Standup Teardown Ep 10 - Jason Collings - Sam Burns - Chris Martin

actually you know what that's my new [ __ ] I'm going to do that from now on like what's up bro how you doing you know what the [ __ ] are you doing to my face I'm liking it you got a good one letting you know okay that's a good joke but I already don't like him so I'm not [Laughter] laughing it's stand up te down conducting comedy IES stand up tear down now [Music] hello all you crazy cats and kittens out there in pod person land welcome back to another episode of standup tear down I'm your host Sean fa and joining me as always is my lovely co-host Mr Matthew Bic hey good to be here shut up shut up good to be here that's your crowd work that's my crowd work yeah just just get abusive right back you [ __ ] up I got the mic you know who's trying the bowling guideline where it's just uh who Do You Think You Are I Am What but it's good to be here um as always I I come bearing three comedians that will be watching uh this evening um their standup specials released fully on YouTube uh we'll be checking out some clips from all three of them but definitely do go watch all of these specials if you are so inclined but we'll be tearing them down breaking down their bits see if they're worth uh watching all the way through yeah I can't recommend watching them yet but uh we'll see do not watch them now certainly yeah finish our show like subscribe and do all that [ __ ] too but uh yeah let's uh PSA but yeah starting off the mix we have Jason Collings who I have no personal history with never met him or knowledge of never met him no knowledge of him whatsoever so Flying Blind here all right let's see what he's got keep it going yes I have nothing prepared please keep going I'm very insecure let's go thank you guys so much for coming out what's up Nashville how we feeling yes me too I agree everybody's feeling good good that's right no but for real though thank you thank you thank you we're all healthy I don't have to cancel any shows next week we're good congratulations on Surviving the pandemic or the Pandy as the kids are calling it oh what happened in this audio here yeah that's what I was just like already the the audio was kind of shitty it sounded like it was uh on the audience mic and not on his mic and then it switched to his mic for a second and back to the audience mic um hopefully this clears up I don't uh yeah the uh well yeah let's see guys did it we [ __ ] made it right we're different people though that's right we've changed a lot of people don't like to admit that you [ __ ] changed you're different try coughing in public we're really not [ __ ] with that anymore we're just now we're just panicking in line at Starbucks like oh [ __ ] I got a tickle on my throat you don't want to lose your place so you're like [ __ ] it I'm holding it in and I'm hoping for the best you know it's a different world I almost got in a fight at Target for clearing my throat I was just looking at paper towels and I just SK was like the [ __ ] was that it was a tickle in my throat he's like in the [ __ ] elbow next time I'm like okay Doctor you're going to [ __ ] get it you know you're going to get it anybody not get it losers you're going to get that [ __ ] you're going to [ __ ] get it they wanted us to wear masks on a plane on a metal sealed tube in the sky okay so far got some energy I got a bit of a problem with this breathing into the mic thing but uh that's a whole other issue um that might just be part of this sound being recorded like it sounds like it's the on camera sound recording the the PA system in the audience rather than actually the mic that he's holding which is annoying as well but yeah that's a little distracting I would just yeah I don't know when this was like officially released the special I know it was like May a couple months that was dropped on YouTube that I'm picking it up but I don't know when this was like recorded in Nashville but already yeah I feel like there's I don't have a lot of like mileage for covid jokes anymore so I'm kind of like all right unless you got something interesting I feel like yeah it's it's been Tread Like far too many times already not even that it's like just a worn out Trope like you know we've had airplane jokes for [ __ ] 50 years but uh the co stuff I think like I think part of the problem with Co jokes is just everyone wants to move past like no one even wants to remember that time we just kind of want to memory hole all of that and [ __ ] move on with our lives like yeah it's like the anti- 911 it's the always forget yeah absolutely yeah when it comes to standup I mean I it's it's certainly understandable from you know older specials that are like you know a few months out of the pandemic or whatever like you kind of had to address it cuz it was you know what everyone knew for the last two years but like I feel like none of the the covid specials are going to hold up in you know with any sort of uh time frame like they don't really even hold up now so 10 years from now no one's going to want to listen to a [ __ ] Co special except for like maybe the Time Capsule quality of it like hey remember that time yeah yeah I mean I I feel like I'm the only person that enjoyed Co so that's a whole other issue so I don't think most people want to actually remember that that time make sure the mask is covering your nose and your mouth at all times except when you're eating going to [ __ ] get it that's what's going to happen I like it when they said this make sure you replace the mask between sips and bites the virus is just going to wait you know what I mean no he's going to take a bite and I'm in that Sugar you know going get it God damn it some unprofessional audio mixing here going back and forth yeah little robotic sounding or there's two feeds like mixing together is that what's my assumption yeah my assumption is they like the editor cut with the sound from the cameras so like one of the cameras had the actual microphone feed and then all the other cameras are just using their built-in sound and they didn't lay the one soundtrack over everything and so like when we cut from One camera to the next it's going to change the sound quality which is [ __ ] annoying as hell ooh yeah just amateur moves and the production standpoint but gee did editors not take their masks off yeah totally I mean it's not as bad as the uh the last episode we did where [ __ ] two of the cameras were out of focus and shaky the entire [ __ ] time so entire time they C through it oh my God uh but you know honestly for a comedy special I would rather have [ __ ] up camera than [ __ ] up audio like the audio is so much more important than like key it kind of is the whole thing oh [ __ ] come get it I got it I got it I got the first one not this 99 Cent Store one it's not right now I got the I got the Rona that's what I got got the I was in the hospital for a week got hospitalized with the coron virus for a that was a Ben Schwarz sort of singing yeah I know he's done that now like at least a couple times where he's going for the like gonna sing something I get the laugh yeah but he's not getting the laugh no not it's like he's not zany enough to pull off that sort of zany sing thing that's what it is it seems out of character for him to be doing it it's like yeah it's he seems like the kind of guy that does get into a lot of grocery store fights though I