Bradley Cooper Returns | Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

welcome welcome welcome to armchair expert I'm next sheeper I'm joined by Monica padman hi there hello there your friend is here my old buddy my sweet sweet friend is here Bradley Cooper I don't need to tell you about Bradley Cooper but I will anyways because he's an award-winning actor and a filmmaker he's nominated right now for 15 to 17 Academy Awards for his film Maestro but before that of course we have a star is born The Hangover American Sniper silver Lin's Playbook Limitless you know hey Cooper what a [ __ ] resume you've put together yeah you know time's just passing and all of a sudden this list here assembles and I'm staring at it and it's what a career he's built it's incredible but wait you you forgot to say hit and run and brothers justice hit and run and brothers Justice yes yes let us not forget his movie Maestro is out now on Netflix this is my favorite conversation I've had with him in years that's great it was it was lovely yeah I really really just like I just it was just very impactful and really really enjoyed it so please enjoy my friend Bradley [Music] Cooper He's an he an I was worried about the traffic but I'm okay yeah you did fine yeah tell me about the Oscar luncheon what happens there what's that L klugman's coming okay great cluggy will be in toe you mean the voice of T-Mobile that's right right and the creative the nucleus behind it shut up p as well yeah exactly you kind of can't beat his voice do you know about his friend Brian kugman best friend since Philadelphia and he and pan are partners with Nate oh fun yes and klugman's in the movie oh who is he in the movie insane know can we just break this down a explain yourself so espresso with water and then they have like a special whipped cream that they put on top whose day Maru coffee okay shout out Maru coffee Black Ops whatever Nate talk who else do we know from over our time together wait who is he in the movie Mr Oso My Cello teacher when I was in eth grade he's awesome in it oh I was just kidding another shout out oh isn't he great I thought you were think CL was playing letter Bernstein that's what I thought it's too early for jokes sorry sorry okay so your best friend I'm sorry this is the first thing I'm having all day this fantastic so it's called something right a cream top also not a great thing for you to sitp just before the photos cuz it does look like you just blew an elephant a little bit just right here that's what these hands are for this has happened a few times I kind of think you're doing it on purpose Rob what's going on up there shepher what's he doing what happens before the interview starts oh we're all over the place back to look at this Footwear that's going on lot of boot all three we got a lot pretty good are from what movie what movie TV show Kitchen Confidential these are from 2006 wow cuz I live in New York but I still have the place here but all the clothes are from like they're just getting older and old yeah so like I wore these beniton women's pants I must have worn all the time remember those red almost pajama like pants I wor sure yeah okay those were women's I got this when I was on a trip with my parents in 1997 really 97 oh my God and they're still holding yeah I wore them yesterday with the Failure to Launch Army Shir oh my God do you do that too though yes I was just complaining about it I haven't acted in a few years so I haven't collected any new stuff and now it's starting to become really apparent especially if I have to wear a suit because I've had suits made for the game show but I was one way so Nothing fits me anymore and I'm not going to fix that I'm just wearing stuff that doesn't fit now right as a rule of thumb so everything's way too big or small for the last two and a half years everything was way too small I would put a rubber band in the little Notch and then put it around the button for the neck of the shirt follow me was too thick and I'm like oh I'll just be able to cover it up with the tie but then I'd pop into the bathroom in the middle of an event and realiz the tie had gotten a little loose and you just see like my daughter's braces rubber band I mean it's not braces but friendship BRAC so yeah I don't know what I'm going to be looking like in about six years when I continue to not collect any new clothes believe we're 49 yeah baby how's it feel I actually feel young I feel like younger than I did 15 years ago but I know it's coming cuz people in their 50s say just wait after 50 your body body starts to change I feel healthy as I ever have in fact I was just thinking of you two weeks ago I'm going to see how fast I can get to the very top of Griffith oh wow and I was remembering you doing that in Vancouver Island yes and then I was like I need Cooper I have no comp I don't know if I'm doing good or bad right the fact that you could even do it is the win I guess dude are you kidding I haven't done anything like that in years you oh no I don't run anymore you stay thin though I was watching you and Myro and I thought you're I got super thin Maestro for the prosthetic that was the best thing cuz otherwise when you would put the stuff on your face you almost look like a bobblehead and then after that I'm like 1801 182 which is great weight for me yeah probably the healthiest weight oh no question our height just diet then yeah and work out work out in my bedroom okay like body weight stuff you might need more clarification Sprint to the toilet if I show you a photo let me see a photo of me working out screen video video of me working out let me see here I'll show you my routine this was yesterday at nine what do you do so I have a Pelon bike that I used to use a lot I don't really now but I like the way it looks yeah it feels like let people know that there's the huge thing is this Catalyst suit do you know about this no tell me about that so this Catalyst suit that I was turned on to like four years ago it's a certain method of working out where it stimulates your muscles through electric there's like Electro pulses exactly and it's a 20-minute workout I've turned so many of my friends on it because do you remember when I was doing sniper my tendons were really sore I was like am I going to be able to to build the arms up to match my back right yes remember that well you would focus very heavily on deadlifting for that deadlifting my neck remember all the neck [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah no cuz he had this incredible neck and we always wanted to shoot from the back of his neck you know anyway the suit you're day yeah you're sweating yeah it's hard and the great thing is I just focus on my lower back and glutes CU again as we get older that's really the only thing that matters yeah but you already had the glutes I had the glutes but not the lower back okay so you came with glutes into this world I did come with the glutes into this world which I've had a weird relationship with sometimes I've hated it but often I'd loved it cuz basketball with Dax surely tennis court tennis let's be honest though where it really shines is the dance floor that's true I was just talking to a friend of ours about this I didn't like my face you didn't like yours but I had to build a self-esteem that's right I just honed in on a couple things I had that was my first foot forward no matter what you have to have known your haunches were so powerful and infectious especially on a dance floor I just love dancing so I was shy but for some reason get me on that bar mitzvah or bot Mitzvah Dance Floor back up and I felt like I was in a place of comfort home yeah I did and the response from gals was that no other boys were dancing so it was like a finally I have a [ __ ] Le somebody's dancing that's right just the fact that we were out there meant a lot I try to tell young boys like just just get out there get dancing you don't have to be good no in fact it's almost better yes it just says I'm a good time that's right but do you think it works the same for girls if they're not good I still like it I think at that age it's just about being out there and moving around it's a false flag of confidence cuz it takes a lot of confidence to get up and potentially humiliate yourself so yeah even if a Gail's dancing objectively poorly God bless her look she's confident and she's moving that's attractive I just think you guys might be a little misunderstood in that you both didn't like your faces but you had nice ones okay and so go continue what specifically was nice about our faces had nice faces and so the dancing even if you were good or bad it was just like oh that's cute cuz they're cute thank you by the way you're and it could be right whatever the outside perspective is what was going on and that was one of the many things that we sort of aligned initially is our sense of self-esteem that we were monsters and physically and all these things that we connected to but that maybe the general popul would be like what are you talking about but it didn't matter because it wasn't like this thing we told ourselves we had a dossier of factual evidence which would support that in fact and that would refute but you yes but in a court of law we felt like we had a very very good case strong case yes yes we didn't even need to make a final closing argument once we bring the gals up that didn't like us then we get them on the stand like let's settle out of court we're like okay no we're going to take this all the way we feel confident about the verdict on this one oh can I just say real quick yeah yeah I had this incred inredible weekend in Santa Barbara they did this film festival and they did a retrospective and they made this Montage of all the stuff and then they showed a thing from Hit and Run man yeah yeah yeah you and I screaming at each other it was like a moment right before that you driving tough it was so quick but it was like me looking at you I think it was right before the fight wasn't there a moment where we like just looked at each other yeah cuz we love each other and yeah it look like oh and then when we shot the T-Mobile commercial the DP did hit and run oh yes yes yes yes of course Brad's Stone Cipher there's been a lot of Hit and Run memories oh that makes you know cuz that was the Limitless wig yes yes oh and I was watching we haven't talked in a little bit but I've been completely turned on by reality television and I'm absolutely obsessed What specifically well love on the spectrum is the greatest show I've ever seen okay yeah really love the golden Bachelor that was my introduction into that world's a big Bachelor but I was just taking in the last season of The Bachelorette haven't finished it so don't tell me anything but they were drifting and I was thinking about you the other day went on a drifting day yes oh maybe I should watch the B they had so many years to try to Wrangle everyone fin drifting I can't believe so many it's going to be like they're going to have a bass angling episode or something true they've done so many like what else can we doing Love is Blind my Lord oh have you watched love in the Spectrum yes the first season I saw several we watched some during the pandemic I'm new to it all but wow it's beautiful do you have a theory on why this is suddenly appealing to you sincerely it's not a theory it's just a logistical thing it entered your life it entered my life okay and you can't turn away so I entered my life and I was like oh this is the most incredible reflection of human behavior and social dynamics but love on the Spectrum you're watching these people just move forward with their heart and mind totally open and they're saying the very thing that we're feeling and never have the courage to say it's like one date is the equivalent of 40 of our dates yes you like boom let's get right down to it how are you feeling how's this going think it's going well I'm feeling this way I don't like this that's what always kills me is when they're like no I don't really like this the first few I saw I'm like yes dude it's quite transparent to me why that appeals to you okay that specifically because you are always on high alert for the truth I know where mine comes from I don't even know that I know exactly where yours comes from I think it comes from a similar place okay maybe charismatic deceptive adults I think it's about how to survive and understand what's real as a child what's happening because there's conflicting signs that portray realities how do I decipher what's real so that I can survive so I'm going to predict what's next yeah so these folks here like this is it they're going to tell me I plan on double crossing you in 15 minutes yeah it's nuts I find it very moving I struggle with it immensely reality television no no I love it I don't have a show currently but I've had long periods I love dating shows where everyone's [ __ ] I love that oh yeah I haven't seen those yet well you should watch are you the one that's can have the premise from two seconds so it's 20 people 10 hot girls 10 hot boys they're on some romantic location and they're just free to mix and see who they connect with they've been told that an algorithm knows who their perfect match is that's the Buy in that this computer knows who their perfect match is so then at the end of every episode they have to pair off and declare this is my true love basically only two of them are right but they've fallen in love right they've been [ __ ] for a week only two of them are right meaning to the algorithm yes do we as the audience know already we don't know and so they're trying now to figure out which two had it correct in which eight other couples need to Dosey Do and switch Partners wa but people are already in love there's jealousy I mean it's like the most man are they all living in the yes and they're drinking heavily yeah there's a lot of drinking in all these show you got to get everyone hammered are you the one do you watch Love is Blind no cuz all the cups you can't see through them so you don't know how much they're actually drinking is Love is Blind the one with they'll show a penis part No No Love is Blind is where they meet in pods I think it came out of Co initially I did see that I did see that okay and then they're kind of falling in love with what you would hope they'd fall in love with personality personality exactly and then they now get to see each other yes and they just did love as blind Sweden which was incredible oh was there a c big cultural shift very much so to the degree where there was no more engine in the show like they don't care what each other looks like just different mannerisms different way of communicating but they dubbed it so I didn't like it cuz the voice is everything you know at the end of it they do the live coming back show where find out what happened and that they hadn't I guess had time to dub and then all of a sudden you're hearing their voices it was Fant fantastic well they ha small talk in pleasantries which I appreciate about them and they're all real handsome over there in Sweden oh my God yes I just met our boss from Spotify and just a run-of-the-mill guy in Sweden but here you know 6'2 broad shoulders he's gorgeous and I'm like yeah this guy's just a [ __ ] by the way you look amazing dude your eyes are crystal clear really we haven't seen each other in person you look [ __ ] great oh wow thank you so much right doesn't he yeah I mean I see him every day but yeah