I Don't Roast, I Talk - BT Kingsley Crowd Work Compilation - Chocolate Sundaes Standup Comedy

you look uncomfortable like oh [ __ ] he's going to talk about my ears no I'm not I'mma talk about your lazy eye what's popping he looking at you and at them at the same time you sat in the front with these mother boy boy got the mil on them don't it woo correct the vision get it for your kids you ain't never heard no nir [ __ ] you're a liar I'll take it back here with a white woman maybe you have S you met all right your Beard's amazing shut up hat healthy beard sick of your [ __ ] y'all look confused y'all didn't know y'all was going to have to sit up in the front that's your bra them your goddamn titties you don't tell me to stop you the one the lazy one you knew that was going to be out too that's why you put on the sex bra you would have put on that little Walmart [ __ ] if you would have knew [ __ ] don't cover it it's too late I'm going to be here all night I'm going to be up seven more times you might as well just relax I'm not going to say nothing else about them but just one more time he looking too he just behind you but his eyes he got a full scope on them shits laugh casting director ass boy face what up Carl Anthony towns say boy call Anthony in this [ __ ] you had a trash ass game today my [ __ ] I ain't never seen y'all here at the same time he be here all the time and they be here all the time as a couple but I never seen them here at the same time I'm like oh [ __ ] something going to happen tonight time has stopped outside we just don't know it sunglasses inside cool sunglasses oh you took your [ __ ] off okay I was coming to your ass I was on my way I was in route to I seen you had your [ __ ] off M you like you like I didn't even know I was with car Anthony towns MH for I I for I give it up for the service in here give it up for the service Navy got them popey the Sailor Man outfits on I know what y'all trying to do y'all trying to get the [ __ ] easy you walking up chicks like hey hey hey hey hey you know you owe me right you know you owe me damn there a lot of y'all in there hey man give it up for the service man the Navy in here it's Navy right I don't know [ __ ] about service like that me and Jordan in the Call of Duty Army that's the only one I know we serious about that [ __ ] though Jo you know that [ __ ] serious bro we be on that goddamn Call of Duty okay hat we get it he like why you keep [ __ ] with me cuz [ __ ] you the only one do doop do Charlene hat ass boy your epic beard I don't care that you cool [ __ ] shut up [ __ ] like bro I ain't even do nothing I'm so mad at your goddamn beard I'm trying to grow my [ __ ] in it just look like I fell off cuz if you don't grow if you don't grow this part of your beard in it's all bad for you this this is the part right here this is some chin strap [ __ ] this is some stupid [ __ ] this right here is the part you healthy beard ass [ __ ] shut up [ __ ] man oh [ __ ] that's crazy your eye went back when you blink it go back in it get back in line it was over here and then you blink that [ __ ] shot he said yeah do that oh [ __ ] that's great he oh look it's back over there oh [ __ ] we got to get this whole You A Goddamn magician that is crazy I ain't never seen that [ __ ] before I thought when it was over here it was just over here I didn't know it came back to it seat you don't have a lazy eye you got like a really lazy eye you got a couch potato eye your eye don't have a car and be driving this baby mama car he got a Jodie for baby boy eye your your don't even be looking for a job your your eye be on Call of Duty your ey God damn your your eye get up off the couch like this all right I'm done I'm leave your eye alone huh cuz it be a lot of [ __ ] going on y'all y'all wasn't here yesterday people made this microphone a dick and all kinds of [ __ ] no I'm going go ahead put that protection on baby yeah she shaking her head like yeah you better be safe what do you do sir te shut your ass up he ain't no real teacher he teach acting or some [ __ ] what do you teach that's what I [ __ ] I thought [Applause] [ __ ] you look like a failed actor that's now trying to tell everybody how to do the [ __ ] right no you're [ __ ] it up no [ __ ] you [ __ ] it up that's why you here if you was doing it right you'd be in the goddamn movies I can see it on your face man I man I be knowing