Josh Duhamel | Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

dreaming of a white Christmas just like the ones I used to [Music] know Merry Christmas everybody Welcome to armchair expert I'm Dak Shepard what did you think of my Elvis prle impersonation Monica pretty good well there's another one I like a lot too though night holy night you can hear any Christmas song in your head you can easily yeah I wonder if he did [Music] rude call [Music] names if you ever saw him you would even say cloes all those words are a little wrong but but it did sound like El Christmas Eve all came to say the Snowman you're exasperated a little you're a little exasperated but as you can see I'm full of Christmas cheer it approaches I'm already panicked that it's leaving yeah so I want everyone to really really just be present for this day enjoy it I guess that's all this is a public service announcement to say enjoy the holidays yeah yeah one of my boyfriends is here today oh that's right yes yeah I got a handful of boyfriends and this this guy's one of them Josh duam yeah now I'm using the Greek pronunciation that is how it's spelled it is spelled duam look I don't really need to explain to anyone who Josh Dell is I mean people know he's again a handful of perfect tens wandering around planet Earth um also guys tomorrow tickets are going on sale if you listened to some Live Events and you thought oh I think I'd like to share that experience with them you are invited to go tomorrow morning at 10:00 a.m. local time to buy tickets for San Antonio on February 23rd we will be at the Majestic Theater and we're bringing a very very funny guest very very very very funny very uh all right well without further Ado without further Ado matter please enjoy JH [Music] adum so I've recently been warned by Monica to stop doing this but I am now so confident in this situation that I'm going to break I put Monica on the spot a couple times asking her to evaluate people's looks and she does not like when I do it oh but I just I got to ask are you are you not well I'm so confident in the answer this time that I'm not even nervous are you as thunder struck as I was when I first met Dell yes yes what's she supposed to say well that's her put her on the spot and by the way that's what you're going to lead with I know of course is that your way of dis like disarming me welcome to the show I no I imagine it's triggering for you triggering yeah do you do you hate being do you hate having your looks talked about uh no I the older I get the more I now you're starting to appreciate it that's what I try to lead every conversation too all I got you invited but um you know I had a i i what do I want to say I here's what I want to be seen as I I don't care if anyone tells me I'm funny I don't care big deal if you tell me I'm hot I'm on cloud n you know you always want you always want to be recognized dirty hot he always looks a little stinky he looks like he's a little stinky but hot cuz he was just on his motorc or bicycle I a bicycle he's always done something with two wheels I don't want to brag minimally two wheels sometimes you always want to be something you think you're not right would you agree with that Josh you do just in general yeah like like like actors all of a sudden they got to be a musician yeah I mean I have lots of dreams of things that I wish I could be yeahuh I thought I was going to be a professional athlete and I realized I'm not nearly athletic enough I find that's hard for me to stomach yeah because we've had some contests of of athleticism you've dominated me so that only points out how drastically out of the running I am oh my God yeah well let's try to rebuild an engine and see who wins that one okay yeah I might take the lead there see I feel a little emasculated actually around Dax because do he's like he's like a dude who can fix [ __ ] I know so many people come on here and say that fix any I mean he could literally tear apart my old my old eight track radio I could put it back together and make it work it's not even a comment on how good I am at anything it's a comment on how bad actors are at fixing [ __ ] because you're right a lot of guys have come on here and they seem to like that about me but again if I was in Michigan I'm very lowlevel mechanical skill well you used to see me in North Dakota yeah well you you delivered though in North Dakota you were a star quarterback in high school well I played I played I wouldn't star is a little strong I played I was decent but I wasn't a star you have to be the star of the high school team to play in college am I crazy about that you're not like the third string [ __ ] quarterback in in high school and end up playing in college I actually split time even in high school W with with with this younger kid kid I had to battle all the way through even in college it was always a battle there was never I was never the guy okay and it always sort of fueled me it pissed me off because I felt like I should have been the guy I felt like I had earned the spot but for whatever reason the coaches didn't agree they didn't know nor did the stats well no well I was more of a passer and these guys were more Runners and you know I try to avoid contact as much as possible you did which coaches in football don't necessarily love Yeah but of all the positions in football the quarterbacks expected to protect themselves right right right right well and I wasn't I did enjoy it I did did like getting knocked around but I was not a running like option style quarterback right and and how long have you been this um imposing height you're 6'4 yeah 63 something I don't think I'm quite 64 if you're 63 then I'm not 63 anymore okay right let call it you're 65 okay with these boots I'm definitely 65 I was always a tall skinny like gangly kid growing up or really was oh so do you remember your stats from senior year of what your hide and weight oh oh I'm going to objectify the [ __ ] out let me let me start over and be very clear about this I'm slowly going to get to the size what I weighed what I what I weighed yeah I have no idea I do remember this though because I was very insecure about my weight when I was playing football especially at Min State uh that we had these weigh-ins and I remember cuz I couldn't get to 200 lb and I really wanted to be 200 lb that's the big marker and and I literally stuffed those little 2 and a half pound weights in my those tight those tight shorts those spandexy shorts and I stuffed two little 5B weights in my hips oh wow got and I still didn't hit 200 oh really you you're the only guy who cheated in a in a weigh in to be more I was desperately trying to be bigger than I than I was because I was skinny I was PR gawy okay and you would have known though you were still 194 so who was it for the coach did you think the coach was going to go like oh he's 200 let's play him it was purely it's just to in the in the in the in the program when they walk into the stadium oh he's 200 lb he's a legit quarterback that makes a lot of sense he's 6410 so did you do weird things to gain weight did you have like the GNC weight gainer and you drink eggs and [ __ ] all I took everything that I could I took these supplements that turned my piss like neon yellow uhhuh I'm not sure that my liver kidneys have ever recovered MH uh yeah I did a lot of stuff it was a big deal for me college football was a big deal but here's the thing about it if there's anything to be learned from this particular conversation is I I worked and worked and worked for something that I thought I was going to get and it didn't happen and it was not only did it not happen it was a heartbreaking uhhuh and it wasn't even about me being a professional I knew that wasn't going to happen but okay it was the way it went down the way the co I just had a falling out with this coach and it was uh it was one of those moments where you got to pick pick yourself back up because it was devastating for me for a long time and it's part of the reason why can you tell me what the falling out was did you date his daughter well no no he ended up he ended up getting fired for screwing the basketball coach a couple years later really why can't you screw the basketball Co was the basketball coach under AG I don't know I don't know I guess it just was I think they would promote a great that' be like a fun story football coach and they could also like lay in bed and strategize and compare tactics but not when like for the athletic director walks in on it happening on the desk oh okay all right now we're talking something like that I'm not sure if that's exactly it but something like that anyway the point is hold on though hold on want to blow past this no that's this we don't blow past this so sounds to me like maybe the actual infringement was more [ __ ] on the college campus than like if they were just banging in their car in the parking lot of Chili's maybe they wouldn't have been relieved of their duties I think it was something that happened okay on campus great those students are they're having banging on campus all over the place they're encouraged to yeah you're in college that's why the coach do it the coaches are in college any sense yeah the adult there it's like it's like I remember going ew they're so old I don't they they don't have sex anymore my mom got had my youngest sister at 45 years old really and I was like oh my God what are you doing stucking sex how here I am 45 now hornier than ever sure I want to get to your falling out cuz I I feel like there's something there but before we get there did it ever cost your mind to do steroids you must have been attempted to do it yeah but I mean we were in North Dakota it wasn't like it was easy to get right I probably would have done it yeah good I like I'm glad you're admitting that you know it would have been something I was I was I needed to get sure I tried to get as big and strong as I could if I could have taken an injection that would have made me as funny as Chris Farley I would have [ __ ] done it who's kidding who yeah I'd love to tell you I W is there is there cocaine cocaine I was but when I did it it didn't have the same effect we just shame we just had Conan on uh yesterday and we got to relive the fact that at my first appearance on his show I was woken up by Security in my hotel room with a stranger and one of us had peed the bed and that's what I happened when I did cocaine I didn't become Chris Farley I ended up with strangers and I one of us peed the bed I came out of a blackout in 30 minutes lat you went on the show is there a YouTube of that somewhere I got to see that there is but in my defense you you wouldn't really be able to tell really I drank like three Red Bulls