Kevin Smith Brings Seth a Never-Before-Seen Script for Them to Act Out

-Our next guest is a talented director, writer, and actor you know from movies like "Clerks," "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back," and "Dogma." His latest film, "The 4:30 Movie," is in theaters September 13th. Let's take a look. -And all I want to do is [Inhales deeply] -- is watch movies with you. [ Soft music plays ] -I want to watch movies with you, too. ♪♪ [ Both chuckling ] ♪♪ -[ Chuckles ] -Please welcome back to the show our very good friend Kevin Smith, everybody! [ Cheers and applause ] [ Mid-tempo music plays ] ♪♪ -Welcome back! How are you? -I'm so good, man. I thought of you the other week. I was, uh -- I had a gig in New Hampshire. -New Hampshire, my home state. -That's right. So I flew -- I took a redeye from Los Angeles into Logan Airport, in Massachusetts, in Boston. And when I got there, I guess it was a holiday weekend. So, like, I hadn't pre-organized a rental car, I thought I'd just get one. -Sure. -They were all -- Every Mass-hole had rented every car at the airport. So I was like, "Alright, I guess I'll go down and get a cab." So I go to cab stand and I see the guy there, and the guy goes, "Well, what can I do for you?" And I was like, "Hey, man, I'm trying to go -- I got a gig in New Hampshire. How much would it be to take a cab from here to Portsmouth?" And he looks at me and he goes -- and he's not from our country -- and he looks at me and he goes, "Smith?" And I go, "Yes." [ Laughter ] And then he goes, "Port Smith." And I go, "Kevin Smith." [ Laughter ] And he goes, "No, it's -- You said Portsmouth. It's Smith." And I was like, "Is it?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "But it's spelled 'smouth.'" And he goes, "It's your language." [ Laughter ] Right then and there, I was like, "I got my opener for Seth. Alright." So I have so much to accomplish and so little time and whatnot. -For those who haven't seen you on this show before, this is the part where you take over. -Yeah. [ Laughter ] I always -- We'll get to that in a second. First, I want to bring you comic books. -You brought me comic books? -Yes. I love you as a comic-book writer. -I know, and he's a comic-book guy. -One of the things people don't know about you. There we go. Yeah. [ Applause ] Great. -Um, but, uh... now that that's out of the way. So, I have this movie coming out -- "4:30 Movie." Honestly, that clip came from, like, the -- spoilers -- the end of the movie. So you can skip it. -You see how it ends. -Yeah, yeah, but it's so emotional. The whole movie is a big -- It's got all the feels. But it's actually very funny. -Alright, great. -Alright, so, this is -- I only make movies anymore just so I can come on this show and do a bit. -We're very happy to have you, and we're very happy work comes out of. -Yes. And you get to kick back, but then you also have to perform. Because I'm a big student of Seth. I think, of the many Meyerses there are, you... [ Laughter ] You, as the performer, is the one I'm tickled by. Like, I look at you, and I'm like, "He's so damn talented, but he sits there and he has to listen to all these, like, people talk and stuff. And he don't get to be the star of the show." So when I come, I like to, like, use you like a puppet. -Yeah. [ Laughter ] -So I wrote a script for us to do. -A script? -Yes. -So I have to do my lines that you've written for me, and you did not do me the courtesy of showing me this ahead of time. -He hasn't seen it. -Okay. -And I was -- I was a real bitch about, like, "He can't see it, Henry." Like, I wouldn't... -No, you -- They all said, "You can't." -Now, I will be the -- I play a character, as well, because I, like -- I just -- again, I just want to play with Seth. -Alright, Kevin. [ Laughter ] -But I will also read the screen direction, as well. -This is what a director would do at a table read. -A good director might. I have no idea. -Okay. -Okay, interior, "Late Night with Seth Meyers," day. We are mid-interview with Seth Meyers, 50 and white as Wonder Bread... [ Laughter ] ...and Kevin Smith, 54, and somehow slightly less white, but dressed like a 12-year-old from a '90s sitcom. [ Laughter ] -Seth. -Donald Trump needs to change the channel from Fox News to Disney+. Man, can we watch "Thor: Ragnarok" again? Thor's dad is played by the late, great Hannibal Lecter. [ Laughter ] -[ Laughs ] [ Cheers and applause ] -There's always a moment on set when you're like, "That's just how I imagined it," and that was it. [ Laughter ] Okay, mid-impressions Seth stops, clearly filled with self-doubt. An astute student of the human condition, Kevin takes notice. What is it, Seth? We didn't even get to the plug of my new film, "The 4:30 Movie," in theaters right now. [ Cheers and applause ] -What's wrong? That was the millionth time I've done Trump on the show, and me and my Trump impression is starting to feel like me and masturbation. I used to