looks so calm and healthy and his life good yeah life's really good I've carved out a really crazy impossibly good thing here yeah but I mean just everything yeah but this kind of then informs how much free time do I have to exercise how much free time do I have to drop my kids off at school it goes backwards from there of course still playing the drums yeah getting worse that's the [ __ ] bummer but still have it by the right underneath us I work out and then I play a little bit and then I'm like God it's weird I'm getting worse tell me your ritual the exercise no just like get up in the morning oh great I'd love to so self-indulgent I talk about all time oh you do so is this he asked he asked so it's yeah so you've given me the the blessing I wake up 2 hours before the kids are out well two hours before I got driving to school so five no six I got to leave the house at 8 how far away is school 2 miles I can do it in about 9 minutes if I'm punching what do we driving these days we drive mom's electric bolt there cuz I can do u-turns really good in front of the school and get the spot when mom's using your car I'm actually resentful I wake up I meditate for 20 minutes then my reward for that is I get coffee and nicotine and then I start journaling I Journal one page still journaling my God yeah won't quit well I quit for a minute and then I started doing OB it turns out they were very link and then I minimally have to write a page of Pros so I'm writing a memoir by hand and then it's poopy time because we've got nicotine and coffee in US yes and we're hammering that and then we get on the commode and the girls start filing in they start chatting with me and it's amazing they don't care is this a too kode brond but same thing so there's a heat yeah yeah I do my posting for this show at that moment like it's a Monday I put up the guest and then the girls start coming in out and I wonder is this the same with Leah where they can sit and talk to me like a foot away from me and it's terrible in there my bedroom is the bathtub and the toilet the bed are all in the same room yeah so it's 24/7 dude yeah you can't even walk out of the bathroom and get there no doors dude and you find she doesn't care there no door in my bedroom there's no door to the bathroom no the stairs go up and it's all in one floor wow just move from Zone to Zone God I would love that actually cuz again I'm moving through these little steps but do you find that your daughter doesn't care at all oh yeah no no we talk where I'm on the toilet she's in the bathtub that's sort of the goto I have a great biological question surrounding this is it your jeans that makes you don't care or is it just the nurture of it all it's insane that they don't care able to smell it there must be something here's what's interesting I didn't grow up that way right at all no I don't think I ever saw my father on the toilet until he got sick like ever in my life we can have aund conversations I need 6 hours I got to talk about nudity with a daughter so it's like we're the Swedish style or German like we're I at all time me too and by the way I was like that not with my mom but my dad always n and always took showers with them there was no no evacuations but showering was fine okay and you're quite comfortable nude totally okay then I take the kids to school then I work out then I research or research then workout one of the two probably research first and then I try to squeeze a workout in and then we come up here so two workouts no no I said the order wrong I would always research first cuz I can't drop that and then I'll work out and then we generally record at 11:00 for the first time and meditation happens where in this area oh in my bed so you sort of sit up yes if Kristen's leaving with the girls I can do that if she's not I wake up I make my coffee I bring it to the other middle bedroom and then I meditate in there on the bed sitting up yes and I've added cross-legged to it all me too when did this start I'm like this yeah I couldn't do that by the way I know this is crazy thing I do because I feel that there's a difference it feels like there's not one cus I got you yeah it's supposed to be connected at all areas right like you're breaking upou you know think it there's something circular about it when you do that a loop of energy that's what it feels like I got to add that I sit like this cuz I feel like it's going in a loop around my arms guys I'm crossing my hands and setting them in my lap and I'm doing this sort of like touching your ring fingers with your thumb yeah it's the original position that the IND original the thing is never to rest your head against anything obviously when did you start crossing your legs because anatomically I couldn't cross my legs three years ago I started like this this is how I used to meditate you look like a school boy at his desk right now The Listener then I stopped meditating for a couple years and I think when I started back up that's how it started and I always go to the roof in the West Village where I live that's where I sort of try to go even in the winter even in the winter better in the winter well it's interesting cuz I bundle up and then there's no chairs there cuz it's just a 450 ft little area and I have a little plot of grass and you haven't seen it yeah I have the very very top I was in the backyard I was in the bathroom SL toiletroom just a tiny little deck okay lovely do you have mats you sit on though no it just wood so I just sit on wood that's so much tougher so that's why I had to evolve yes cuz there was no chair I'm so jealous right now cuz I'm leaning against not my head but my low back has got some pillows behind it yeah my lower back there's grass wood and then I have wood on the wall okay so you're up against the wall [ __ ] cuz I was starting to think you were full David kerine style that would be really hard dude I know this happens a lot that I'll be mid meditation and I'm down here you slowly start drooping into the ground yes I tell myself you cannot think about this and also lift your head backwards that's right that's what I always I'm like oh where where am I oh okay how did my head get down to my chest okay is that first thing you don't have any caffeine before then do you no so what I do is similar it's like all predicated on when do I have to get Leah up so depending if my mom is visiting from Philly Leah loves sleeping with her all the way downstairs and we have three dogs so first is the dogs oh my God the dogs are at 4:50 to 5 a.m. walk down the stairs so it's six flights down oh my God 5 and a half yeah no wonder you're not hiking you don't need to take them out to the bathroom feed them go back up to bed try to another hour if I can I always push the limits God bless our schools Leah's always like tiny late sure sure and we live a block away you well the closer you are the harder it is the morning ritual is probably my favorite part of the day and it gives you so much self-esteem right well I'll tell you why cuz there's a gamechanging element to it okay hit my knees right away same prayer for the last 20 step and 10 Step Serenity our father and then a list of people that grows really quick all this is our isms right so it's like we got to meditate no we got to sit more properly no we got to do this and then the list is growing yeah that prayer must take like it's Madness minutes the last year of your life will be making that prayer and you have to add your name right as you die true and me and people have died that were in that prayer sure and then does it hit you emotionally or no sometimes no sometimes yes I'm always aware of it two of them have died is Charlotte's name in there no I don't pray for the dogs that's interesting well Charlotte I don't think you should pray for dogs but maybe Charlotte yeah well Charlotte was like a human yes your girlfriend really really I would also be like DH look at her no D look at her that's a beautiful woman I sometimes felt like I was interrupting things speaking of if I was in a relationship with someone who had a prayer like that I would be obsessed with finding out if I was in that list oh sure you know what's really nuts is like in the 20 years I've been doing it I think maybe I've missed like 5 days wow that's great do you have a bit of a Superstition like I do about the journal in sobriety that that's corner I do feel like there's no better way to wake up and start thinking about other people yeah cuz the rest of day I'm going me thinking about myself exactly everything is about yeah like let's start it off least get ahead of before we can even find today's Obsession let's make room for some other humans on planet Earth but do you worry it will turn into a pathology cuz I used to do a prayer at night it became bad cuz if I didn't do it or I was forgetting something it would become a problem so I just dropped the whole thing there's something about the physical action of getting on your knees and putting your head down on your bed that physical action alone feels so differential in a beautiful way again it might be your only moment of humility in you know it really is like to start out like that it's so part of like breathing now I don't really even think about it that dogs back to bed and then I put a cold Plunge in the basement of where I live dude I thought you were about to say your bedroom and I was going to [ __ ] laugh so this is becoming a Korean spawn there with like a bed in the corner there's like no room to move so I jump in the cold plunge every single morning for 3 minutes and every day I don't want to do it every day I'm in bed I'm like I don't need to do it and I force myself to walk downstairs and it's cold outside you know it's cold in the house and I'm like how am I going to do this and then I do it set the little timer on the phone 3 minutes I'm so happy when the alarm and then I feel so fulfilled I could literally go to bed and that's the end of the day that's the level of fulfillment I do too but I'm only about 3 days a week I have so many goddamn routines in the morning that it's like I have so similar it's crazy it's a shocking we can be friends it is really crazy our birthdays are a month apart oh our sobriety birthdays sorry days yeah our birthdays our birthdays are three days apart yeah both born deaf just to remind every what are the ways in think we're ugly I know I can't I'll try to get all the approval in the world if everyone could line up neatly and just walk up us and say you're good and then turn to the left but then don't forget you got to come back and say it again in 10 minutes I probably won't believe it 30 seconds after you left it'll feel obligatory rotating in fact if you could write it out it' be easier for me to you have that you're an approval junkie honestly I think I've grown a lot in the last 3 years that's great was there an impetus for that yeah getting older and realizing there are certain parts of me that have really needed serious work about intimacy with people women specifically like being in a like real healthy relationship and also because I'm a father and I'm like I just want to the least amount of damage that I could do to my daughter please let me work on myself and it's all just getting older and people dying in mortality times accelerating that's the currency that's it nothing but time and I think being at a place where I felt like I was willing to go to those places and a dear friend turned me onto this incredible therapist that like changed my life and really realizing the problem was I had no self-esteem I think that when I came on before we talked about this which was years ago now I think it was not recent it wasn't it was you been promoting you would have been promoting I don't think it was the GMO movie oh so it wasn't that long ago yeah when was that 2021 2021 November 2021 thought it years years I thought it was more than that okay yeah we're okay everything's okay we can we can it does feel like a long time ago I was maybe like a year into it at that point self-esteem and it all stemmed from I don't know if you feel this but creating a narrative about my upbringing that wasn't really my upbringing so I was starting it all on a false premise interesting of like I'm from Philly I thought I was like a beautiful kid and they thought I was a girl and I chip on my shoulder and and loving parents that's actually not exactly the situation yeah so if you're starting it out and also Dax and I connected early on about our childhoods to a huge degree in our relationships to our fathers and all this stuff our mothers of course we're like our mother's husbands and we The Golden Child that was going to be minimally president but I guess that was part of my false narrative to a degree too was that all it was or was there more I'm writing this Memoir doesn't need to be published I'm writing it so I can get that version that I'm so afraid to lose out of my head it'll be there if I ever want to revisit it it'll exist that's my action of letting it go wow there's the story I've been telling my whole life and now we're going to just set that over there he and also like nurturing a hugger and a kisser who got that in the'80s all this new information's coming in that's like and my mom I love her to death She's also not the angel she was in my story that's right nor should she be and that's my fault it's not fair it's not her responsibility yeah I have no resentment over it's just like wow I had a really C story us I used to not even knowing it because that's how the behavior I just found myself drift and starting with the real Foundation which again let's be honest is just another one yes I might reject the notion that there's a real one it's just there's all this data it's this infinite data of your childhood well it's all a story we're telling ourselves exactly one serves you in a feeling State at least I can tell when I'm more present when I'm not as a human being in my life when I started to do this work of re-evaluating the foundation of my life and trying to look at it with a more critical eye on honor honesty and reflecting on true memory I found that the benefit is I'm much more present in my life I don't need the things I thought I needed to fill up whatever hole I had and all of a sudden I'm willing to be more expressive creative present giving boundar yeah yeah yeah so to me yes it's another story but it felt like boy it's way closer to something honest because the benefits are practical does that make sense it totally makes sense for me I guess the thing I try to be critical of is the story is immaterial is the story serving to either excuse my Character defects justify me getting the things I want or somehow setting up a situation where you'll be even more impressed by me because you know the story so if the story has these kind of like self-serving gross motives which most of my story does I'm trying to self aize myself and seem like a victim and a Victor at the same time when I recognize that that's actually purpose of the story I think that's more what I'm currently honed in on I could also tell that I had the luckiest childhood that anyone's ever had there's enough data points for me to point to these relatively speaking we're already in the stratosphere on that Benchmark but what's the goal why are we doing this and the goal for me was I want to be able to be more of service to people in my life and then me also and I wanted to stop living in my head so much really so that I could be