on the way to the theater and um and a couple more lines I I didn't of course there was none left they never had any left oh God that's so dark was anything available up in North Dakota did people do meth or anything I think I think there's some of that now I don't remember any of that but not When We Were Young just a lot of beer beer we drank a lot of beer how about weed and I remember getting just obliterated my freshman year where I literally wanted to die after taking shots of uh it was the cinnamon oh yeah M balls or something it was just I took and I literally could the headache was so bad that I wanted to die uhhuh and that was about as bad as it got at mon state I'm sure it was too far north yeah it was that kind of stuff just wasn't as available at least if were I don't I didn't run across it why don't you have that fun accent I well I had I've been here longer than I was there yeah okay I remember did you have it oh oh yeah oh and I remember the first time I realized I had an accent was when I called home to my uh to talk to my dad and Susie his long time like they' never got married but lovers they've been together for 35 something years and I called home and I was like hey Sue is my dad there she goes oh no he's in wadina I was like oh my God that's the that's what I sound like that's what I sound like and so I think I made a cons and she's the and I love that I love the accent something really endearing about it but I may and I remember people saying what is is that Irish nobody knew you from Ireland that's a weird that's a strange accent I tell him from North Dakota and then 2 minutes later like so you're from North Carolina that's I like North Dakota then 5 minutes later like so you're well tell me what it's like in South Dakota I was like North Dakota nobody remembers it even me I've been guilty yeah a couple times you've corrected me it's it's North Dakota North yeah what what do your your mom was a school teacher M and dad was a he sold advertisement he used to sell ads in yellow P Yellow Pages back in the day yeah and then started his own company where he now and it's he had this company for probably 25 years and he's done well uh when you go to the grocery store or any store and you get a receipt on the back of that receipt is a coupon for 10% off at the local dry cleaner whatever it is right my dad makes those receipts he makes the rolls of receipts makes the ads goes to town to town from Minnesota to Montana and each little town has these things and and he's made a nice little living for himself that's awesome it's the most obscure profession ever yeah talk about Niche but he is you know he's he's happy is it safe to say he's the king of uh receipt coupons of the I think he may be the north think he may great North okay now let's go back to college um what was this Fallout you had with your oh God okay so it wasn't it was just so I was a local kid MH I was I I came from Monet High went to school at minet State this coach had this idea that you know he' recruit California quarterbacks you recruit these guys from Canada from all over so he had it in his mind that these guys are obviously better so it was it was a constant sort of uphill battle to try to beat these guys out and I felt like my Junior and Senior year I had won the job mhm and for whatever reason I had to split time with with guys and I look back at it now and it was the best thing that could have happened to me but then it's like what more can I do to prove you know I just felt like I couldn't I couldn't no matter what I did I wasn't going to prove to this guy that I was uh his guy yeah and he might have been right may I wasn't good enough I mean I had I was I thought I played well so did you have an actual moment where you talked back to him or snapped it was after my senior season and I'm not proud of this but I it was after the end of the year um and he he had these these big lineman recruits in from Seattle or something he's walking down the hallway and he tries to introduce me to these guys that they flown in which is a big deal for minate he goes Josh I said [ __ ] you and I just got walking he's like what what what and I was I had a lot of anger at that time I'm not really proud of that but I did it and I remember he came back after that and just gave it to me and I gave it back to him I told him everything that I felt about him and he and he told me what he felt about me and it was just a it was actually cathartic in a lot of ways because I got out of a lot of rage that I had towards this dude and uh you know and and it was it was it was sort of a a watershed moment for the both of us were you did you fight at all as a kid I got in a few scraps yeah part of the reason I don't drink whiskey anymore by the way oh okay you would You' get a little cranky on Whiskey get a little dark cloud that forms over my head uh uh the last fight that I got in was in Detroit Lakes Minnesota and they're known for this amazing Fourth of July celebrations and everybody goes there and it's just like a it's just it's a zoo and I don't know what happened we all me and my buddies I think we were like sophomores in college or something and something happens where I end up getting this kafuffle with some dude in the bar and end up we're underneath the the the the the booth at this restaurant bar I'm just punching him in the face as hard as I can sure and I get yanked out of the place they throw me out and then all of a sudden this guy comes out wanting more with like four Dudes and we're in the middle of the street in in Detroit Lakes there's like this main drag that goes right along the beach and then where all the bars and stuff are so right in the middle of the street he's like I want some more so I'm like oh God and I see the guys I see these other guys coming and and and I'm like oh God they're going to they're going to beat the [ __ ] out of me kill you yeah and I remember I'll never forget it as hard as I could with my left hand left weird swung and caught him straight I'll never forget he got this dizzy look in his eye and I just ran ah I ran and they all started chasing me and I ran all the way back to my hotel which is maybe half a mile away went in there looking peeking peeking through the the blinders to see if they're coming they didn't I changeed shirts I ran back over to the bar hopped the fence went back in with my buddies oh good for you yay for me that's kind of like um what do they call that when you throw up and you you rally yeah puke and rally puke and rally that sounds like kind of version of a puke and rally story we're going way back this was probably it would have been maybe 93 now it's interesting me so that was the last uh carfuffle as you called it that was the last real fight I think I was ever in cuz I would imagine um cuz you're so good-look and then you're famous and you also go out and drink at bars or at least you used to aren't there a bunch of blo hards trying to like they're pissed you're there cuz the girls are excited and they've been working on some gal all night long and buying her uh panty droppers and lemon drops and then you stroll through with your Las Vegas crew t-shirt on and they just wanted don't be don't guys haven't guys started [ __ ] with you all the time no not really really and you drinking some good at sort of avoiding those situations I'm what I'm wondering believe me I'm not a fighter I don't look to fight and if something like that happen I'm able to diffuse it quickly well that's what I'm getting at I I feel like you must have some good diffusing te I just feel like you know guys who get in a lot of fights and they're like oh I didn't even do anything it's like genuinely they did something sure sure you know it's like he came after me well you know this happened last weekend to and the weekend before that yeah it's kind of like realizing you're the common denominator in all your breakups it's like every girl had a problem like oh wait wait yeah and then you realize wait I got to take me everywhere I go yeah yeah maybe I should work on that yeah yeah like you he told me a fight story a couple weeks ago I told you one Saturday you tell him a lot but you told me one did you get a fight recently no they're all old but he told a story D's got a little he's got a little crazy eye though sometimes yeah I know at any moment not mess with that I know but he was telling a story about getting in a fight and he was like what was I supposed to do and I was like you could have just left and he was like oh I know exactly the story it was when the gang bangers deliberately picked a fight with us at 1:00 a.m. and they lost and I felt like justice had been served it's so great when bullies walk into a place and they think they've you know zero oh they me and Scotty really handled business really and we were just on Cloud9 after that because again we didn't start anything we just it was New Year's Eve we're having a nice time 1:00 a.m. these two dudes walk in and just of me out of nowhere and then it's on and um and we prevailed and I feel like that's Justice I was very proud of that story and Monica was very disappointed in that story feeling than like when a bully gets sered when when you get to when I I remember that how great I felt when I was like my God I'm beating this guy up right now this guy was coming after me I'm be I'm winning this fight I got to get out of here before I get punched in the face yeah yeah yeah it's always a very tenuous grasp on Victory you're always aware that you're best to get out of there is that disrespecting it's I got a chip on my shoulder I'm I'm mostly over it now though um once I realize people don't like that about me no you're from a small town I'm from a small town my buddies that was something we really valued in one another that that we would be there for one another right and and I it took me a good 15 years to recognize no one in La is looking for that from me that's not what they like about me but it was a realization like in Detroit like you're but the way you showed your friend you loved him is like I'll absolutely square off with these two guys that are definitely in Kick our ass because I'm I'm in it with you okay and this is how I'm going to show you I love you and that's I got your back yes I got your back and we all had proved that to one another over time and my little group of friends that was very a prized uh virtue and it is a PRI it should be there you got you got your boys back it's not think that's so much here it's completely unnecessary and really most of my current friends just makes them very anxious to know that I will get in something physical at any minute that that make doesn't make them feel safe it makes them feel very dangerous I see but