Woody Harrelson & Ted Danson | Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

welcome welcome welcome to armchair expert I'm Dak Shepard I'm joined by Monica padman we have a twofer today this one was fun yeah very flirty and fun flirty and fun they're so different and yet their combined Rapport MH is so unified it's got a good vibe it's got ayth good Rhythm yeah good Woody harelson and Ted Dan and so Ted is returning which is lovely cuz it's been quite a while since we talked to Papa Ted and that was great and Woody what an enigma I mean this gentleman is there a more interesting person on planet Earth uh he's up there he's truly at the tippity top yeah I liked him a lot we had so much fun he liked you a lot Woody harelson is an award-winning actor Ted Danson is an award-winning actor and producer they have a podcast together I have been a guest on it it was so much fun it is called where everybody knows your name with Ted danzen and Woody harelson sometimes it's a great title anytime you have sometimes in a title this is a party enjoy Woody harelson and Ted [Music] danen welcome to the adct this is a Vibe right well hello there oh Dad I think this is one of the first podcasts I ever did yeah was this with who it was early days yeah I think it was yeah within the second year maybe first first wellow then that was a big favor know it was first Tristen had done one and yeah we did a good place week almost had a fight on air no no not [Laughter] almost now we edit so if you want anything out you tell us well we'll edit anything Ted says out but not woody so there's two different sets of rules you don't want to lose anything what he says are you okay if I don't of course as long as I stay close you're such a wonderful codependent I adore that about you I am a codependent that's like a wuss is that what no no no you could be an ass-kicking codependent for sure but he is a wuss codependent one could be a kickass if one were so inclined but you know what I thought about this cuz we just had something where woody had to point out to me that I need to stick up for what is right and I know is right I had an example of that last night and I did and I was so proud of myself heart pounding confronting the powers of be in my life not Mary she was on board and then I was trying to defend myself talking to you the next day or trying to explain why I'm such a wuss and then I went you know what being a wuss worked very well for me to be honest I am fairly successful I have kids grandkids great relationship you have beautiful houses and place here's to the wusses of the world your interview was years ago but there are a couple things that still cycle through my mind besides psoriasis well that we knew going in that we're psoriasis Brothers Woody do you have any kind of autoimmune issues that you could bond with us over he's the healthiest human being on the planet no you're not wrestling with any kind of health issues currently no okay good I had a little accident but once that gets all mended what were you riding like a bicycle or a electri motorcycle you know my daughter just had her 18th birthday party Sunday night at the bike shed which is a place I love it's like for people who like motorcycles you love it it's downtown I was sitting on Elvis's motorcycle had Elvis's motorcycle anyway so she said to me we just got to get you on a much noisier bike true cuz they would have heard me if I wasn't on an electric okay so you were on an electric motorcycle riding in what you were in someone's blind spot seemed to be going really slow why is he moving so slow so I'm going around him but I'm passing him on the left which is when I realized making a left turn preparing to turn left yes like I said to him would have been so bad to see a blinker so he turns left I'm assuming you kind of T-Bone him with the motorcycle okay and he gets out and Woody Harrelson's there how quickly does he notice he didn't notice till my helmet came okay he was chastising me why are you passing me on the I'm sorry I didn't you're right but you shouldn't do that yeah I know I should but why did you I don't know what I was thinking in retrospect not a great idea but anyway then I took off my helmet and he's like I know you y I don't remember your name I said Woody then we were on pretty shied theer we were doing some laughing before it was all over yeah I bet the temperature changed a bit people recognized you well I don't know but a lot of cars were slowing down but also were in the middle of the road I did take a picture with five people I don't know if they recognized me or they just wanted to get a photo of the guy in an accident see the idiot passed on the left but it sounds like you were really gracious while he was scolding you that would have been hard for me to take the lashing yeah you would have been like I haven't taken enough of a I Got My Punishment I just crashed and I'm all [ __ ] up you're good you don't need to administer any further my bike needs to be towed my hand he was driving in Tesla right Tesla oh you guys deserve D each other electric motorcycle and electric car that reminds me of Laura was driving and she kind of cut somebody off and kept going and anyway naturally you know how it works here they catch up yeah he's right there we're looking at him he's looking at us and he just goes Tesla people keeps going I bet until he saw you he was thinking of saying something else sure sure sure no I don't think he really really if you if you get cut off by somebody and then you catch up you've G through the effort to catch up you're probably going to unload on them aren you I thought it was a perfect unload Tesla people right two words also in a courtroom being red back you're like so what I said Tesla people they are that's what they it's like deniable but aggressive no one's talking about the car I pulled up in it's very manly R I saw that oh yeah I like the rivan me too it's right out of electric car instead of those little Teslas [ __ ] ass Tey Tes I like the Tesla to me it's great that he's changed the whole landscape because of those Teslas yeah he fast forwarded everything about 10 years undeniable he forced everyone's hand we need to convince him to let the rest of us use his infrastructure cuz that was brilliant on his part but now we need to be able to buy our way in or else it's going to slow down well he you mean because all the charging stations only work for Teslas it was clever but now we need in okay so what I was going to say I remember from that interview that I do think sums you up in the most beautiful ways you came up with the analogy that you feel like your life has been riding in the back of a pickup truck looking backwards enjoying what I'm seeing but never really all of a sudden like oh what's this this is cheers I didn't see it coming but I see it now until I met Mary it was the first time I hopped out of the back the pickup and grabbed the steering wheel cuz I wanted that yes yes yes big time you couldn't just roll the dice and hope it appeared in the reie mirror but the codependency when you're afraid to stick up for yourself last night whatever that issue was do you go so far as to work through what happens when you do this they're going to think what that Ted's selfish or not a good person say 10 15% of it's altruistic where I really do care about not hurting somebody else this is a lifelong thing too if somebody kind of bumps into Mary or insults her or does something not insults her she'll haul off and take care of herself but if there's something where I should stand up and be manly I'll look at I and go you're all right this is fine don't worry this is really not worth the adrenal dumb so for me to get to the point where I can naturally be like you or Woody I have to be right next door to rage anger has to be pumping through me at such a rate that I finally unload or at least stand up and go no no not today I don't think I've ever seen that shut up it's happened once well the other thing I discovered through researching you both today and I didn't know this when I was a guest on your podcast we are all exactly 14 years apart wow Woody you're 14 younger than Ted and I'm 14 years younger than you this is to the day there's a symmetry here it's not a great number 14 I don't think that's anyone's favorite visible by seven it's a good number seven's like a spiritual it is even I prefer it even that's amazing it is kind of right and then almost Monica's 12 years younger than fit in we almost did it almost if you could only have been born years earlier wish we can reduce my age I'm happy to be 34 later yeah yeah we would have liked to see you come out in 89 instead wait so let's go around the room old Monica 36 49 speak up your turn 62 we're going youngest to oldest have you not seen the pattern you're 62 [ __ ] getting old but July he's going to hop up to 63 and that'll put us at 14 and then you're what in December I'll be 77 77 that's so funny how does it feel can't you tell no we can't that's why we would ask it doesn't seem like it's having any effect the joints you know the joints hurt Oh I thought you meant less my joints hurt less when I smoke a joint actually that's not true it's a rare case where the Cure is also the I will say it feels like it's dessert time for me one of the things I'm not going to mention but it was nothing it was me approving a photo or not approving a photo that we both loved and then we're starting to get talked out of it or I was what hit me when I was finally backing my body and saying no sorry this is what I want was I'm 76 what the [ __ ] I can make a mistake who gives a [ __ ] I've earned the right I said to myself to enjoy the hell out of life and I do feel that are you feeling at all the lifting and I'm not sure how much you had it anyways but the weight in the pressure to succeed and produce and to conquer I found a way to keep that going by building a house and going so far into debt it's almost a joke I'm too embarrassed even to tell you off M I will not tell you how underwater you are how underwater so it's like you have to go out and work it's not an ego thing it's just boy you better did either of you have the weight of like I got to [ __ ] do everything I got to get this done I got to succeed I want to hear your answer woodro you have the appearance of just kind of floating through these magical successes on the outside that's what we think but I don't really believe someone can float through accidentally and have your career it's a funny thing cuz you hear people say oh you know I never wanted to be an actor I never wanted to be famous music whatever it is and I'm like that is such [ __ ] there's no famous person I mean other than someone who was a hero and rescued someone Su that's exactly right still go to who's now Tom Hanks in my mind crazy right me too but literally nobody just becomes famous other than those rare examples you really have to work at it it's not easy even to pop above the froth you know calling us fro a very odd way to put that all of you froths out there take no offense frothers it's little frothers but no I suppose I had felt that certainly in my life where I felt really ambitious and now I feel ambitious but in a different way things that I really care about I want to do I don't want to just oh let me do that because I think it'll be successful ful project I really want to be attached to something I mean if I'm going to do a sequel of something I already did that's one thing other than that it's really my own pet projects that I'm focused on do you guys ever succumb to this fantasy was like okay I'm going to do X and after X I'm going to relax and enjoy and then once you're relaxing and enjoying you go I'm kind of miserable relaxing and enjoying what the [ __ ] is the story I'm telling so then I go back back to getting new x with the fantasy again that post X I will do this thing do you guys relate to that at all I did when I turned 70 I in hindsight realized that I was looking for a nice kind of gentle grassy field to land on and make sure all my eggs were in order and and all of that eggs Ducks something Mary has the eggs sorry go ahead hey man that was just unall for then I met Jane Fonda I was turning 70 when she was turning 80 and she had