present and I wanted to love myself like in a real way yeah and then through that all of a sudden boundaries just came up that I could never create in relationships what do those look like my relationship with my mother completely changed oh boundaryless yeah like completely my relationship to Friendship your your bed your [ __ ] Your Mother exactly three dogs does she respect the B like does she like that they're here's the thing that occurs and I don't know if you have felt this with your mother but it all just effortlessly falls into place because the bottom line is I'm finally an adult right right do I fall back into Adolescent and childlike feelings and behaviors absolutely but my Baseline is an adult whereas before my Baseline was adolescence when I was in a good space I could live in the adult world for a little bit but that wasn't my Norm well and Bradley that's why work is so appealing to us is that you have all the evidence of adulthood through work cuz grown-ups work yeah and grown-ups execute and talk about there's boundaries you're walking into a system atic very clear there's a start time and hierarchy and everything I definitely have escaped and work before yeah cuz it feels like a very adult thing yeah well and being a parent is a very adult thing too that can be misleading stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare [Music] I want to ask you this when you're were talking about being a father I wonder if you've had this realization or thought which is it's not a realization they would imply it's implicitly true have you had this thought girls grow up and marry their dads and boys grow up and marry their moms so my daughters are going to go try to find me holy [ __ ] I better be like the most spectacular version of myself I want them going out and shopping for the one that's not deceptive or duplicitous or lying I think about that a lot in terms of how does my relationship with my daughter impact her growth and the journey she's going to be on and specifically romantically in life wherever intimacy finds her I've clocked that she's going to be s in March you know my relationship with my Dad yeah spent a lot of time with him I think I've already logged more hours with my daughter than I did with my dad his entire life yeah same same so so that alone is Bonkers were they divorced no it wasn't like I was a Strang to my dad but the sheer just amount of time that my daughter and I have hung out is Bonkers I just can feel the safy that she feels it's so tangible it's palpable that is so fulfilling and again this Foundation that you and I created manifested in order to justify the needs that we had growing up was all based on living in an environment where we had to survive to understand what was real right I was playing a game my whole childhood a survival game why because things were not as what they seemed growing up with alcoholism in a family is a very specific way to grow up what you think is real you find it isn't real and it's Earth shattering it's like finding out that we're living in some sort of metaverse you know it's like that kind of macro you're not human you're not breathing right now so as a kid you're like wait that's not my dad who's my dad what the heck's happening all you do is dissect Behavior like a scientist to try to understand what's real so to be able to have a child not grow up that way not monitoring every movement to try to predict what's next wow I want her to have as much as she can a foundation that's like 25 ft thick cement that she can walk on this Earth with that's the goal of course and do you find yourself having conversations with her lying in bed or whatever and then you leave and you go like oh yeah I didn't ever have a conversation like that all the time every conversation her ability to articulate her feelings at 6 years old same my daughter's can do a four step in like 30 seconds by the way no question her mother and I are balled over at this human being that we're raising that is able to articulate and by the way in her voice like I don't even think I even found what my speaking voice was really like until like a couple years ago you know I'm like I think I'm lowering it a little it's okay I have a sort of higher it's all right just be me sure it's fine someone will love me or more importantly I will yes yes our 9-year-old will have an enormous I mean she swears which I love I'll hear like you're not the [ __ ] queen of this place to her sister or something you know she can let a [ __ ] rip and it's great and she doesn't do it often but anyways she can go for it and then like 15 minutes later she'll come and be like I got really scared you weren't going to include me in that thing so I tried to hurt you back but I never feel when I tried to hurt you God like 38 i' had been in AA for [ __ ] n years before I figured out how to get half unbelievable oh it's so a and by the way thank goodness they're armed with that because the world now is so much more complicated than it was when we were growing up and the access to information everyone's opinion yeah we just didn't hear it we were making up terrible stories about everyone's opinion but they actually hear it I remember being like 12 years old and hear the term corruption I remember like what's corrupt I didn't even know what like corruption was like what does that mean asking my dad that I remember driving down Broad Street it was on like the news or something dad what is that I feel like our children are exposed to the realities of human behavior and how septic it can be and just globally what's going on we just have so much information it's hard for me to even be able to compute it and be able to keep moving on as a person throughout the day to grow up with that that that's the norm I'm so glad that our children have that articulation about their feelings so that they can live in some sort of calm yeah equilibrium yeah yeah you got to wonder like chicken or the egg maybe it's already just completely required like again we didn't change in evolve until we were forced to and it's almost like they have to already have found that no question or that would be miserable this is all they know but boy it wasn't like that isn't it I mean it is I people get sick of me I sound like a protier I'm always being a parent yes honestly I'm not sure I'd be alive if I wasn't a dad I don't know what would have happened I he'd be alive I think he'd just be [ __ ] I don't know man yeah I'm not sure I think I'd be alive but I also think do you yeah I don't think I could have ever achieved real self-esteem without no question that's really what it and don't you think at 49 with no self-esteem that's pretty scary with your makeup was make no all the things I chased to get that feeling that was not going to be obtained through any other way than this for me other people get there for sure I see it all the time there's tons of childless people of course I'm just talking about my experience yeah I just needed somebody to say like we're going to drop this massive anchor and I'm like why we're speeding I just got an upgrade on the boat and I know where the wind's coming in you're like no no no no there's a tsunami coming and you need an anchor and we're going to drop it cuz this is going to dictate everything you're going to do from now on your DNA is going to tell you that there's something more important than you I remember the first time I realized cuz every was like I would die in a second for my kid I'm always like if I'm being honest I don't know like the first like eight months I'm like I don't even know if I really love the kid we don't know yet it's dope it's cool I'm watching this thing morph and then all of a sudden I love that Honesty by by the way that's my experience that's a lot of people I think and they're afraid to say that I mean my experience was totally that fascinated by it love taking care of it would I die if someone came in with a gun it's only a couple of months I don't know she she just arrived she doesn't even had any drinks she could be an [ __ ] a psychopath I could be doing you a favor who knows and then all of a sudden it's like no question that knowledge alone for me the thing is I spent 38 years evaluating had I gotten enough love who didn't give me enough love who should have given me more love who should have been more of service to me that was my only analysis I was never asking like well how many people have you you loved how many people have you oh committed your resources to how much have you given and I think having them forced me to flip the equation around which is like my goal now is to give as much as I could and then of course course ironically and against what I would have guessed I feel the most L by giving it I don't feel that love by receiving it whether I'm broken or that's human I don't know but it's like you can give me a lot of love and it does work for a minute but ultimately it doesn't but the giving it it's the self-esteem thing it's like no no that's actually foundational and permanent you can't take away the 11 years I've given to Lincoln I can feel your love for me go away quite easily that's right it's like the first permanence also how about looking in a woman 's eyes and going I love you forever for real and I'm never going anywhere for real no matter how you act what you are I had not had that sensation before them yeah the word unconditional actually means something yes yes and I don't say that I don't love Kristen and won't be there for her but it's like could do enough stuff that I would be out that's also a reality there are conditions to my love and marriage but tell me this even what you've already been through and I'm just speaking hypothetically you probably would have been out the old guy sure if you lined him up at the beginning it's like here's what's coming your way I would have been like I'll keep Sho no there's a sense of ease I know exactly what you're talking about it's like I'm a different person cuz it was always predicated on the behavior that could be happening right now like I could be in and out let's see what you got cuz I'll be out in two seconds in fact you're always looking for it right what a horrible place for the other person to be in I know what a horrendous place again to bring it back to the back yeah let's go and you can see people that are living that way in fact I was watching an episode last night and I was I was I was commenting on like I could see that that person is talking to the other person in a way of like what are you going to do because I'm out in two seconds I'd like to be here but I'm also so scared but I'm not even showing you that I'm scared I'm showing you that are you the person that you are you good enough for me are you good enough yeah and no one's good enough for you because you're not good enough for you I mean I would never be so bold to say what that person's feeling but I related to it in the way that I have been you know without even knowing it and but now I look back and think what a horrible thing to put people through yeah and we've dealt with this in our friendship you share with me that you felt like you've had to walk on eggshells with me in periods of our friendship and I think that's what that was about to a degree but I didn't even realize it yeah I've had the feeling like he's trying to figure out how I'm screwing him over and it's very stressful exactly like I don't know how to say I don't have any ill intentions for you ex it breaks my heart that I put you through that well I've put you through this is how they work the Friendship true but back to the women I guess this is where to the narrative this is where it serve me as I do have conditions romantically I actually kind of Stand by that you can't be a raging addict hosting orgies in front of our kids and think you're going to live with me in this house but I do think this is where the story is corrosive is I've been married since I was born to a woman and that woman brought people around and I have pledged to myself cuz I love myself I won't be along for the ride of a woman I love and so that's the baggage I carry to previous relationships is like I'm waiting for you to behave in a way that maybe my mom did that I pledged to myself I won't tolerate ever again do you feel like you've been married to your mom since you were born no question that my relationship to my mother is a massively profound element of my makeup in life but my relationship to my mother is so different than yours to your mother I agree one of the foundations that I didn't realize was the lack of intimacy in my life as a kid and that seeking out intimacy was part of what I wanted because I felt so alone that was a narrative I didn't even know cuz I grew up the miracle kid and then they get had children all of a sudden I look like a beautiful girl do you know what I mean you know the whole thing chiping my shoulder from Philly all that stuff right it's like wait a second wait a second what was the reality yeah yeah you were shy as [ __ ] dude you were alone a lot and part of that Bor imagination which thank goodness I've been able to put into art we would both agree right I'm eternally grateful for my childhood oh I'm exactly where I want to be I wouldn't change an element me neither we always talk about this being addicted to cocaine greatest gift of my life yeah it's awesome yeah I don't think I would have gotten sober if it was just alcohol I think I would have carried the lineage of my predecessors and I'd be 50 I'd be a dad thinking that drinking's fine and then one day my daughter would see me the way I saw my dad and who knows what I would do yeah then it all blows up okay this is really perfect foundation for Maestro oh yeah it is yeah first of all obviously it's really really well made you did it really perfectly acted everything's great very unique tone that's consistent over three different film stocks and all of that is really impressive the opening line is great art will create more questions than it answers in a nutshell and this man who I know nothing about Leonard Bernstein I'm so [ __ ] mad at I hate his [ __ ] guts I hate him so much it's so personal watching this which again is a testament to how [ __ ] great it is I finished it my first knee jerks are like why even make a movie about a guy like that I mean when he looks at his daughter and lies I wanted to [ __ ] go through the screen and kill him because you wanted him to tell the truth yes and I'll get to what it's all about but this morning while journaling I'm like what's going on and I'm like it's all a Continuum I'm on that Continuum I am Leonard Bernstein I want Glory I want to be seen as special I want to have a skill that's rare I want to be adored I want to indulge all of my carnal whimsies but also have the love of my children and my wife I want to be a selfish monster and I want to create some kind of art or product that will excuse all my shittiness and I always hate the people that are most like me that's who I hate the most that's who [ __ ] gets me enraged and I am in such Judgment of other people that have what I have I don't think I'm Leonard Burns but I think I'm on the Continuum and I think I fight being him and so for me of course the one moral High Ground I have is that I would never look at my daughters and deny the reality they witnessed and so that was the moment where like well he's a piece of [ __ ] [ __ ] and I'm not and then I woke up and I joural this morning I a question that scene what