don't doubt that attacked my spine couldn't walk it was so painful that if I move my big toe first I would yell ha right then I would pass out from the pain it was really I'm I'm 6'2 215 lbs and I was going and passing out you know who hated it the most my wife hated that [ __ ] it made me realize the difference between like a a 20 plus year marriage and a new relationship cuz I feel like a girlfriend would be like we need to call somebody you want me to rub it or whatever right I would yell H and my wife was like really this is what you're doing you know it's 3:00 in the morning I need to sleep and I did it again H and I the second time the second time I woke up like and she just was now standing on the bed looking down at me like you need to compose yourself this is this is very embarrassing like there's nobody else here right I knew then that I had to go to the hospital I knew it I knew then I knew at that moment but now I don't want to say anything cuz I feel like she's judging my manhood so I'm like I'm going to hold on I'm going to hold out I'm going to push through this [ __ ] that lasted 10 minutes 10 minutes and I was like I can't it was bad and I said I said we need to call 911 we I said we she brought me the phone you [ __ ] call 911 I got I got to get up for work in the morning so I called 911 and they sent a fire engine I was not on fire nothing was on fire didn't report a fire fire engine five firemen dressed for a [ __ ] fire I was like do you know the outfits with the whole thing and the backward hat two paramedics that look like they're about 17 years old each right they had that older Justin Bieber hair with the stupid bangs their names were sky and ocean that pissed me off I didn't like that and all of them were hot just a bunch of hot heroes in my house so now I'm yelling at my wife to get out get the [ __ ] out and I pass out and that time when I passed out as I'm waking up one of the firefighters goes this guy's [ __ ] out loud so my reaction was like but why and passed out again here's why uh like I said 62 2:15 my house was built in 1949 smaller doorways narrow hallways so they couldn't just put me on a stretcher and walk me out they're like we're going to need to stand you straight up you guys I couldn't move without being in an excruciating amount of pain he's like we're going to have to stand you straight up and figure out how to get you I was in so much pain on my [ __ ] you just take this wall out I was fine with that at the moment I was like take it out I'll figure out how to pay for it it's more of a Storyteller sort of thing than like uh you know uh rapid fire jokes but like he is getting some jokes in there or like some laugh lines in there or punch not really even punch lines but like laugh moments in the story but yeah it's it is just moving at kind of a slower Pace like I'm I'm not yeah I'm G want to to pick it up a little bit but he's saying a lot of words yeah yeah he's saying a lot of words to say actually very little so it's kind of like one of those it's like a Meandering story but it's I don't know it's it's amusing but it's not funny like there's a there's a level there like I don't hate him I just I'm not laughing like maybe I'm just a dick though well we know I'm a dick so they put me on this dolly thing and then stand me straight up so now I'm you know I'm like a useless hanal Lector like help me Clarice and then they puzzled me out out of the house now I'm on my front yard I'm on the front lawn looking at the sky I'm on a stretcher in my front yard 3:30 in the morning looking at the sky cuz I can't look around cuz that [ __ ] right so now I'm embarrassed because I see all the emergency lights through my Peri I'm like doing this [ __ ] and I see all these lights so now I'm embarrassed because of my neighbors right like they're going to be like the [ __ ] is Jason doing now right so one of the paramedics face comes into view I was like oh hey ocean he's like I'm Sky I'm like whatever I said are my neighbors out here and he goes no no dude you're good I'm like okay [ __ ] yeah so then we go we get into the ambulance and they take me to the hospital now during the first covid you couldn't just go straight into the hospital they put you in this outdoor tent [ __ ] with heat lamps like you're on a battlefield or something right so now that's terrifying so now I'm like and in the very first face that comes into view is my wife and I just went and passed out again I wake up and she's like now we're in public this is embarrassing right so I said well at least none of the neighbors were outside to see it here's marriage of 20 plus years she's like they were all outside you're a meme now it's on Tik Tok so then the doctor comes over he's like okay we got to go into the real hospital now bad news she can't come I was like [ __ ] yeah let's go let's let's start this vacation doc I'm ready to do this but then I survived I made through I got out of there got out of there what happened during the pandemic I turned 51 I turned 51 during the pandemic that's our transition there yeah it was uh I I hesitate to call it a Shaggy Dog because a Shaggy Dog has like a payoff like it was just kind of a a long Meandering story that just fizzled at the end like there wasn't yeah that's what I was feeling as well yeah I was waiting for some sort of payoff on that but yeah just seemed very drawn out like I'm waiting for him to like start showing me photos on his phone or something yeah it was just kind of an excuse to do that uh the squeal in pass out thing like way too many times yeah it was not getting the the love that he was like juicing it for yeah yeah I mean maybe in the right physicality or the right momentum or energy like that that sort of squeal pass out works and keeps generating laughs but like he was going back to that well way too many times and it just it it got less funny every time he did it rather than like more funny it just yeah because you get the first laugh like oh it' be funny if you react like that and then by the end of the story like kind of think he just reacts like that yeah yeah I'm I'm I'm with the wife here he's just a [ __ ] we kind of rather hear her tell this joke you know [Applause] I'm your dad I'm just your dad now is it all chicks in the audience like is this an oh no there's one dude in there that is wow this here A stereotypical Nashville crowd oh maybe yeah the Nashville is the uh apparently like the epicenter of um uh B parties that's the one yeah yeah I was thinking apparently yeah from like a lot of um the standup shows I've listened to or the podcast like the anytime Nashville comes up it's always yeah having to deal with just R fulls of screaming drunk women and bachelorette parties like apparently it is just a [ __ ] thing there so yeah that all of a sudden makes a lot of sense I'm at the I don't get it age I don't get any of this [ __ ] I'm that dad like the [ __ ] hey what's what are we doing you know that guy it's me that's how I am with social media I can't figure it out my generation and older it's weird as [ __ ] to us okay I don't get it follow me strangers that's [ __ ] weird you know what I mean follow me people I don't know huh I need more I only have 37 then I thought about it what if 37 people were physically following you around you need less that's way too me table for 38 that's a lot of [ __ ] followers there's a time in my life if one person followed