her foot on the [ __ ] gas pedal beyond belief she's 86 she finishes a 12-hour day of shooting jumps on a bus to travel with a group of women to go protest this or do that she's astounding she is she's force of nature we interviewed her and I was completely blown away and fell in love with her and I was like yeah I would definitely if I were single I would marry jonda right now at this age she by the way I think would take you off I know I think there was some Sparks yeah I'd like to see that little power it' be fun right okay so I see the Symmetry here because Ted you are attracted to people who aren't codependent yeah they need my help but go on yes there's a funny Dynamic Woody when the four of us all hang out Mary and Kristen pair off and Ted and I pair off because Kristen's very much like Ted and Mary and I are very similar but Woody you two have no problem from what little I know of you you don't have any problem saying no or no telling people what you need what do you mean like in just you're doing it right now you're already disagreeing you can't even go along with that you just proved my point no and I didn't know yes just generally you mean you don't have a hard time advocating for yourself yeah I guess you're right it's a good thing you two are a good pairing in that way very much so huh next question okay great from the time I met Teddy and I always felt there's something interesting where he'll play this weakness or this codependence but he's also very strong very powerful great mind anything he wants you to do he could manipulate you into doing the most ridiculous [ __ ] do you want to go help him build the wall oh okay you know he explains it just something about Teddy you're little of both things in a way yeah no I agree all false humility aside which is boring I'm discovering that my self-deprecation through this podcast when I hear back some of the [ __ ] [ __ ] I say that is so annoying you know maybe once you can get away with it then it's like [ __ ] off you know enough of this isn't it funny when you go back in here yeah oh it's horrible and I've actually said can you cut out 90% of my self deprecation which left us about 10 minutes of podcast yeah I'm horrible but anyway let me go back to Woody and me I grew up trying to be sensitive and I didn't have a brother you're an older sister older sister but totally sympatico and older enough there was no competition so Along Comes Woody and it was like all of a sudden I had an older younger brother with Brothers you can beat the crap out of each other because you know there's love at the bottom and you're going to be safe even though you will take it to the brink I got to experience that in some ways with Woody and it was just astounding to have that in my life well your guys's childhoods are so radically different so you're in Flagstaff with an archaeologist father and an older sister and you've got two brothers I assume you think everyone knows this I had no clue of this history until today that your father was a hitman and was convicted reportedly allegedly allegedly one acquitted one acquitted trial one convicted trial and then the assassination of a federal judge wow that he did love this do I don't know if he did it or not I think that the government did a lot of nasty [ __ ] in the trial and pre trial and everything but that's a good summary yeah I mean suffice to say the opposite of a professor archaeologist right Ted's father we'll leave it at that wow that's fascinating isn't it fascinating so you well you were born in Texas you grew up in Houston dad left early though right yeah he was gone a lot of the time but then he was incarcerated and then you moved to Ohio at what 8 or so or no 12ish yeah okay and you go up to Lebanon Ohio and you're a kid from Texas your dad is incarcerated and you've got an accent how did that adjustment go well it was a little more complicated than I'd anticipated because I kind of imagin this Huck fin Tom soer type of environs in the midw in Ohio but then I got there and it didn't change much from when I'd been in Houston seemed like everybody wanted to fight me it really felt like they were doing it you don't look back and go I wasn't provoking no and back then I was quite shy and very lowkey but I don't know why the tension would come my way that I wasn't wanting not like later in life sure sure so I did a lot of fighting yes I'm from Michigan in a blue collar lot of Kentucky transplants a lot of vience if you came to my school with a Southern accent it was on I know what your experience was like there's no way you didn't get [ __ ] with nonstop lot yes were your brothers older or younger both I was in the middle okay that's a dangerous man right the middle the middle brother is a dangerous man middle child's dangerous yeah needs a lot of attention that middle child sure eventually we got to go get it how were the brothers fairing were they getting [ __ ] with as well well my older brother who was quite small was unbelievably tough and establish right away he's not a guy to be [ __ ] with in fact one time I remember getting chased down because I was mad at this kid had my bike my bike had been stolen I don't know maybe he bought it I don't know that he stole it going after him and then his big brother came out and chased me obviously caught me had me wrestled to the ground and then turned me over reared back his fist and goes you're Jordan's brother thank God for Jordan it was going to be bad for me so Jordan really had a reputation of you just don't want to mess with him even though he was Tiny But just Fierce he's not like that at all now he's very mellow in a way he's crazy but sure I don't think he had such an issue and I think my younger brother did have some issues he had big issues with school just more with the authority was always getting in trouble did you hate school I would have hated I didn't hate it there people in the school I didn't like sure but who were you in high school what kind of kid were you well I became kind of a model student and I was always a mama's boy and I did really well in school other than ironically drama I took a drama class I thought I did very well you know I memorized Casey At The Bat presented it to the class the Outlook was not brilliant for mind that day this lady gave me a d in drama my only D oh wow baseball hater maybe yeah Southern hate a Yankee yeah that's what it was yeah yeah some Northern yany hate yeah you go to Handover college so you're a good student this is fascinating you were Pals with Mike Pence there is that true or not pals but he was there he was a couple years older and he did kind of help me I gave a sermon there I was considering being a min I was Presbyterian I don't think I had what it t well I actually did have what it takes but I'm sure glad I didn't go that direction yeah well you had the Charisma we found out that's a prerequisite well you clearly you have a t of not really a question it's oozing out of every [ __ ] crack scab you have on your hand do you hate talking about your personal past I don't talk about it much and can you tell me why I don't have to I'm just curious because there's a lot of Sensational stuff in there that I just feel like you know it's sensationalism it's low hanging fruit yeah and I had a hard time but there's a lot of people have much harder times you know what I mean yeah yeah there's something about that kid you must feel it too where you look back at the child you were just the incredible innocence and and what is it that creates a loss of innocence is it not one's own perception of one's innocence that creates a loss of like if you start to believe that you're no longer innocent then you're no longer innocent in a way but anyway life's coming at you and unfair things are happening unjust things and mean people and then suddenly you get these layers and those layers that you get them and you get them and then you spend the rest of your life trying to get rid of them that you tacked on because of safety yeah so but in college you start acting that's where we give it another shot you study theater and literature and then do you mov immediately to LA or is there a stop before La we went to houon to make money construction me and my buddy Clint who I just met no that was Frankie oh [ __ ] okay by the way I was working construction with Frankie and Clint but Clint went to Handover College during that time he ended up saying okay I'm auditioning for juliard if I get accepted will you mov to New York with me and be my roommate I'm like what a one in a million shot you know I had a nice leisurely thought about how I'd go about this profession try to get some Summer Stock maybe regional theater five years or so moved to New York well he gets accepted so we go we make money in houon work in construction then we go to New York then all that stuff happened in New York and he got in and did he have a career he did quite well he did two years but then he left to do a Broadway play which he did for for a year and a half okay yeah that's huge which by the way was Big River he played Huck Finn oh no kidding and wait who was the lead he was in sheno well uh shoot anyway never mind I forget how did you know that I was around what year was that that was about 84 no I wasn't yeah like about that you graduate in ' 83 you do a year of construction or whatever a summer and then probably 84 is you're in New York well I did 17 jobs in a year 17 did you have a favorite no I hated every [ __ ] job but mostly you know I'm going to be a restaurant because I got no skills and they're like you got to go clean up someone threw up on table 10 I'm like tell them to [ __ ] off you go clean it up the guy who threw up C clean it up okay you're fine you know that kind of thing so when you audition for cheers it's already been out for a couple years it had three seasons yeah had you seen it I hadn't seen it when I went to college I was a TV addict prior so don't take this personal yeah and so when I went to college I just got completely away from television never watched it I kind of broke that addiction and then actually it was a friend of mine from college Leo Jeter who was a year or two younger and he had moved to LA and he said I just auditioned for the show I think you should audition the part's called Woody no kidding he just was doing you a solid oh it was called Woody before you were arriv yeah and Indiana which is where we went to college the only thing that I asked them to change and they did was the name was something like Podunk I forget Indiana and I said can you make it Handover after the college like yeah but that sounds a little too lofy yeah yeah and yet they finally like okay we'll do it so was it easy for you to get that audition your friend calls and goes you should read for this do you have an agent and everything at that point yeah I had an agent and what was your dream at that moment in time I didn't want to do television I had in my mind I wanted to do Broadway and I was going to do Broadway cuz the guys I was under studying got fired because they were horsing around on stage with Matthew bradick and a friend of Neil Simons happened to be in the audience of course they didn't fire Matthew bradick but they were getting rid of those other two guys and when could I come in and take over one of the roles and I'm like well I'll be there in a jiffy and so then when I auditioned for that cheers part was really no pressure at all you know cuz I'm at auditioning I don't care if you don't hire me I'm going to do my dream anyway I'm going to be on Broadway in the Neil Simon theater soon enough which one that 1985 Tony best play yeah that's a great way to audition when you just do not want it really is if you could trick yourself every time to every audition to go like I absolutely don't want this let's go that was lucky so then I did the audition and Lor she was like come with me you know and she took me into the room with all those guys with Jimmy and the Charles Brothers but it would seemed to me to be more Labyrinthian than it probably was but I remember going through a couple doors so I wasn't really thinking and just before we're going through that door I blow my nose as the door opens and it's the door with all the Riders and Jimmy