he like don't come over here [ __ ] he going to definitely know I work for a Ad Agency what do you do sniper all right that's enough of me That's it man I just like come up here just get y'all right a little bit Sailors in here Sailors if uh if the sniper [ __ ] with me y'all on his ass I don't know what kind of training y'all got but whatever use it on his ass y'all y'all got my back right yeah like no you called us pop out the Sailor Man we not [ __ ] with you at all everybody except for this [ __ ] with the shirt on the moso Theo yeah you didn't know one word [ __ ] you got a Nerf v a shirt [Applause] [Music] off not one that [ __ ] sit there [Applause] like everybody know mosquito liido you ain't never even heard that song I have when you bought that shirt when she took you to the concert come on you're going to love it you sat there the whole time it's Nirvana you don't know [ __ ] lying to me bro they knew the [ __ ] he banged on the goddamn clip he was like that's my [ __ ] oh mosquito cuz a little beat off F oh oh know yeah yeah yeah I mean uh blood uh uh yep whatever you want to do yes sir put my hands in my [ __ ] Pockets [ __ ] can't even [ __ ] I can't see that hell no [ __ ] do no I'm from huh oh yeah no you you said i't get no closer that's why I left it in here yes sir M I don't want no [ __ ] I don't know who's worse y'all are the C dogs both you [ __ ] is aggressive with that [ __ ] wish you would throw the hooks up a [ __ ] clothes line you from across the street damn I thought you was going I thought you was going to rock out bro huh yes [ __ ] you have a Nirvana shirt on that was 1,000% for you I didn't play for this [ __ ] I didn't playing for lazy eye I didn't play for Paisley I didn't play it for titties I didn't play it for bangs I didn't play it for this [ __ ] I didn't play it for the actor field director now he's a teacher I played it for [Applause] you you thought I was going to rock out [ __ ] yes anyway you thought you thought I was that is hilar you are hilarious I bet you do that all the time she like so get naked so we can [ __ ] you want to [ __ ] me I'm getting some [ __ ] [Applause] yes they be me [ __ ] you you can come to I can I can eulate you're [ __ ] hilarious all right anyway you get it coming out my give me another one give me another one give me another one y'all give it up for Drummer Boy y'all get it right we get it right play with Nirvana for him now play [ __ ] with [ __ ] up [ __ ] up eyes see see bushw Bill and Slick Rick you know what I mean he like oh [ __ ] see balance who's next we play some hat [ __ ] for you I want you to know the dude behind you got jealous he ain't had no hat on earlier that [ __ ] went got a Kango out the car that [ __ ] say [ __ ] we can wear our [ __ ] hats in here I didn't know that baby [ __ ] tell let me know what kind of potty it is would got a hat he just want to show up that boy wouldn't got a Cano on your dog ass Ain you put that threw that [ __ ] up let the air get in there [Applause] she was like you mind if I go get my hat go get your hat [Applause] baby that [ __ ] button the button right there you know it's a button right there button that button so it stay there [ __ ] he ain't going to be the only [ __ ] in here with a hat that's how old dudes challenge each other oh oh oh oh oh oh they wearing hats in there wait a minute wait a wait a minute well wait a minute well wait a minute [Laughter] then oh [ __ ] all right uh number between one and 80 somebody shout the number [Applause] out you guys you guys the big [ __ ] in the front with the tattoo head said one we going with one I don't want no [ __ ] uh who's with number one one Ethan Ethan oh [ __ ] Ethan Ethan you get to see another half of a show congratulations man y'all giving up for Ean you won baby he said good thing I won I was going to [ __ ] kill you after this show I going to [ __ ] up one side of your face real bad come back man you get a whole month to that's four shows for you so you get to see two and a half shows you know what I mean but it'll be a good time hey man y'all give it up for Ethan man huh oh they only pick one they only pick one you say 77 you said you said no no I didn't say that Brandon said that and now I corrected it Brandon you got to pay you got to pay for uh you got to pay for everybody else to come in they said two two or one Brandon said he said he don't know if it's