me I called the police that was stalking today if I run outside up to a police officer was like sir somebody's following me they go okay how many one scary person they're like he you're [ __ ] loser sir we don't not help you sorry this feels like a sort of almost Trope presence uh uh like um it's pre tro Trope premise I should say it's it's something that I've you know heard a lot and he's not really bringing anything new to it um the you know if you're followers were in real life it would be much different sort of thing like yeah I feel like this was already done when Facebook and Twitter were coming up yeah yeah it's a lot of these bits were done but definitely something we've heard a lot but like it could still be funny but I don't feel like he's actually finding the comedy in it he's just more yeah there was one woman in the audience that just it blew her mind yeah yeah like like 40 followers and she was like exact yeah it just occurred to her what it meant to have so many people watching her I guess I don't know um I mean they they all seemed like Instagram models in the audience so maybe that was just the right uh the Right audience to hit that on but yeah definitely a premise we've heard I feel like a million times before verified work on your content and then call col sers Instagram we're Tak I like how they put them on the very edges though like the dudes in the audience are just all the way pushed to the edge and we're going to like pack the Middle with all the hot chicks oh that's so fun everything all of it like it's new [ __ ] I got to get a shot of that Sunset cuz no one's going to believe the sunset today that's very rare that only happens once every 24 hours but uh I'm G to be the guy that captures this moment and then we get it boom got it but you know what nice try God I'm gonna put my own filter on that Sunset yeah good try universe but I'm gonna make your Miracle pop with he oh he yeah he and then we want validation for that [ __ ] that's weird I hope people like it that's the [ __ ] out of here get therapy do you know what I mean we used to take pictures of [ __ ] and then we'd have to wait around for like two weeks before we even saw the [ __ ] and then by the time you got the picture back you're like I don't even remember taking this picture and I don't care if anybody liked it cuz I didn't cuz nobody looked good sorry nobody looked good today you get to do over right you get that group shot the thing that's bugging me the most about this [ __ ] audience mic thing is like hearing the T talk yeah the agreement from the crowd yeah that's right oh [ __ ] yeah this guy gets me exactly yeah it's [ __ ] annoying as hell like especially like it's one thing if you're going to use that sound in the special and it's going to lead into crowd work or something like if he addresses those sort of uh call outs or whatever like sure but the in this context he's just kind of rolling through it and like you know I I hate when I'm in an audience and people are talking let alone like at home I shouldn't have to [ __ ] deal with those bastards like I don't yeah post approval maybe I just hate people though [ __ ] that my eyes are crossed let's do another one you know not back then it was just like let's see what [ __ ] happens look at old family pictures like at a barbecue or something no one's posing that's what nobody cares they're just cuz you're never going to see it again you a buddy of M there was no joke there there was like No just kind of left it hanging is that just his style like uh it's like observational without a punchline sort of thing I think yeah the p is supposed to be like his act out of the standing there and stuff but it's just like yeah there should have been like more of a punch or tag at the end of that yeah I mean it's all Trope material or Trope premises to begin with so like there's definitely stuff to mine in there it just feels very lazy like he's not even yeah not even trying to find the funny and they just like yeah situations are funny aren't they we're we're all kind of stupid now aren't we uh man the other day like Jason one more did you see the picture of the clouds that I posted I said I'm outside with the clouds right now he said go inside look at my clouds I was like this guy found new clouds right so went in and I looked and I'm like oh same [ __ ] clouds I forgot we live in the same neighborhood you got me he's like did you like it I was like yeah good job he's like no did you like it I was like the [ __ ] are we talking about he said did you did you tap it twice so that thumbs and hearts a [ __ ] perer that's weird as [ __ ] to me it's a weird way to gauge the [ __ ] you like right very pretty I would never walk up and double tap your face that's actually you know what that's my new [ __ ] I'm going to do that from now on like what's up bro how you doing you know what the [ __ ] are you doing to my face I'm liking it you got a good one letting you know okay that's a good joke but I already don't like him so I'm not laughing [Laughter] you fin he got to a joke but yeah again I'm just also maybe it's like the the self-righteousness angle of it where just like everybody's so dumb I got a figured out kind of angle that just gets to me that's true there's no no self-deprecation in here really like um I mean even though like the first bit with him you know screaming and passing out it still didn't seem like it was it didn't yeah it just I I guess yes that is a self-deprecating sort of premise scario yeah but he doesn't like he still plays it with too much confidence I think like you know like he was playing it as though like his wife was the stupid one not him like you know this is just how men are and she's being all [ __ ] about it I'm like no that's not really that it's a weird weird way to present that like right yeah it kind of ended with the hospital take my wife please kind of absolutely yeah that's a wow even that would have worked [ __ ] um you know what [ __ ] this guy let's move on who do we got next who do we have next uh next up is another comic I've not heard of before this is uh Sam burns with their special LMN o this one I think was released maybe a week or two ago maybe a month but it's okay pretty fresh Pretty fresh hopefully we won't get three hours of [ __ ] Co material I'm nervous a are you are you nervous for me are you yes this is pathetic I I might just do my set back here honestly so I'm from Barry um ready see now that would be an interesting premise to just do an entire standup show with like an empty mic on stage like iagree have to be really confident and have solid jokes to make it work but like I think like Bobby mcfarren voice kind of guy totally yeah I mean you're basically just doing a radio play at that point but uh yeah uh yeah like a Michael winow could pull this off but yeah I don't think that's where we're going to get here but no no I think he's going to step out on stage in a second here but it still be an interesting concept kind of like who was that dude that did the the three three mic special where you like oh yeah Neil Brennan yeah yeah so you know be I guess the opposite of that only one mic and dude One mic no dude all day all right Mak a noise for Sam [Applause] Burns hello hello hello mom's friends hello all my mother's friends love you my biggest fan group love you guys first off weird looking dude he probably should have stayed in the