and everybody and they all start laughing and Jimmy told me later I knew you had it then do you think they thought it was was a choice they pretty much decided on this other guy you read with them oh I did I do remember him vaguely so then it came to networks it was between me and this other guy and I just remember Teddy came in and he had some kind of I don't know if he had a Coke or whatever it was something from fast food place with the straw and he's just relaxed as could be I've never seen him more relaxed in the meantime I'd watched a couple episodes I'm like oh this is a freaking great show This Is A Cut Above what I was well TV had gotten better in your Hiatus like cheers Dawn's a whole new genre taxi cheers yeah it starts a new paradigm which you had missed the transition and then Teddy actually helped me because Jimmy or someone was like I don't know if he's too tough kind of and you were like no that's what makes it interesting I vaguely remember that you did because they just weren't sure if I was too you know well they were seeing the same thing the bullies on the playground were like this guy's mad dogging me what the [ __ ] on what's his look on this guy's face that's the contradiction of Woody that makes to me you absolutely fascinating cuz we were all like 37 38 and he was 24 25 so as soon as he came in Monday morning we'd all go come here come here tell us what happened tell us your weekend and you know he'd be carjacked at gunpoint he had gotten in two fist fights in a drag race or whatever it was like all over the place and then you'd sit there and read his poetry or listen to the play he had just written over night you are this bundle of contradictions and you're kind of similar you're both redneck hippies sure sure kind of yeah yeah but he's more a redneck Gear Head sure no but it's the same thing on face value but he does have the yeah gent poetic Soul underneath an intimidating give me a big motor this is all artif how about that so's mine we all all arist I would have loved to have just hugged everyone I met but that didn't seem in the cards so I went the other direction and I discovered early on that if I said hey it's me Ted one of the girls let's take our clothes off it work no going back you do you get some validation early on and then you just sort of steamroll you run with that yeah a th% but did you get in a lot of fights yeah you had violent family relative stepdads violent town I didn't have a dad around I was like how does one prove they're a man you do this you jump [ __ ] you do wheelies on stuff and you fight and you drink too much and I was like great that's the Playbook I'm in let's go and a huge bully trigger if I sniff out in a room someone's a bully I have appointed myself the person that will stop that I have a huge like Justice complex with bullies yeah do you have that yes no question and I'll die I don't really give a [ __ ] I'll just be the guy that's like stops here today and I don't really care the outcome it won't happen on my watch that's how I could never work with a guy like what's his name Mike uh what's the guy who's always so cruel to the crew there's several of them okay yeah but Mike we're going to work on this yeah I'm dying enough the only mic I can think of is nickels I'm like I don't think that was his M no what's his name he does uh oh oh Michael man Michael man would be one yeah I've heard the greatest rep I he he's terrible to the crew but there's another Michael ba oh sure sure there's some story you know what let me jump in here with Mary Mary's one of you guys she won't stand for a bully you can [ __ ] with her maybe you [ __ ] with relatives or friend she will rip you a new butthole yes for real I mean directors have tested her and she will smack down Oliver Stone in front of everybody else good her because said something nasty about me testing her it's usually about testing MH you know and if you push back they become yeah that's the thing with bullies a friend of mine his daughter was being bullied and he wanted me to talk to her and I didn't talk to her the reason I didn't is cuz I would have told her the only way to deal with a bully is to punch him in the nose or in this case I found that if you say squirrel and run Point elsewhere then run confus oh you don't have to run you confuse the [ __ ] out of them yeah they're not known for their Brilliance you can also nice them to death too I would pick out the nas these people sometimes smacks of cowardice or not wanting to get punched or something but I'd make them laugh yeah I know I know there's a downside to it no there isn't listen I'm not advocating for how I have gone through life in fact Kristen said something to me that was the most poignant thing that's ever been said to me because in my story about myself I'm going to confront the bully to protect everyone else and I think what people love about me is they feel protected by me and Kristen said to me one time you know all this stuff you do it makes me feel more scared than safe cuz I know when I'm with you anything could happen it has happened we're at a you know driving down the street someone throws something at the car you're out fighting a guy on the sidewalk that doesn't make me feel protected that makes me feel really scared and I had to go oh wow I have to acknowledge the outcome of all this is the opposite of what I thought it was that fractured my reality oh you don't feel safer you feel more in danger around me I got to get my arms around this cuz that's not what I'm trying to do is make everyone around me fearful I'm going to go off on somebody have you had that kind of integration or realization yeah but now the way you put it makes me realize it a little more but if you feel like someone's you know it's very difficult to not do something it is I think it's like maybe the hardest thing to resist but also you said you were a mama's boy and you were a mama's boy yeah Mom was getting hit so when I was a kid I was like soon as I'm big enough this will never happen again when I'm around you finally took him on I imagine I was too little he was out of the picture by the time he was seven but when you're watching that and you can't do anything to protect mom you're like you're [ __ ] a coward and you should be doing something so that just starts this thing we like well the second I'm big enough that's not going to happen again cuz the amount of shame and regret for not protecting her was so much more painful than any broken nose would ever be so you just do math and you go [ __ ] it you know I'll lose an arm but the shame I won't deal with ever again yeah we're all soaking that up because I have experienced shame it's the worst the worst nothing hurts as bad as the beating you can give yourself thank God I handle this mini situation between me and Woody last night I'd be sitting with the photo I'd be sitting here in shame right yeah and you'd be abusing yourself and flagala what a dark light to get saturated in shame shame is a tough one it is it's the darkest one another tough one is guilt guilt just fries your circuits see I go to the bathroom in the morning out of guilt I eat out of guilt stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare so really quick I can totally see how being 38 and having a 24y old especially Woody not just any old 24-year- old like a guy who's wandering around the city and getting into some [ __ ] would be endlessly fascinating and fun oh my God first we tried to beat him I've told this 100 times but we'd take him out on the basketball court he kicked our ass and we fancied ourselves good yeah you were actually a very good basketball player in your very medium basketball player but I loved it with the passion nowhere near as good as didn't we just agree that there's no more self-deprecation no but it's true okay all right here's the truth basketball championship in our league at Kent school for boys 300 boys so a school of 1,00 like normal high schools would have killed us okay but nevertheless I am passionately in love with it I go to Stanford my buddy and I are going to go out for Stanford freshman ball because we just love it both of us I got to the edge of the Court didn't even cross over the line and I looked up and it was the same year that Lou alender was a freshman oh boy UCLA so the game was nothing like anything I'd ever played in my life so I turned around where the no but he was a rower he went on to crew and he was happy so Woody every time you guys would try to dominate he would just kill us even chess [ __ ] he would kick my ass chess you know I thought okay no more physical stuff it hurts he's hurting us he's got age on his side so but what it did was it made you want to because you're also loving him you want to beat him at something or you want to just prank him to death so anything that came our way you wouldn't aim it at anyone else it would be a wasted shot you'd wait for w were you aware of any of that at that age more so after Teddy told me but he's always upfront about these things he's always saying yeah I'm going to beat you at this or that but then he did get me really good one where he pantsed me in front of oh W mon you'll understand this because he was clearly wearing sweatpants or sweat shorts even and no underwear which we found highly annoying and silly yeah that was a look at a time and this was purposeful in the script we were rehearsing and there was a full Audience by then cuz we were famous and people came to watch his rehearse Woody's character steps on a chair and up on a table to make a huge announcement and I'm sitting right there so his joess self was right at eye level and it was just like oh [ __ ] this I pulled him down and gave the world anyway we were paid to be idiots in a bar those were our characters it can't ever get better there's no funner job ever I think it's impossible it was a playground every day with the funniest people you ever met telling you all kinds of hysterical [ __ ] the writing was brilliant and then you had a director Jimmy Burrows who was so able to embrace as much Insanity as long as you showed up when the cameras are rolling in front of the audience he let you do or be anywhere don't you think that's his confidence a lesser man would have been threatened writers who came later on to the writing staff would be wait what the [ __ ] I had how do we know this is going to work they haven't said my lines once and he go relax they're there it'll be fine right he knew he knew but I want to say something really quick this is super interesting what Ted you just said that everyone on set was like we want to get him kind of right cuz he has all these things going for him and he's beating us it's kind of exactly what you're talking about when you first moved schools it was like there's something happening where everyone's trying to get me and I don't know what it is but I'm attracting that and it probably was just something about your essence that people were jealous of or wanted to see if they could beat you it came back around in a nice way over here but that's a through line but in this case it was kind of fun and I I was always trying to get you are competitive people say you're one of the most competitive people they know and it works for me cuz I love to compete but I don't really care I only compete with people who I know will kick my ass sometimes if there's not a man around to compete with I'll compete with the woman for some reason I don't like the idea of having to win or lose be part of my day that will make me happy or not I love to compete though so I will compete with you who are half my age and then beat myself up or compare myself to you I will never compare myself to someone my age in my group in my category is that Dad is that tall poppy syndrome why would it be wrong for you to shine and to be number one well first off I do shine and I am number one [Applause] yeah finally yeah I'm Sam alone motherucker now I feel really shamed I did not have a big father example I had one of the most beautiful men in the world who loved me and was proud of me but there was no putting his arms around me going ho ho ho We Are Men I think that was part of my love of you I got to experience I'm making a joke toxic masculinity no I got