they have your back in a different way they have your back in that they would be like we're leaving now see that and I'm protecting you and your life by saying we're going now right that's but I would say that it's a true test to which friends truly have your back because no it really is it is defining moment right it can be um but I'm curious what what what age did your parents get divorced fourth grade that's pretty rough I was a fourth grader yeah it was it was still probably this day the most traumatic thing I ever went through because you know you think you think it's you think your world is one thing and suddenly that world doesn't isn't going to exist yes as it did so that was that was a that was a real hard one for me fourth grade you're used to having Dad in the house every morning yeah I presume you stayed with your mom went with Dad on the weekends or whatever yeah that was that was pretty much how it went and then dad's at least in my experience um it's weird to see Dad in like an apartment right or something like it's it's rough isn't it yeah he and he struggled for a while my dad it was it was not even an apartment it was a car for a little bit it was it was like an apartment above the Grog Shop which is a liquor store in the wrong side of town okay it was uh and would you go spend the weekend there oh yeah but we didn't know any better we just loved being with Dad okay and so you had three little sisters right no I had one sister at the time oh okay my two other sisters were born much later so yeah I mean it was it was definitely an adjustment I remember I came very emotional I was a really emotional kid and I think that I that's really when it came out because I was so traumatized by the thing I remember I would just cuz I didn't have the tools to really deal with anything I would just cry yeah I would I would lose a game in soccer and I just [ __ ] cry or I was you know something upset me and I just couldn't I couldn't stop it yeah and I remember my dad had taken me he's like hey um listen it's okay that you're emotional but nobody likes a crybaby and I was like yeah okay and after that I sort of I I realized that you know that was his it may not have been the most therapeutic way to do it but I knew what he meant and I knew that it was coming from a good place again you grew up in ' 80s I grew up in the ' 80s the dads were tasked with a different thing then probably wrongly but whatever your dad was thinking [ __ ] I got to protect my kid if he's crying all the time he's going to get his ass kicked every day they're going to make fun of him his life's going to be miserable if he keeps up this yeah this pouting and there there was another one just very similar where I'd gone to this lab school in in Min not it was like it was a Teachers College M State said Teachers College and next door to that is this lab school which is really great it's it's unconventional ways of teaching and so when I went to then went to seventh grade like a like a formal conventional School with desks and books and the whole thing I struggled for the first half of the year and I remember my dad coming to me he's like listen uh nobody likes a dummy boy he really he called it like you saw it didn't he listen kid no no nobody likes dummy I was like well yeah yeah okay okay you need you need to you need to learn how to study you need to learn how to get better grades you need to figure this out yeah and again you got the crying under control now let's work on the grades it maybe wasn't the most you know therapeutic way to do it but again I knew where it was coming from and it worked because I started getting better grades after that yeah it could be a little telling that his his each time the penalty would be not being liked do you think that's his issue or your or he had he had he had acknowledged that you wanted approval that's a that's a pattern that I that I'm working through at the moment right this is one of those things that I talked to about it's like I'm learning to care less about what people think about me and not not look for validation or approval from people because of what their opinions might be and just be me well I had the experience we met in 2010 on When in Rome or maybe it was 09 whatever it came out in 2010 wait do you remember when I came up behind you on the street in New York City I was mugging you you legitimately scared the [ __ ] out of me I think that's the last time I had a good scare you I don't think you came behind me I think you were in a doorway like a black doorway and I walked by the doorway and you [ __ ] left out I remember give me all your money like I'm like stabbed or shot what if I pulled a six shooter you didn't know that i' been packing on that movie screwdriver on you uh but we met there and you're um you know you're incredibly likable you're such a likable guy and you're a generous Guy and um you know I will I will I will give a character testimony that you're not lying about working really hard in college you're very hard worker you don't complain that's why I'm curious about that blow up because you get really frustrated with yourself acting I've watched it another thing that I'm working on and you get pissed at did you see me do that on set oh a bunch yeah yeah in fact um I would do a great Dell when we'd get Kristen and I would get back to our room oh God it was the most endearing thing ever I got to tell you it's so endearing incredibly hard on myself but again this is one of those things that I'm working on he would go like he would go like uh I don't even know what Christ's name in the movie was but he'd be like Gail I came all the way across town to see you here [ __ ] [ __ ] me let's go all right let's go again he would like berate himself I would beat myself down I really would and I and by the way i' I've done that fairly recently too I just watch you do it on buddy gam so I was like oh this is we're now 8 years later seven years later still his technique it's one of the funner things to watch terrible it's so and it's just it's one of those things that I that I I had a really bad temper when I was a kid and but with yourself right not with with myself yeah it's never really directed anyone but me and people are like dude you're too hard on yourself I'm like I just have to do this I got to do this but I really don't have to do that there no reason to do that it's just and it it all it all goes into this this this feeling of not being good enough you're not good enough you got to beat yourself up to get there yeah and who do you think was the original person you were trying nonstop to was it Dad it was Mom and Dad Mom and Dad okay mom had a high expectation for you oh yeah they both did Mom Mom is Dad was always very uh he was he was my biggest cheerleader he always like when I said I was moving to California he's like go get him kid mom was like remember they don't like criers criers or Dums uh and but I knew that I always knew that he was like doing it because he really believed in me and he was always my biggest cheerleader on the sidelines of whatever and even now years uh and mom was the same way but much more reserved and she didn't she thought I should have been a dentist what are you doing your degree in biology you should be going to dental school what are you doing you're act wait you got a job on a soap yeah this is the best thing ever yeah you know then she turned but you know it was by the way it can be really good intention my mother thought I was at 6 years old going to become the president of the United States like I really cherish how much she believed in me yet it was a lot to fulfill and I regularly would be in these drunk sters and all I can imagine is like oh my God if my mom saw me right now what a [ __ ] disappointment well I do that probably speaks to some of the issues from the past you had you had to you had to you know project this facade for everyone and your way of escaping was by numbing out yeah cuz I would get hammered and I really didn't give a [ __ ] where I was at in life it's very liberating in that way yeah yeah I've been there man yeah so so yeah when I met you my first year I guess of knowing you it wasn't even that long um I was like God this guy is perfect I think he's I literally thought I would say this to Chris and I'm like he's gorgeous he's friendly he hasn't tried to [ __ ] you yet that's weird uh I I mean that was the weirdest how could I you were right there on set the whole time watching I would have found a way at my worst at my lowest points I would have I'll never forget cuz you guys had just started dating oh yeah you guys had just started dating and they were like in limerance you guys they was they were just madly in love and I remember because I had mad respect for Dax even before any of this I was like oh my God Dax is in this movie uh and I remember I remember part of the reason I I got so insecure is cuz I saw you over there watching I was like God I got to I got to deliver right now Dax is watching oh my God I think you're you caused it I think I'm the only person that's ever elicited that that thought it's true I'll never forget it stay tuned for more armchair expert if you [Music] dare but I will just say and I'm no intention to go into it but when I I like would read about like a scrape or something I go oh wait that I felt relieved I would go oh good demel is a like I thought you were too good to be true I yeah it that's that's I got many many things I'm working on you know and it speaks to what we just talked about you know there was these expectations there were these you know I was I was there was people expected a lot from me and that was a lot to Bear well also you probably self-imposed right largely L was probably self-imposed yeah lot of it was uh yeah like let me ask you about it I'm the one who put those expectations on myself and I imagine you enjoy beating the [ __ ] out of yourself I did I'm working on it you're working on it and and it it's not an easy thing to do when you're do something that you're shameful about or something that you regret to be able to go you know what I'm [ __ ] up but I'm not a bad guy I still have value well that's another I mean it's it all goes to like self-worth and value and and and looking externally to feel whole all these kinds of things uh that that I think as I've got gotten older I'm starting to have more self- Valu more selfworth therefore I you know am more able to forgive myself yeah you know yeah um all right so let's walk through this this fun ride because it doesn't work out with football um but you mean a gal you mean a wonderful woman and you follow her to California you have a bunch of weird jobs uhhuh but somehow you become a model well let's talk