did you think was going on with him in that scene do you think it was hard for him to lie to her I think it was really hard for him to lie to her and I think he told himself he was doing it for his wife and I I think maybe you even as an actor were doing it for your wife but then I go but then go one step further the wife only has to deal with this humiliation of having sold out her feminism and she's afraid to be in front of her daughter a bad model of what a woman should respect herself for because of you so sure you kicked it down the road and said I'm lying to protect my wife but really the reason your wife needs you to lie is because of you he didn't get out of jail for me in that scene does that make any sense the wife I don't think I mean it was but it was for her lying but he said I want to tell her she's old enough she's smart enough and then the wife was like you can't but then when he's sitting with her I think it was for her I don't think it was in service of the wife well I can tell you what was going on cuz I remember that very no no no no mean going on with me this is so great though that Monica and I always have debates it's that you can like turn to the person who knows the truth no but I don't know the truth I don't know the truth that's the thing I don't know the truth at all meaning I don't even know the truth about the actual conversation occurred or even like the truth of what is the movie Yes and by the way I don't know if I even shared this with you but throughout the process of making the movie I went through the same mations that you just described about him I was like [ __ ] this guy I'm an idiot why am I spending all this time dedicated to an [ __ ] and it was only because I'm like oh no he's reflecting all the [ __ ] that terrifies me about myself dude it's one of the most brutal mirrors I've ever se you know and it's like oh [ __ ] and if I want to try to approach this without acting really go there you know what I mean yeah you got to be anchoring it to the things in you exactly and in that moment I remember so well because I tried to get it to have two cameras but the composition I would I couldn't so we actually shot separately the size cuz you're in 43 at that point still yeah 13 three so you don't have the width to do dueling overs yeah and I didn't want to do French overs I could have done it if I did French overs it was like the movies showing that we hiding and I don't want it to be that way it's supposed to be like I'm actually revealing you almost want it straight down the barrel In This Moment exactly and I don't want the audience to be behind them I want them to be in between them no safety no distance we're distant in other moments where we're peeking in you know when they're fighting and we're like what's going on but now no we're in the middle this is a reckoning it was so hard for me to lie to her every element in my body was saying this goes against everything I believe as Bradley as Lenny and Bradley oh that's true yeah you guys are in concert there you know when she says I'm relieved exactly and I'm going oh [ __ ] no I can't teach you this relieved about what you're basically going to live through the constructs that have been dictated to us because early in the movie The reason why he talks to Felicia's like you're like me I could tell you have this accent that's kind of I can't place but your father's American but you grew up in Chile you lied about coming to New York to say piano but it's acting we're the same person because the world wants us to be one thing and I find that [ __ ] deplorable and I actually find you attractive you know remember in college even when we first started hanging out we spoke like we just gacked up without G yes dude it's cuz you're so excited to meet a like-minded person was like his anchor yes the world won't accept me but I'll never put out this fire and this fire eventually Burns everything down yes unfortunately we can get to that in a second but in that moment I would never say that really is Lenny but that character Lenny it [ __ ] killed him to lie to her yeah you could tell because the one thing he could hold on to was his identity of an unabashedly honest human being in a world that's trying to put him in a different category which is the most selfish you think about it also but it's only time we've seen his own behavior actually catch up with him he sees it affect other people he has to curtail his own way of living so that was a fascinating scene to experience I think it's the most powerful scene in the movie I think it's funny that you two projected those feeling like you were so angry at him cuz when I watched it I felt so bad for him I felt anger in the preparation I didn't feel any anger towards him while I was filming it cuz life is so complex and people are so complex and he's just one person caught up in this complexity and I believe that he can have all these feelings all at once and that the world doesn't allow for that but that's his truth and how do you reconcile that so for me I was just like oh life is so hard what I like about it is it exposes our own things so there would have been another character that would have been doing something that's one of your flaws and character and you would be ir and I would be like again I've overcome snorting cocaine so when I see people snorting cocaine I'm not like those losers they they need to get their [ __ ] together I just have compassion and I get it 6 months sober I like these [ __ ] never going to get their [ __ ] together you know I don't have that issue anymore but I think it's just so funny and then it's so obvious to me why you and I have the same reaction and interest in this is that we got a lot of feelings about someone that acts like that I don't have a lot of feelings about Carrie she might have been flawed throughout this and she probably did things that if you are a codependent or someone that lost your identity to another person you'd be in such great Judgment of her the whole movie I wasn't cuz that's not the [ __ ] Dragon I'm battling every night in bed dragon's the right word that's what she calls him you're a dragon and that's part of he's like oh you see me and you love me yeah you know I'm a dragon and you're kissing me yeah you know that's why that first scene when they rehearsing that's what she says to him when he's playing the king and she's playing exactly who doesn't want to be with someone who sees you and loves you so I could do anything I want and then there's the tragic flaw and again you evaluate your life it's the great relapse fantasy it's like can do it this way and as long as the other people don't know that'll be a success I just going to keep it from everybody and you ignore the fact that you'll never keep it from yourself his behavior comes home to roost in that scene with his daughter irregardless of the other people around him whether he's kept it on the rails or not and you're right no matter whether it was that moment in his life or another it was going to come back to roost like you said and also the duality of he's also teaching and helping no one's good or bad part of what she said seeped in cuz be kind to him those are the last words word she says to her daughter basically in the movie kindness kindness kindness so something did seep through I mean of course you're always evaluating whether someone's doing just enough good stuff to excuse their bad stuff like just keeping their own self-esteem in homeostasis two for you one for me I've certainly been guilty of two goods and now I I've earned something for me the other for me genius element was I have no reverence for conductors full honesty I have been to the symphony I'm watching the guy with the and I'm watching the musicians and I'm like they don't ever look at this guy this is like I'm wrong no you're not Chris didn't explain the whole you're not that does occur okay so for me it was such a wonderful exposure of my own priorities and things I value which is he's getting so much love and affection for this thing that a Dak Shephard thinks is almost fraudulent really you spin this thing around that's such an accomplishment that's worthy of worship and praise and it's Preposterous that that little tiny thing he does would excuse anything and then I go yeah in my things are just as Preposterous I too have a stupid thing I do does that make any sense yes that's really interesting I mean it it's very helpful that this character was such a legend in something that I didn't personally also composed now had you done a rock star or a film director or a race car driver I would have been trapped in the a little bit of yes this is a Worthy pursued and does justify some [ __ ] you do have to dedicate yourself to your thing in a manner that alienates other people but because I could find no purchase in the things he excelled at that actually like as a gift to me cuz it pointed out how equally Preposterous the things I value are and that there isn't a hierarchy in it it's just you do something great and you hope you won't have to play by any rules because you do something great 100% it got me [ __ ] rubed up I'm glad really really good really wow ripped up like it took me all night to sleep on it and then to journal about this morning cuz I was even thinking like what am I going to talk to Cooper about what is my angle and other than the obvious things like I said it's [ __ ] perfectly made I didn't know how I felt emotionally about it and then once I was journaling I'm like oh I know exactly how I feel about this this is the kind of person I hate cuz this is the side of me I hate the reason I did the movie one of the reasons in terms of focusing on him and investigating this person is that in the research and we talk about elements of ourselves in him but this guy lived his life in all of those aspects you're saying at a 100 right like that one human being was able to with such abandon embody all of the hypocrisies and contradictions of The Human Experience in his lifetime was mindblowing to me no wonder he died at 72 Full Throttle Full Throttle from 13 years old till 72 Right started smoking when he was 13 ashtray in the bathtub couldn't sleep by the way total Insomniac add that to the equation asmatic he was probably feeling physically terrible while also pushing through I mean if he was healthy he would have lived to like 130 you know and I talked to his kids about it I was like what happened to his brain because you know drank a lot the guy just devoured he was a dragon yes yes Chom Chom Chom and they were like his brain was sharp as attack till he died it's like God gave him everything let's see how the human experience works on this human being when they have everything ful charismatic effortlessly totally present if you watch interviews with him he reminds me of Michael Jordan there's like no inner monologue it's just you're asking him a question and he's answering it his sense of self whatever that thing is that he was given is so concrete and abant for others to be around that's why everybody I interviewed said like well when he walked in the room you know it's what you hear about Clinton the energy changes if he looks at you you're like I'm seen you're the only person these are massive weapons to explore this guy that reflects to various degrees in all of us he embodied everything at a 10 I thought this is interesting that was the thought I do believe the more I sit on it cuz as you just say that yeah like massive Arsenal what human is going to navigate that with total morality at all times that's a lot to have that effect on people and to not enjoy that and to not want to live in that permanently I mean think about it a guy brought a gun to school to kill him a student cuz he couldn't take that this person was living yeah cuz it reflected how less than he was and that his teacher strangled him during a rehearsal those things happened one of the things I realized was that I'd never tell my daughter is like you hurt my feelings ever because a kid can't hurt an adult's feelings that's too much power to give them cuz when I was a kid and I heard that I was causing acid to run down my grandfather's esophagus right you say you get me Aida I'm 6 years old going how am I pouring acid down this God who was a police officer imagine being a young man in your 20s and a kid comes to school to try to kill you because of jealousy and your teacher is strangling you because you're too talented think about what that would do to you have you found compassion in playing him I guess we all know this this is a well-worn Trope you can't be in Judgment of the people you play you know it's interesting I was thinking about that the other day I think I lived by that like have to love your characters I don't believe that at all the one gift that I've been given is empathy as a human being and the flip side is that is I'm so sensitive and could be hurt so easily I think that also is part of why I feel like I found the right thing to do with my life professionally those things could be a benefit to telling a story they're like height for a center yeah and I have so much empathy for him because of all the things I've just been saying because he was alive and had all of these traits as a human being and he had to survive with that and it's not like a two for one thing that you're saying but I don't believe at all you know that fight when she says it's just hate in your heart all you care about is showing everybody that they're less than you I don't believe that at all and nor does she and that's the hope of that con that's also too binary yeah exactly I think it can be both of course he loves the idol aspect but at the core what I feel from him and you could take any video if you like YouTube Leonard Bernstein played any random one and you and I talked about his eyes and his voice I don't see hate I see generosity now that doesn't mean he wasn't a monster at times but I do believe there's a deep light and that's where we get into a much harder and more nuanced question which is can we have these super special people and expect that they're going to be completely normal then when we need them to be his tragic flaw and it's by his upbringing the way Society viewed him his religion his talent he had a whole bunch of weapons pointed towards him but his tragic flaw and what we know now living in this in quotes evolved culture is that he could have done the work to try to be more centered and have boundaries and be able to live a life of kindness and I think that he didn't have those tools yeah he was living when if you were an alcoholic you went to the sanitarium that's right yeah that's a great point you can only be so disappointed in someone living in the Contex contextualized yeah that's very fair he had a lot of fires burning all at once I can have a great family I'll Fuel That Fire everybody wants to [ __ ] me I'll fuel that fire I'm an once in a generation artist I'll fuel that composing and conducting very hard to stoke both with equal fervor so you have all these fires burning you can't keep them all I mean if I've learned one thing focus on one thing but if you're trying to keep all of these things going eventually they're not going to be tended to and they're going to burn out or they're going to take over everything well and that gets to the heart of one of my cardinal sins I'm greedy I want everything I want to be the best drummer in Los Angeles no it definitely has dissipated that's what I'm saying yeah yeah