to be embraced by and you would in essence say to me it's going to be okay cuz I'm not going to really kill you but we're going to take it to the edge and I got to experience that which is part of being man yeah he's one of three boys yeah and I didn't get that so I think that's one of the many reasons I Adore You Woody a yeah I adore you you have this very similar thing don't lump him into my single dude no no it's not aot I just mean a younger version of you Woody 14 years younger I understand your reservation but I'm like a pig and [ __ ] that you've just called us the same I'm flatter to no end they big similari what was the experience Woody from like aiming at Broadway to and for the history of the show first three years are good they're climbing in the ratings but then you arrive season 4 and it really has a huge bump it takes off and then season 5 it's the number one show and it's like Apex rting you had to have the light switch experience where it's like total anonymity and then 40 plus million people that week see you and learn your real name yeah yeah that's true that was a wild transition from poor and Anonymous to well I wouldn't say rich but you know relative to what I was yes for sure buy a Corvette was it well I had a Porsche and then a Corvette which one got carjacked the Porsche well good he had good taste he didn't actually get carjacked he wanted my keys I was thinking that as I drove here cuz I went past Bronson and Franklin and yeah the guy put a gun to my head and he's like give me the keys I couldn't find them he give me the [ __ ] keys I'm like I'm looking I'm looking where are where the [ __ ] I don't I can't I don't know where they give I'm counting true did you not know yeah and he countered to five oh [ __ ] me oh I'm thinking you don't know is he going to pull the trigger he sounds pretty convincing and then luckily the person I was waiting for this like 2:00 in the morning this gal gone in to get something in her building there at Bronson and Franklin the door opens of her finally coming out and he just looked and ran oh thank God thank God because he was like on four not that he would have pulled the trigger you know I'm sure it was a bluff or not you feel the muzzled against your head you have to assume the worst let's just say that you'd be really stupid not to assume the worst yes yes oh this is great though you're 25 and you got a Porsche and you're on the show 24 you got the Porsche first year I got it just before I started the show I was actually 23 I did a Goldie hor movie in the DP I bought it from him wild cats that's right yeah first movie wow he's researched hey by the way you do your own research don't you you don't have a research team M pretty cool something to be said for that something to be said for that well that was going to be one of my questions when we got to the podcast we're almost there I'm still curious were you the type that when it happened it was a party or was it discombobulating or was it all the things at once yeah it was definitely a party yeah but I didn't stop to think about whatever the deeper ramifications of what is Fame and do I deserve it you know I'm just like I'm going to lap this up because who knew this would happen it happened to seven of you or however many people very rare occurrence you also jumped into a pool that was pretty cool in that there were enough adults in the room that somebody would be an [ __ ] one week and all the rest of the casts and we'd take turns being that [ __ ] would look at him like wait what don't do that your behavior was moderated by the good work you didn't want to [ __ ] it up it was too cool yeah were you having any fears Woody if your sites were set on Broadway the show carries on are you getting nervous that you're going to be typ cast as certainly and back then I think it was much more difficult because that was such a huge show and we're so known for these parts like Fringe it's weird to not get typ cast even today something pops huge it's very hard you want to be able to get out from under any kind of typ casting but yeah it was cuz I was on it six years before I got anything else yeah so I think the two things that are highly improbable in your life story is one you get on that show that's Bonkers and then two and I don't know was it hard to get white man can't jump do you have to convince them that no I can play this street Hustler guy I just remember when you first audition it wasn't an audition like acting it was we're going to meet down at this gym and either you can play or you can't play if you can't play you're not in we don't need to hear you say any lines right first of all I played a lot of basketball and I'm like oh I am going to shine today I am going to crush it and I did you had to show that you had competition oozing from your veins and you had both and Savvy you're the opposite of Woody on Cheers your character and White Men Can't Jump is conniving and calculated and smart and street smart and Savvy you're not playing a dum dum in that movie I might have been too dumb to realize that I really wanted it really bad and my buddy Wes you know I had worked with Wes on wild cats that was his first movie too and he was the guy I liked most of the entire cast such an interesting smart capable human and a great actor well so he was doing it and I was just like oh my God I want this part so bad and luckily it actually was ironic because it was about the time of bush War I and I had said something that got me in hot water but it helped with Ron the director Ron Shelton liked that he did yeah yeah so it actually played in my favor where I was supposed to do some commercial which I'm glad I didn't do but they cancelled that that was a dangerous time a dangerous time but I was supposed to do the thing in New Orleans the Marty gr NOP cancel me from that you had an early round of cancelling back at the beginning yes were you panicked At All by that were you scared yeah landed people did say you know you don't need to now people know your views you don't need to yeah yeah you made yourself clear everyone knows where you stand on the 91 War oh jeez when you were watching that happen Ted I can only compare the experience to I was in a movie called zura there were young actors those young actors pretty promptly went on Kristen Stewart to just be this enormous star and Josh Hutcherson went on to in multiple franch oh you worked with Josh hushers on all the Hunger Games love Josh I have this immense pride and happiness for them I didn't experience any jealousy what was your reaction to him breaking out in a way that you knew he was probably getting himself out of being typ casting and you yourself had to have been wrestling with the notion of being typ cast at that time I have same reaction with that unspoken competition but what happens to me is cuz I by then love him wholeheartedly yeah I think it's more of checking myself going oh wait a minute Teddy where are you it's not envy Envy means if you can't have it you don't want him to have it it was jealousy it was just pure jealousy sure sure sure but by then I had already learned the hard way that you can't really compete with Woody you know so what year was that was that towards the end of jars yeah it was 92 years 92 all right by 92 I had set up my personal life to the point where somebody had asked me to be in you know I don't know Godfather for it wouldn't have mattered to me cuz I had made myself such a hot mess that my hands were full right you were distracted enough that probably you didn't have the bandwidth to worry too much about Woody's new career did you Woody when you had that kind of breakout success and then Indecent Proposal right after are you now itching to get on with that I was never planning on leaving cheers but I felt like the writing dropped a little bit toward the end I think Teddy felt that too we'd done everything 270 or something yeah so they were just more sight gags and it wasn't quite as great as it had been and then Teddy just kind of unilaterally decided he was going to move on all right let's back up just that's kind of how I remember we as a group I remember the last wait wa no no no no no I pulled the plug I pulled the plug but for two years before that the conversation right at the end of each season was oh come on how much longer are we going to do this but no I pulled the plug there was no such conversation he by the way I didn't know this until you told me a couple years ago that as soon as I pulled the plug they immediately turned to Woody and went okay Woody how about you take over the bar right oh that's true what's his name John Pike or something John Pike so it really wasn't Les glam was he paramont he took me to dinner one night and this is our last year and he's just like so uh Teddy will exit but then you can become the person who runs the bar it'll still be cheers it'll still be everyone else will still be and I said listen to me without Teddy there's no cheers you cannot do cheers without Teddy period that was over appetizers and we still had the rest of the meal got right awward entree I'm going to cut to the chase here do you think had you not had white man can't jump and Indecent Proposal that would have been a more tempting Endeavor no there was never even conviction about it no I mean come on no way it just wouldn't make sense but a lot of people would have I would have yeah yeah finally I would what about time you guys [ __ ] asked me to own this bar okay so the show ends in '93 and how much contact do you guys maintain over the next years before you guys start the podcast irregular yeah it was always at a party mostly it was hey how are you let me have a to of that yes of course or a few other times but in person a couple times a year maybe maybe a phone call here and there go to Martha's Vineyard see him I was going to say have you been out and had the Ted and Mary Martha's Vineyard experience we did last summer and it was like eat so nice I don't know I don't see how you get a better life than that why go on working just say okay everything I need I got let me stop all the bills and the new [ __ ] and just live in [ __ ] Martha's Vineyard it's pretty well you guys have both found your ways to Islands which is interesting you're on Maui you're in marth's Vineyard so you have all these kind of in Texas well and he has La I guess but you have on the surface all these differences and different childhoods different personality types but also your life's kind of mirr each other I mean you'll have been with Mary for 30 years next year married 30 together 32 and you've been with Laura I assume for 30 plus years I met her 87 and uh we started bumping uglies in 90 it took three years see so yeah it took a little time well it did seem like you don't want to do that's my assistant right the more I examine it in my own like the way you do you do a thorough self-examination I think I was probably attracted to her right as soon as I met her surely but it took 3 years before things shifted since 90 really we've been together and living with each other so that's 34 years damn you got us beat yeah so 30 years and 34 years these are both pretty unique outcomes in this show business town so that's similar you have three daughters yeah spectacular I have two isn't it the greatest okay so you come together to do the podcast whose idea was it my memory was somebody came to me and said would you be interested and it was either the strike or Co or something and it was like huh and I knew you and you're doing this and everything and I remember enjoying our conversation you're like if he can do it exactly yeah exactly but they said you're not good enough on your own you're going to need a you know a partner in crime and I didn't even know if it was my idea first but somebody said Woody and it was like oh you should take the story from them but it was Mutual oh my God we get to catch up we get to hang out I realize that even with Woody if you say hey let's go have a whatever my first reaction is uh I think I'm going to go home and be with Mary because in essence guys are wonderful they're relaxing they're fun to be with but that's not where it's at right it's the woman that's where it's at so to have a project together and an