about those other jobs first okay great I was working I learned how to write so I'm not completely inept by the way I know how to Rite drive a back ho okay an excavator a front-end loader a Bop cat in fact I have one back at my cabin in you do I love a so I worked you know my my stepdad was a construction worker con he owned a construction company like like pipeline stuff never even wanted to do anything to do with that when I was in in North Dakota but when I moved to California I for whatever reason now wanted to work construction so I did all these crazy jobs you know I also worked at the Gap and I worked you know I waited I worked in warehouses and I did construction and during that time I then uh I was I think I was in Sacramento when I we're really going to get into the modeling thing aren't we well we must we have Well here here's the here's the misconception about that I did it for about 6 months maybe no I did it for about a year Well re very little success well but the reason we have to bring up modeling is the only thing I really want to get to is that you is that you beat Ashton in a model shootout which I find to be an amazing that was a real life intersection that was like real life Zoolander and I'm not even kidding it truly was so you were in some kind of modeling contest and you won yes and Ashton was runner up isn't that a fun fact wow before you guys were you guys that's nuts here's this here's how he was probably Christopher Chris yeah he was Chris and do you remember meeting him oh yeah I'll never forget it oh because here's the thing I got I'd never been to New York City and there was this agency in Sacramento that offered to like pay my way to go I was like yeah I'll go yeah not really knowing what I was getting into yeah it was called did you think you would be naked on a Russian dude's yacht at any point like was point where you were like maybe this is am I a call guy is that supposed to be in my butt yeah this isn't what are we advertising here so you go to New York so I go to New York and this thing becomes we can cut that last part so I go to new yor that's the best part well we will cut it but only to Loop it so I go to this thing and there's a thousand people there thousand contestants male female actors models whatever I was pretty intimidated I was pretty fresh out of North Dakota at the time how old are you 20 at the time I was 23 as the week goes on there's like certain things there's like the there's like the there's like fashion and then there's swimwear where you got to walk in like a swimsuit down the literally down a Runway back and forth it's literally like a like Miss USA wow and how would you like where I can laugh at it now but yeah mentally like where were you at when you were walking down the catwalk in the swimsuit what were like what thoughts were going through I was all in I was I was in fullon competitive mode oh good that's awesome zero regrets no left it all you left it all on the catwalk all in the field so I'm going to get you a t-shirt that says left it all in my catwalk and so as the week went on the word became like there's there's three guys that are like sort of in the running for this some dude from uh I forget where he was from and then this kid from Cedar Rapids yeah Iowa where Ashton's from uhhuh and me oh my God so I was like oh my God I'm in the running for this thing oh my God was there money to be won or [Laughter] anything no way he said no Bragging no there was no money involved you got to you got like a a modeling contract somewhere hopefully well that's that but that it wasn't guaranteed okay you listen to this so so as the week goes on this happens the word the buzz is that it's me Ashton and and some other dude and so now I'm really into it now I want to win yeah what do I do how can I walk better and and so how can I walk better so we you practicing in your room at night it's they literally have us up on stage at the final sort of presentation to see who wins there's like seven guys up there for fifth fourth third runner up second runner up and then first runner up it's it's between me and Ashton and they say his name and I'm like oh my God literally you might as well have thrown like a tiara on my head sash across my chest I was so excit they lifted me up and it was just my wait he must have been as confused as you he was confused but we were also competitive we were like we were like throwing like he's an athlete too yeah we were throwing like it was competitive sure sure tearing each other's swimsuits backstage and stuff putting a stain like pouring wine on his on his swimsuit rubbing a little brown marker sure so so after after I win this thing I think I'm off to the races this is like this is my ticket to start them [ __ ] yeah nothing happened for four years I didn't even get that I didn't even get that agency contract that I thought get what literally nothing happened you're kidding Ashton became Ashton got that Calvin Klein campaign he got that 7 show you got something else oh God I was so jealous of him for so long I was like and it and it it I didn't understand I like what happened right this [ __ ] was runner up yeah I won yeah I was the male model of the year I would have been upset by that so you know I had to go Beat the Streets for many years and and uh you know and that's shortly after that I I realized I wanted to to to to get into acting because the modeling thing was going nowhere okay um it's kind of shocking to me I could have seen you in like American Eagle ads and like very masculine homie because what you had over Ashen is you were a kind of bigger frame I don't I don't know I love your frame than so great you know what the most amazing thing about you is your ass thank you and I wonder if it's something that you just you built that foundation in your 20s and in college and now you don't really have to work on it much it's just that at it that just ass is it Dad ass are you doing like a lot of lunges or anything you really have great butt cheeks uh I couldn't keep my eyes off him up in Vancouver last year really yeah like You' just be wearing a random thing no he'd just be wearing like a random outfit but his ass really juts out in back really it gets your attention yeah love it God this is this is really great kind of I didn't tell you then no that shocks me okay I was thinking it the whole time um do you do do you do you specifically Target your ass cheeks when you exercise uh no not generally no knew it I don't I mean I work my ass off for these pancakes I'm focusing I've been biking a little bit okay yeah that helps that'll pop that helps yeah that'll get them popping yeah okay so you you somehow after that four-year Hiatus from the spotlight you end up I think you it starts with music videos right that's the first acting work you get uh let see you're in agular is Genie and bottle a bottle I did it on a summer video but were you in heaven on those sets were you like oh this is awesome well I was just basically an extra on on the Christian agilera one okay I thought I had like a staring role did you have any fantasy going in you literally have to like stop the stop it and Rewind it and then you'll see me it's like I'm jump half a frame I had I was so intimidated by the whole thing at that point like I was not ready to even be on a set because I was still like so Star Struck by all that I was like what this how much do I pay for this this food on this table right craft service it's free what who do who do I settle up with I had four carrots some hummus two mini Snickers bars so I was I was yeah it took me a while just to get comfortable on a set well can I ask you one question before we we March through this um did you have let me start with the famous Chris Rock joke have you ever heard this routine of his where he says um men are only as faithful as their options okay okay now I don't think that's true but but I also think it's true so when you look like you you have a lot of options and I'm being sincere now was it hard for you to stay faithful when you were younger when I was younger uh were you like a true blue kind of it was easy for you I've had you know I've had there were moments for sure okay but for the most part I've been I've gone from three let's see three relationship five year relationship uh another threeyear relationship and then I met Fergie we were together for 13 years yeah you're a serial monogamist they say yeah for the most part I was I was I've been a guy who who doesn't do that CU let me just say this I didn't feel very good-look okay so I I was regularly trying to get some girl to prove that I was so I do wonder if you're just good-looking do you not have that chip on your shoulder or are you still trying to get approval from girls that you somehow assess as being out of your range or something H it's a really good question it's a good question because because there are several Dynamics at Play I'm Not 30 years old anymore I'm 45 right um I want to have more kids okay now yeah well in the next few few years mhm so it's more about finding being someone young enough to have kids mhm like your mother's age well 45 I mean it can happen it can but ALS but there's all but at the same so it's it's not as if I'm out there trying to just [ __ ] anything I really that's really not who I I don't I don't like I but more importantly have you have you ever tried to to find a girl that I can be with be with and have family with know because Ferg and I have had a great relationship I love that girl and I always will yeah um unfortunately we didn't work but I will always have her back and and she is the mother of my baby yeah and so you guys seem to have a very amicable we do we really do she's she's awesome yeah so I'm just trying to find that you know somebody that you know that's kind of what I'm looking for but did you in the past did you ever try to get someone to elevate your own self-esteem is that just a human thing I feel like you could answer this question I mean maybe that's maybe that's part of my problem is that I need I like I like the action I like the chase sure I like the you know all that stuff you know you I think it's genetic I think it's Primal for us to have that you know there's there's there's certain people that you see and you just want yes y um and it's not always the most beautiful person it's there's people have there's there's something that happens yeah uh and often times those people that you have that for don't have it for you yeah it's hard for me to believe someone doesn't have it for you but I will accept that this is reality believe um so you you get all my children this has got to be an enormous thing for you yes it was huge right it was huge yeah it was an opportunity