background um but yeah good opener really does feel like I'm at like weird what's that just immediately for you is the weird looking dude is the vibe you get yeah yeah there's some something it's like the the kind of shitty cop mustache and like the weird sort of like hair do that doesn't work with his head and like I don't know I I'm I'm the last person that should be mocking people's looks but like yeah that's you know that's part of the deal you're putting yourself on stage yeah if he does the this kind of the standard of address your appearance to the crowd on a special oh yeah if he does that we should take bets on that stuff I'm going to say he doesn't on this one I think he just lets you [ __ ] live in the awkwardness that is like this is normal this is what a normal look his eyes exactly and they get all the nieces and nephews to put on a play well thank you so much for coming out I will say this uh stressed the hell out of me uh promoting this hated every second of it I will say um I really love promoting the show during a war yep felt awful every day every day it felt terrible a war really makes you look at your dreams and realize how [ __ ] pathetic it is I'm 30 and I want to tell stories Hospital explodes oh are they going to like me pathetic pathetic what I'm trying to do the hell am I doing see already completely opposite energy of the last dude uh just self-deprecating enough but like obviously has stage presence enough to like carry you through and like make you feel like you're in good hands for the next hour but you know he's not totally full of himself and uh yeah there's just something very um necessary in that like if you're going to be a sort of self-righteous dick you really got to [ __ ] own it you got to go like Android ice clay with it or something you know you got to go way over the top with that or have points that are just so like on point or like angles that people don't see coming like I could see you like Bill bur does a good job with that where it's like he can be confident and kind of a dick but then his angle he takes on the premise is so like unique where you're like all right he's he earned that you know that St or that you know Persona yeah you have to earn the right to not be self-deprecating I think and uh yeah yeah no no good to be here uh thank you [ __ ] is it we're already rolling eh it's too late [ __ ] I said to see the hot people at the front and the ugly people in the back [ __ ] this isn't going to look good okay whatever fix it in post fix it in post AI we'll AI them I will blur out some of your faces some of your bodies anyways um easy fix easy fix don't worry don't worry it's in the budget that wouldn't have worked if he wasn't self-deprecating to begin with good point you know if he came out they're uh talking about you know being the the Best comedian in the world or being all hot [ __ ] and whatnot like then to just turn on the audience but like since he opened himself up first I think that that works like way better than yeah being a total dick like you can switch into dick mode if you've already established that you hate yourself although I'm loving the idea of a comedian coming up and just saying that they are the Best comedian in the world that energy that's a whole other energy that you have to that's the the Andrew Dice Clay model that's the [ __ ] you know you there is no one better than me even if my jokes suck like I am the [ __ ] best and that's that's certainly an energy that can carry a show but like you you have to really dig into that and [ __ ] own that in order for that to work you can't just be like just an a average dick on stage for uggos to sit in the front uh this was a good year for me 2023 because I quit my day job y quit the old day job yeah pursuing pursuing comedy Canadian comedy going for it oh Canadian that's why he looks like that okay it all makes sense now that is a very Canadian look there okay yeah living my best life doing it don't have dental insurance crack my tooth $1,400 living my best life I thought Canada had free health care no maybe not for dental also I'm I'm buying the the singing act out more from him just because of this Persona like it's not as like disingenuous I guess yeah he's already established himself as ridiculous so kind of anything flies at this point if he wants to start screaming show tunes like I don't have a problem with it coming out of this man no me neither yeah this is a man that yeah is just going to randomly sing at you okay cool go for next week I'm going to Angus and I'm going to perform in a country bar where they refuse to turn off the mechanical Bowl woo but I'm My Own Boss Mama I'm My Own Boss I can I just say my boss has sexually assaulted me a couple times all right new joke new line thought i' do it at the taping I try it out I try it out so expensive this whole thing is trying to do jokes Sam try it out Works actually works good yeah quit the old day job it's good I've been uh traveling all over uh I've been uh all over Southern Ontario which is great I'll do these shows and then I'll mention them from Barry and every single show there's someone that goes boo Barry sucks and I'm like bro we're in ashaa right now we're both on a sinking ship also I've been to asosa asosa makes Barry look like Sicily it's like is a [ __ ] hole you have one schwarma shop and you protested in front of it you guys suck that was good I did a show in uh London Ontario couple Woos sexual assault Capital Canada anyways no no but woo it that's fine W it no no no no looks good looks good on you babe sorry but yeah again he can he's he's already gained the permission to go into those ridiculous sort of things like again starting with the self-deprecating then deprecating the audience and then like now you've just kind of opened the floodgates to to all sort of swings in there especially becomes funny for him to play the like confident character yeah like the way those a sides like that so yeah he's he's opened the permission for for everything and like I feel like especially the the Canadian charm allows for a lot of that as well like that um you know we're just uh we're just a goofy bunch of people that uh don't really take life seriously like I feel like that's a very sort of Canadian angle maybe I'm just harping too much on Canada but uh you know they are ridiculous charm some of our best canadi some of our best comedians are Canadians so that's yeah sorry sorry I get kind of gay at 9:00 I don't know why it's like Cinderella uh yeah I went to went to London Ontario and uh after my set this guy goes Buddy hated you hated you bro and he kept going you're too soft for London my man I'm like you're 25 you're wearing dark side of the moon pajama pants to a restaurant I think you're too hard for London buddy take a night off I've been traveling a lot I uh since I don't have a lot of money I take flare Airline you guys heard of flare you've heard of this yeah real do-it-yourself Airline eh anything goes you can smoke a cigarette on flare I really think I really think you could do that you show up at the gate and they're like hey we might not fly today I don't know do you want to do you want to fly or steis has anxiety I don't know you get on the flight the captain's not even wearing the uniform he's got an ovio sweater he's got a beer yeah sit anywhere come on yeah couple tarmac beers I get a all dinged up before we take flight you know