yeah yeah even sitting here watching you I don't see any of that do you it can be confusing I'm really referencing the foundational stuff I battle and I do think there's been great progress so I am in no way because your core that I will go to the Grave is kindness no matter all this [ __ ] you and I have been through if not kindness I want the best for the people that I love I would say that's kindness okay good good that's how we're going to Def and I don't now here's the thing I wasn't sure I was urged to declare this diagnosis on him but I was looking for like just textbook narcissism as like a real personality disorder are the people around him props or is he genuinely concerned about the people around him does he want to help them as much as he wants to be helped by them that was another thing I found myself kind of evaluating and again because like I would alcoholism I try to really go hey man it' be real easy for you to start drinking the cool-aid you got to really mind yourself about narcissism and so I think I'm hyper aware of other people right or wrong but who's keeping him in check why can't he have all of it for a long time no one's saying stop this or no one's giving ultimatums so what human what human would say I guess on my own I'm going to give up this thing that is fulfilling me right now none of us would do that if there weren't people saying you can't actively betraying someone yeah and they're saying look I'm walking out or I'm leaving or you can't do this to me that was not happening and so it would take a astronomical level of understanding I think there was a lot of no first of all just professionally what he overcame never an American conductor certainly a Jew to come into this art form Hoover Hadad folder on him that was this thick looks like about three inches to for The Listener yeah imagine those are all tiny paper very thin papers the thinness available FBI he overcame so much and if you go back and read talk about bad reviews oh did he get eviscerated his whole career really oh yeah oh that's so comforting isn't it people made fun of his tactics in the 80s his conducting was all of a sudden praised by the very people that were ridicul you know he was a unicorn people don't want unicorns scared and the other difference I felt that I can't relate to is I don't know so much that he needed the praise of people because he was so aware that he was a dragon he had that in his own heart because it was a reality you know that was the idea of the beginning of the movie he's not living with us and God says I'm going to call you to come down here and show people this thing now that's a huge gift I'm giving you let's see what you do with it we've witnessed it most recently a couple times in John batist oh dude dude yeah no he's unb is he's a he's a GI joke and talk about present I see in John batiste's eyes that he is both grateful for the Adoration but that's not even in the equation his Pursuit is so far beyond that and that was Lenny's too I felt that helps me link those two actually okay he was like a ridiculous Talent Lenny when you get a chance just YouTube Leonard Bernstein does the history of Music in five minutes oh [ __ ] okay it'll be a very John experience it is he takes you through the beginning of sound to now oh wow in 5 minutes yeah I need to see that yeah yeah and you're just like okay and you're asking a lot again here's the compassion thing you're asking so much you're asking someone to live on another plane or that stuff is accessible and then between 5:00 p.m. and 9:00 a.m. live on your plane that's what I was asking do we have to have some kind of tolerance for if we want the things we want is Michael Jordan the funnest teammate no you're not going to get the funnest teammate and the teammate that brings you six championships there also has to be some level of of honesty in these equations I guess yes now it doesn't excuse if you're being hurt by that person but at the same time there's just a certain reality I think a lot of people want a lot of reward and not a lot of risk and that feels dishonest as [Music] well stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare [Music] getting back to what's the reason to make this movie I never really thought about weighing the analysis of it all in terms of judgment or win or lose it was more like I think this guy reflects things that we all feel and go through on a cinematic level because it's on steroids so the hope is the reason why you guys do this you want to connect with people that's it bottom line can it connect with you so you don't feel so alone as a human period it's real simple and I hope to let you into my occasionally that is the connection yeah that's the means by which we don't feel so alone I don't want to live in a room by myself for my whole life I need people also they're great reminders cuz you evaluate everyone around you assuming they're living in the same reality as you are and it's wrong and to have something tangible to experience someone else's reality actually remind you like oh no we're all living in our own little thing and so it's really important to remember this isn't the only version it's all subjective there's nothing objective about reality which is scary but true we assume it is and don't you think social media and media in general reflects just how disperate realities are 100% we actually have a booklet of another reality that we could open up and read and you're like oh wow that's a completely different analysis of even things and people that I know yes right you and I are doing it individually personally with their own story it's like oh that was a story that worked for 40 some years that's right is that still the story that work for the next 40 and might be time to make a new one yes I just want to ask really quick cuz you had done so much research I recently read the Mike Nickles biography have you read that I read sections of it I heard it's incredible I was thinking about you the entire time I read it I just kept thinking Cooper has to be obsessed with this book and again I was a Philistine on him like everyone in New York knows about Mark Nichols it's like a very elevated same with Lenny berstein and Leonard Bernstein was Godfather to their children I knew you were doing the movie and then I was reading the book and then I was learning that Mike hung out with him in Martha's Vineyard all the time and then of course I got more interested in Leonard Bernstein because this new guy I'm obsessed with Mike Nichols was somehow connected to him and sharing some thing but again I don't know what parts of that book you read but you know he was like [ __ ] smoking crack during a lot of these movies I know and then addicted to this benzo that made him go crazy for a year and he like sold everything he owned because he thought he was going broke I mean this [ __ ] was on a ride while making all these incredible things and I didn't even even know he had been the most legendary comedian of his day what I know Nichols and may insane yes so to me I was like oh these two feel very similar in that they're doing everything yes somehow Mike Nichols is the best Broadway director but he's also doing movies and he was the most inventive comedian with May and [ __ ] smoking crack and a father and married to Diane Sawyer makes me so fascinated with her and beloved totally that's the key but that was at a time when you could be I don't know about now given his lifestyle you mean yeah and just that we don't like keeping people on top now oh interesting we want him to be that but then we'd love to tear him down at this point if he was Happ now what's your relationship to that people wanting people to fall do you agree with that yeah I don't think anyone's nefarious or malicious I think that we are all blueprinted to tell stories and when someone gets to the very top we need a third act so unless they can get higher yeah I think in general people are like well what's next and Status monkeys you get tired of seeing the same people on top and it feels unjust and unfair and so let's use our power to take them down I think it's rough what do you think about it I never thought of it it's always so interesting to hear your point of view this idea of like just needing more of a story because then it gets stale I look at it from a different point of view my own lens which is I don't want to be alone and I do think that's a deep need I mean we're social animals exod period there's nothing easier to connect with somebody by putting somebody else down right that's the old thing you and I can [ __ ] on somebody we know and we'll feel like oh look how connected we are it won't last long let me applaud you and I have given you credit on here many times you are actually the person that pointed that out to me I can remember so clearly three things you've said to me one was when someone's talking [ __ ] about someone else to me it tells me more about them than the person they're talking [ __ ] about I was like GH that opened up a whole world to me one was my own vanity of other people on to what Cooper saying I'm just exposing myself two I started noticing I do it to point out a virtue of my own if I'm on set and I go like oh where's Mike 15 minutes behind I guess if I say that I'm saying I'm on time and I actually won't move through the world bragging about myself for being on time so once I just connect the pieces of what I'm really doing then I don't have an appetite for it anymore and I've discovered so many traits of my behavior that I didn't even realize until this Foundation thing this new story we are telling ourselves that's more close to the truth and I laugh at my boundaryless behavior and I think like oh I know what I was doing I had Justified it all cuz I'm honest that whole thing I don't lie it's a little bit more than that unless you're lying to yourself exactly yeah exactly you might be telling the truth Your Truth totally wrong and I can feel to myself it's so much easier to [ __ ] on somebody and connect and I feel like this new reality that's out there that has been cultivated for years when we first started being in this business I think is the Inception of it with like message boards you know remember back in the day your story with message boards is so fantastic but I think that was the beginning of it and now if you're part of a school council you can go and read the comment like it's everywhere everybody has their own little pocket of Hollywood yes and has to sustain a level of humanity or just sustenance given the amount of slings and arrows that they can read about themselves on a daily basis what saddens me is that it's the easiest way to connect with people by putting other people down that's kind of sweet though when you actually frame it that way it gives me Sympathy for the two monkeys talking [ __ ] on the third monkey is like oh I see they want companionship this seems like the easiest way but it's still hurtful oh God yeah but my goal is to hopefully give everyone the benefit of the doubt it's very hard for me A lot of times but when you frame it that way it actually allows me to be a little sympathetic to it yeah cuz I can relate to it it's not like these people are monsters and I'm a good guy it's I don't want us as a collective to go into that base easy way of communicating cuz all it's going to do is cannibalize ourselves cuz everybody's going to start feeling horrible about themselves suicide rat's going to Skyrocket drug use and we're going to get lost to grow takes work and not easy work and it never ends yeah bad news but when you work hard and people are working hard around you and love is the actual tool I can't believe that this movie got made the way it did there was a tremendous amount of adversity but there were enough people filled with love that made this film and that's the only reason that it was able to become what it is and that I know for a fact until I don't know it which is you and I undertake something and we work hard and we approach it with love I don't know what we're capable of achieving because we're doing it together I don't know where the ceiling is right that's really exciting we're a multiplicate but if I do it on my own I know I'll never get to where I could get if I'm surrounded by people that are all working together this ability to connect with each other so quickly globally as a collective we have so much opportunity it just saddens me that the negative aspect of it is also so destructive because it's the easiest yeah well it's incredible do you know what you're going to do next yeah oh fun I watched it and when it ended I was like I don't know where he musters up another I want to talk to you about it offline I'm very curious what you're going to think CU I always love your perspective well thank you I also need to just point out it doesn't have anything to do with mro but of course in my research I watch your most recent Fallon you guys have the most special thing it's so fun to watch I can't believe how fun it is to watch you two together do you [ __ ] just love going there you are so calm when you're there it's incredible you've got like these very low energy counter punches that are so great the whole time you're never in a hurry it's very Bill Murray when you're there what do you think it is about that relationship does it exist outside of the show I don't really know him outside the show that well at all like zero wow did you see the most recent one I don't know if I saw the most recent oh my God I don't know if it's an inow promo for these actual glasses he's got like these glasses that you can record on at anytime oh I did see that I and they're like going back and forth the glasses it could probably have gone on for 26 minutes I don't know and then we're trying to talk about the high school reunion you guys can't do anything sincere that's what's consistent between chemistry that's real yes and every time you try to talk about something for real it cannot be done and there's something so [ __ ] entertaining about it getting back to this story thing I know I keep talking about but I've noticed as I've gotten older and more present and boundar I'm just calmer in my life and one way that I really recognize it is how I cry because this love on the Spectrum show I cried through the whole show right right whenever I get emotional in my life I'm always like I'm the ugliest crier because my whole body starts to shake like I was never like the one tier guy like I'm like you sure you want me to cry in the scene cuz it's going to be you're going to feel very widen out my body's going to move around it's going to be very uncomfortable frame at some point and music is so moving I mean I cried a lot through the research of this movie because I went to so many concerts but that was happening in tandem of all this work I was doing I cry so differently now oh my body doesn't convulse cuz you're not trying to squeeze it in so hard there's just more relaxation that was one of the byproducts I recognized that a couple months ago I was like tears are just coming down I'm not like having a seizure right I really think I'm just calmer and more open it's interesting and that's kind of a beautiful thing I was so happy to feel that and recognize what it was cuz I thought I've never in my life cried like that remembering my dad when he would cry which I never saw till I was like in my 20s he looked like a baby first of all his voice would go three octaves higher cuz he wasn't open yeah