Kristen Bell, by the grace of God, returns | Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

welcome welcome welcome to armchair expert I'm Dan Rather I'm joined by The Duchess of duth hi there for anyone who's forgotten our real names in the last two years of not being on other platforms of course still living proudly free on Spotify but also available everywhere now as of today so I'm really Dak Shepard and you're really Monica ly padman that's right yeah could have forgot in the last few years I almost forgot yeah sometimes I do too a name I bet you won't forget m- and there's a beautiful symmetry we talk about it which was our very first guest over 5 and a half years ago was the lovely Kristen Annie Bell that's right and she's back today for our rejoining of all the other platforms yes we got her back we scored her very appropriate very very very appro Sim Sim Sim duck duck goose ding ding oh my God if you haven't listened for the last two years you don't know all the inside code world if you haven't listened for the last two years and you remember us you can go on to Spotify for free still and learn all the inside duck duck gooses the Sim the dinging D you've had a pretty amazing two years with some awesome guests we certainly certainly have without further Ado please enjoy my lovely bride Kristen Bell [Music] you have cute makeup on ey glasses well you had gotten a pretty powerful facial a couple days ago I did and you came up to say hi to TIG oh and I was red and I like to get it out of the way real quick like I know I look like a cherry tomato and she said I would never have noticed which led to a funny conversation it is not her politeness it is because her eyes are broken and then I don't know my explanation but I often miss some key things that I'm embarrassed to have missed well I appreciate that cuz if I come home piping red or have any other I don't know hairs growing out of my face I appreciate that you're not clocking that it's just the worry that you do need your partner to be somewhat observant perhaps there was something I didn't want we're at a dinner party and I've got a booger hanging out of my nose I need you to be there big piece of spinach in your teeth sure yeah or like blood flaing out of your eyes sure I'm bleeding from the face I love you to be aware facial bleeding look as much of a bombshell as you are and you are you're such a hottie and you're only getting hotter and hotter which is incredible appreciate you that's not what I bought I signed up I signed up for the personality I really did you're a party to live with and your ability to mimic and make me laugh is what I signed up for and your good motheress too the hotness is just been a bonus and you've been keeping it tight as thank you I did work out this morning with our daughter we went down into the gym Del yep she vacillates between actually working out like doing some bicep curls and then just getting and I don't blame her captivated with her reflection when a particularly strongly emotion song is on and then she'll just start mouthing it like she's in her own music video and staring at the mirror for the other two minutes which is I think sweet so we did a little bit of a workout together yeah well two mornings ago I hear music blasting outside it's like going through the deck Sonos it's loud and look outside Delta's out there doing bicep curls with the music cranked and I was like I feel like I'm living with a 15-year-old high school boy from Michigan do you know why she did that why because the last couple days she has watched a lot of TV and she said mommy my brain and my body don't feel good and I said well of course not you have watched 6 hours of television today it's your summer break so that's what you should be doing but this isn't a mystery to me why you feel slug and gross and she was like okay I'm going to change that tomorrow she hit the ground running she bound it down when I was making breakfast in a workout uniform oh my God and she went outside listened to the Barbie soundtrack grabbed her three lb weights and had terrible form but lifted you know she's doing her bad the form wasn't great I looked out there and I thought probably doing more damage than any good but also she's so limber and young that you know she can afford to stretch some things out and then didn't the other day she say something that that you overheard where she told me I had a really nice frame she was complimenting you yeah on your physique which is rare cuz I'll get a compliment for my kids either of us I always say it's like you and I have agreed to be on one of these makeover shows and every morning when we walk out of our bedroom the judges start evaluating how good the makeover was yeah and it's never good no no I'll watch them come up to Chris and just grab a side of her stomach and just start tugging on it God or God forbid I'm changing my top and they will run from across the house cuz they're still like right below my breastplate and they'll just take their hands and just jiggle up and down my they are so entitled to your breasts they had a name for them for a while