for me I mean first of all my mom watched soap operas my whole life she watched Young and the Restless and remember she wanted me to be a dentist yeah and so yeah it was uh that was that was a big opportunity for me and mostly because I was pretty green when I got it I'd been you know taking all the classes I could I'd moved to it's a great place to learn to act isn't it it was like boot camp and I will never I don't regret any of it because it was it was just one of those moments and I knew this because I'd been watching them for so long that I knew I knew what I was expected to do and I said the only way that I'm going going to stand out is if I just buck the system and tried different things and I I got nominated for an em three years in a row and won it my second won yeah which was unb there's if there's it that is the biggest I I it felt like I I pulled off the biggest scam of all time sure I didn't know what the hell I was doing I was just winging it and just going I just went in head first and tried things and they started to like it and then they started to write for it well you have that quality even though you're really self-critical you also are brave as an actor you try you will try anything like if the director says blank you do a back flip off this yeah yeah you off this moving car into this very small manhole cover but you you'll try anything which is is really cool yeah yeah again it goes back to wanting to just I I have this feeling still to this day I've been doing this for 20 years now that I'm pulling off a huge scam yeah do you feel fraudulent a little bit Yeah feel like I'm a fraud you know I'm just I'm just making making it up as I go and obviously I have a lot of experience now and I'm trusting myself more but you know I'm I'm still uh I'm still trying to figure it out yeah and it can be cancerous to not think you belong somewhere that you're at you can it can basically be a self-fulfilling prophecy right you can kind of take yourself out yeah by going I don't deserve this true and that was part of my problem for a long time I think that's what held me back is that it was I never truly believed that I deserved it I never believed that I I like like I don't belong in this in this group Club in this club and so so it's taken me a long time I feel like I feel much more comfortable now than I ever have but yeah man it's so it takes it takes balls to re to not only you know go go after it in this business but then to epid actually believe that you that you belong and then then the other side of that is back to not even giving a [ __ ] and realizing oh what does any of it matter like I actually used to think of who was a better or worse actor and I had this fake conversation in my head last night where someone said I was a worse actor or better actor and I just imagine thinking how much I wouldn't care if I was discovered to be a worse or better actor than anyone I'm like whatever I'm paying my bills I now feel that way at 43 it's like what does any of it matter I got to [ __ ] send my kids to college right um now the mechanics of making a a soap opera are hysterical right do you make a a whole show every day yeah you shoot you shoot I think 60 60 Pages a day that can't be done if anyone who doesn't know a lot about filming they got three they got three cameras they're all rolling was like theater a lot of ways and you're learning some days you're learning 20 pages of dialogue or something yeah I mean I would sit there at home every night just grinding learning my stuff but it was a great it I still believe that it's as good a place to learn for somebody green and and learning 100% you can get because 90% of it is getting comfortable on a set it's getting comfortable on a set it's learning where your light is it's learning how to learn lines it's learning how to deal with media on a much smaller scale uhuh because you see so many of the young kids now who come up and they shoot the Superstar them and they don't know how to handle any of it right you know so for me it was a good way to sort of get my feet wet get get a lot of experience and I just told myself that I was going to do it for three years no matter what because they offered me a nice contract at the end of it to stay and I was like that's temp I got to go I'm going to go I'm going to go because I had ideas of what I wanted to do and I and I'm glad I did you weren't that tempted by money it would have been hard for me to turn down real money it was hard for me too cuz I never had had money yeah and but I also knew that if I really wanted to go after it I I couldn't stay there forever right and you got I I imagine a pretty instantly famous with a very specific group of a demographic mostly women I still get people saying I loved you as Leo that was 20 years ago uhhuh Leo and Greenley greeny was my girl on the show my sister-in-law oh during When in Rome my sister-in-law who has seen many many people our house never has cared my trainer daring When in Rome had done like 12 episodes of a a [ __ ] soap opera and she lost her [ __ ] yeah those are the best fans yeah they really were yeah cuz they just they they believe they know you did your sisters when you when you got that show did they think maybe I should move out there you have three of them no I don't think they ever really had that oh okay my sister Ashley could have easily done it she she would have been much better at good looking like you do they have nice buns like yours they have amazing asses okay great we always like to ask our guests what they how they feel about their sisters in fact this not a comfortable subject but I will say this my youngest sister Cassidy they used to call her Aidy oh really I was like what did you just call my sister so it runs in the family I'd love to be called Aidy it's like my dream um so that's kind of ballsy you leave all my children and then how long between all my children in Las Vegas did you do you get nervous at any point like oh [ __ ] I should have stayed or did it pretty quickly did you get Las Vegas um it was about a year afterwards I guess of auditioning and going after stuff but I got all I got Las Vegas and win a date with Tad Hamilton kind of at the same time oh really I don't even remember which one happened first oh wow because you're very good in charismatic and went a date with Tad Hamilton and it felt like you you it felt to me like you knew what it felt like to be that guy I guess I I guess when I saw that I thought oh this is natural he's on Los Vegas this is but you you weren't you were no I had no idea what I was doing right I thought oh yeah this is Ashton in my head I was like oh this makes sense this is like this is Ashton he's pretending this is the guy that beat Ashton this is the guy that beat Aston beat the hell out of them um he's still so he's still that's still a thorn in his side I can't wait to see him tomorrow at work soz I'm working with him right now oh God he's so funny cuz we have laughs about an now every time I see him was like can you believe he did that what were we thinking it's so great um so Las Vegas was that awesome did you did you love that I did if there's anything that I can say about my perspective on all of this is that I have appreciated every opportunity because again I I felt like when I got that job on on my children I was like oh my my God I'm on TV yeah I'm on TV yeah and I just I just I just was so appreciative of what cuz i' done a lot of [ __ ] jobs for a long time and so when I got Vegas I hate it when I hear people like wanting to get off a show or I'm miserable here it's like dude you're lucky to be working you know what there's a lot of people out there who would love to be in that position and for me it was 5 years and it was a lot of work that was probably much not more work than the than the soap because the days were longer even though you didn't have as much dialogue it's just a lot more work you weren't in Vegas though you were here no we were in in we shot the pilot in Vegas okay um so I loved it you know it was five years and it was that was a good run yeah um anything crazy happened with Jimmy KH during that five years every day yeah I I've never met him but I I know a few people have met him and um and uh one of the descriptions I heard that I I love and I repeat even though I've never met him is like a friend of mine who worked with him said like oh he's the greatest every story ends with him punching out somebody like the punchline of every one of his stories is and then I punch this [ __ ] in the M I said I so know go guys like that well he's the he's that guy that operates best amidst chaos oh really yeah he needs to like if things are calm and and copasetic he's bored he gets he gets uncomfortable he needs to create something that's just kind of what he's always been uh but but truly and I think he'd be the first one to tell you he he's like a purist in the in the sense that he just acts first he doesn't think about doesn't give a [ __ ] about what anybody thinks says and does things that without without any attention to what the consequences might be right and it's gotten him into a lot of trouble sure sure but he's just a genuinely sweet guy well you know you got to get your expectations right about a guy who famously resided at the Playboy Mansion like if you mean a guy that you lived there yeah told a few stories about that too i' I've heard a couple great ones yeah touch on what you said about him like it always ends with a with a with a punch yeah I remember there'd be a scene where he'd you know he was always kind of the tough guy on the show too and he and he would he would always turn it into a much bigger thing than it need to be you know at first it was just like he talks closely to the guy and he says it's it's a subtle threat well by the end of the scene he had a pencil in the guy's neck and was you know doing something to like threaten the dude's life full nelson or the guy was like we had we I guess we had to bring the stunt double was punching the guy out through the window you you need to punch him through the window they probably had a guy on stand by all the every time Jimmy was working like we got to Jimmy's going to want to throw this guy off this balcony there's a good chance he's going to throw him through that window we make sure that's that's that's uh stunt glass yeah he used to say things like I want to punch you right in the nose [Music] [Laughter] kid's too good looking break his [ __ ] literally what I have written on this piece of paper was was he triggered by you because he was the alpha stud of the century he's the lead of my favorite movie of all time to this day thief thief that's his favorite movie too by the way is it he's the baddest [ __ ] in that movie yeah he's a he's a bad man he is also like uh you know lived the the the the the Persona so here he he was I just imagine if I'm him and I'm I'm older now I'm not the sex symbol of the thing and this guy's taller than me and bigger I gota I just would imagine that'd be a little triggering for him well if it was like I said before I'm good at sort of diffusing things right I showed him respect and I showed him you know and it was always funny because he I always knew when he didn't like something I was doing performance- wise because it was like this he's like hey come over here for a minute I want I want to talk to you about something I was like oh God and he talked to me about like the scene but but I never took offense to it because was like Jimmy Khan wants to give me a note [ __ ] was Godfather I'll take it sunny and you know I learned a lot from him I learned a lot watching him and and uh he'll be the first to say you can learn from me both by what I do and what I shouldn't have done uhhuh is this part true that spiel ber handpicked you off of seeing Las Vegas to be in Transformers like a direct you're putting this kid in the movie Not only that this is like stepen Spielberg has been like a guardian angel for me really yeah wi because DreamWorks did Winner with t Hamilton oh okay he looked at the screen test for that and said if I was doing this movie I'd pick him really wow which I think helped me get Vegas uhhuh and then there was some scenes in uh I'm not sure he had anything to do with me getting the job on Vegas but I know that that was also a DreamWork show and he'd seen an episode where I had come back from Iraq and I had this post-traumatic stress stuff going on and it was dark and it was it was really a lot of fun to play and he'd seen it and told ba you should look at this kid and I remember I remember getting the part Leslie Feldman who's a very dear friend casting director who's worked for him forever I called I said said Ley what do I do I am like how do I thank this guy yeah he's done the he's like sort of tapped me a couple of times which is which is completely changed the trajectory of my career she's like well call him I was like what do you mean call him I can't just she's like oh here I'll put you through puts me on the phone calls me and sends me and he's at his I was like where is he he's at home and his he's at an office at home picks up the phone and has like a 20-minute conversation about I kid you not and he was just he was complimentary about what he'd seen he said what he would love to see me do in Transformers and you know that was that was it I was like what the hell is going on now having said all that he's never actually put me in one of his movies well you know so he likes me enough no but he's been he's truly been uh that conversation were you like panicked talking that I I would feel like uh what do I say to Steven steelberg I just you know hey so I want to Daytime Emmy I don't know if you know this but uh you know you made a good choice yeah I don't even remember how I think I blacked out during the conversation I think I just said something like uh I don't know thank you yeah and I don't know what I did to deserve it but thank you uhuh and you know he's just a have you met him never he's a really really like weirdly sweet man is he yeah he's just a genuinely nice guy I read like Raging Bulls that book Raging Bulls something it's all about the 70s Cinema and in that book it talks about him having kind of a party side and then I got really excited about him because at first I'm just oh the guy's perfect he's unapproachable but then he was very much in the mix in the 70s and uh I just found that everybody did in the 70s and ' 80s it's like part of you know that was part of the the production budget yeah that made me like him weirdly I I I don't I have a hard time liking people that I perceive as being Flawless I'm just like I can't relate at all I mean I mean ex scumbag I don't think there's anybody who's spotless out there if they are you should be pretty skeptical of them yeah yeah I think it's you know it's hard to get through this whole journey without stepping in some [ __ ] every now and then yeah now um how many Transformers have you done four five I did four of them oh there's been four there was five you weren't in the first I didn't do the fourth one the fourth one why not cuz wber came on and didn't want me around uhhuh he didn't want a guy better looking guy than him son of a no uh they were just re they when he came they were just going to sort of retool the whole thing gotcha and then when then they made the next one they wanted to bring me back that's great and I was like okay like it's like an annuity yeah I mean incredible to get the gift that keeps on giving right yeah do you do you worry about money at all not really that's great I mean it's not like I have endless supplies of money no but you're but I don't spend I'm not crazy with money no you've had the same pickup truck since I met you nine years ago yep yeah you just got your first new car in what 12 years or something two I did I bought my first new car it's 5 months ago yeah and you don't wear Armani or anything that I can tell no you're generally in sweats just well here's the thing about money too is that I would rather and I've been sometimes you got to take jobs for money you do it's just part of the business you do something for art and you do something for Commerce uh but what I've tried to do or what I'm trying to do more is just be as selective as I Poss Poss can be just to have sustainability because if I start doing crap mhm your career won't last as long so I'm I've been very good with my money so that I can you know make smart decisions hopefully yeah uh make it through the lean years yes the last show you did was Vince is it Gillian or Gilligan Gilligan it's Gilligan yeah I thought that's two pedestrian when I read the spelling of it I thought it can't really be Gilligan Gill but it is it's Gilligan yeah Island yeah my little buddy yeah um you were on Battle Creek which was his first show after right Breaking Bad right you must have had crazy expectations for that yeah David Shaw was the showrunner you know there's all kinds of things about that that all the ingredients and you and all you can ever do is try to stack the deck as best you can yeah and hope that uh people watch and that this the network Gets behind it it had great reviews the just the network just never got behind it and it was so frustrating CU I thought we were making a good show I remember running into you cuz I had I had come up with an idea I wanted to do with you at Showtime I remember that and then I remember reading that you were doing that show as I was writing scenes and I'm like well I'll see them in seven years that's literally what I was thinking went one year uhhuh we were one and done um but you know again sometimes how do you take things like that I was okay with it oh good I really was because because I don't want to do it un unless we have the support of the people that are putting it out there and we didn't right we truly didn't have they didn't do anything to support the show to promote the show yeah and if that's the way it was going to be I didn't want to be sure but you don't take on it's still not it's still not fun to be part of something that doesn't work well right I well I take an overshare of the responsibility even when I have nothing to [ __ ] do with it well so do I and that's why it's for me it's important just to try to stuff that's that's that's you know has credibility yeah so what made you want to direct cuz here's this fun thing you and I are now in the cyclical you do me a favor I do you a favor you do me a favor and it's good I hope I hope it goes on for decades like you're in here virtually cuz I did ADR for your movie last week and you're like [ __ ] he came down did ADR I got to go stupid anyway what if you though had timed how long I was in ADR and I'm like and then you said I will you were there for an hour and 15 so I'm out of here what hair got up your ass that you were like I'm going to direct I'm going to put energy into doing this well I always felt like I could do it I always felt like I had an eye for it I feel like I knew what a scene how a scene should play uhhuh what I didn't know were a lot of the technical things I didn't I didn't pay enough attention to the cameras and stuff throughout my career which I wish I would have and now I'm taking a much more proactive approach about that I you know and I was always worried about do I know enough do I know enough do I am I going to be able to handle the questions that are coming at me CU you know prop Department wardrobe you know whatever there just everybody's got questions would I be able to handle it yeah that was what scared me the most about it and all the prep and everything else but I had done a few movies where with directors that I was like why the [ __ ] it's HW I should be doing this uhuh like and it wasn't that they weren't good I just felt like they didn't have like I had I could I could like I understood how a scene should be edited better right you know I understood the nuances of the behavior and things that make it seem more interesting and at least that's what I thought and so I was like you know what I want to do this and I wanted to find the right project and it became this the buddy games right and because I saw it I could see how I wanted it to play out and that was kind of when I just finally said you can do it you can do this and I hired guys like you and James rode who'd also directed I'd be like dude I got 30 minutes to finish this what do I do I'm not kidding it did help to have you and rode there with me and and you did you helped me a lot with that you know just on some of the some of the days just to get stuff shot um I still look at scenes I'm like Dax helped me get this thing shot and it's beautiful oh that's wonderful um I'm so happy to hear that uh but it is you also did it under the the I think the best way to do it to be honest I've done it both ways but to do it with not enough time and not enough money yeah I like that I did too I mean obviously I wish I had a little more time and a little more money sure especially now that I'm trying to get the music right well that that's where it kills you as in post yeah yeah um but oh I hate that yeah music is every thing yeah and we literally have like $5,000 they budgeted for our oh man that's not even a close to a song do do you know that that hit and run we made for legit $1 million did you really but when we sold it we said we we want a big music budget basically so I have a million doar of Music in a million doll movie