I fly better I was sitting there and uh behind me was the emergency exit right and then I hear the lady giv the you know do you feel comfortable sitting here in case of an emergency and I'm sitting there and I'm just like I got to see I got to see who our guy is I turn around it's an 8-year-old boy can't even touch the ground that's our guy that's our guy that's our guy Freight of the dark he's going to Rambo the [ __ ] door [ __ ] emergency row Trope [ __ ] God damn it I know I was going to say I didn't want to stop it but yeah we've now breached our first Airline joke of the episode so well not even just Airlines but specifically emergency row like I was I was going with it like especially because it's an airline I'd never heard of before and it seems to be a a you know a flavor that we don't have here like all right I'll hear it out but like when you go to the emergency row and it's just a [ __ ] kid like God damn it it's yeah I still like him but like God yeah yeah our lives okay sure but yeah I got a I got a lot of spare time now a lot of spare time it's weird it's very weird I'll go on stage and I'll be like okay he transitioned out of it quickly we didn't stay on [ __ ] 20 minutes of airplane material so I'll forgive it yeah but the fact that he even went to it just for the emergency exit joke and then to get out it was like was it even worth the the round the trip there well I think though he he does it for his little kicky kid impression like that's that's the [ __ ] only real meat there but yeah it's it's not worth going into Trope territory for him you guys doing I like eight p.m. I'm like you're the first people I've talked to today live the life of an assassin I uh no I've going on walks that's what I do go on walks during the day and look like a widower look like a guy who lost his wife just touching flowers I don't know what I'm doing making sure things are sturdy yeah that's going to stay all right good I going to dog parks that's what I do yeah there's a dog park around the corner I go to dog parks don't have a dog yeah it's perverted people don't like it they don't like I found out the hard way people do not like it especially when it's the eighth day in a row and they're just like do we know that guy and it's me and a trench coat just scratching the ass oh yeah gorgeous creature eh wow such a suck such a suck she is such a suck she is can give her a homemade dog treat no no you can't yeah I notice this I think this might be the hardest part of owning a dog is talking to the other dog owners it is a suck a thing like I don't know I was just going to let it let it hang it's not something I'm familiar with I was going to but then I couldn't like that's is is that something that people say about dogs is that a Canadian thing is that be Googling that later yeah was he the yeah he might have just been making the the beastiality joke but I don't no yeah no yeah it doesn't seem right coming uh but he was kind of implying it with being the creepy dude at the dog park without a dog but like yeah I don't know maybe I just don't get it it's painful oh my is it they're sniffing each other and it's just like yeah yeah seven yeah seven she still think she's the puppy yeah mix in the coat and German Shepherd there's this one guy who goes there he's this like ripped short dude bald wear's like a katom hat you know what I mean he's just there hey he's like a Joe Rogan dude his dog's always off the leash he's like does the whistle thing justice justice justice come here she's house broken and then you get the other the other type of dog owner it's like usually a woman and that is her world that dog that is her universe and you can hear her across the park hey with her little Boomerang ball thing hi like a Kim's here hey Kim how are you hi this lady comes in she's like that's my little husband don't say that don't say that about your dog that's so weird my little the only man who's ever been nice to me right there she has a kid doesn't even look at the kid eh gray skin yeah definitely that was the first Canadian slip there other than mentioning Canada a bunch of times but yeah boot bags yes hopefully one day Mama Loves Me There You Go kills the dog oh sorry you must love me now it's nice to be out how great is we don't have to use zoom anymore eh oh man oh I love it so great sent you the link worst thing I sent you the link [ __ ] Link's this big sent you the link Woo you're sitting they're like what the [ __ ] am I doing what am I doing all right time to pretend I'm happy hey hey hello I'm doing well all things considered that was the punchline that was that was the catchphrase I'm well all things considered considered yeah gained 40 lb cry three times I'm doing well all things considered yeah yeah worst thing you can hear when you enter a zoom meeting hey you're the first one nope click FR me the laptop no we missed you the other night I know I threw my laptop at the wall I I don't know why I don't know why don't know why I did it I hate it you're just sitting there and you're waiting for people to roll in and it's just like yeah we started rewatching The Sopranos yeah you're like what I would give for a home invasion eh oh brick through the window duct tape to a chair gotta go sorry are we counting that as Co jokes yeah it's tough because it wasn't like overtly Co yeah but it was definitely referencing the time I think so yeah just with the the zoom faue and whatnot which I thought it's some good zoom you know like recognizable Zoom bits yeah I was just going back I just loved his dog park run there with like the different personality types at the dog park yeah I do feel like he could have spent more time with that like you know there's a lot of Personality flaws to mine in the dog park world yeah you got me going with the The Joe Rogan guy doing this like vocal whistle impression was hilarious like I was really hoping he was going to bring him back in when he was talking about the woman like kind of like start mashing these characters together how they're going to interact with each other because like I think you got a lot of like recognition from the audience on that chunk as well absolutely yeah and then like you can create entire scenes with these people interacting with each other and like that I think that could have been a a nice little rabbit hole to go down but H either way it was a good start yeah and yeah now we're kind of Switched gears in the coish zoom segment but yeah I'm liking him as a as a joke writer like his stuff I I asked that question if this was Co and I literally just looked up at the screen and the section that we're in is titled Co so that answers my [ __ ] question there wasn't it weird when uh things started to open up again and you were able to have that first first family Thanksgiving or the first Christmas it's kind of OD I don't know if you guys were like me but uh within 5 minutes I was like I could do another wave absolutely I forgot you guys stress me out yes yes easy my cousin's new boyfriend hey you must be the comedian send the variant send it over the Zenia Xbox 360 whatever the [ __ ] give it to me mama I remember uh uh we were trying to be good people during the pandemic well I have a I have a great aunt Mary Lou right 97 years old she's been out to lunch since like 07 she's just like not she's not there she's not there but my mom's like we should we should FaceTime her we should