excuse to hang out is just [ __ ] delicious yeah and you're not bom that it takes that I get disappointed myself the truth for me yeah that's good and even after it's like yeah let's go do lunch Teddy he's like I got to get back no no what I usually say I haven't seen Mary in 90 minutes no what I've said for the last 40 years we've known each other the joke is I will say go ahead and start without me I'll be there I'll be right there that is the way it goes you guys get I'll be right well that's why the hack is the double date though I only see you when it's a four-way date yeah do your only access to Ted is you got to come with a partner you're not going to ride motorcycles with them no no no no do you guys interview people what's the format I've been a guest and I have been interviewed by them and they do a great job but we got it really quick forgive me now I'm going to tell you some stuff about yourself Woody that you might be aware of or not and Ted would have already known this someone said Woody and most certainly you were like good luck nailing Woody down because I tried to get Woody in a movie movie once and then we even chatted on the phone about it and the web of confusion you are the most unpredictable man the notion of nailing you down and getting you to commit to something is daunting first off if you want to nail somebody down they have to have a phone or you can't approach them to nail them down let's start there so if you don't have a phone you know I have grown to love it quite frankly and I'm trying to learn from it but if you're in a jam need an answer you're not going to get wait you really don't have a phone no straight don't have a phone I what is that it's like looking at a unicorn right like but brilant it is brilliant I want to do that clearly you can go off and work around the world forever and R and then when you're not working around the world you don't want to have to be picking up the phone you want to tune out I can't do it but I think it's well yeah in a way it's been one of the great things for me I gave it up about five 5 years ago because my daughter said she was giving hers up and I'd already been doing this thing where I would ask people okay if you could go back to the 80s it doesn't even have to be the 80s it's just in the sense of there's not this technology would you want to do that and a high percentage maybe 90 something perent say yes I would do that no problem and then here's my daughter says she's given up her phone and I says I want to do that when she says two weeks and that's what I did two weeks later I it's almost braver for her because she's at the point of her life where she wants to be social and be connected with everyone you're at the like let's unplug some of these things but she's like plugging everything in hey uh I'm going to give you all a chance to talk amongst yourself about me oh just the bladder no no no you no you young whipper snippers are you brave enough to use that I can step out I don't think Ted cares don't worry Teddy I'll step no Tedd would you like you are are you Ming my teddy I can see your penis from here literally can see your penis I've heard it's gorgeous yeah yeah it's gorgeous youthful you have a youthful penis Ted I am so proud that I'm actually peeing while this is all there's so much of it that it almost seems unnecessary yeah there's a lot of extra that's true I take a picture of one time frequently when we're getting ready for the show we had more people than bathroom so' be like Teddy do you mind I got to come in and well I didn't do it cuz he'd know something's up but I think Georgie or someone said can I come in and brush my teeth or shave and Teddy's taking a shower he says yeah yeah sure well once that door was open man I went in I open the shower door and someone takes the picture you'd catch him full Glory it was great okay wait so do you just use email email so I have an iPad but the cool thing about it is once I leave the house I don't carry my iPad so if I'm out anywhere I'm not doing what I used to do five years ago which is even a slight l in the conversation I'd be down here on the device you see it all the time and then it's just like someone's talking and now I'm here and I hated it just felt so unpresented someone else really about sometimes hey please tell your friend I can't wait till I have your undivided attention yeah now does this burden Laura of course it does Burg her and there are times when I'm like getting messages how did anyone get a message to me like I'm not even with Laura or with anyone somehow they managed it's so funny to talk to Woody's agent and manager and asked them a question about Woody and they just raised their hands like we don't know yeah we don't have the secret connection to Woody they're unplugged from him as well right I mean when you're unplugged you're unplugged this is similar to the apocryphal stories of Bill Murray right which is he just has an answering machine and you might get lucky there's something enchanting about that but you have to be Bill Murray or go through his lawyer one or the other right so if someone wants to hire you what do they do they call your agent and your manager and then they at some point get an email to you well this very thing happen happened with Bill Murray for Zombie Land I was the conduit that kind of got bill into it it was going to be Matthew mccon but Matthew wisely said I don't even say anything you could use anyone for this can we act out the conversation huh Can we act out the conversation Woody what's up I looked at that scrip there I don't have I don't have any words right I could come in but I mean why would we do that pretty good I got to give him more whistle Mr Dax Mr Dax what's going on with this movie you going to do this Zombie Land they called me but I said anybody could do that call Bill Murray I said he's good that's good that's good when his best friend laugh it's very good anyway so he bailed and then he like two weeks out or something and so I got a hold of Bill and we were in Atlanta I think and he had just left that day and I was just like [ __ ] but we talked about it and he said well well send it you know sent the script and he's like yeah I like the script but I don't get what I'm supposed to do I don't have anything to say and I'm just like a zombie you know you're like that's what MCC said and that's when they had the idea to make him that he was pretending to be a zombie so that he could talk and everything it's a great movie would it was a great [ __ ] movie good God that is a good I won't get into all the movies that Woody's done that I absolutely love but talking about jealousy or not especially if he getss nominated for something I haven't seen it I will watch it on my cell phone just so I can say yeah [ __ ] you I'm watching movie yeah which sucks cuz you've had to deny yourself The Cinematic experience of like No Country for Old Men you watch all these on your phone and you're really hurting yourself I don't I like to pretend I agree with you as I was researching I was like you forget it's [ __ ] outstanding you really are a good coming out off a cheers the one I got to say that I just triangle of sadness a that was the best movie of the Year by Leaps and Bounds and that [ __ ] entrance you standing sideways were you on a cable or something you're somehow standing sideway they had a Gimbal and so it was a huge stage cuz ironically I couldn't be there I never told this to Reuben but I honestly was like I'm having so much fun in Maui and it was during the Pand mic which of course I Don't Fear the Reaper so I never really was worried about it but I could use it as an excuse of course I did use it it's too dangerous I don't know I don't know what they said but anyway so I said you know I could come in June or something they were shooting like in April but anyway so they did the thing in June but they had already shot all this stuff and so they shot overs onto the people you know they had a uniform so there part of the coverage was already done so it was really wild how he kind of did that whole thing then they did overs back to me he hasn't heard from any of the cast members that had to shoot with the first ad they're like what's it like working with Woody you mean Frank uh the stand in he was there I would never do that anymore and I don't know why I did it at the time I just didn't want you know having a great time there stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare so on the podcast where everybody knows your name which I was on and I loved it so much it was so fun I was one of the very first guest I you were cuz we needed to learn we wanted to pick your brain your wife was the one before and then you right and I was like well this works this immediately works and I said to you Ted you either have the chemistry Lottery with your co-host or you don't you can't do anything about it and you guys just have it you're such yin and yang folks it's so fun yeah it is fun how do you divide up responsibilities who does what I have a hunch Woody shows up well first off first off everybody who works with Woody or has ever met with Woody will do anything Woody wants he brings in a different crowd than I have mingled with in my life so in comes some of the most fascinating people that I get to meet and hang out with when the microphone's roll the part of Woody that I'm so different from is perfect everything fits it feels effortless it really does yeah big time I'm guessing then Papa Ted as we call you in our household you're doing the research out of respect it's not an age thing go on please yeah like Papa John's Pizza you're not thinking it's an old guy it's just a papa it really comes from our daughters who call you Papa Ted which is very sweet love that yeah are you in of the research no we have a team of people research but I don't think they do the perfect job on the research no but who does and it's the same thing you can glean on your own if you wanted to Google or wikip whatever yeah but what I like about it is I read it read it read it read it then I go wait a minute in essence what would I like to know about this person even if I don't know them I want to know what makes them tick and as soon as I let go maybe I think about if I had to ask a opening question what might it be but even that kind of goes by the wayside and we start rolling the mics as soon as they walk through the door same yeah and let them know but by the time we're actually seated and with our little muffs on I'm now wanting to be with that person I I think that's probably true for you too have a conversation and not think about oh I got to have this directive about I need to tackle this subject that subject yeah well you have a great curiosity about people you're a very good question what makes people tick and I've always wanted to know what it's like to be you I'd like to know what it's like to be Dax too yeah I think you know we could swap for a minute talk to Laura I'll talk to Kristen well there's some conversation you there are three just not sure Laura's going to want me back that's the thing I worry about she's like let's keep this ARR keep this one he has a phone I can [ __ ] ask him to pick something up on the way home for me even if everything sucks that's kind of worth it do you guys have the same appetite for work different well I mean career-wise it's different because by default or blessing I happen to love the fact that I get to be in town most of my career has been television in La I've been so blessed there are times when I go oh I wish I had Woody you know I will do that to myself periodically but really I'm really really happy and Woody's career if I may is all over the map as far as locations and what you tackle which I admire hugely but it does put us off into sometimes different directions that's why the title is where everybody knows your name hosted by Ted Danson and Woody harelson parentheses sometimes which his friends love when they read it yes I love it it's because I'm home so sometimes I will do these podcasts without Woody was that a nerve-wracking well yeah Woody's an extraordinary draw and people love being around him but I got to hang out with W cile Bell who spent the day impressive dude yeah we'll find