Browse Transcripts

Category: Comedy

In springfield they're eating the dogs the people that came in they're eating the cats they're eating the pets of the people that live there they're eating dogs and cats and hamsters i saw it on tv they took my dog cooked it barbecue i saw it they ate lassie rentin tin they've eaten benji they've eaten... Read more

Category: Comedy

Look at what they did to tyreek hill just just did it on his way to a game tyreek hill the wide receiver four [ __ ] ass [ __ ] cops snatched them out snatched them out but slam them on the ground in in in the the the little video cam he slam on [ __ ] his car is 10 times better than yours that's because... Read more

Category: Comedy

Now 2024 debate between vice president kla harris and former vice former president would happen they said it wouldn't happen because trump was trying to run away but now no audience though which i pr you donald trump said nop it probably wasn't going to get too rowdy yeah that's probably why i think... Read more

Category: Comedy

Apparently you drank like 100 beers from a cross country trip 73 hold on so what is the story yo philly we're coming with the tops off world tour november 29th and i'm bringing dj jazzy jeff to philadelphia then norfolk winston salem fairfax rowan oak rochester worster newark providence and aly new... Read more

Category: Comedy

On how are you guys doing yeah that's a cool that's like a very like 1950s boyfriend girlfriend look the full like the full remember how like the front seat of a car used to just be for like just for sexual assault you don't need any middle [ __ ] just [ __ ] that's very cool do you carry a knife you... Read more

Category: Comedy

Did you sure say isis it's her name change it it's your last or first name first name the easiest one to change what's your last name hamas what is it sherlock sherlock the only way this name could be worse is if her first name was no shit is that one for me yeah all right i'll take it give me that... Read more

Category: Comedy

With okay so because i was a tennis player i dealt with like a lot of pressure before talk because i played tennis it was i know how to [ __ ] go all right just like i was just like running around with my balls and playing hitting stuff but like my i had a basically a tennis career before this which... Read more

Category: Comedy

Is there pakistani porn mia khalifa mia khalifa she's not pakistani i bet do people you think yeah do you think people come up to her and go hey i thought you were great and butts and boobs four and she's like that wasn't me give me the plot of butts and boobs one and then i'll tell you how we got to... Read more

Category: Comedy

I bought an eagle like just because i'm such a big football fan the philadelphia eagles are it's like everything to me so i bought an eagle it lives at my house i'm serious that's dude i got to i got if you google right now i know for a fact what are you talking about google it google it i don't want... Read more

Category: Comedy

No you think i hire on the list i just didn't i didn't see you making a list at all what are you talking about maybe you should take your sunglass off inside no too bright in here for you too bright in here for you look at this look at this stud look at this st this is not stud man this is stud no yes... Read more

Category: Comedy

Man we got some news whenever you're ready bud you ready man travis kelce his pr firm calls lawyers as a document with exact date for taylor swift breakup goes viral so what is that well what happened was somebody made like a really clever document that looked like him and taylor swift was like in a... Read more

Category: Comedy

My son doesn't care about anything he called me the day he's like hey dad i'm in the car yeah i don't know i guess uh i guess i'm out of gas right now what do you mean you don't know joe are you moving is the car moving i'm not moving i'm not moving i'm put put my foot on a pedal i'm not going anywhere... Read more

Category: Comedy

You look uncomfortable like oh [ __ ] he's going to talk about my ears no i'm not i'mma talk about your lazy eye what's popping he looking at you and at them at the same time you sat in the front with these mother boy boy got the mil on them don't it woo correct the vision get it for your kids you ain't... Read more

Category: Comedy

Like i just can't get enough of you if you guys want to ask questions let's ask some questions everyone says hi i love her i love her everyone is obsessed with you this is all incredibly positive well thank you guys i love you all um hi everyone i like the way you talk you like the way i talk you really... Read more

Category: Comedy

I like my women like i like my guitar guitar with a long neck and a g string i women like i like my table table i like my women like i like my table brown and an all fours women like i like my my my iphone an upgrade every year i love my women like i like my my what underwear underwear white and tight... Read more

Category: People & Blogs

Do you hear me i'm not afraid anymore [music] Read more

Category: Comedy

Actually you know what that's my new [ __ ] i'm going to do that from now on like what's up bro how you doing you know what the [ __ ] are you doing to my face i'm liking it you got a good one letting you know okay that's a good joke but i already don't like him so i'm not [laughter] laughing it's stand... Read more

Category: Entertainment

Now you've got the award in hand how do you feel alex blown away gob smacked really pleased so cool so nice to see all of the yeah it's just really special i know we talked about before a lot of your fans know obviously for your comedy but they don't know how a dieh hard theater kid you are what does... Read more

Category: Entertainment

यह ले जा पियूष को चाय पिला चाय पी के उसका दिमाग सही हो जाता है उसकी कोई जरूरत नहीं है मम्मी जी पियूष जी को ऐसी चाबी घुमाई है हमने कि अब उनका दिमाग सही ट्रैक पर दौड़ रहा है ऐसे क्या चाबी घुमाई तूने मतलब क्या बोला हमने उनकी मर्दानगी को ही चैलेंज कर दिया क्या अब देखिए कैसे दो लाख रप का इंतजाम फट से करते हैं पीयूष जी और फिर सारी प्रॉब्लम सॉल्व हो जाएगी पापा जी का होनहार बेटा ही उनके लिए पैसे लाएगा आप चिंता मत कीजिए [संगीत] कौन से हिंद महासागर... Read more

Category: Entertainment

अरे क्या है भाई सारी सजावट यह सब खाना पना किसी का जन्मदिन है आज मैं भूला तो नहीं आपके आशीर्वाद से आज पियूष को बड़ी सफलता मिली [संगीत] है बाबूजी यह लीजिए चलो शुक्र है भगवान ने आखिर हमारी सुन तोली हमने तो सुबह से त रखा हुआ था कि जब तक पूरे परिवार की तकलीफें दूर नहीं हो जाएगी ना हम तो खाने की तरफ देखेंगे भी नहीं और देखिए ना भगवान ने हमारी सुन [संगीत] ली ये इतने सारे पैसे कहां से मिले ये क्या है ये जी पियूष ने खाने की एक प्रतियोगिता में भाग... Read more