you know she's lonely all right sure I mean she hasn't mastered the microwave but yeah let's put a Macbook in front of her I'm sure everything will be fine smooth sailings so I'm just sitting there it's like okay here we go her little window opens up all you see is just her one tooth hello hi there guy Fier goatee hello hi oh lean back leans back starts undressing no no no no no she does only fans so it confuses her she sees webcam she just starts undressing it's yeah she could take pipe anyways uh oh Mary L can take definitely did not see that coming from him that's uh The Bluest thing and but now it makes me think that the uh uh the suck thing was was beastiality in the dog park let's let him finish that thought [Music] though she's got a couple Johnny sin videos anyways all right do you get that reference I do not I'm guessing it's some sort of porn star yeah yeah that's or yeah only fans person yeah I I don't pay for porn so I don't understand these things but we're sitting there right and she's just babbling about nothing and we're just going really wow all right and then uh her internet started cutting out so she was just like oh ah and then my mom goes oh we didn't get that we didn't hear that can you check your WiFi check your Wii she doesn't know what year it is she thinks the Beetles are still together she's going to oh let me check my router one sec okay Rogers where was I oh the Jews no no cut a commercial cut a commercial Jesus I think that's a good one to go [Laughter] well I enjoyed that special I would keep it going for for a bit not not now but for later I enjoyed that but agree Let's uh definitely would recommend uh checking out the rest of that s burs op who do we got up next next up we have Comedian Chris Martin not the lead singer of cplay uh with his album above ground comedy all right all right let's see what this dude has to offer you guys have fun are you are you having fun your hard okay right you just got one of those I thought you were looking at me like I thought this was going to be the other Chris Martin like you had that Vibe good all right there we go he's laugh now I can relax [Music] [Applause] a but yeah I was going to mention something about him starting with you guys are fun when he hasn't said anything yet but apparently that was the uh the cold open interstitial or whatever the recut from something previous so uh yeah let's see if he actually does find the fun all right okay how we doing DC are we good um I'm I'm excited uh this is my my first time at at the DC comedy Loft um I I know if you guys have been before maybe I'm the dumb one I I sort of thought that from the title that the room would be like in a loft but um apparently we're doing comedy in the depths of hell right now um if this recording goes well hopefully I can move above ground that's like we all have different benchmarks in our career but I'd like to become an above ground comedian at some point in the near future um on the bright side if North Korea and America get into back and forth in the next hour and they nuke us I think we're going to be the only survivors so um let's be so I can't say that it's necessarily a bad thing but I just always remember like back many years ago when you were doing open mics and I was following you around with a camera like I remember many times the the instructions were very clear to not denigrate the uh the the space that you're in uh you know don't speak ill of the um uh the the venue that you're at like um obviously with open micers it's a little bit different and it probably is just an easy Trope to get to and you know the guy in the back doesn't want to hear the same jokes about how shitty his bar is constantly but like that is it's just kind of one thing that has kind of always stuck with me through the years is like you do see it a lot in stand in you know we'll say polished or professional standup specials or whatever that like they do go to making fun of the the place that they're in a lot and like I don't I don't know if it's necessarily A Trope or whatever but it is something that like triggers me specifically from just having seen that speech so many times at the beginning of open mics like yeah I don't know why I don't remember it ever like specifically being called out like you do not speak ill of this establishment uh possibly because you were the one performing so you were not listening to what they were saying and you were getting ready to go up on stage and I was just setting up a camera in the back of the room but uh yeah that's uh just definitely something that's always stuck with me but yeah maybe I'm blowing it out of proportion and maybe it was just something that one person said one time and I latched onto it as being a [ __ ] no I feel like that is like a best practice yeah you don't want to bite the hand that feeds and you want to get called back and well especially in open mics like yeah definitely a different thing I guess if you're they probably get enough from the touring comedians that you know this is their first time in the place but if this is you know you're there every [ __ ] Tuesday and you're doing the same 10 jokes this supposed to be our break from getting ripped on exactly yeah F man thankful we're in this in this dungeon right now um I uh thanks for coming I uh I I've been to DC once before and I just went by the way I don't I this happened today so when Comedian says this happened this happened today so this might not even be funny but if it's not funny we can just snip snip snip out of the uh special afterwards right but I uh I went to look at the White House I'm like I'm downtown I go to see the White House and I I was listening to 80s 80s Anthems for some reason in my headphones and I'm I'm the White House I'm sure you've all been at some point and I'm you know it's it's it's white and big and I'm like okay cool and I'm I just like I don't know why I think this is just I've been on the road for too long but I was like tourist and security and I just had this unbelievable urge to just shout judge and see how far to see how far I could get towards before I get gunned down by security I think it's like the British red coat in me just like I W back what was ours I don't know I don't know maybe that's just just how funny Would it be though if they like came to my body and they saw the headphones and they were like what was he was he listen like a Manifesto or like a rightwing podcast like no he was listening to Journey Don't Stop Believing um just inspired him to go for it um so yeah no it's it's a genuine pleasure to be to be here in DC I I I I love I do I lived in this country for a few years now so I'm not just I'm not making this up I'm a big fan of America I I stay I was here for the whole pandemic I stayed here didn't go home uhoh more Co comedy it's inevitable I think at this stage I yeah yeah I don't know I feel like like we've been trying to pull some of the the newer specials I think like specifically to get away from Co comedy but it is just so ingrain like you know if you've been developing an act for the last two years that's just going to be part of it unfortunately you're gonna have a chunk yeah although maybe he'll surprise us and just move on from it quickly we'll see got fully vaccinated in this country and personally everyone's different I was very happy to get fully vaccinated I I got my my little proof of vaccination card um I