really how did you pull that I I don't really know I doubt I could do it again if but somehow we we we we got that yeah I'm sure you know this too I mean every step along the way has just been one hurdle after another after another and it truly feels like the my the the my biggest accomplishment in my life I cannot believe that I'm at this point that this movies that we're about to go to post in Vancouver next week to finish and I'm be like it's done yeah and then we get to put it out there you must minimally walk away going yep I made the movie I would want to go see right and I did do you feel like you did that I totally do and I feel and it's funny I mean we've shown it twice to audiences now and it's a big reaction it's a party and I didn't know if people were going to get my [ __ ] up sense of humor sure and they were laughing they were Ruckus threw it in both of them and it was like such a gratifying feeling to know oh my God they think it's funny and that's really what I was was going for I just wanted it to be funny yeah um and so yeah I'm proud of it I can't wait for people to see it uh forever Greatful to you by the way for for for donating a week and a half of your life for free you know fortunately we did have like everybody that came to that came for you know no other reason than to just contribute yeah you know nobody was there other than they just wanted to help and that's why you know I'm I'm truly grateful to every single person in that cast your buddies were there so really quick the the in real life you and your college friends would get together and you'd have this weird obstacle course week and the buddy games yeah and then so you made a movie about it and the real buddies were there they did come well they were there when I was there they were there the whole time podcast I remember and I was like you guys you can't be drinking on set like not only were they drinking but they were drunk oh they were they were behaving exactly how would have behaved with my friends from Michigan if someone made a movie about us it was so wonderful at some point some one of the Buddies was certain I was playing a very specific buddy and thought I was doing a real good job at it I just remember leaving the conversation like wait I'm playing a historical figure like I should have watched some video or something was I playing a real no you were playing your character was based on me if anybody oh okay well [ __ ] we didn't get the looks right or the Bud cheek to have all of them there yeah drunk sure and not only that but what they didn't realize is that there's you start drinking at 7:00 at night and we're going till 8 in the morning yeah it's hard to pay by the time we get the camera around to them they're so over it they don't even want to be there anymore oh there's nothing better than inviting someone who loves like the idea of a movie set just invite them for a few hours it takes so little time to be disillusioned you're like oh this is one of the boringest things in the world like watching they were already like hung over and had to stand in the same spot talking to the same person for 12 hours that's pretty spectacular there's one last question I I have to ask you before you go and this is going to be a hard one I am in a very public marriage MH and when I think about you know we've been together 11 years but like we live in real life we might not always be together I sometimes think about what the Fallout of that would be my hunch is that America would definitely side with her no matter what happened and I was listening to the podcast with baitman by the way he said that it would probably take her a week before she got somebody better oh if that if that that isn't that isn't uh a reason to keep her yeah uh what's the saying uh yeah upward and onward if we broke up I'd be like okay downward and backward but I do think of the like I feel the pressure of like it's just weird to have everyone know you're together and to to embrace that and like that and I always feel like God if we broke up man I would as much as I'd feel bad about that I'd also feel weirdly bad about breaking people's hearts that were rooting for us yeah was was that an element in getting divorced that was hard yeah I guess so I you know I was never comfortable with the public sort of the power couple yeah I I got into more it's it had nothing to do with how much I loved her right but I wasn't ready for all of that because I still get oh my God you're you're you're that guy you're Fergy husband sure sure I was like no actually we're not together anymore right right but but uh and it took me a long time to get like past that I don't know was my ego or what I like well I'm a too I'm not just Mr Fergie yeah but I learned to just find it endearing after you know we were together for a long time and I just laugh it off after the you know long time it's challenging I think as a guy especially where we're from for me I had a hard I've had a hard time in the past going like God my wife makes more money than me stupidly like a caveman like emasculated by that well I mean did you ever have that yeah of course I mean she made a lot more money than than I did but again it's not really about that at the end of the day you know and I'm always going to have her back yeah it was uh it was tough you know the public part of it was Pro was it wasn't an easy thing to go through especially with the breakup I don't know if people were rooting for us or not but it is there's something sad about that because you want a root for people to stay together yeah you know and once you get past that and not really give a [ __ ] what people think yeah and just focus on the child so I guess what I'm saying is that as someone who admittedly is worried about what people think yeah and [ __ ] up you don't ever want to fail at anything I just imagine that being heavy it is and and I know I know that people are going to say things about me and they're proba they able to blame me for it or whatever nobody knows what what happened yeah it just didn't work and at the same time it's like I don't I really don't care anymore because I'm just I'm it it does it it because I know we know the truth I know the truth yeah and what really matters is that we are united in raising our son yeah that's all I really give a [ __ ] one the cutest kids in the world came came cute too yeah well they we were trying to matchmake them cuz when you did a day on chips you brought Axel and Lincoln was there that's right a couple of blonde little they are yeah Lookers I'm sure they'll find each other some point yeah they'll I'm nervous though your son I don't know I don't I'm not sure I got to tell the the best the best story though about you Fergie Bell and I was that um uh when we did it went in Rome I dipped you dipped and Kristen Bell dipped she chewed tobacco sorry yeah it's my fault so did fer well that's what I'm getting to is that we remember we went to Italy we were going to shoot in Italy for a week and none of us brought enough dip we were complet do you remember this yeah we're completely out of dip and we're panicking and Fergie's coming to visit and we're like oh my God tell her to bring dip and you had Fergie bring like a duffel bag of dip yeah and she did didn't she bring like a truly a duffel bag yeah there was it was so much dip I'm surprised they didn't stop her at customs and there was a moment where we were all in this little Piaza we were filming and Fergie was visiting set and us three were working and we were all dipping and we all had spit bottles and I said and we're all standing like in a line and I'm like this would be the most fantastic Paparazzi photo of all time it'd be the only time I'd ever really want to be in a papaz y photo of all four of us dirt bags dipping in this beautiful Piaza did she did she so how long did did Kell do that um we quit when that movie ended really so she was actually dipping regularly oh all day she got into the different flavors she had like Peach Apple all she really liked the different flavors Ferg did too it was the weirdest thing I was like are you really is this are you somehow doing this to like bro out with me my attention or my love I you really like and she did for a while and then she had then she quit I was like kind of happy she quit of course I felt so guilty that Belle started because of me we're just driving in the car and I look over and she's like you just put it and she's already putting it in I'm like oh honey don't startop start this but anyway we quit I I quit for almost eight years and then I [ __ ] went off again for a few years it's rough well this is not Black Tower heroin that's not that's not black to went yeah um anyways I love you what's cool about you too is that people wouldn't know is that you are um you work very hard on yourself you like you're engaged in the fight to be a better person and mentally to be a healthier version of yourself yeah and I think that's really admirable I think it's the most important thing yeah you got to you got to put your own oxygen mask on before you can help anyone else right right right and it's so I'm a work in progress but you know I'm I enjoy it I actually like learning about past patterns uh psychology different ways to you know meditate all these different things that that somehow make everything else seem less important yeah if you can get a grasp at least on that like all these things we take for granted that we do a lot of them destructive a lot of them productive we just kind of take for granted that that's who we are but there's like there's something at the bottom of it all why we're doing any of the things we're doing right yeah it's good question to ask I appreciate that I adore you I look forward to our many many favors we do back and forth uh on this on this Marathon we're both in let's call them Reach rounds okay reach rounds and I'm gonna get I will have your butt cheeks before we die I don't care if I have to go on steroids they they they make implants for that now no I want the real thing I want to be I want to have like a 39inch vertical leap yeah all right I love you all right love you too [Music] brother and now my favorite part of the show The fact check with my soulmate Monica padman check the facts with balls of har la la T the season to check faxes La Here Comes Monica with her computer going to point out all of my heirs great great there it is merry christma thank you you're kind of a scrooge and a Happ a new year you think I'm a scrooge well you didn't want to do a song yeah CU I'm I feel like they it's getting laborious is what I was saying right like as a listener I feel like I gotta slog through another song I think people like them but okay um so Josh this