out we have an aired yet if all of a sudden the needle dips when Woody's out of town you did an interview with Martin Short without me yeah I did some things that you kind of were irritated about I'm irritated about that one like wait I wanted to be there for that one yeah well that's just it I don't know who they're asking in my absence who what and there's virtually no way for you to find out either you can't even listen to a podcast exactly oh my God it's so Charming the whole yeah does it scare the [ __ ] out of you Monica like how unpredictable he is and hard to nail down I had an idea of you before you came in here as is often the case when we have people in here I was intimidated sure and you're just so easy and fun and lovely I find you a little daunting I am that's appropriate I'm pretty scary speaking of tiny bit Fierce tin you know it's kind of cool people don't maybe know this but we're looking at Monica and Dak sitting in these gigantic comfortable rocking Leisure chairs and it's very relaxing to just see us be so comfortable really I mean that's happened over time though he used to sit you over in the corner I was in the bathroom yeah no I was in your spot when you were here last that's true you were in Woody spot I was in that spot can I just apologize for I didn't ever turn and say Hey Monica so what do you think about such I was into Dax and never spoke to you during that whole thing and I really felt like listen toxic male I'm glad you apologized yeah you wouldn't have done that well that's very sweet but that's not really your fault all's [ __ ] fault my fault it's always dax's fault but no I mean the way you didn't look at Monica it's my fault the way the way it was set up was a problem this having to like do this was uncomfortable did you have to bring it to his attention I no you know who did Jake Johnson oh we had Jake Johnson on and in the middle of the interview he said I don't like this I can't see her can we rearrange yeah I feel like I have to like turn my head and be off mic so did you rearrange it right then and that's how it stayed and then we were like oh duh this is what's been broken we had no idea we only had one Lazy Boy and we had a couch so it made perfect sense there was no lower status thing going on it was just like oh yeah it's a triangle this works also everyone knows Dax right like he's the movie star it's also his name on yeah I know you love it it's his name on the thing mostly at the beginning it was his friends who came in so no one knew me and so it was kind of like okay there's like another person here but we don't really know what she's doing the whole period I sat there I was so self-conscious I was like I don't know when to talk I don't know if I should talk literally just changing the seating it changed everything yeah cuz it wasn't something we were unaware of and I of course am best friends with Monica I want her to be engaged and we're like scratching our head like I guess it's they come here they already know about me that's what's going on literally it was like a physicality issue you had defend this mofo thank God Monica because and I know you've probably felt the whole time even in spite of some of the awkwardness like I'm definitely his intellectual Superior I don't know about Superior am I not included more I feel like I have something to offer but we've figured a really good balance out and I wonder about you two but you guys are co- dependent no we know Ted is codependent just Ted which is a good thing but gone I just want to keep putting that in nine out of 10 bachelorettes say they would prefer a codependent I know when I don't talk it doesn't mean because I have nothing to say like we figured out a real flow dax's mainly interview interviews and I come in as the audience often I like sit in their seat and I think oh they're not going to understand something here or if I have my own questions but we figured it out but it's taken a long time and you two I assume equally asked questions this has been presumptuous but I feel like I'm having so much fun with Woody that the guests better be deserving of me taking my focus off of Woody and on to the guest and I think people get that and play they jump in and swim I feel that way too like a lot of times we do just have a banter for a while and then they're like am I in this am I free to go you guys seem to have this I love that phrase I hope you can swim because we did that on shars the first four or five years guest stars would come and we would take them to lunch we'd give them a mug we'd have their Armory we' walk them through everything and by about the eth to nth year was like hey hi hope you can swim good luck to you good luck the last few haven't worked out n we do not rehearse you're right one lady came in before they had cell phones she had one of these like oh God big things big honking pH and she was like super super rich which I think she was playing a character like that she's dripping in Gold she's on the phone right in front like right in the middle of things Jimmy's like what so she didn't she she came in literally one day I we also got fired once by somebody who was going to play somebody who had an interest in Ria Perman Carla and it was Jim ares's brother who was mission Impossible Peter grapes and he was there and we had a read through on Wednesday the night after a shoot and then Thursday came in and it was a bit of a rewrite funnier and he looked at it and he looked at Jimmy he went this is not what I signed on for and got up and walked out of the studio we all just got fired damn that's a first yeah cool yeah it was actually kind of cool yeah something new happened do you remember that no you were probably visiting the Berlin Wall it's my favorite Woody story when people ask me Woody story it's it's like sitting around 40 minutes late where's Woody this was like a Friday and we were going to shoot Tuesday and somebody comes running in and said oh Woody's in Berlin the Wall's coming down and he didn't want to miss it he got there in time for the show but oh that's you were there yeah did you get a chunk of the wall is memorabilia yeah yeah I got a few chunks and I also got cobblestones that they used to throw at the wall it's not like a big successful effort in bringing it down but it was just symbolic I got one of those cobblestones and I put that in the house around this little Pond when you were coming home through customs and they said do you have anything to declare did you say I have a bit of the Berlin wall with me I don't know what the I didn't men that I've got about 6 ounces of weed and the Berlin Wall [Laughter] okay just my last question I do want everyone who hasn't already listened to the show to listen because it's truly quite good I really really love being on it Kristen love being on it have you guys had a favorite guest there a handful really truly but one of the first ones that knocked me out cuz I didn't know him and he Andy are buddies yeah fle flee yeah oh you had fle that was maybe the greatest interview I've ever seen of anyone you know what he looks like by his own description of of his life he should not have lived past 12 or 13 or something and music saved his life but the first thing he did was we sat down he said excuse me I need two three minutes and he sat there and he meditated right in front of us just to Center himself so that he did not bring anything to the party other than just being there and then you hear this astounding life that he led and the giveback that he's giving to the world and not safe give back I mean in Gangland South Los Angeles erecting a park just astounding guy oh he's a radical dude huh yeah astounding that's exciting tell him to do our show yeah yeah pass it along next time you're bringing down he lives right near here he's got a sweet car collection too right he got a bunch of funky like 70s Lincoln and stuff you don't give a [ __ ] that was a bad question I don't know about those things but he he had the same thing as me where someone came up with a really really fast car when it was first coming out and they let us drive around in it and can you invest um I don't think so Tesla Tesla if i' have just thrown a few sheckel that way yeah yeah you wouldn't have even noticed it I wouldn't have to be doing this podcast right now then you'd really be Tesla people if you invested right that's true well Ted from the bottom of my heart you know I love you to death I can't wait for next you cook me burgers last summer highlight of my summer and then Woody now this is our second time being in a room together there no violence is broken out this is very encouraging I find you very intriguing and unicorn esque yeah yeah I'm delighted to have gotten to spend time with you twice now so everybody listen to where everybody knows your name with Ted Danson and Woody harelson sometimes you guys thanks so much for doing the show thank thank you thank you so much this has been awesome oh good really have enjoyed it well next time you got to sell your wares you're always welcome okay but also I want to come over have a little dinner oh Teddy can come with his I'll ask Mary but I'm not 100% sure you start without me three couple Monica it's nice to have you in our eyeline thank you that should be your podcast start without me yeah that's funny we hope you enjoyed this episode Unfortunately they made some mistakes check check check cop Mark in Den Haagen I'm in copen Mark Dan Haagen that's what it's called yeah copen Mark Dan Haagen that's hard to do I've been [ __ ] with the kids CU we're in Copenhagen Denmark oh and Delta said is Copenhagen in Denmark or is Denmark in Copenhagen and I said copen Mark is in denhan uh it's to early for you that's hard that's hard for me to process yeah you up at 8:00 a.m. is virtually Delta at 9: so you are equally flumix by that yeah it's early we're doing an early early bird special on my side of the pond what side time of it time is it at your side of the pond what time of a pond is it on your side of dhen um it's 5:00 P p.m. 9 hour difference prime time oh the witching hour for podcasting okay here's the fun part so we're staying at a hotel that is right next to I don't know if you pronounce it tavoli I think it's tavoli Park which is where Walt Disney came and got the idea for Disney World Disneyland sorry Disneyland we wrote on a roller coaster today that's it it's the oldest one still running ever made and it was the third oldest ever built in 1914 a man has to be in the middle and and use the break oh my God and that doesn't scare people is it like is it kind of babyish um I mean presum person with the break no no it doesn't it's very much like a mine car ride you know okay yeah but the notion that there's someone in the middle I said a man it can be a woman it happened to be a man when we were there but they have this huge lever in front of them and they're slowing it down which I find to be hilarious because generally when you go on a roller coaster what you tell yourself is no reason to be afraid it can't go wrong but this has a human element that's what I'm saying that's scary I liked it cuz it was a pretty docile or tame roller coaster but because there was a human on board it made it feel very treacherous and he was older I thought what if he has a medical condition in the middle of this ride well yeah I don't trusting humans is tough I also then thought too wow this guy must ride this roller coaster like a hundred times a day I think there's swapping out break people but still I think these people are riding this roller coaster tens and tens and tens of times they must swap out a lot cuz he could cramp up yeah that's right I hope he's stretching it's a very beautiful Park it's pretty big and um you can definitely see that Walt ripped it off for Walt Disneyland oh no yeah the architecture is kind of the same it's very very similar Vibe is there a Mickey Mouse there's a mishy mous oh wow yeah he's a Thief what time you go go to bed last night you knew you had to get up early did it give you stress no I woke up late because I mean oh I went to bed late because um I had a dinner my friend Sally from Argent is in town uhhuh she put together a little group of peeps for a dinner on the West Side ooh no thank