just want to know as a group right I don't want to sound ungrateful right to this this lovely country but did anyone else in this room when they got their proof of vaccination card did they like me expect it to look more like proof all I'm saying is when I was a member of Blockbuster Video 20 years ago I'm pretty sure they laminated that card all right it's a good joke I'll allow it rather than gave me something that can smudge in the rain very easily like I think I have fiser in my body it could well say pizza on this piece of paper I could a pepperoni in my blood right now for all I know and it it does make me laugh that there are like some really intense like there's different levels of antiva but there are some who genuinely think the government are putting microchips in our arms and when I hear that I just want to go mate based on this thing I don't even think they know how to use printers so I'm pretty sure you're barking up the wrong tree there my man yeah I do I I I like it here I do I'm still I'm still trying to get you it is there's lots of differences one one thing I've noticed as a man in this country is I feel like American men in general not all but in general just much more Alpha than a British man they're much more Alpha do you know what I mean some of you get I don't know that was like the most manly ghost ever I can't it just came from the darkness yeah I'm going to haunt you all night dude you are you guys are manly you know some of you guys are driving trucks with testicles on the back it's weird that is weird isn't it it's not just me that thinks that's bizarre like the first time I saw it it was like hilarious cuz I was in a car I was like oh my God that's so funny I'm like what prankster put those testicles on that guy's truck and then my friend was like no no no he did it to himself he did it he spent money to add testicles to a truck a truck already the most stereotypically manly thing but this guy's so insecure I got to add a couple of nuts to that as well you don't need to that's like putting a little scrotum on the bottom of your beard we get it you're a man a couple of beard balls in case anyone wasn't sure I am a man guys the way the way that men here try and fight is the way that men are fighting here is I've seen it a few times men here are always asking other men if they want to go you want to go I want to go and then they have a fight and that's very bizarre to me just cuz where I come from do you want to go just means would you like to go so when I was in a bar the first time happened to me I was like I just moved here like spilled beer on a guy like you want to go and I'm like where um I'll be honest I don't even know who you are my mom told me not to go anywhere of strangers it's unlikely I'm going to go anywhere sir I'm just going to remain where I am but I saw these uh I saw these two guys getting into it and I live in Los Angeles this is like in Hollywood and these two dudes are like in the street and the first guy's like you want to go and the goes I want to go and then the first guy within like half a second ripped his T-shirt off and like just see in the other man's eyes like he wasn't expecting to see nipples that quickly he was like I'm good I'm good and he just walks away and that was kind of inspiring for me because I just thought that first guy was so confident that it kind of avoided him even have to get into a conflict and I'm very conflict diverse I'm terrible at fighting I promise you I've been in one fight in my whole life it happened in Italy with my friends we're walking back from a night out and some Italian guys jump us and just start beating us up in the middle of the fight I put my hands above my head and said I'm not fighting you and the guy went cool and started fighting me even more first rule of Fight Club should be don't put your hands above your head and say I'm not fighting you because then you get many punches to the face right so these two guys are getting into it in the street and then the first guy gets top I'm that guy's inspiring he just got he just avoided a fight but being super confident and just getting half naked as quick as he can so I thought I should use that information if anyone tries to get into it me if I can just as quick as I can get half naked it will avoid me having to get into a conflict but I realized I'd probably have more success at avoiding the fight if I got bottom half naked this guy's like you want to go I'm like yes please guys I'm actually going to stay I retract my invitation yeah that joke would be decent if it wasn't a running gag on Trailer Park Boys um you know maybe it's uh just specific to the media I consume and you know anyone else would find it funny but like I see there uh did you watch Trailer Park Boys I've watched some of it but I'm not I'm not making the connection there was a character Randy that would get into fights and every time he got into a fight the first thing he would do is take off his pants um but he was also just constantly shirtless anyways so he was you know just fighting familiar with the character Randy so yeah g to take off anything all he had was was pants yeah there there's that but it was also like he was always wearing like fairly nice white pants like so it was more like I don't want my pants to get ruined than an intimidation thing but like that was always just his first move so like I don't know yeah it's not it's a decent premise obviously but um it's just yeah i' I've actually seen it too many times so I don't want to call it a Trope because it really only exists in that one other instance that I can think of but it still doesn't hit me as hard as it as it should maybe but I don't dislike this guy I mean he's I dis like him either I feel like he can get take him a while to spit out certain lines like I don't know if it's just the accent but there's certain like setups where it's like two steps forward one step back two step forward kind of feel to it yeah he's got that like uh Hugh Grant sort of patter to him where he's just kind of like nervously excitedly saying words and like eventually he kind of then gets to the thing like yeah that fumbly British fish fish [ __ ] um but yeah still not horrible no sorry for disturbing you on this evening yeah so I'm I'm getting I'm I'm getting used to it though I'm getting used to the country but even when you get used to it and you've lived here for a few years I I I find like I still make like a rookie error and I do think the biggest rookie error I made culturally in this country was last year I joined some of my British friends for a bachelor party in Las Vegas for 5 days yeah yeah my this is my new favorite thing telling a room of Americans I went to Vegas for 5 days cuz you guys act like I just said I went to fight in Iraq for 12 years yeah I've never been to Vegas but from what I understand you shouldn't spend more than like two days there no that checks out yeah as soon as I say it I can hear someone in the back of Dude too long 5 days wait too long buddy you want to die that is how you die and then what you guys like to do no show off to me about how tiny a time period you go to Vegas for dude when I go two days max one night two days that is it sometimes I walk into a casino roll one dice leave immediately that's it strip club one nipple thank you Vegas that is enough Vegas and it is too long you guys it's way too long 5 days too long especially