what were they call they did give them a funny name wasn't flattering that's what they don't tell you about being a parent is that you got to get a thick skin cuz they're going to let it rip on you wait speaking of her gloves and your skin care remember when you got that facial but they accidentally gave you lioc you're allergic is it lidocane yeah cuz it's one of those ones that's like a micro needle but it has an I'm not a doctor but like an ultrasonic pul or something at the bottom of it so it just is all around good for Rejuvenation and they're like oh you'll be red for probably 24 hours I'm like great that's the kind of thing I like but they injected this is like a nerve blocker roticane or something it was just like a numbing like so it won't pinch your skin when I'm doing it I was like great let's try it and I had a l Lion's brow for 10 days yeah it was pronounced you look like a little bit like a neander TL which I love of course what Monica and I remembered was I looked like the beast from that show Beauty and the Beast that was on in the 80s where the Beast lived in the sewer and it was Linda calini no Evangelista no Evangelista that was cl that you were from the Terminator movies oh Hamilton Linda Hamilton I think it was Linda Hamilton yeah that sounds right and the Beast and that's what I looked like and that's when Delta said to me exactly how do I know you're really my mommy and not a zombie wearing my Mommy's face and she was like crying she was really worried you never did it again that's not the only time that happened at Delta though because remember I took her to Michigan on my own when she was three and my beard was really long on that trip to the point where I was like this thing's got to go it was one of those feelings where like there was like an itchy sweater and I had to get it off now yes and so I went into Meyer Thrifty Acres and bought a battery powered beard trimmer then went in the parking lot and shaved it all off while she was sitting in the car just letting the whiskers go all over the parking lot and then I got back in the car and I turned to her soon she was in a car seat she was in the back seat and I turned around and I go okay you ready to go and she goes you don't look like my daddy and I was like oh honey the saddest story I've ever heard broke my heart I'm like oh my God I was so reckless I should have brought it down in stages kept coming back in the car there was guards I could have done that or just let her know I'm going to shave this cuz she did go through a long phase I don't think I was keeping the fact that we were at Myers for a beard trimmer so I could shave I just think even though she knew that was happening I didn't look like me all of a sudden yeah but she went through a phase where she was pretty preoccupied with the fact that we were zombies living in our parents skin so I don't know who's blame this yeah who instigated this situation cuz she used to ask me that question all the time how do I really know you're my mom you don't I was like I don't know man I don't know I don't know what to tell you well listen we can't talk about your esteemed acting career is a shame cuz it's so good and naturally we would have done that a little bit it's kind of old news I haven't done any of that work long time yeah yeah you went on strike a couple years ago yeah you're on your own strike you disagreed with the contracts a couple years ago I think but I thought a career of yours we could go through and I'm lucky enough to be invol in some of it is maybe your career in the tabloids oh where the did my piece of paper go are you going to call this episode Christen Bell overstays her welcome no I think you sure we're going to say Christen Bell by the grace of God return no no no let's start there yeah we're starting here it's not necessary hold on no it is this is intentional we are now back wide yeah back on every platform still free on Spotify today is our first day we are exactly we're toe touching we're spread eagle MH and you our first guest on our first ugal guest and we thought it would be for a lot of reasons perfect to have you back for our first episode wide not to mention you're on everyone's top five favorite guests oh always always most listen to episodes always I credit you enormously for this even launching when it did I don't think without you is that explosion of interest at the beginning anyone would have even found it this is very appropriate and I want to pull the curtain back uhoh yesterday I texted Kristen and said hey can you please help us and come on the show basically and I said but I get if you're busy or you don't want you are very kind in the way that you asked him very responsible don't want to pressure you PR don't have to do this but if you'd like to we'd love to have you yeah and also we need you please help please help help help and then you said well of course I will do whatever you guys want always anything but I'm just so bad at it and I got so angry at that text I yelled at her yesterday too I'm glad you were upset as well I let you have it didn't I listen this truly isn't compliment