yeah you know it was really interesting I'm not shocked that we're on a similar crying Journey CU we've been paralleling each other so perfectly but yeah I've become a huge crier and what Monica last year and a half two years I we did this show on Fridays where we interview arm cherries half of them I cry in I'm just crying all the time now it's like 30 years time with that person see me cry probably I'm not exaggerating Dex I'm not kidding probably 150 times in the last year wow and I'm just to go like it's Bonkers do you have some that always set you off cuz I have a very specific thing that seems to set me off it's not sadness it's almost like it's like spirit that breaks through when Humanity yes when I see humanity and that's why loveing the spectrum is like black tar Humanity you know what I mean Colombian flake yeah for me it's these documentaries about female singers oh wow Kristen came into the room about 6 months ago when the sheno Connor dot came out and I was sitting in BW in the middle of the afternoon and she came in my shirt was wet I was just balling cuz this woman despite everything would stand there and let it rip [ __ ] everything open up her throat and the chest and let it rip and [ __ ] you I won't let you not let me shine and I'm like like it [ __ ] me so bad it's always the same kind of vibe it's funny to say that as the business has changed most of what I talked to Dave bouari about is are we going to get another te- mile commercial and uh is Louis Vuitton going to keep us for a watch campaign like that's it that's literally the discussions yes well you're kind of handling the other thing on your own and it doesn't really bring in Revenue right you know so it's like Everything's changed oh I know and so I was at the Louis Vuitton Paris men's fashion show for that and farell is the artistic director and after the show he brought on a group of musicians from a reservation so they start singing and I'm sitting there you know with the Louis Vuitton alph trying to represent the brand well and these men open their mouths and start like you said will not be quiet right and I'm going to show you all the pain yes is going to come out of my instrument my body right now right cuz we're wind and string instruments right that's what we are we're both as humans right cuz we have our vocal cords and air goes through us so it's like two instruments at once being played through a human voice never thought of that and bro luckily cuz as I'm getting older I need glasses you know and so think and I don't know about you but like I'm so happy Lu bad eyesight and I was like convulsing but again I was loose so it wasn't hard but like I was like and just floods of Tears by the way it wasn't like it took a second you didn't need a ramp up they said action that's right it was exactly the same thing yes that someone would be beautiful despite all the that's right [ __ ] voices trying to shame them or embarrass them for being so oh it's the greatest all right I love Leonard Bernstein you came around oh Bradley we really also shout out to Dave you just brought him up but I'm always so flatter occasionally boogs will text me that he's listened to an episode it's always so thoughtful and nice of shout out I wanted to talk about your high school reunion I think it's so fascinating you went there but we don't have time you got to come back more I would love to it's so fun what percentage of your life is in La now 10 five oh no two we going to ever just pull out entirely or no I don't want to right and luckily it's a two-bedroom house it's okay but you know who knows who knows if Vuitton gets the footage of you [ __ ] collapsing at the uh the fashion show if you want to be an extremely sensitive man Louis Vuitton that's what we want that's what we want that's what we're asking for you got to go I'm getting okay okay great I'll let you go did you watch the Beckham doc I sure did as I've gotten healthier I know about less people now I don't know who's doing great at this or that I'm not really sure who's succeeding on massive levels I think it's like a good sign that I'm not tra cracking anybody but in that I've also lost as I've gotten older people I just am in awe of and I miss it and I watch Beckham and I'm like thank you we're back to me seeing Brad Pit for the first time oh interesting I want to look like you I started wearing sweaters and blue jeans again I love his tattoos on his neck I love how he cleans his countertop and I'm like oh good I got one I was afraid I couldn't get that anymore that's funny I almost had the opposite reaction where I was like yeah everybody's human body's dealt with adversity cuz my idea Beckham is like oh the guy which people I'm sure have said about us born and then you know everything is easy they never had a cavity they don't have to wipe it's like oh yeah The Human Experience again getting back to that is filled with Strife period yeah but if you could look as cool as him while you're going through it that'd be dope oh my God all right I love you this was so fun thanks for having me I'm glad you're doing so well you too eyes are banging oh good yeah all right love you love you tun for the fact check so you can hear all the facts that were wrong no I was getting my haircut oh yeah look nice oh thank you two years younger one's years younger fours years fours years younger oh I just love how the sides feel do you like to touch it a lot I do I do I remember when I was younger and the first time I shaved my head brought you chewy caramel oh will resolve you're wow this is a wa I almost caught it oh oh me too and I mine didn't see mine come until right before it hit my face it's soft you really believe I'm going to like it if your problem is that it's like an hour to chew through it okay that you'll be done in seconds 45 seconds oh wow and should I suck it or chew it oh wow it depends on your preference I mean I don't know if that makes difference are but if you suck it it'll last longer today is that bad yeah not ideal I know why don't I wait till I eat well no but we need it for the pot well I guess this is what work is about it'll make you hyper for the fact check no one's going to like what I'm about to say uh oh it's already it's too much well it is a big piece well it's like so sticky kind like it does taste very good it's the duck fan the game is to like chew not all the way it's dance it on your mullers so it doesn't stick I kind of like the challenge of it it tastes so meaty because of the duck fat I got put it away oh you're not going to finish it I'll finish it later this is how I feel about caramels like I don't I don't want to finish it it's going to take me an hour to finish it how can people not like the sound of that it sounds so funny it's all stuck it's all stuck on my teeth I appreciate you trying you did I loved mine but I I already knew I loved it it does taste really good though I even broke my sugar for you wow that's a big deal okay back to the first time I shaved my head I remember like submerging my head in a bowl of water uhhuh like tipping my head down for what I had shaved my head I know okay and then I like wanted to get all the like whatever res res yeah the little particles out uhhuh and when I dipped my head in it was one of the craziest Sensations of my life wow what did it tell me more I don't know what to say other than um tickle tickly you know when you get um you get tinglies on your scalp like when hair play sure sure sure yeah it was just like putting a dome of hair play on so it's like someone was playing with your hair when you put your head in the water as I was inserting it into the water as the water took over the whole shape I was like ooh like I got it the CH like a chill pleasure chill that's what they're called pleasure chills wow yeah I really missed that but not worth shaving my head again that was part of my downfall in junior high when I got too too close to the Sun I thought I could pull off close to the Sun I thought I could pull anything off and I couldn't I know it really will expose how big your nose is when you shave your hat did we ever address the fact that we did the nose swap we posted it we talked about yeah it was pretty concluded well first of all a lot of people were like oh my God I couldn't figure out what was going what was wrong with that photo which is funny but also it did prove I think once and for all that my nose is three times the size of yours cuz your nose look tiny on my face and your mine looked enormous on okay but this is a false negative negative because obviously your nose is bigger than my nose because your face is bigger than my face because you're a bigger person than me okay it's about proportions and I think proportionally my nose on my face is at least the same if not bigger than yours on your face well yeah agreed to disagree and now there's no way we need another system because we thought that was going to prove it and your nose was a button nose on my face well obviously I mean also the angle ofct like wow that would be I can do another one I've intentionally did not resize noses normally if I'm doing like a face swap I'll try to make it proportionate I have a new idea okay let's do molds of our nose and then we will be able to hold the mold up in your case you'll be able to put my nose completely over yours is my guess okay but again this is the same problem because you're talking proportional so what we need to do is we need to measure from the top of our hairline to our chin but that's a little unfair cuz I'm a male and have more of a receding hairline but this is all part of it I guess visually yeah yeah anyways yes we do need to do a full r ratio can we use your penis mold that you posted to do a nose mold well I don't know I kind of want to save it for aenis a penis like I don't think I'm ready to give it that up yet and that was the only one on planet Earth yeah uh yes driveway dolls the movie which I haven't seen yet but I that's a movie promotion yeah oh interesting Cen yeah Ethan Cohen it's a Cohen Brothers movie yeah and they're handing out penis yes of course well I don't know of course that sounds very risque for the Coen Brothers oh don't you think it to me it sounds so accurate oh okay cuz they're funny they are funny but they're also classic they're also not saying even though you we've talked about this before cuz you said well when it's one it's actually both but they're not saying it's the Cohen Brothers they're saying it's Ethan I think just Ethan Bradford Vermont Brad from Vermont Brad Vermont oh that's the location yes I thought it was your friend Bradford Vermont Brad Vermont from Vermont yeah like this is what basketball players will do like Susie Denver Tiffany Sarasota what do you mean because they go to a city to play basketball and they meet a uh a Jennifer Oh Oh you mean in their phone yes I thought I thought you had a brad Vermont I was like this is so exciting yeah that would be cool yeah people people do that they go to places they hook up and they put in the they don't know the last name even if they knew the last name they know in 3 months the last name won't ring a bell exactly and I think more ambitious and um prolific some of these players got I think there had to be more adjectives because I think there were multiple Jennifers from Denver and then so sometimes it's Jennifer Denver red hair Freckle on nose oh my God I think you're also giving them a lot of credit cuz I think they just didn't even put the name in they might not have put the name in I don't know it looks like so his wife wrote it a while ago script was uh conceived several decades ago oh several decades ago yeah by his wife and she edited a bunch of their earlier movies wonderful um and then he was Ethan explained me and Joel would never have made this movie it would not have happened I don't think me and Joel would have written a romantic comedy about two female leads ah here's the funny thing I think 20 years ago we could have gotten an important lesbian movie made but this is an unimportant lesbian movie that just didn't compute then oh my God that's hilarious important Les that's really funny also Matt Damon's in it for a quick hot second oh he's got a pop mhm who are the leads um morgret quali I mean did I said morgret yeah I was like this is a fresh face introducing Margaret qual Margaret quali okay uh beanies in it um anyway okay when I saw I got my penis in the mail yes and it is exciting yes now let me ask you to mold I have to mold someone's penis now here's a here's a fun question for everyone okay I would be very flattered if someone asked me for the mold this like can so like would you feel comfortable just asking like Matt Damon like would would you be would you mind mold your penis cuz I I if I were him I would feel so flattered it's such a compliment that's what I wonder like how inappropriate is it to request to ask like Jimmy to ask Matt for you yeah to ask a best boy to ask another best boy yeah um if he'll just like make a little mold for me I mean this don't say a little mold CU that may trigger him to not want to do it or or he'll really want to cuz he'll want to show it's or maybe it's a little that's fine yeah I know everything's fine I'm just telling you if you approach the dude and say I want a little mold I can just promise you that the boy the wish can only do big molds if you want a big mold call back okay but this is sort of similar to the question of like can I have just a little bit of your sperm also is that also a question that yeah because we talked about this on race to 35 with Andrew huberman oh right how would you feel if someone asked for you sperm to be a donor that to me well we've talked about this under maybe a different guys no one no one asking me but just that would be a no for me because I couldn't handle knowing that a child of mine was alive and I wasn't helping I know but a penis of mine out there care giving pleasure to somebody some guy or girl who you know yeah maybe both maybe it gets passed around knows maybe it's a group party everyone has right um sounds unhygenic well they I'm sure they could figure out I don't think you're really thinking much about hygiene when you're yeah by the way if you're worried about hygiene in an orgy you get out of the orgy it's not for you I for well I don't think it's for me for that reason sure and that's that's great well I don't want to say never but you can't have your cake and eat it too I agree right so it's just everyone's got to be honest about well you can have cake and eat it too if you have cake at the but ironically that might lead to more infections than anything anyone else was fearful of but it tastes so good yeah yeah I do think like high school kids wound up with UTI and stuff because they got a little too adventurous with the food and stuff they were smearing on each other yeah yeah UTI they'll get you okay so back to the the mold the penis mold who are your you're going to send three emails oh my God yeah what yeah three EMA anyone in the whole world emails that would go directly to them like not like Jimmy to the that's wasting to you got a direct line okay you hey it's Monica I got this really fun thing it's a penis mold and I was just thinking of like whose penis would I want a mold of and uh yours so if you're up for it I'll send it over okay and I have I have another one more question yeah am I allowed to send it to three PE three different am I allowed to collect three M no my my thought here is just