because on the first night we were exclusively drinking espresso martinis now yeah you guys have i' never had them before but after drinking them for a whole night I realized afterwards why they are not the martini of choice of James Bond that man would have completed way less missions if he was drinking espresso martinis unless two of his missions were to black out and get diarrhea those are the only those are the only two missions that were sadly completed that evening but here's the thing it wasn't just that we like it was like I was with a bunch of British guys and this is like a couple I'm 37 now so uh back then I was like 35 was like a a bunch of us and uh we had this weird thing happened when we went into a a nightclub uh and I'm sure you guys have have been to the nightclub thing in Vegas at some point I've realized that experience feels very different for a bunch of men compared to a bunch of women a bunch of women a Vegas nightclub seems delightful it's like come in it's free have anything you like men you're like can we come in they're like yeah that's just a million dollars each that's and it's terrible it is not fun at all we're in this VIP area we're like watching people have more fun than us outside the VIP and then my friend uh he kind of like capped it all off I don't think I could use his real name so I'm just going to call him CLI so Clive he is fully asleep in the VIP area and the bouncer I see him come over and the bouncer just goes uh this guy shouldn't be asleep and I'm like mate we're all in our mid-30s and it is 2: a.m. on a Thursday he should definitely be asleep none of us should be awake actually we're the weirdos in the group and I actually I realized as well that I I know I'm getting too old for nightclubs because I I've realized my my uh reaction to getting kicked out of a nightclub has evolved with age that's something I'm in your 20s you think the bounce is going to kick you out and I realize in my 20s I'm there going please please please don't kick me out then I hit 30 and I was like all right I guess I'm getting kicked out once I hit 35 I'm there going how the hell do you get kicked out I would love to get kicked out right now so I can leave with my head held high and get my 8 hours this evening right I used to look at two men having a fight in a nightclub and go what are you idiots doing you're going to get kicked out in a minute now I see two men having a fight in a nightclub and like they're the smartest men in here they're going to get an early night and some cardio in I am jealous I am jealous of their routine my favorite actually I remember my favorite getting kicked out of a nightclub what's that no I was curious if he was going to I feel like that'd be a perfect segment for him to do the back of the do you want to go oh yeah joke because like that he could have guys starting a fight like do you want to go like yeah that was the point let's get out of here that would that would have really tied it well together actually yeah yeah they oh I finally understand they do want to go um yeah like oh is he it's right there yeah but instead he just kind of does a like abrupt transition into whatever this next bit is here yeah which I'll give him another minute or so here but uh yeah happened in America is when I first visited here I was in my mid 20s I I was came with some friends and I and I'm in this uh I'm in San Diego I'm in a in a in a bar nightclub in San Diego and I uh I was very I'm British so in my 20 I was very I I think I would describe myself as drunk drunk cuz I think there's drunk where you're hammered and everyone around you thinks you're hammered but you're in your head going I'm a sober boy I could drive heavy machinery right now I don't know why people are looking at me but then I was drunk drunk which means I was standing there going I can't believe they're just letting me exist in this place right now it should be illegal for me to be outside the house let alone still in this place and I see the bouncer walk towards me but I'm in my mid 20s I see him come towards me I'm like man please please please don't kick me out and he goes don't worry man I'm not going to kick you out and I still think this is the coolest thing abounce has ever done he just goes follow me and I go okay and I follow him we end up outside and he just goes I'm just not going to let you back in I'm like that's actually very clever I want to hate you but I admire you yeah that's a decent one to go out on that's pretty fun uh yeah um so what do you think of tonight's comedians I thought it was an interesting mix I don't know maybe because it's the last one in the the mix I I was enjoying Chris Martin probably the the most or I found him to be the most memorable of the the bunch but that's just maybe the recency of it yeah recency bias is certainly a an actual tangible thing um I'm going to have to go with San Burns as my my pick this one um again like I I enjoyed that uh that sort of Canadian weaving between being self-deprecating but also attacking at the same time or like you know going back and forth between the two like it it really just felt like he could kind of get away with saying just about anything and it would have been acceptable whereas like you know if he hadn't set things up properly he would have been a little bit more standoffish with him but then you know I feel like Canadians have a lot more just leeway in general so maybe that plays into it too but uh I think I I think I enjoyed his more than uh uh Chris Martin but uh this guy was decent he was fine like like we said they a little too rambly for me a little too uh Hugh Grant fumbly for me with his words like I did like his his American Voice was very funny to me yelling American was well done yeah he had a lot of decent uh yeah range in voices and whatnot but like his I I I kind of felt myself just like get to the joke sort of [ __ ] you know I I felt like he was just fapping about for time like I don't yeah it was a little bit of that do we need to know that you were 35 and not 37 to continue on with the story like sure yeah stuff like that like nitpicky but I get it yeah yeah um so yeah that's our show that's uh make sure you like And subscribe and do all of that fun [ __ ] um the links for all of these guys are going to be in the description below so if there's anyone that struck your fancy make sure to check out their full show and maybe they'll be more Cooperative on copyrighting us um stand up tear down sense you there for the view exactly and uh speaking of which the uh the algo has uh decided to be mad at us and not push us so if anyone's out there watching we really need your uh your help to uh push us out there so you know like And subscribe and send the links to your friends and post us on your uh your your Myspace or your your Facebook or your Instagram or whatever the [ __ ] you kids are doing these days and uh you know uh only fans yeah yeah definitely put us on the only fans um you know maybe if we're if we're so inclined you I'll give you a nipple shot but uh oh don't count on it yeah I that's a way to lose viewers that's for sure um yeah thought we're trying to attract viewers here but yeah let us know if there's any comedians that should be on our radar or new specials that uh we should be checking out otherwise keep standing up we'll tear it down oh stand up down condu your comedy I topes stand up tear down now [Music]