fishing and I love how much you guys love me there's no relationships I value more I just don't necessarily feel like I have a lot to say that is of value I have a lot to do do that is a value but where I prioritize myself it's not talking we are OPP I'm Runway train you're linear you can tell a story so can you you're a great story is a false narrative in your head and we're here to this is an intervention WBY W's going to have some things to say how has her denial of her Talent affected you Rob I bet many ways it's all horeshit you're an incredible talk show guest those are planned I know what I'm going to talk about hold on very best talk show appearances in your career as a talk show guest were always with that I'll give you that they Craig Ferguson and were those planned no those were zero planned because he does not plan because the way those talk shows work is you talk to the segment producer you say what's been going on in your life what areas would you like to talk about you have any cute stories you both suggest things and then the talk show host gets some Q cards on their desk so they have prompts like oh tell me about your vacation and the start of every single Craig Ferguson show he looks at the audience he rips his cards up he throws them over shoulder and he just throws to the wind and decides what he's going to do and that yielded a lot of results oh my God they were incredible I think I did that show like 18 times or something because they just kept calling like someone fell out on Tuesday can you come in and I'd be like sure but that was at a time when I think my confidence in that Arena was higher and now I feel like I'm so in mom mode that no one wants to hear what I have to say and I just stopped thinking listen like my brain stopped working the reason in my exp ERT opinion those appearances were so great is that you guys had incredible chemistry that's this intangible thing you can't plan for or plot for like nonsexual flirting was happening oh it was pretty sexual well it might have come across as flirty and sexual but it definitely wasn't ever like I love his wife and know his kids and it wasn't ever bound it wasn't inappropriate at all but I also think he could have a crush on you and you could have a crush on him and that would be fine for sure but it's also okay that Monica and I are clarifying that in the world we live in right now I don't want anyone get the wrong idea he is wonderful and was always very appropriate as he walk the line people people flirt in a nonsexual way I believe that I think straight women flirt with each other yeah that's DX's whole game is flirting with every human being he comes in contact well no I think you can flirt with guys almost more right than women cuz I'm assuming they're going to feel more comfortable with it right and you said you'd be cool with everything up until tops off yes there was an older actor on a movie that will remain unnamed who seemed to have a thing for me and I would let him massage my shoulders and I gave him a hug every day and I think there's some kisses on the cheeks and the producer said to me who's one of my friends he said how far are you going to let this thing go with ex actor and I said ah I guess everything up till shirts off I'm comfortable with he said okay I feel like that's a good line for you to hold anyway back to you being stupid it's a ongoing process for you to fix your brain because when I was working very closely with you and I was writing stuff for you I felt like you felt very attached to having me I was so dependent on saying this gigantic regurgitation of whatever I'd been feeling for the last couple days and then saying is there any way you can organize these words to make them digestible for another human being because I did not feel confident to do it you didn't feel confident but you were capable and I would tell you yes of course I'll help but you can do this you just don't believe you can do it well then why don't I ever know what to say Monica you're you're say say is my brain always blank explain this to me we do have these really funny moments we will often be laying in bed and it's quiet and then I'll go every night we do it well no we're chatty we got to talk about going to two I'm going to write this down in my notes going to two sorry I didn't mean to side TR no but I will say it's quiet and then I'll go what are you thinking about right cuz I'm in I'm having some very abstract kind of thing and quite often you go [Applause] nothing I think this early on in life commitment to staying open to opinions and ideas and all walks of life has sort of morphed into just a lot of dead airspace I remember one of the hardest times I ever made you laugh was we were sitting in an airport and this was a long time ago when they still had like usable desktops at airports when you could check into the business area if you had to get work done and we were sitting there and you were doing something important and I was kind of like cracking my knuckles I I looked over at you and I said buddy what should I Google and it was a sincere question like I want to