two or one earlier I don't want no you say you do another one wait hold on wait you said yes or no okay cool all right give me somebody pick a number patray what's that no [ __ ] I'm not scared of you somebody pick a number it got to be a woman so I got a reason [Music] he y' acting like this The Price is Right like this [Applause] [Music] [Applause] Plinko no but I got the soldier [ __ ] is here too all right well [ __ ] that [ __ ] got serious he said 77 and he do it like this so I don't even know it's like a little gun if you do 77 like that cuz it's a seven but it's a aggressive seven he could have went like this that n 77 [ __ ] P 77 [ __ ] a you laugh k y you laugh you was like [Applause] 77 hey man [ __ ] it this 40 number 40 wait and I don't know who I'm scared of you shut your ass up confusing me you was encouraging the [ __ ] 24 Kobe Lakers over everything baby Lakers over me losing the fight and everything I don't give a [ __ ] I had to do it for Kobe [ __ ] right 24 Janine y'all up there there a y'all give it up a Janine all right Janine she turned up your titty almost fell out Janine look got my omegas in here here who I ain't Affiliated I don't want no [ __ ] y bad as the goddamn Crips you throw the hooks up you ain't never seen somebody beat your ass faster they don't [ __ ] around I don't [ __ ] around I don't want no [ __ ] I like I want to see what happened if that Atomic Dog come on cuz back in the day you would have went crazy but nowadays I don't know how them knees is you see a old cute try to get into [Music] R hey hey hey hey hey hey hey that's all they got that's all they got that sciatic nerve pitch get to kick it in that's all they got the other cues in here that did that left them on their Island y'all ain't [ __ ] cuz I know there some of y'all in here like I don't feel like it tonight what do you do sir nobody just giving me answers if you work at the club say you work at the club he said I sell software go ahead do something with it go ahead do the thing do the comedy thing where you take what I said and then change what I said into something I never said do the thing comedy man little do you know that water Brothers is my friend you'll never make it in this town software do something with that you shut your ass up sir I ain't doing [ __ ] with that [ __ ] software [ __ ] Google [ __ ] Yahoo [ __ ] Bing [ __ ] I ain't doing [ __ ] with that [ __ ] who do you like yeah just musically who do you listen to all the time who just you know would be crazy what if she said some wild [ __ ] what if she was like I don't know maybe like 21 Savage how [ __ ] crazy would that be no but tell me who you like Shale sh body that's what I thought it's not your fault his fault you tried to pass her some uh semi black [ __ ] you was like here you go mom hit him with the shot L all black people love shot L is it a criminal all the music for Shadell is slightly aew he gave me the hug of life [Applause] [Applause] D goly I said you went to jail that [ __ ] went to prison what up y'all what up y'all what up y'all what up though yeah don't try not to look at me haircut we out here got a mohawk with to slick down got a goddamn peacock in this [ __ ] what up Sir you look like a aggravated director [ __ ] this guy's never going to get it we're losing daylight that's your face my brother hoger you got your chips in your lap what's going on sweatsuit hit him with the sweatsuit with the gray with the gray with the gray with the gray with the gray concrete what we going to call you my boy what got my [ __ ] Concrete in this [ __ ] you looked up all night I was worried about you bro you were texted earlier L your girl told you not to go out and you came on out anyway she going to lock these goddamn doors I know it know you just got out y'all look good man he was like how you know my God you know you change your life ever since you open up that tattoo shop man everything been all right you get your tattoos here you don't [ __ ] around that mother got tattoos in his sideburns [ __ ] real you like what is going on that's a lot of energy how you doing Mama got your kneecaps out like we got a [ __ ] going on best [ __ ] in the room right there yeah I can tell she's like don't tell nobody got that ass hanging up off that chair I know that thing she got that juicy juicy she that lunch y'all this go be a fun show m y this is people trying not to look