's hard to Pino yeah around 200,000 but not 75,000 and you did say I did not I'll bet you right now a million [ __ ] dollars there's no way I said that that we have been here for 75,000 did that's okay we can do this have to go back and listen okay maybe I'm wrong I hope I'm not um uh take your time finding this one sorry this is going to require more editing than it you said it really is sorry sorry there's a lot of stuff here um let do bullet it's bullet pointed okay okay you said it takes 30 or 40 people to get Kristen ready okay right and that's wrong that an exaggeration yeah I was yeah again I thought I was some people will believe that very clearly joking people don't know how many people it takes cuz it does a lot it takes three people in truth it it can be more but it takes three it takes a hair a makeup and a and the styl sty yeah and a few extras sometimes those people have assistance yeah um sometimes a guy brings jewelry over uh with like handcuffs around his belt and St yeah that's exciting when that happens security guard there sometimes so yes I'm just lingering um okay so at the end you discussed the kiny scale a little bit oh right and and to be honest I I felt a little bit like I might have been talking out of my ass that there is even a scale no there is there is okay good um and I have it I have it here so I'm going to read it to you okay oh great it's 0 to six the scale Oh weird uhuh why not just do 10 there's only you'll see there's only so many things that can happen zero exclusive ly heterosexual mhm one predominantly heterosexual only incidentally homosexual two predominantly heterosexual sexual but more inci more than incidentally homosexual okay these are very vague three definition equally heterosexual and homosexual well that's a three that's what we would call bisexual corre conventionally speaking the three middle of the road right so I'm not high on the no you're not and you said you have were high yes I said it was like a nine or what you said you were the highest number before it's just liking dicks um which is a six and you're a two cuz three is bisexual you like other men's penises no you're not a two you're a one you're like a0 five no yeah you are not well I'm hugging and kissing men that's what is that incidentally incidentally that's not more than incidentally two is more than incidentally more I guess I choose to kiss guys on the lips you know longer than most no who I kiss Tom Hansen on the lips every time I see him you do yeah I kissed um oh on New Year's Eve I kiss Ben heart on the lips okay yeah I do a lot of kissing on the lips with other men I think that would qualify as incidental okay you're not it's not more than incidental more than incidental okay no I think incidental is like you you you you went to hug a man and and then you both got confused and you kissed that's accidental that's different right this is not that no I'm I'm like I I I have I have it's it's um premeditated kissing which I feel like is more than incidental but anyways okay you're a one okay that's a bummer yeah I really I just wanted to thank you bust your balls on that thank you I think that's it for Kristen yeah I didn't make a ton of claims and then you and I will we we'll we'll we'll have a post post morm yeah and we'll talk about the 75,000 cuz I think you're wrong I'm but I love you and thank you for helping me keep this on the up and up above board yeah we got to I look forward next to fight the fake news we do that's right we're doing our part