learn something I don't know and that's been a runner for 16 years where I constantly say buddy what should I should I Google that's where my brain is at all day so I think there's a great opportunity for us to tell a couple stories collectively that have gotten themselves into popular mainstream hot water sure right booil it this is what I'm talking about your career in the tabloids which means probably both of our careers in the tapids for the most part but I want to hear one solo tabloid most of the good ones have been about maybe what sex toys were buying yeah there was that wish we were that cool I was going to go into there was one that said that we hosted orgies or swingers party remember that I know yes and I know exactly where that came from it's because you frequently make key party jokes we'll have a dinner party or something and as we're sitting down you'll say everybody leave your keys like you use it as a joke to many of the guests on this show and some of them I realized afterwards like oh we do not have the same sense of humor I was like hey if you guys are ever in LA and you want to swing you know a lot of people don't get jokes yeah I mean that has actually been something thing I have been thinking about lately is it's such a bummer that everything you say has to be taken so literally that there's no room for fun in expression or language anymore when you're telling a story because you better have the facts right it's just such a lame way to communicate well how often do you post something that you think is so obviously a joke and you see people spiral that they took it literal and then I have to admit to myself yeah a lot of the country is not into comedy doesn't it just make you feel bad that there is a level of communication that that person who's taking it so literally is missing I mean certainly there are spectrums of brains right like people could take a lot of things literally and that's totally fine and then you just explain but for the most part when those comments come in I just think like what a bummer that you're not playful right that's really what it is I a lot of people are angry and looking to be angry they should Google something because there's a lot of fun they should ask their buddy what to Google need to be angry just ask your they probably don't have a buddy if I'm going to be compassionate or they do but they met through something they hate which is really dangerous true yeah that's another funny thing about you is your algorithm speaking of what should I Google if something happens with an animal in America oh my God you will see it well two different kinds either cross species relationships oh you love those love them chicken and a goat clicked on them so many times the dog that's taking care of the bird oh that's cute but the other one and this is why you got to be careful what you tap I one time clicked on a headline about an alligator attack and I'm not exaggerating 40% of my news feed is alligator attacks or crocodile attacks they're eating people in Florida at numbers you can't comprehend they're eating old people they're eating old people's dogs they're eating children they're grabbing people's legs it's wild down there they're indiscriminate I see all of it now because of one click and I wish it would go away so if anyone has any advice as to how to change my reptilian algorithm reptile attacks I don't want it to be in there okay so another thing that I think we're both really kind to each other about is most frequently when you want to show me a video it is a dog caring for some other animal well those are the most interesting well I mean what else would you show and I do my very best to be dialed in you do and I DM you a lot of them and you very often heart them or say so cute or XOXO I really appreciate that are you watching them what's a percentage if I had to ass sign a percentage I would say well let me first defend why sometimes I might not watch them cuz often I'm like is this one she showed me last night she had sent it the day before and I didn't say anything so now did I already see it last night so sometimes I don't know if I've already seen it but I would say probably 65% 70 that's great that is pretty good and then conversely what you do is I often show you some car stuff yeah look at this truck can you believe this guy jumped this thing listen to that motor yeah listen to the V10 F1 can you imagine if they still sounded like that the 460 SS prxq axle that a real thing it's all they make it all up when they talk that's why you can't ever get a handle on it there's no emotions and numbers that's why us boys love numbers numbers numbers numbers you show me a lot of horsepower videos or people backing through their garage well this is when I figured you out because one of my litmus tests of human beings is I was obsessed with America's Funniest Home Videos growing up and I used to sit down and watch it with a lot of people let me add when TBO came out your entire DVR whole catalog was hundreds of episodes of AF that's right so when I would show people AFV I would watch them to see which ones they