at me I can see y'all it don't matter [ __ ] I can see your ass you dark with your teeth white y'all look you a happy dude bro you look so happy to meet her man and she seem happy to be with you how long y'all been together huh eight months that's what it sound like just just start [ __ ] wrong I know what's going on got the second Super boss of the movie Dark dude with the Kango you're not the boss you're the secondary boss right before I kill the main dude you standing there I got to kill you to get to him mhm got blocks in the front row this is going to be fun you knew I was going to get to your ass bowling shirt you knew I was on my way mhm I don't care what he told you you first chick he ever [ __ ] you hear me first [ __ ] [ __ ] he ever had Rick Moranis the Latino version L Honey I Shrunk the Kids L Honey I Shrunk The noos you got what do you do sir you look smart sir you you know I'm talking to you goddamn dweed you the one that used to get stuffed in the lockers what do you do for a living educated man I'm waiting for to come shut your ass up I work in the office why your voice sound like that you don't you don't really [ __ ] with the [ __ ] do you yep I F you know what he said no I do not mhm that's I knew it wasn't no [ __ ] in your life I knew it wasn't a lot I thought this was a little bit you had had it was none missed it I gave you one [ __ ] it's zero did you tap out before or after you had some [ __ ] when would you done I'm back to you sir I'm we going to be with you for a little bit Stripes I'm be honest with you if you get I don't like this shirt for you I'mma Be honest with you you should be way more fashioned for it boo boo this is a [ __ ] ass shirt for a gay dude you should have on his shirt [Applause] that boy got that yellow that boy got that yellow on that boy got that sunshine blue skies please go away shirt ah that boy got that lemonade on you're like come on man you ain't [ __ ] with the fit with the no socks with the no back with the fit don't [ __ ] with you man you look clean man look like you doing good in life it look like as soon as you start doing good in life you stop [ __ ] with your family yo brother don't don't call me no more I ain't got no money for y'all click you know your brother don't answer the phone no more ever since he hit that little Lottery what do you do yeah some Pimp [ __ ] Logistics look anytime somebody say something like this the [ __ ] coming right after that I said what do you do for a living you Logistics he full of [ __ ] you dance like him I made you a Jabba walkie and your day is off cuz you're Asian h r [ __ ] like chicken so look if I say anything racist I'm going to say [ __ ] like chicken right after that so y'all can't cancel me so I be like Asian people how y'all karate [ __ ] like chicken see that's how you stay safe you know what I mean good P I'm sorry how many stalkers you got she's like shut up Seven I'm sorry do y'all know her mhm how's how's our [ __ ] sir I was trying to catch that [ __ ] up he was like what I never had her I think about I never had it though what the hell he was thinking about it though he with his girl she's like you better not look at her oh I know that she said this girlfriend right there I know oh [ __ ] [ __ ] out of here that's your cousin for real you might have [ __ ] when y'all was younger where y'all from you the kick you know they be doing one they yard might have touched it in the closet somewhere little freaky cousin right we playing doctor just you a doctor you a doctor with that good ass puss y'all excuse me the rest of this show I'm dating what's your name I bet it is [Applause] you know what's funny it's some dudes in here know that I'm right like no no no that's the [ __ ] right there you wore them pants cuz you got to let that thing beat that thing you know what I mean [ __ ] slipping around on that [ __ ] you single mhm you know it's great you not but you thought about it you was like [ __ ] him good if you don't tell me about him I don't know him perfect that's my time [ __ ] I did what I came up here to do con Creek you see me boy I see you brother that was it hit himself cuz he concrete still smiling you been you've been smiling the whole show bro you can't even look closing your mouth don't even feel right you like eight months man he's like ain't no way she got the best foot in the room I got it with me we going to have a