you yeah but for Sally I'll do anything so uh I went I brought Anna with me and it was fun there's and it was a fun little group of people you know I was thinking on the way home I don't like going to things with new people I always prefer just my normal routine or seeing people I already know but like meeting people gives me I don't know if it gives me stress so much as I'm just like do I want to do that right um and I didn't I didn't want to do it but then it was so lovely and everyone was so great I that same thing but what's funny is the second I'm around new people I remember oh I love being around new people that's actually probably my favorite thing but I think I don't so confusing yeah I don't think it's definitely not my favorite thing but I did think oh it's fun it's fine it's it's nice who is the most interesting person you met an astronomer no well ornithologist herpetologist what's that anyone with herpes um herpy I think it's a study of lizards or oh toads amphibians not for me okay that's not going to be my second life her patology um no there was it was a cool group of ladies and what time did this conclude late and then we had to get back to the side of town and then I started the Simone biles dock all right before you tell me about the Simone biles doc did you finish Sprinter yes loved it oh my God I finished last night what a juicy last episode what which one was the last episode again Shak world champion yeah in the 200 and then Noah L's competing in the 200 yes I'm so excited now for the Olympics I am too it definit I think they should have done that for every sport yeah I love shakeri so much I want to have her on so bad she'd be great do you love her I do I love her and I'm excited to see her in the Olympics but when she's doing media events you're stressed out is that what you're about to say no no I just also I I'm going to be pegged as like anti-American probably by you but I tend to do this you know I Lov the Romanian gymnasts as well sure sure I really like the Jamaicans too a lot of course that's fine it's not a betrayal at all to root for them because you're going back and forth from our training camps to their training camps I know and they're at like a you know Rural High School kind of a track and you know and they're the best yeah it's so disproportionate how much they've won and I love their Runners all of them I'm rooing for them I was really con concerned about one of their diets though I don't want to single any one of them out but one of them was eating fried chicken and drinking wine and I was just like that cannot be turbo fuel for this um wine while you're competing it's working no well think how fast she'd be without that on like a very clean diet a very limited opinion it could it could be the key uh to her success also I think what I took away cuz I saw some other people eating food some Americans and I was like yeah if you're working at that level I think you just they can do what they want well they can do what they want and they definitely eat a ton of carbon and there's even that scene where they're saying people think we eat a lot of protein but we eat so much carbs but they're eating like big plates of pasta you're right though our great 200 200 meter Sprinter what's her name Harvard gr yeah Gabby she's awesome she's so good yeah day of the race she she had barbecue well she was eating ice cream she was with her friends and she was out like pounding ice cream I I don't know Monica she should they Dax Monica Monica they know more than we do about or no are they failable humans I'll tell you because I can give you a I can give you a point match set which is when our 200 100 meter and 100 meter our other guy who was who's also great besides no ly the big the big guy who was a football player from Texas oh I loved him I did too I loved him so much but his coach when he lost he had a really underwhelming performance and his coach said do you want gold bad enough to stopa drinking Bull and I was like yes you can't be drink you can't get all wired on Red Bull and then expect your body to perform you need water and macros listen you think you're always talking about water and macros no a is eating and drinking correctly and it shows no he I saw his plate he's got a lot of carbs that's fine that's fine that's fine but he's it looked like there was cheese he's not eating a ton of sugar and wine and fried chicken let's just say that we don't know that part of it is their age the guy who has to stop eating candy yeah he's a little older okay all the more reason well yeah so I do think maybe you hit an age where you do have to pay not I think this is life unfortunately everyone hits an age where they have to start paying attention a tiny bit more to what they're putting in their body but the others I think are young enough that they they don't okay and it's really working Shakari I did not realize there referen in the show a lot that she's been through a lot well yeah cuz she got disqualified from the last Olympics for weed I know and I I remember hearing that story but I didn't put two and two together that it was her cuz I didn't watch sprinting last time I didn't really pay much attention yeah because her biological mom had just died and then I was like what is going on that we care about that if anything is not a performance-enhancing drug it's marijuana I mean they should let them they should pay their competitors to smoke wheat I agree and eat tons of candy and fried chicken and wine no that works you never want your competitor to know I felt like I was I was so mad when I I looked it up cuz you do learn in there she was disqualified but you don't know what for so I looked it up and you know my my worst fear was that it was going to be she was on some performance enhancing drug but no THC in her system get out of here drives me nuts um I love her so much and I kind of want to follow her around and buffer life for her a little bit I want to deal with the press for her yeah I think she's grown a lot in how to handle the pressure I saw her on Vogue oh you did and she was great like there's a little video on Vogue and behind the scenes she was getting ready for this shoot and she was talking to the makeup artist and she said please make sure to match my color like don't make me lighter she's like I'm a melanin girl it was really cool it was really cool oh I love her I love her so much oh and by the way they keep going to Felix in that show which we interviewed and I'm so mad we didn't get to interview her when she was pregnant cuz she looks so cute oh my God she looks so cute and actually okay this is a ding-ding ding and a Easter egg we have someone coming up also in this world yes yep incredible episode and after you were like I raced Allison and she said uh was she pregnant and we laughed I think she might have been ah no well yeah it's hard to know when this doc was filmed cuz we had Felix over an over a year ago but this was World Championship time that was a year ago maybe she was pregnant maybe I raised a pregnant woman what a what a terrible how embarrassing also just what a terrible idea don't challenge of fell down oh is grass it would have been okay we're in the yard um anyway yeah she looks so cute I I did um on our armchair on a stories I reposted that episode Felix's yeah I was like in case anyone's watching the show oh right right I saw that I saw that I thought that was a very good idea I know you don't care but I I posted the OCD expert uh algra's episode today and I know you don't care uh but but just m outpouring of people saying Monty we love you exactly the way you are don't you dare be different I'm here for all the updates on Herms that's nice no don't say that word that's a that's a bad word now Hermes I guess you can say Herms cuz that's not correct I'm going to buy some her Herms well we drove very far yesterday yesterday was a long day in the car Molly told me oh she did yeah yeah we drove from Oslo to den Haagen and if you don't stop at 7 hours we stopped seven or eight times to pee these my kids they I it's thank God I have a [ __ ] vehicle with a toilet in it that we mostly travel in because they can't go once they start it's over yeah it might be anxiety do you think they're now they're used to the bus toilet so now it is like going to be impossible for them to ever hold it um I don't know Monica I'm very pessimistic and when I'm driving I just have you I don't know I don't know I kind of just wish you could hear my internal monologue as a dad like I just go like oh my God I got to tell them to stop drinking you're not allowed to tell them to stop drinking you're just going to have to pull over you got to get over it yeah you're going to pull over every 20 you got to get your expectations right that like just the the racket in my head head to not scream oh my God you guys have to [ __ ] go more than 20 minutes we're never going to get there then of course I am driving 100 cab billion miles an hour every time we're nonstop cuz I got to make up some time so we're not getting there at midnight so when I'm on the road I am Balls to the walls I'm pass all these people and I then I pull over and then I pass the same people again oh it's such a racket yeah I think peeing is practice makes perfect um cuz you know I never pee uh and it's probably because I hate pulling over it's like chicken or the egg well I will now I'm going to tell them myself so the last hour and a half of the trip I had to pee so bad like all of a sudden it hit me I was also exhaust everyone's asleep but me and I'm like pounding Diet Cokes and cappuccinos I'm trying to stay awake I mean we were gassed it's long trip and uh I drank too many fluids so for the last hour and a half I had to pee but you be goddamned if I was going to pull over cuz they were sleeping so this was my opportunity to put some road behind us sure so I would not stop and then it got to the point where I was like I was in considerable pain but we were now 15 minutes from the hotel so I there's no way I'm stopping just before then right when we pulled up to the hotel I ran into the hotel and a man said are you checking I said bathroom like like I he had to have thought I was shitty in my pants and um I just made it as I was undoing my slacks the urine was coming boy was it a close call that's my update oh there's a big update and I don't want to give it what I think I know what it is you do what's your guess yeah is it is it have to do with what I read this morning what did you read this morning your text your text to the connections group oh no no no no no no no this is wild we pull into a gas station my American credit card will not work at the pump itself so I got to go in the station to pay I hate that yeah so I'm in the station to pay we're in Sweden at this point and the whole family's in there and they're throwing crap on the counter so I'm going to pay for all this stuff and then I'm going to have them put like 25 liters on the card and I'm going to pump and this older man comes in he's probably 62 or three he's a tall man and he comes right up to me first I noticed he's staring at me through the window then he enters then he comes up to me and physically pokes me oh my god oh no and I turn around and he's yelling at me in Swedish what yeah it was so [ __ ] wild and so I turn and I go I'm sorry I only speak English he continues to yell at me in Swedish I don't know what the [ __ ] going on right he's yelling at me for I don't know I 30 seconds but I turn and I'm now trying to just pay and put my the you know then he walks outside then they're putting more crap on the counter then he's standing outside and he's throwing his arms in the air like this he's like looking at me through the window and he's throwing his arms in the air and he's still muttering out there and I'm like I'm starting to really get triggered um I don't like that he poked me a lot it's starting to really build then I walk outside to go put the gas in the car I now realize what's going on his car is behind mine and he's Furious that I didn't pay at the pump now what's important to know is there's three open pumps but also what like why how why is he I'm clearly breaking protocol you shouldn't be going in and buying groceries before you've