were laughing at are you laughing at the animal videos are you laughing at the baby videos are you laughing at old people falling are you laughing I'm an old person falling it's very very mixed messages that's my dark sense of humor coming through is I love the animal ones but you get an old person that trips on the Dance Floor into a fountain I'm on the floor well this EGS are really high I think that's why you like it and I think that's why I like the car ones cuz Danger is eminent their hips aren't up to a big fall and you know the stakes are high the stakes are high and the ones Dax would always laugh at never ever even produced a smile on my face it was like somebody gets in the car and then they accidentally go into drive instead of reverse when they're backing out of their garage and they go through the wall and he can't breathe yeah he's laughing so hard that brings me to the most dangerous laugh of your life which is not going to do it don't even try wait you're not going to do the laugh oh when I met her she laughed like Bart Simpson and she changed it I know but Delta does sometimes and it makes me so it's my natural way of really like guttural laughing but it does sound very close to Bart Simpson why did you change it because it made me insecure imagine if every time you laughed you sounded like Bart Simpson and then everybody said oh my God you sound like Bart Simpson you be like say it or did he say it when did you realize he was everyone to I loved it yeah om man Frayer R mon but we had just come home from the hospital you had had a C-section we're time jumping now most dangerous laugh of your life and it's related to the type of content that makes me laugh and you laugh so you said buddy you cannot be funny tonight cuz I don't want to tear my stitches out and I said okay great yeah no my organs will fall on the floor if you make me laugh this is very important I told him this and he looked at me like Dennis the Menace yes you did you were like tell I just noticed that you were going to use all your power not to try to make I wanted to make you laugh more than ever cuz you just told me I can't it that's what I me absolutely you're right but I said okay then what should we watch let's watch something that's not funny you know where this of you remember this yes I remember so like Schindler's List well close not too far off so we thought let's watch 60 minutes that's not a comedy program that's that's a news show three segments and so we're watching it and the first two segments are great they're not funny warning us of some impending doom and crisis and then we get to a feel-good story at the end which is about a young boy that was one of the like Lost Boys one of the boys that had left on foot traveled throughout Africa what isn't what is the what what is the what is about that yeah it's incredible so you meet this kind of temporary encampment where kids are waiting hopefully to get adopted to go to America not little kids this boy was a teenager yeah it's a moving beautiful story and you meet the boy at the encampment and then he gets his papers that he's getting un adopted and I think he's 16 years old and first thing that hit us was first of all you'd never been on an airplane when it landed it was the first time he ever saw an airplane out close he got on it and they served them the food by the way let me say the whole thing was beautiful because you're watching him see these things for the first time and we didn't have a clue that we would end up starting to laugh during this program n I'm so nervous right now about the end of this story so the first thing that happens is he gets on the plane and the flight attendant serves him his tray of food there's no explanation right so the first thing he gets curious about is there is a foil wrapped pad of butter he's not seen one of these right so he unwraps it and we think he's going to spread this on a thing and then he just takes a bite out of it like a Snickers the whole C butter up and no he was nibbling it like a candy and he had a really curious look on his face like what is this this is weird food so that was like uhoh and then we kind of giggled cuz that's this is a nly funny someone eating a p of butter like a Sneakers Bar and so oh Tremors and then we thought oh and I was like are you okay oh yeah I was okay now we're trying not to laugh which of course is making it worse and then we think okay well that's going to be the only funny thing for sure and then the boy goes to like Atlanta where he's adopted by this very kind older man my dad your dad oh and the dad decides to take the boy out to teach him how to drive and again it's such a sweet moment and they're filming the boy driving in the older man in the passenger seat and he's instructing what to do and for God knows what reason the boy just all of a sudden turns off of the road goes down this humongous hill now the car is bouncing erratically and then they crash into a ravine oh God oh why did they include that that's insane I was laughing so hard everyone's figg well he just took a left turn into a field we wanted to see what that