good time man this going to be a fun ass show music so much different now it ain't like when concrete was coming up that [ __ ] texting I know them gotam letters big as hell on that phone grown people let us be big to n o p how old you man you don't mind me asking 59 going with your little show brother don't say [ __ ] yeah he like now you're playing some [Music] [ __ ] don't S II played that that wasn't me he was like you think that's funny it's my boy concrete AKA gravy all right we got to find out who your winner is what I uh what I got numbers between what and what between 1 and 62 all right so between one huh 1 and 66 so uh somebody give me a number between 1 and 66 you you so nasty talking about 69 that wasn't even an option she say that you so nasty oh my God stop I was it was all comedy gosh give me another number 27 27 I like 27 let's go 27 27 who's the winner hey all I'll switch this [ __ ] right now [Applause] who he does have Lord Jesus fing save yourself [Applause] [Applause] go I said you went to jail that [ __ ] went to prison and it go to concrete [ __ ] yeah yeah [ __ ] I wait for your music to come on for the WWE [ __ ] get [ __ ] out of us that [ __ ] shook my hand and roll my Knuckles like you shake hands like a used car salesman BR you got to give me two days for this [ __ ] I ain't going to even be able to do that tonight [ __ ] you got to give me a couple days baby I got to I ain't got nothing dick tonight but this I got to [ __ ] concrete [ __ ] never seen a [ __ ] adopt his nickname was so much fervor that's how he going to come to the VIP he going to walk past the lot excuse me me [ __ ] conrete in this ho congratulations bro don't talk to them in the back some ladies don't shake their hand like you shake mine [ __ ] Jack what do you do for a living y'all y'all not listening y'all are not [ __ ] listening y'all not listening to what he said Hey cuz y'all heard cuz y'all heard criminal defense attorney that's what I y'all oh crazy look no no no no no that [ __ ] said for one family and then stop smiling that's some Mafia [ __ ] I I said hey I said on the one family only one problem [ __ ] you do criminal defense for one family and you making a living that's a lot of goddamn crime and he just sitting here looking at me creepy like it sure the [ __ ] is got some more jokes [ __ ] disappear you want to swim with the fishous Buckle you want to [ __ ] swim with the fishes Italian mobster cuz you old so I know you've been doing this [ __ ] for a long time where John Gotti at [ __ ] I know you know God damn 35 years one family damn you know what's crazy you can't say nothing else they [ __ ] around being here he get to say no like who's the family that [ __ ] said one family where did that [ __ ] go oh God okay he's back Jack come back to your seat bro [ __ ] y'all y'all make some room for [ __ ] Jack move out his way you you good man everything cool all right all right they got that call love I love black women we can do anything I need some [ __ ] out of jail you think them [ __ ] can afford Jack [ __ ] he been working for one family them [ __ ] in that little [ __ ] ass budget if you don't get ghosted uh Tariq the [ __ ] out of here nigas working with the soprano you said good [ __ ] good here he crossed his leg he was like now let's talk about this [ __ ] in head give me a second [ __ ] your chips must be good you got them [ __ ] in your lap everybody else got their food on the table then you was in prison [ __ ] [ __ ] I'm hungry as [ __ ] y'all supposed to eat before yall got here y'all ain't get to eat he [ __ ] said we did eat okay you just greedy [ __ ] it's just chips man [ __ ] what kind of chips is these this must be them ly tortilla chip the [ __ ] good [ __ ] never had nothing like this these Chipotle chips these gotdamn Chipotle chips you know they fried them fresh you got to fried them fresh what do you do sir shut your cool ass up F cool and you got a cool ass job I work for SpaceX I build Iron Man suits for shut your cool ass up you cool you not he's like oh [ __ ] I'm not no bathroom man what you do our coolest job right now you a what you're a influencer you ain't no influencer huh air oh [ __ ] no it's all [ __ ] up walk outside we sitting there and the leather jacket with that goddamn hat crunch the Assassin hat you had me this crunch like why your hat so crunch you could you could have just did a fited