be great at it, but now I just do it because it's what is expected of me. [ Laughter ] -I know, it's gross that I laugh at my own stuff or whatever. Oh, you could fix that problem by listening to the new podcast that I do with my daughter Harley, called "Beardless, [bleep]less Me." [ Laughter ] It is available on the iHeart app, Apple, or wherever you get your podcast. Plugs are done. Go. -A podcast starring blood relatives -- they're the worst. [ Laughter and applause ] -[ Chuckles ] It's like one of those very witty -- wild, very witty. Well, we got to help you get your Trump-impression mojo back in time for the election. So come with me, Seth Meyers, because I'm taking you into the Meyers-verse. Kevin wields his Fitbit like a Sling Ring and opens a portal. [ Laughter ] -Okay. -Wide-eyed, Seth follows Kevin through the portal and into interior The Hall of Meyerses. The Hall of Meyerses looks exactly like Studio 8G, with one big difference -- everyone in the studio is a Seth Meyers. Agog at the hundreds of Seths, Seth says to Kevin... -Oh, my God, it's all me! [ Laughter ] -We don't have time to hear what you say when you climax. [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] We have to find a self -- a Seth who can help us. Seth Meyers is from across every era. This is a matter of life and death. Seth Prime needs your help with doing his Trump voice. A grinning teenager approaches. He identifies himself as... -I'm Bedford Seth, the teenage Seth who lives in New Hampshire. [ Laughter ] -Bedford Seth, can you tell Seth Prime the secret of doing Donald Trump? -Who the hell is Donald Trump? But you want to know a way-better secret? I just learned to do something really cool with my hand. [ Laughter and applause ] [ Both laugh ] -Seth Prime needs no help masturbating. [ Laughter ] Make way for a higher Meyers. Another Seth joins them. He's in his mid 20s, carries an imaginary joint, and speaks in a "too hip for the room" patois. -I can help. I'm Boom Chicago Seth. This is how we do it in Amster-[Inhales]-damn! [ Laughter ] This is good weed! -Boom Chicago Seth, can you help Seth Prime? -His Trump needs a bump. -No way. We're on the cutting edge of comedy at Boom Chicago. Like, check this out. What if Bill Clinton entered the Matrix and met Urkel? Poof. [ Laughter ] I just blew your comedy mind, man. -This Seth knows nothing. We need an older Seth. Enter "SNL" Seth. -You want an older Seth? Really? I'm gonna be on "SNL" for 12 years. Even Kenan was like, "You're still here. I mean, really." [ Laughter ] -Kevin cries out angrily, "Is there no Seth in the Hall of Meyerses who can help Seth Prime handle his Donald Trump?" Dressed in a tuxedo, enter White House Correspondent Seth. -I got you covered. I know exactly what to say about Donald Trump to make that guy go away forever. [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] [ Both laugh ] -Now, this ain't the way I feel. This is my character. Get out of here, man! You're the stuff that got us all into this! -Okay, character. Yeah. -White House Correspondent Seth hisses like a vampire to a cross. -Hahh! [ Laughter ] -Enter "Late Night" Year One Seth on very wobbly legs. -Okay. Uh, hey, you guys, I want to help, but my, uh, legs are so, uh, weak from standing, uh, during the monologue. Why can't I just sit down like I did on -- on "Update"? [ Laughter ] -The screen direction said, "Do it as Cousin Greg," so he did an excellent job. [ Laughter ] That's when Quarantine Seth enters with untamed hair and wearing no discernible makeup. He looks around at all the collected Seths in studio 8G like a dehydrated man looks at a glass of water. -Oh, thank God, an audience! I've been doing the show in an attic -- an attic full of wasps! [ Laughter ] -Seth Prime, if we need help getting your Trump mojo back, then Quarantine Seth is definitely a suitable Seth. But then enter Post-pandemic Seth. wearing his sweater, talking in the street-savvy voice of Mikey the Shoe. -Oh, he's suit-able, alright -- a suit-wearing schmuck. Who still dresses up to do this job? Trust me, kid, the only time you wear a suit is for anniversary shows or when you're sucking on an ice cream cone with the president. [ Laughter ] All you need is a sweater, baby, 'cause let me tell you, ladies love it. They call me Sweater Meat Seth. [ Laughter ] -That's what I call Seth at home. -Yeah. -Suddenly, Post-pandemic Seth gets knocked over by a frantic Lobby Baby Seth, who says... -I'm so sorry. I'm just desperately trying to cover up my wife's exposed vagina as she gives birth to our second child in the lobby of our building! [ Laughter ] -Lobby Baby Seth mimes covering a phantom vagina with his hands before saying right to the camera... -This has been "A Closer Look." [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] -What a great guest! Who brings a script? Kevin Smith, everybody! "The 4:30 Movie" is in theaters September 13th. We'll be right back with more "Late Night."