was like sure this wheel move yeah of course you have any more of that candy the food is Rich C the lesson is don't watch 60 minutes after you've had a C-section CU that one snuck up on ush wait what is the one you just wrote down going to two that's a cliffhanger I want to hear okay you know what going to two is already though when we're laying in bed watching television at night I don't remember how it started but sometimes because we've seen so much behind the curtain there are things we notice about the program that we don't think anyone else is noticing production issues crop issues hair issues oh I'm on hair patrol all the time that's your area of expertise who's wearing extensions I had a laser pointer one time because you have to point out the lines of demarcation when you're not blending these I guess that's where it started started with a laser pointer before we ever going into two but what you need to know is that on a set there is assistant director and then there's a second ad and then there's Pas and everyone has a walking on themselves at all times and they all have an earpiece in so you'll often be talking to someone and then you get a sense they're distracted and then they say something a non-sec and you realize oh they've just heard a message in their earpiece and now they're talking and they generally put the clip of their walkie-talkie on the collar of their shirt and so often when there's an issue and you're talking to ad you'll hear him go uh-huh okay go to two and he's telling them go to a different Channel go off the main Channel cuz channel one is where the main people communicate like channel seven is where electric communicates channel five is where the grips communicate transpo has it right but two is where you have elongated conversations about something that's necessary for channel one to know or to solve but we need more context needs so you know what go to two let's talk this and you grab your collar and we always grab our collar Mike can you go to two on two yeah Gail is wondering if she's going to be seen in this whole scene cuz she is in the Deep background this is a 3-day scene she's in the Deep BG I'm going to need her to sit on that stool though I mean I guess if she Ducks down a little bit we can cut around I guess what she's asking and I'm asking is if we put her stand in back there will it be obvious from what lens you're on does her stand in have a wig that matches I'll have to ask Becky about that but presumably yes if so if she has the wig we're good to go yeah let me ask stand but go okay and so we have elongated conversations it takes us 2 and 1/ half hours to watch a 1H hour show quite often when we were watching Yellowstone we were doing it a lot because of prop things how many cowboy hats did we have makeup she had been beat up in one season she just wouldn't heal and we were now like three seasons away and there was a lot of going to two going to two to talk to Har and makeup to see if the bruises matched from yesterday oh my god oh great one the other day is we're watching City on the Hill show we love we're obsessed with Kevin Bacon in it oh yeah it's a scene in a restaurant there's two people talking at the table that's what the scenes about we have two of the lead actors and then there's a candle in the foreground on the table an extra reaches in to light the candle while the main scenes going on most people wouldn't have even noticed this was happening what so the camera is over the extra's shoulder the extra just leans in all you see is maybe a tiny bit of side of face neck shoulder and the hand reaching in to light the candle meaning this is dinner time setting the SC correct yes and the main scene you're supposed to be concentrating on is these two actors that are mid conversation but what either of us noticed was that the extra lighting the candle had one of these 14-in long candle lighter matches but he was choked up all the way next to the sulfur so his fingers were clearly being burnt and he has to reach deep into this candle to get the candle and you you see his hand get burnt in the scene and it was one of those candles are like red and sort of oval shaped that theya old Italian restaurant oh my God so he has to get in this tiny oval and he was clearly being burned while the scene was happening and Christ's immediately like Dan can you go to two yeah what's up did we not have stunts here today or fire is he authorized to be lighting this candle yeah we ran him through it he hadn't choked up on it the last time when we did it in the blocking rehearsal say the reason that we handed him a 14-inch match just so he wouldn't get his fingers burned cuz where he's holding the match it's incredibly distracting I'm going to ask that if Kevin I think interfaced with him what's his name again is it Dale D daily it was like Kenneth Kenneth there was like a t on the end of it what's Kenneth no Kenneth Kenneth with a t hard T at the end the one thing we will dip into is how often the ads have to scramble to deal with different people like okay I'll talk to Kenneth no no no it's Kenneth Kenneth right so anyways