but you wanted to do this [ __ ] thank you for your service man appreciate it's your goddamn holiday and I'm in here [ __ ] with you I am sorry only cuz you are legally trained am I sorry where you from Air Force newal oh man a got you in the new dealing Air Force I take back my thank you for the country [ __ ] be part of this Air Force God damn it you're the enemy hey SpaceX get him thought you was in our Air Force you're in another Air Force God damn that' be like if you was in the Taliban bro you like I'm in the Army oh you're probably Mexican but right now you you just in vicinity of the jokes I'm putting out Vladimir Too part two Vladimir part two in here hold on you just give me big Russian energy if y'all didn't dress up I'm giving you outfits Heavy D godamn [Music] it you Heavy D niggaer tonight y'all the [ __ ] I'mma kill I'mma stab y'all up for this movie over with freaky whoopy cushion he got a whoopy cushion outfit yeah but sit on me he got the dick cut out cuz sit sit on me I'm a whoopy cushion no you in me at got your dick cut out on your whoopy cush it that's yeah you stupid as [ __ ] cuz I didn't know you was talking about oh you good who you supposed to be you dressed up or you just dressed like that no that's just your look you just you just walked out the house like like all that's what's up bro yeah you look like you might pull holes on the low though like on the on the under they he's so awkward and you're like yeah dick like I get it I get it [Laughter] bro that's how he [Applause] bust he just leaves he just walks off with the goddamn Peewee hermit curls if you don't get your face ass [Applause] bangs that's [ __ ] hilarious he keep doing this gesture and y' I know that [ __ ] cracking in your area wherever you from this is the [ __ ] you look like the Monopoly man's son you need a goddamn monacle what the [ __ ] is going on Action Bronson he's like who the [ __ ] is Action Bronson you action you a little bigger than Action Bronson you know Action Bronson you think about it Bronson got terrible seats that's your that's what's that's your costume your costume is you can't see the show [Applause] [ __ ] I'm doing SC [ __ ] over here you missing it all with your stupid ass scoot over you know how sit on your [Applause] lap old school dude in the back old brother be like this come on brother watch out watch out watch keep it going keep it going go over there go over there you ain't got none of these buttons button button that button mhm got Varsity in here got uncomfortable man they should sat you in the chair bro that boo ain't doing you no justice bro that boy spilling up out that thing ain't he that boy you got to tuck your back into to the spoof you can't be spilling out the booth like that spilling out the booth in the house uncomfortable you bigger than action though no you're not action bigger than you if y'all wrestle who win he blew a kiss at me I threw that [ __ ] this me you blew the kiss I toss it like this you all right man yeah I'm it's cuz it's early I don't know how the [ __ ] you going to be three comedians in y'all either let him sit all the way in or all the way out it's a't going to I I'm not making fun of you I'm still fatting this little uh full loose ass outfit I know they going to be in the comments he's still fat and the scream [ __ ] I was walking up here I had the mask on everything and [ __ ] knew who I was I was like how do y'all know I was we know it's clearly you BT oh I didn't even see this [ __ ] over here oh I don't even know what this is are you George Washington what are you who are you huh he a weed doctor not you [ __ ] the [ __ ] behind you with the gold dreads I know y'all little [ __ ] ass outfit I'm talking about the [ __ ] behind you with the golden locks he told we weed doctor we know we get it we saw y'all didn't ate all the product so I'm not talking about y'all I'm talkinging about the brother behind you who are you sir he said he Game of Thrones you should have wore some white face sir cuz you're not you're too dark to be Game of Thrones unless you one of the Dragons jatis he can't be a goddamn game of throes you're too dark to be game of throes with gold locks I thought you was tala mama [ __ ] I know who the [ __ ] you was I thought you was talab Bama [ __ ] that [ __ ] Game of Thrones obviously no [ __ ] you got to put on a shirt to say Game of Thrones on it [Music] [Music]