pumped but I also had to go in to give my credit card whatever yeah so he gets between me and the pump and then I kind very unish he does not have leg legumes the whole thing was quite shocking so then when he gets between me and the pump as I'm walking then I snap and so then I go hey I was just going in to put my [ __ ] now I'm swearing put my [ __ ] card now I'm going to [ __ ] pump gas there's three other thing now I'm swearing and I'm clearly quite angry my nostrils are flared Kristen's now coming out she now sees that I'm like face to face with this guy and I'm got my voice raised and he goes oh why are you so angry so of course he speaks English he did the whole time oh my God now his wife comes out of the car you know and the kids are there by the grace of God a Swedish guy at the pump next to our says watch this entire thing so he comes over and he starts talking to him in Swedish and I can tell what he's saying he's saying he had to pay in you know uh and he says he holds up three other pumps and he's pointing so luckily this guy like intervene defending you he was he was defending me and then I just like I stepped out of the sitch and um and then I pumped my gas and then the dude who had intervened he said hey you guys have a great vacation like he was so nice that really made up for everything and then the wife is trying to get the Guy back to his car so we get in the car we pull out we're driving I put music out we're driving for about 10 minutes and then linking goes so are we going to talk about the elephant in the car and so I paused the the the music and I go uh yeah absolutely if there's something you you guys want to say if I owe you an apology uh let me know and Lincoln goes well let let's just say that could have gone smoother and I started laughing so hard that could have gone smoother but then they started kind of let me have it mixed in with Kristen goes look I cannot can you guys understand for Daddy's background older men touching he was probably triggered but definitely you could have been a lot calmer you did not need to do that with that guy he wasn't you know but they're going on on I yeah but he was yelling in your face yeah so I kind of like I just just kind of take it all I'm quiet I'm quiet I'm quiet and then I I just snapped and I just broke I go um also another option is that guy's a [ __ ] bully and I'm the first guy who stood up to him just I got to throw that out there that's also on the table yep that was stupid to say I got some more I got some more feedback from all my ladies and then I was smart enough to just keep driving keep my mouth shut and let them Express cuz look the other reality is I know what like to have a dad who's getting in mixups with people at the gas station also it's terrible for them and I acknowledge it it's very uncomfortable it is it is and I hated it I hated when my dad was getting into [ __ ] with people but I was caught between the thinging was like I was so doing nothing a guy a guy poked me then he yelled at me then he got between me and the pump it's like how much can I you know how much can I take well I did say that to them I go you know Believe It or Not guys I'm very sorry I I truly I'm sorry that made everyone uncomfortable and you saw a huge Improvement yeah it s it sounds like it actually I all I did was I'm kind of shocked as soon as he poked you that you didn't punch him and that would have been bad yeah yeah yeah yeah so I wasn't going to tell the story because listen that does not in any way encapsulate the fine people of Sweden that was clearly a one-off dude and then really I think the more Swedish thing was the the gentleman who intervened but that happened in the middle of the 9-hour journey and then I was pretty rattled I was more rattled than I would like to be over that and I think Kristen's right that stuff really does it's stepdad land but it's yeah I but you you have old stuff there but that would bother anyone if you're just doing your thing appropriately you didn't do anything you you had to go in there right and then you're getting screamed at in another language touch no no no one no one likes that including her or them would well if he had done that to CH he would have been on his back that was the blessing maybe is that he didn't yell at my girls or my wife cuz then it would have then it would have escalated terribly so anyways that was an unfortunate part of the trip yeah I feel like that update was necessary for me with you it's only a problem if you're you're inserting yourself right into something yeah like on the A and it's like that's unnecessary cuz now this escalated like crazy and that did not need to happen but this doesn't sound like that it's funny too cuz I had five more hours to think about that interaction while everyone was sleeping I was driving I had enough time to think like wow what was going on with him there was something about me which also funneled into whatever thing he's got he must have looked at me and I'm huge and I have tattoos and maybe in his mind is like these [ __ ] big bullies yeah do whatever they want they're not conscientious for anybody but them just plowing through like like he made up a whole story about me probably from how I looked and maybe he was like we're not taking it anymore I don't know what went his mind but clearly I really activated something in him to walk in a store and poke me is [ __ ] kind of nuts unless that's really common in Sweden I don't know like people have a different Comfort level of being poked by strangers Maybe I don't know yeah I don't know oh can I tell you the best part of that car ride I decided I really wanted my children to hear key Quan's story I don't think we've never listened to an episode of the podcast and so the first hour and a half of the ride we listened to Key's story and man that whole car was crying they loved it so much those little girls they were really touched by it it was so sweet sweet I wanted him to hear how hard it can be and like how much gratitude he has and how much gratitude we should all have such a [ __ ] Beautiful episode it is it really is I love it did you hear nice things I got texted by a few people about it yeah no yeah no [Laughter] okay one more thing before and we're running out of time but okay something crazy happened oh wow I love I love that's a great start to a story I was reading my book in a public location I look over and there's a mom with her daughter and she's being so horrible to her ooh the mom's being horrible to the daughter o she's like I already have such a bad headache and you're making it so much worse and this kid is like seven or eight looking oh yeah and I'm kind of just like looking at the side of my eye doing some Monica padman eye rolls and side stairs yeah I'm sure they were rolling and I didn't notice but and then you know the daughter is upset obviously and is sort of like slinking away and the mom's like you better not go too far and then I don't know what the daughter said she said something and then the mom was like he just went to the bathroom he'll be right back so that and I was like oh the dad the dad is here thank God yeah uh and then the dad comes the dad looks so sweaty um yeah he had a growler in the toilet maybe or yeah something was happening with him okay he so he took the daughter's hand and then they like walked over to the mom and then all of a sudden I hear the mom she's like Stop Standing on my toes wa back up who said that what member of the the mom said stop standing on my toes to the dog okay and then the daughter was like why and then I was like oh this is how like now that girl is going to go to school she's going to be mean cuz she has a bad situation and I was telling a friend this and they were like I would have said something and I was like no you can't can you oh man I don't think you can even though well you really in a weird way you can't because it will not alter who they are at all they're not going to go home with this great tidbit you gave them and change their parenting they're just going to get embarrassed in front of their kid and then they're going to act even crazier and then the kid will be uncomfortable yeah but I've I've had those thoughts like I want to say something cuz my inclination in those situations is I want to let the kid know you're right to think this is inappropriate like yeah that's really my impulse is like I want to say to the kid hey I'm so sorry you're dealing with this and know that you don't deserve to be treated like this that's almost I mean no one should you really shouldn't intervene at all but if you were going to I think that's more of the move than even saying anything to the parent I don't think you can say anything to parents unless you see like physical abuse and then even then I think you like have to just call someone yeah that's rough there's nothing worse than seeing that I will say though life's change you growing up I used to see kids get yanked around and smacked in public and like really manhandled at least you don't see that too much anymore so I guess it's it's improving in another age this was normal it's just weird now it's so weird to see and it then it makes you feel like if This Woman's doing this in public I also have noticed there's like in LA there's like everything there seems to be like a cultural aspect to this where I've witnessed this where like I'm in another state and I'm visiting people and the whole friendship group has this story that their kids are so annoying oh they're so [ __ ] annoying and they're you know they're like once that seals broken and everyone that's their kind of thing they're like oh I hope they just [ __ ] go off in the field and blah blah blah I think it can be cultur I think it's really sticky and contagious yeah and I've seen like whole groups of people that that's their kind of opinion yikes anyway I feel it was shitty feel bad really bad for her also also she probably was annoying yeah well kids are annoying can't yeah exactly that has to be your expectation yeah exactly they're going to want to pee every [ __ ] eight miles mhm correct okay there's a couple facts this is for Woody and Ted I loved this yeah this was very fun I really loved it I like that Woody harelson a lot I already love Papa Ted obviously but Woody and I have only had two interactions in life one was on his podcast and now he on ours and I really find him intriguing yeah me too we were wondering if Ted was in our first or second year of this show uh it was the week of September 24th 2018 so first year okay s months in mhm that's weird the timeline at the beginning is much different than the timeline later yeah cuz I felt like I was trying to get him on for a very long time but no 7 months so in case people were wondering would had said that bush initiated the war simply to bolster the oil companies the weapons industry and a presidency that was at the time sagging that was the comment he made that it got him in trouble really shows how things have changed yeah this like nothing I thought it was really kind of like kind of like the feeling I had when I was learning all the stuff about Spielberg I thought it was really admirable that they went to him after Ted was leaving and they were like you can be the new guy and he was like no there's no cheers without him yeah that was really nice yeah he also though was on I yes I'm not taking that away but he was also on fire as a leading man actor in movies at that point I know but I think he believes that he was like I do too yeah I'm just saying he also even if I imagine even if Ted wanted to stick around Woody would have been happy to go on his way cuz he was yeah maybe such a movie star at that point yeah he's so [ __ ] good I don't know if we put too fine a point on that in the episode oh he's so good the range of people he's played and every one of them is so interesting and unique and different God is he it's and when if you met him at a barn and you had no awareness of him he does not read as someone that is that hyper talented cuz he's so [ __ ] laid-back he doesn't appear to care about anything yeah exactly yeah and yet he's that hyper talented it's really so good mix messies I love it mix messies uh I love you okay bye I love you [Music]