that's most of our time watching TV is going to two to air some concerns do you guys think you would have been able to marry someone not in the industry been able to maybe but it wouldn't have been as fun because there's so much inside baseball you don't have to be in show business but what I've discovered is how fun it is to have the same job so you can talk shop all the time I wouldn't have known we were missing out on it but now that we have it I'd say it's nearly the foundation for our whole relationship is how much fun we have in bed goofing on show business it's lovely it's a level of connection that surpasses our attraction to each other yeah it's so fun the highlight of my day is that hour and a half deconstructing going to two Eric and Molly will often say watching TV with us runes movies and TV I mean I used to watch a ton of TV with you too but you know a lot of this stuff on your own yeah but sometimes I was like one time specifically I was mad because you were really picking apart this person's tongue oh well let's not talk about that well it happened that person did have a really big mean it wasn't mean I just what I noticed is oh he's struggling to keep it in his mouth while he's right and once you notice that you really see it a lot and it wasn't mean I wasn't like they're unattractive or I just like oh he has his hands full with his tongue it's very large and it wants to come out of his mouth while he's talking no one else would have noticed that except you guys I don't know if that's true I really think it's true I really think it's true I feel like an ear nose and throat person definitely would have been like oh Larger than Life tongue I see speech pathologist would have been like that's hard okay you're right there's a few professions a speech pathologist would have probably said he had his hands full with that tongue but he's mastered it proba proud full with that Tong yeah he has a mouthful stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare okay any who tabloids I think we should go through the entire airport experience the recent one oh sure because it made a lot of news David said it made the news in New Zealand no what the New Zealand yeah made the news that's what they should call it there welcome to the new Zeal I'm kind of shocked that it did because it was one of the more uninteresting things I'll start finding out during the day cuz friends will text that's exactly it or my parents will text me yeah it became obvious that this airport thing was one of those things and then also I had just an inordinate amount of comments on that post and then I notic I had a ton of comments from people that don't follow me so that's what made me think oh it has to be in the news cuz if you don't follow me you're not seeing this post you have to have seen it on the news then came to see the post now you're telling me what a liar I am the airport one yeah well let's not deconstruct social media let's tell the airport story okay so we had been on this incredible lifechanging vacation right we went to Mar Vineyard I had a lot of old friends that live there yes I want to give a shout out to Tom my new best friends oh so one of my best friends from college Ariel who is now wonderful designer her parents lived on Martha's Vineyard and so when we were in New York together I remember them an 18-year-old being such a part of my life they would like come in and see every show I was in and they were just like a wonderful East Coast family Tom and Joan Ash so they live in Martha's Vineyard also Ted and Mary were out in Martha's Vineyard so we wanted to be able to see some old friends we go for 2 weeks it was beautiful the weather was perfect we take the ferry back into Boston our plane is supposed to depart at I guess noon or something and let's already talk about that our natural disposition differs I tend to want to get to the airport earlier than you do yeah I don't think we need to be there the day before exactly I think that's prerequisite knowledge so there's always a little bit of tension when we're going to travel cuz I probably like to be out of the door minimally a half an hour earlier than you'd like to be out of the door you really do like to leave like 45 minutes prior to whatever the traffic says and I'm just like that's so much of our day I get it well you're an efficient gal that's how you live your life it's really down to the wire wire you are at your worst at the airport and I know that and I try to be a good support system cuz Authority does not yeah it's embarrassing it doesn't work well for you so getting there early is is a good idea yep so when we left Martha's Vineyard you had already pretty much made a concession we got on the noon Ferry even though it was probably plausible we could have taken the 1 p.m. ferry so we had to wake up kind of early we had to clean the house we had to return a rental car we had to get luggage onto a ferry and then we got on a party bus we were with two amilies there's eight of us right cuz we didn't want to rent two cars so we rented a sprinter van so everyone could be in there it was wonderful