is going to be quick Josh doal why is it going to be quick there wasn't very many facts at all okay in fact there's no facts so you said that you guys met in 2009 on When in Rome and it came out in 2010 and that's that's right oh okay well it came out in 2010 so I assume you shot it in 2009 it came out in January of 2010 hm weird time to release a comedy mhm and we paid the price for it oh really it didn't do so hot I feel like people saw it sure these things end up on TV and then you catch them you know you're flicking I've seen it let's just check in with how you're feeling today great great last night was the um Hansen holiday Christmas party yeah it was which is a real boknal a best party of the year it's so fun they do a a big huge white elephant the biggest there are recurring gifts that come back mhm it's so fun it really is fun uh something that really uh caught everyone by surprise was um we last year brought a uh I think Kristen had it made right well yes we had it made but so you have to give the backstory so there was a a gift that was recurring every year a dick of drawers yes it was a large um vertical penis and then in the penis there were three sliding drawers yes and if you ended up with that uh and no one stole it from you and you were stuck with it you were obligated to bring it back the following year but redecorated exactly so the first year somebody brought it and then and then the next year whoever the person who got it I think it was Jack Jackie or Jess brought it back and had like painted it very gross like well there was veins and there was hair added that was Jess first and then the second year it came back it came back it was painted black oh okay and then it's been it's been through a lot it came up came back as a NASA space shuttle well and then it had to get retired because John cheu in a humongous lucite u tube um snow globe snow globe with a little miniature train that I mean it's in it was beyond description it was incredible and Kristen got it that year and retired it retired it and then the next year brought back a chest of drawers that that was custom made and it's two fat Naches Fates yeah on um on a nightand yeah and the boobs are uh on the face of the drawer yes and then there are some pronounced nipples uh as poles yes so you can get in and out of the drawer and somebody converted this son of a [ __ ] into the most amazing a Kegerator basically there's there I wouldn't even believe this if I was listening to it I know but there's a tap on the top of the nightstand one nipple works the tap unbelievable yes you you like a switch you push the nipple down you don't Tune in Tokyo no you just push the nipple down and beer comes out of the top yes and then the other uh nipple now activates a built-in lamp that's been bolted to the top it was incredible a lot of Ingenuity and Engineering went into it yes I I talked to them after and they said they were so relieved that the year was over cuz it took so much effort to they've been working on it all year and he had to take it to Mexico or something oh my good jeez Lise it was crazy and then I want to tell my story about my presentence so I was number five that's early in the game it's not ideal okay ideally you want like 28 CU then you can you can things have been stolen a few times you can lock something in right um and I got I went early and I picked a cactus a potted cactus very cute was very cute but I wanted this blanket of Ryan and Amy's face really badly okay um and no one was stealing my Cactus even though it was so cute but there were some high ticket items there was like $100 there was a lot of stuff that was getting picked oh I brought a bedet mhm yeah which was stolen a sign of a great present is how much it's stolen it's stolen yeah and it was stolen a couple times right and locked in oh just once okay just once um and and you got stuck with that Cactus and no one wanted it no one wanted it and I look so then I and I wanted that blanket really bad and then you had the opportunity at the end of the night to get me and you didn't which was a little because I was the worst I was number one you were number one yeah um but I had to steal something for Delta yeah I had to there was someone brought a unicorn night lamp mhm and she loves unicorns yeah and I had to get that for her right I'm sorry I I didn't have two steals even though even though yeah you're right I mean what can I do I mean you you could have you could have bought the Unicorn lamp and gotten me the blanket that we can't buy but okay that's fine and um I guess it was just hard cuz I had just bought Delta a lot of unicorn a CRA ma for her birthday that she'll get on Wednesday uh anyway um who who made the um Hansen Ryan Amy oh they made it okay and um then later in the evening Charlie Perfect 10 Charlie came up to me and said I have a confession uhoh I brought the cactus uhoh and I said oh my god well I love the cactus it's just because I wanted that blanket and he said yeah I went to the store and he picked it out and he potted it himself and he put this oil and now I'm so happy I have the cactus oh this story has a happy ending it does Sheena got the blanket and before I knew it was Charlie's Cactus I went up to Shea I said do you want to trade so I can have that blanket and she said she would think about it and then before she left after I found out it was Charlie's Cactus she came up to me and she said okay about you know we can trade and I said you know what I don't want to trade anymore oh wow you had a whole emotional Journey you felt betrayed by me yeah you felt resentful you felt um like you got the short end of the stick then you tried to broke her a deal then you rescinded the offer I mean so much happened to you last night and Sheena left her gift so I do get the blanket oh my goodness so you got everything you wanted yes okay all right except I didn't get your loyalty well I didn't get but that's okay look I don't know you know there's only like a couple people you could test your loyalty against my loyalty to you against you you can't pick Delta yeah in fact I would if you picked me over Delta for anything I would be disappointed in you I wouldn't but I would just buy her that lamp well I don't know how to buy a lamp this is bigger problems all right okay anyway um the fact check so oh you said you couldn't remember Kristen's name in the m in that movie and her name is Beth Martin oh in When in Rome okay Beth Elizabeth presumably Elizabeth Martin and everyone called her Beth uh or Betina is that a um long form of Beth could be Bethany Bethany yeah Bethy that makes me think of on topic um the blessing from uh family vacation oh that Aunt Bethany's the one that can't remember the blessings so instead she does pledge allegiance I haven't seen that movie this year um oh I'll watch it again I will watch it it's now Sunday so um guys I'm already getting panicky Christmas Is Almost Here and I want it to be couple weeks away I want it to be a couple weeks away for the next month and a half yeah I know yeah I'm already starting to the addict in me starting to Panic about it going away I know I understand that do you have any of those feelings I do and I also have them about the way my house looks like H I'm only going to have I'm only going to be able to experience this for another week CU then I go home when I come back I have to tear it all down it's so sad I know we we got to fix this I think that you know there's a lot of things in this country that we got to come at from another angle and see if we can't do better yeah and something needs to be done better about Christmas it needs to last a lot longer somehow I'd be yeah I'd vote for that yeah I vote for that as a prop like I know um that the um the salt of brunai when he has his birthday it's for the entire month the whole country celebrates for the for the whole month you know right and that's just a Salan that's not baby Jesus yeah yeah we should be celebrating all year yeah never stop celebrating I guess that's what the Christians do ABC always be Christmas yeah that'd be so you know what no we're wrong we wouldn't enjoy it if it was all year we have to something to look forward to okay then your birthday comes that's something to look forward to yeah less and less we're going to do something fun for it okay great I hope January 2nd oh okay so do you remember your name in the movie in when and Rome I only do because I gave myself the name oh you did yeah gal yeah GA because I I had it in my mind that gal was obsessed with wind and the power of wind and Al thought it was the most powerful force on Earth oh wow yeah and um in fact I wrote a little scene where I was explaining that to Kristen's character and she said I think water's the most powerful like you know made the Grand Canyon and stuff oh I disagree with her so yeah it's Gale for gale force wind oh oh he's named after it wow pan really gave me um free rain way too much latitude to create that character of Gale was fun yeah it was fun fun you get when you give someone a little ownership over the thing they're doing it it gets you that much more invested I'm in the hotel room writing scenes and stuff about the power of wind yeah yeah that's great okay the book about Cinema in the 70s is called easy Riders Raging Bull how the sex drugs and rock and roll generation saved Hollywood by Peter bisin great book I loved it if you're into movies and naughtiness it's a bullseye both accounts yeah um you said that I was disappointed in you in the Scotty barfight story mhm and I'm not disappointed I just want to be clear I'm not disappointed in you oh okay I just think you could have left okay that's really my takeaway I'm not disappointed in things you've done any of them no oh okay yeah I have no disappointment over anything you've done although you've done everything nearly right no I've made plenty of mistakes I can't think of any but well right that's it that's it yeah okay well guys they're here early oh my God they came back few days ear you know I think the roof of the attic might be like one of those butterfly trees in South America where the butterflies always return to the same tree even though they've never been there like a hub yeah like yeah I think are we a hub it's it would appear that we're a reindeer Hub oh my God I love that what if all of a sudden we just heard tons of lumber breaking and the roof collapsed and we got smooshed by reindeers that would be thef yes I'd like that do you like those Elvis Christmas songs um sure they crack me up I love them yeah yeah cuz he's like yeah he's he's gyrating he's gyrating and getting very sexual for Christmas he is yeah all right I love you Merry Christmas Happy New Year and uh to all a good night