like you're going to mail to multiple colleges oh oh I see one acceptance yes I'm an accept Okay Okay um feel like we know two of them I know that's why like three is a small number okay you want to do five yeah okay let's do five CU then two we know yeah Matt and Ben let's just reiterate because this is your first episode of armchair expert uh Matt Damon and Ben Affleck are number one and two males sent not in that order no no particular particular order those two that would be so interesting to see the difference between those two penis think tell that's a great question I think I like in my heart I feel like I I do think I could I know me too I already feel like I can imagine what they look like sure sure me too wow yeah okay those two I think I feel like you're playing longer than you I think you know immediately don't I really don't okay okay because look this is not like let's not get into the reality I know what you're about to say what you who really wants this penis anyway oh no I wasn't going to say that no I was going to say it's different than like who do I want to get married to of course so it's this is whose dick do you want inside of you yeah which is very specific yes um maybe can I suggest one yeah Carmelo Anthony yeah that's a good one cuz you're [ __ ] pants exploded when he was sitting in here they did again if you're new to the podcast your first episode Monica's wardrobe literally broke into two places while we were doing the interview the crotch ripped right out and your buttons popped they really did I know it'san just from yes yeah so that's a good that's actually a really good pick okay great I think my body is going to respond well yes yes clearly um as as has already been demonstrated and and if anyone's married or girlfriend did up with these people or you consent in this like whole thing well that's the thing so like if anyone wanted a mold of my penis again it'd be super flattering and great obviously what my first question would have to be like hold on I've got to ask my wife if I'm allowed to make a mold you would never ask her that well I'd have to ask her that no you just have to say no because you know that that she would not want that what let me paint a scenario I bet you I can paint a scario virtually we get a letter from Dame Judy Dench oh okay and she's like I hope this isn't inappropriate uh but I was watching something and it occurred to me I would love to have a mold of dax's penis if this is offensive my apologies she's so polite yes in playful and fun and you don't feel like everything's great so Dame Judy Dench requests a mold of my penis I would say to Kristen hey we got I got this email from Judy I'm inclined to make her one okay and I have a hunch she'll say yes Christ would say yes I think you're right yes but realistically it depends on the person I know which is funny because that just proves how arbitrary in your head depend on it would depend on the person for you if she was molding her P it would it would well for sure like you probably wouldn't want Mike to have access to that oh interesting I have a sliding scale like this has already happened in real life in the past which is I have a ton of variety of friends I've had varying levels of them being inappropriate with girlfriends I've had sure and there are certain friends of mine that I saw more predatorial than others Bri and I used to play this game we walk in and we're banging X what's the reaction I love this yeah yes and so always like if I walked in and Nate and her were making love I'd be like I'm kind of happy for both of them yeah you you used to say that about Christ and and Nate too yeah I say that about like Nate Nate's allowed to make love to anyone which is okay now hold on I want to Deep dive into this a little yes because you what I want to be made clear it's not pity cuz Nate's a stud that's what I was about to say because if I heard that about me I would take that poorly oh right you would think it would mean you're not threatening exactly that's not it so I'm glad we're getting into the the granular details of this every girl likes Nate that's not he's very attractive yes and his personality is like the greatest of all yeah but he would never ever make anyone uncomfortable or he's just not like a hungry predatorial type yeah you feel like it's he's so safe yes yes and he would never cross run away with them he's not trying to get what I have so he feels better about himself right I can isolate when people are trying to get what I have so they can feel above me or Superior to me oh as opposed to just being attractive yeah that's not really it interesting Y and so you're okay with people just being very attracted to her but having nothing to do with you yes and I told you I there was a very weird hookup uh hookup fraan slip there's a very weird hiccup in my open relationship with Brie yeah which is like I didn't care I was not jealous but there were a couple different people over nine years or I just felt like dude on dude when I was around them I was like this is more about you trying to Al me and like something MTO mail happened that had nothing to do with whether or not I cared they did something and I didn't know about it and you felt did you kind of feel like protect like is it even a like do you even like her or just there's just a couple different dudes that where I felt like oh this is more of a challenge to me interesting and then that became a completely separate issue but one that did make me interesting uh against the notion okay yeah there's a certainly a ton of people that I guess I wouldn't care and then there's a bunch of people I would not want and same for her right like right it go that's the whole point is well I do Wonder this is what we don't know is there anyone she'd be like yeah that's okay that's what I'm saying kind I'm inclined to say yeah like definitely this D Judy Judy bench example I think is a really good one like Merill Street you know why oh Merill Street I don't know she'd want that a good one I want that I'll ask her yeah okay the reason I feel like the answer is no is because even the idea of asking her this type of question I feel like she's not going to like this okay yeah doesn't need to be asked yeah even the Judy Dench example cuz she'll be like why do you need to do that these questions like it starts getting out of control you know like there snowball why do you need your penis to be out there in the world right what would you say okay I'd have two two things one would be she asked for it yeah Dame Judy Dench asked for it yes and then I would be honest and go like I find it very flattering and I like the idea that she wants that yes and she would say that's mine uhhuh that penis is mine yeah and I'd go okay yeah yeah but I would I would own that I feel very flattered by that of course I think a lot of people would I mean I would if anyone wanted to m oh my God I would love it yes yes yeah that'd be very very flattering um but the conversation I'm having now about all this with Kristen is like now you're getting into this very very interesting and dynamic spectrum of what is cheating exactly which is like exactly never-endingly fascinating and there are so many things for some couples that would be just cheating yeah that are not for others right you know oh I mean everyone kind of gets to set their standard is for that this would be to a lot of people this would be cheating which is funny cuz it's not cheating the person's like never even touched the person they didn't witness any of the stuff now if it escalated to like I now I'd like to show you a video of me using it now now we're getting now we're definitely we're inching closer and closer that's yeah I think most people would still not cheating to me well to most people it what is yeah I believe you're right that a lot of people would be but but like if I walked in and Kristen was watching a video of a guy jacking off that he had sent her that on DM that she knows not yeah it wouldn't be cheating the fact that she watched it she was curious and wanted to watch it I don't for me that doesn't constitute cheating cuz like what's the difference between that pornography so now we've drawn a line between you can watch pornography but if you know him one of the actors in the pornography then that's an issue so that's just a very arbitrary and interesting line no if you if you know them and you talk to them in life and you're around them in life it's much different than a stranger well different than her just watching Once or what do you catch her like 3 weeks later watching masturbating it okay great so what this is what I'm suggesting so like yeah on the surface you're like oh my God she's jerking off to this dude that she knows but like if I walk in and she's jerking off watching pornography the physical reality is identical she's having a fantasy about other people to climax mhm and so what I'm really saying is like I don't mind her imagining being with these people sexually to Climax by herself but I mind if she's watching someone she knows to climax okay so that seems like an obvious line until you think I don't think I have a right to tell her she's not allowed to masturbate in her head about people she knows yeah you don't you can't so all we've added is like a video component like I'm fine with her masturbating to people she knows and then I'm fine with her masturbating to videos if it's pornography so weirdly I don't think it's is clearcut but it is it is well it's not clearcut every again everyone's making their own rules for this but it is crossing an emotional line if someone is sending a video that they made for the person uhhuh and but let's just say she's never sent anything back she's just consumed it now where it gets now I think you add another layer like I walk in and she's FaceTime masturbating with somebody she knows then that's like time to chat right yeah I mean look again and we need to you're an anomaly and most people are very uncomfortable would be extremely uncomfortable and I'm not judgmental of those people I I would ask them to not be judg all of me you have your own yeah I'm just not terribly threatened by that stuff right I mean but emotional [ __ ] mixed with physical [ __ ] that's it's the I think it was my sure no I was just I already said this on his episode so I don't even feel bad saying it again like her and Mike Sher going to a book conference in Pennsylvania for two days that's way more problematic to me than her masturbating watching a video of him that he sent her because that means when they go anywhere together like the chances of them really crossing the line are much higher but again I'm threatened by Mike's philanthropic good nature uh the thing I can't compete with that that's the thing that threatens me is what I can't compete with but don't you think part of why she would be masturbating to him because of the books it is it's because of his whole package it's not his sexual that's I think one thing again that's different of between men and women women are not necessarily which is why back to the original premise of this whole thing where I'm picking these penises right uhuh but I'm I'm thrilled you're actually excited about this cuz I could even see you saying like well I don't care about the penis that's where I thought you were going to go at one point and I was like well I am sort of getting there now unfortunately but like that's aunch it was going to go that's the truth about women you're attracted to the I keep forgetting it's okay um every time you're making a point I'm like you're attracted to the whole piece and the personality and the connection and those things yeah Skyrocket the sexuality to a much different level of course Al that's that's that is threatening although women do watch pornography in enormously High numbers totally so but I think they're picturing projecting a personality onto them yes like I I don't think it's just that's probably true cuz I project onto them and in fact this is I've already talked about this too but again if it's your first time great this will be your first time hearing armchair expert that's welcome I hope you're enjoying it this not normally this pervy but also it is sometimes this pervy um when I'm looking through the options for pornography even though you don't often look at porn I don't and I I think I've been so honest this whole time I hope people will believe me yeah I think some people watch porn every day I watch porn like probably twice a month I'll watch porn okay right 24 times a year I'll do it okay I I forget it's even a thing right when I do and I'm scrolling through these Pages like what I'm on High look like I know from listen a Stern guys are like they like stepsister porn or they like babysitter porn you know they have a they have a they have a genre they like I like porn where I actually think the girls super into it and getting off right and I'm like scanning to try to evaluate whether I think This Woman's enjoying it or not that's nice cuz my projection is like giving tons of pleasure in being validated as being good and all that stuff yeah but yes so ultimately I'm projecting yeah we are I guess I'm at Le searching to find the thing I think that matches what I'm what you want in life so maybe like women who have a personality type are like they're scanning through and then that guy looks like a jock I don't like that this guy looks like yeah probably or I just think it's more a whole blown out Fantasy Versus just sexual pleasure like yeah the physicality of it there's more there's more happening with women as we learned um responsive Andor spontaneous arousal people Vanessa Marin yeah she's been get I mean people loved that episode was a great great your first time listening go back and listen to that one okay well I still haven't picked my penises okay so we got we have three of the five yeah we have three of the five I I want Brad Pitts okay great yeah um that's the kind you know what's funny is if you had this penis collection I can only imagine there'd be one that when girlfriends came over you'd be like you want to see Brad pits you probably have it in a loose sight box and like show people yeah yeah maybe some lighting if we interview him I'm going to ask him not for you but I'm going to ask him has anyone asked you to make a mold of your penis and then is it something you would do for somebody okay cuz that seems like a pretty good interview question I feel like maybe he should have put out there because then he's definitely not coming on um okay and then and obviously I'm not like no one in my life is on my L like I'm I'm intentionally like no one in my life is on my list right don't feel um Charlie is not don't have your feelings hurt Ryan yeah exactly yeah if you said Rob no Rob's in my life he can't be on the list um um the loopin guy I was just thinking about him you're considering him I was considering him or Donald Clover I was considering him too yeah yeah yeah yeah I know okay here's the other problem yes Donald just because they have the personality you love doesn't mean it's an ideal dildo correct and like he's so sexy but his dick on its own is not so sexy it's just is what it just is now we're back to yeah that's why that is why Ben and mats are so premium yeah really like because I have so much emotional connection to those yes yeah hold it and you'll be like I'm holding his P wow yeah what a I'm getting excited just thinking about it like even Carmelo is not that except I that's more like I think you more visceral erotic get excited I Primal yeah the way your clothes explain I'm only going to send out three emails wow well wait so Donald no and and lopin no I think no Brad Pit no oh yeah oh four four that's great you got 80% to think about the fifth I want to pick someone weird for you like I want you to do like a genius why because maybe there's something special about that and I think you could like dial into exactly what we're talking about with Ben and Matt like if you had Einstein's penis oh oh we can do ghosts but no but I use him as an example oh of like someone that might be thrilling or um oh you know who I'd want to do if it was penis who's uh JFK Jr right you love that yeah hold it hold it it's just like so waspy it's such a waspy dick the white is like the mold was one color but it comes out like translucent white oh my God or or o i shouldn't never mind do it I was going to say like someone from high school who I wanted very badly that's good and then I felt bad saying that because then it felt like a teenage dick but they're they're adults now yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I think I would be like so mean to that one oh you would you slam it in the door yeah because it was yeah they never gave you hate [ __ ] that one yes exactly it is incredible oh it's incredible it is a okay look it's a it's a dingding ding because this is for Bradley Cooper a very where most people would want a copy of his dick yes and I I Ruled him out because it didn't feel appropriate for this yeah that's good that's smart Okay one of the facts is um when Bradley says and you said it too but this like him disliking his face oh uhhuh which I I believe him right like he's not lying he's not that's true but it's like a little bit it's like when like when Bezos feels broke no but when models go on talk shows and say they were tomboys and you're a little like oh God like you can I know what you're saying but I think it's different cuz I think he's not pretending he was a dork in high school some of these really hot look there was an Amy Schumer sketch about it a famous great one it's a well-worn thing like I was no guys liked me and I was a I was like a gaming nerd that I think is a lie but the problem I don't think it's fair for us to say that I don't think but there was so many I know there was so many that there was a sketch about it so I definitely think they they know it's easy to hate someone as beautiful as them and it just feels like less you would hate them less if you found out that they were an awkward duckling for a while that's what we are saying like I don't know I just it gives me a little compassion for those women who we've now like made we have like made jokes about like oh God like they're saying they're tomboy or that yeah they ugly ducklings but they probably were sure that's possible I think it's funny because when Bradley Cooper who objective exactly is is is saying he doesn't like the way he looks it just is reminiscent to me of when a model goes on a talk show and says they were a tomboy so what's interesting though is like just think it's funny oh yeah I see your point I recognize your point I don't don't see it the same if Ashton was doing that that to me would be identical to the models from CW doing it there there is a class of dudes if Josh dumal was saying it and Ashton was saying it and some of these other like pretty boy models were saying it I think for me it would also file into the the category of the crazy hot actresses who have done it I think it's also hard you you've been friends with him you've been friends with him for so long like and you've on the ride like yeah yeah I think you it might be hard for you to see I'm trapped in his lower status yeah I'm glad I am I guess no you should be yeah we met like trying to claw our way into that number seven on the call sheet of uh you know of Wedding Crashers so it's just different when people just when he just appears on the scene hangover coming down the escalator in the suit who is this person yeah powerful powerful now I wonder if what he would admit because I would like to hear it from him and I've never even asked him I'd like to know if he does acknowledge he has an animal magnetism because I could see him not liking his face but recognizing yeah somehow I do have a major power over girls I think he he has to know that well I I don't think so based on what he was saying about Leonard and like his magnetism and his weapons yeah he was saying if not like I can relate type of I I my take from that was that he doesn't recognize that he's him that he also has all those weapons and um does have a magnetism that people are just their pants are exp drawn to yeah okay so the Catalyst suit he talks about that he works out in yes it's Callis with a K yes it has EMS technology Electro magnetic surge systems and yeah you wear it it's FDA cleared for Consumer use custom suit sizing machine washable textiles oh wow unlike your Wonder Donuts from the Apple well they just arrived by the way I did first meditation this morning with the new Donuts on exciting you know I decided to do is go two-tone so I have the green ones but then I got the silvery white donuts and I like how it looks nice I like that yeah cool okay can I put the green ones in the dishwasher I'll let you know how it turns up yeah we're sitting in there right now waiting to be blasted wait did you really yeah tax what it's going to make everything so stinky in there in the dishwasher yes oh I don't think so it's like a nuclear bomb goes off in those things okay okay well it says you can do a full body workout in 20 minutes with zero compromises oh wow I good cuz I hate compromising yeah so that's that um okay the reality TV show that you wondered if he was talking about but he wasn't is called naked attraction that's the one where the penises are everything gets exposed right okay now you know what's interesting I'm now going to join your side of the street a little bit okay which is I watched an episode of that or something what I can relate to is I haven't seen the person yet oh it's not so remotely sexy no like I see the vagina and I'm like yeah I just don't know what it's attached to I'm not willing yet yeah so you realize it is subjective and tied together to some degree it is yeah um okay why can kids be around dad's poop did you get some info on this I asked Adam Grant oh if he could help me if he could point me in the right direction okay um he gave me this is to PG-13 for him did he like immediately bristle I said I'm sorry I said I have a pretty disgusting fact to check DX said his kids often come into the bathroom to tell to tell him things while he's going to the bathroom and they don't seem to care about the smell Our Guest had the same situation with their kid I wondered if there was some sort of evolutionary explanation for this do you know anyone who could answer this I'm sorry to rope you into this very gross inquiry and then he responded with like this face yeah exactly like a yikes but also a laughing face okay and then he little this a little that and then he he gave me an email of someone at Yale so that's TBD I haven't oh okay great so this is kind of going to be a multipart exploration also when I just did this um it reminded me in Mr and Mrs Smith yeah she looks she does your thing oh I know I know she looks in the mirror makes horrifying face great things in that show yeah she's so good she is I love when Mr and Mrs Smith gets into race stuff yeah I love it yeah you just don't see it everyone's pretending that people talk different than they do he gets to he gets to tell that side of it you know yeah and she gets to tell the Asian side exactly um but I'm just refreshed cuz like these are the real [ __ ] conversations couples have about everybody like no one's no one's putting their best foot forward to appear good in public and not get cancelled right and you just don't see it on TV anymore and it's kind of maddening because I know what real life is about couples talk about race they talk about everything yeah okay there's the 5 minutes of history of Music Leonard oh [ __ ] I forgot to look that up yeah I was going to play it but this is going long okay so check that out on your own time okay if this is your first episode we don't normally give homework so don't think this is standard but sometimes I do probably one in about as frequently as I watch pornography so once twice a month maybe you get homework okay um oh he says scoo when he's talking about his um um meditation pose and that's from Kung Fu Panda right um that's it I want to say for the record I deeply deeply enjoyed this interview yeah me too and it really stuck with me and it really made some things click for me and it's one of my favorite chats I've had with Bradley well just like stuff that then I brought into therap to kind of discuss and I just like like he you know when I bring up all the stuff of like it's hard for me to watch a guy that I'm on a spectrum of and these are my qualities I hate and to hear that he like he had no defensiveness against that he was very much like oh yeah I have the same kind of thoughts and I've obviously he's been thinking about it for two years and I've been thinking about it for 36 hours and so kind of like once again his his synthesis of it maybe his compassion he has for that person was just kind of I like observing it I yeah I thought it was it was nice you know cop has a history I have to acknowledge of like every five years he kind of he has a little pearl of wisdom I end up using a lot yeah you know I never even finished my list it occurred to me after the end of the interview I said something like you've taught me three really actually can you share because I can't remember the third but the first one right was was it about people talking bad about other people yes yeah so that one was really a like lightball moment the other was while in a relationship not Kristen him teaching me how to acknowledge What Fear this situation is really bringing up cuz I would say the whole fight and he would say wow if if if a woman said that to me I would be feeling very less than or I'd be feeling very this and that and I I really couldn't think that way yet you know that was 18 years ago or something I just couldn't I was so stuck on that that was a mean thing to say to me or that was objectively [ __ ] or cruel and I didn't then think well probably that same statement wouldn't affect someone else that had a different set of fears right so why does that affect me like adding the piece of like why is that so impactful to me what fear do I have and then like him encouraging me to say to that person when you said X it brought up this fear in me and I am very insecure about this and like that's the impact and that felt like if I were to have ever done that in front of a woman she'd be so put off by me being weak and vulnerable um that she'd be out the door and it was always the opposite reaction and I did not think that was like a paradigm shift for me yeah wow that's great that's like the beginning of the whole vulnerability thing maybe yeah yeah change your life and then I can't articulate the third thing I think I know what it is tell me I I think I remember it it was you were saying you were sharing something with him mhm and then he said oh that's why you don't like yes because you're him basically yes that that was just a really punch in the nose observation I already knew that you know but I was ignoring that I knew that because I wanted to be judgmental of this person right I wanted to hold on to that my my moral righteous indignation no it was like it was a different situation I remember it very well and it was it was basically pointing out like I felt slided by somebody very public and then I was about to be in public and I was going to share that and I had this all mapped out of why it was fine and why this person deserved that and they shouldn't acted this way if they didn't want this known blah blah blah blah blah and he listened to this whole story and he's just like you know you could totally do that he's like but I do think when you engage in negative like then everyone just engages with negative around you and you just start this whole swell of negativity it never ends anywhere positive then maybe that person responds and they they now forced to be negative it's like it as opposed to putting your energy into starting a project that's negative and will result in more negativity why not just ignore it and like talk about the things that are positive and productive and again I'm not articulating that one so well but in the throughout the course of this conversation we had it occurred to me yeah I don't want to do that it's why I don't ever [ __ ] on movies in here I don't [ __ ] on things like I think that's that came in 2012 me stopping [ __ ] on things that's great yeah I have a theory that I don't think you like right which we've talk we've talked about it I think we talked about it last time he was on that I think I think he's one of the only people you what's the word really listen to like can hear uhhuh yeah he in yeah there's like a very small amount of men I guess well I'll say men that's what it is cuz I think I actually don't have a hard time hearing women or learning from them but yeah yeah I think that's right but yeah I have a real issue with men and there's very few that I just blindly trust that they're telling me something they believe and not that they have an ulterior motive for me I think you look up to him to Bradley I do think that I don't see you have that thing a lot with people you're right yeah you're absolutely right yeah yeah it's funny I don't know why I would be hesitant to say I look up to him because I do I look up to parts of him I don't look up to him as an actor I don't look you know I don't look up to him so I guess I'm like nervous people would think um um but yeah somehow Tom Hansen synthesizes things in a way that I can hear what he's saying and they penetrate my brain and Cooper 2 and I think well I can tell you what both guys share in common which is they're they're abnormally truthful about their their Character defects and their flaws and so I guess I just trust them a lot more yeah that's great and I think people who are like really not trying to hide that stuff about them elves I can hear a lot better yeah I also think it's kind of one of those like we don't always know why we don't always know why there are people in our Lives who we we just like there's something about them that we yeah want to be or like or like it has nothing to do with how much you like or love a person yeah definitely Hansen and and Jimmy are like Dad figures for me yeah and Cooper is a brother figure for me right that's why maybe I'm like not like I can't go straight look up but that's I don't know why because I look up to my brother I looked up to him growing up yeah so yeah I definitely look up to Cooper that's my conclusion I think you're right yeah I think it's nice yeah it's good to have people to look up to yeah it's an act of humility in a sense which is why I'm struggling so hard right now I know I know yeah I don't think you want to be in a position where like a pat on the back from nobody would feel special yeah okay well this was was fun yeah so much fun and welcome for those first time listeners we love having you hope you'll stick around and give us another shot love you bye love you [Music]