and it's a 2hour drive from Woodle the Woods Hole ferry to the Boston airport and so when we depart from the ferry Woods Hole it looks like Kristen's right we're getting close to Boston and it looks like we're probably going to be at the airport 2 hours early which even I don't want to be they're 2 hours early until we get to the tunnels they're all closed or not all of them but enough of them that this 2-hour window we thought we were going to have we're sitting in a ton of traffic and then I'm just getting very grateful with this early the Boston airport is under construction I did take that into consideration or to credit her Anna was like hey you know the Boston airport is under construction right now there's only one Tunnel open you got to make sure you're super early you're going to miss that flight so we ended up getting there in plenty of time but we got there probably an hour and a half early when it looked like at one point we were going to be two and a half hours early so it was kind of this perfect compromise of you and I it worked out beautifully we got in there we're like great we have time to eat we ate at Samuel Adams we did we played Spades with Eric and Molly the most incredible coincidence happened Larry trilling and his wife Jennifer trilling who had come and visited us on Martha's Vineyard and stayed 3 days and we had the best time with them and then they left on their road trip turns out they were at the airport on the same flight back to LA Larry chling is Z's favorite director from Parenthood 39 of 100 Parenthood an incredible human being most beautiful dude ever and Jen his wife is incredible so we're pumped they're there at the airport we're all on the same flight this is fun they said hi to us and then we carry on then when lunch is over we found out the flight's delayed an hour right and the flight was originally supposed to leave at 3: and then it gets announced it's going to be an hour delayed again apparently there's bad weather in Providence Rhode Island where our plane is leaving from to come pick us up in Boston so everything's grounded in Providence so now we're just watching the weather and this goes on it gets delayed an hour then 2 hours then 3 hours then 4 hours then 5 hours the last time I remember it was like 8:49 was supposed to be the departure time and the plane arrives and we're watching our bags get loaded onto the plane which I think is a great sign okay we're going to get out tonight also had a huge workday the following day once we got home it was we were going to land at 9:00 p.m. then it was 1200 then it was 1: in the morning then it was 2: in the morning blah blah blah once the bagage gets on the plane we start getting pretty optimistic and now we're watching this but it gets delayed again and then at some point they over and they say the pilot heard something on the plane we're going to look at it for a mechanical issue he wants it to be checked out and there was this Collective groan throughout the whole terminal of like we just want to get on and I'm texting with you and Rob going like I think I'm getting home I don't think I'm getting home you I want to be a part of that Collective Gran except for the fact that if the pilot doesn't like a sound he's hearing I for sure want him to say I need this checked out before we get on the plane like I was grateful that he was like I ain't trying to make y'all happy I'm trying to keep you safe I don't want to be peer pressured into just taking this plane off and crashing it exactly so I was grateful for that but it was frustrating we had four kids with us they were doing spectacularly they were I think as a mom I'm clocking when they last slept when they last ate and I'm knowing the Sam Adams meal at that restaurant was a while ago it was 6 hours ago at this point and there's only so long I can give them peanuts and and they're shutting down restaurants so you're trying to decide should we get one last meal am I going to feed K yeah exactly okay so they announced that and we're like okay whatever hopefully they'll look at this for 40 minutes and then we'll be on our way and then they come over at this point a flight attendant Kristen comes over she has seen you sitting there she had gotten off the plane while they're looking at the mechanical issue and she said do you remember me we were on a flight a long long time ago and I gave you the dogs I immediately remembered her 10 years ago I'm on a overnight flight to New York and I'm curling up to go to bed they shut the lights off and all of a sudden I look in the aisle and there is a dog a loose oh my God and you're like I'm dreaming I'm Dreaming this is my dream a stray dog and I'm like what what what's going on and then I see another one oh Jesus oh my God it looks like they're crawling out of all of the holes in the plan so I'm trying to get her attention and I'm like there's dogs there's two small dogs running around underneath the seats and she's like what so she's looking on the floor I'm looking on the floor and she picks them up and she brings them over to me and she goes I can't make an announcement we've Turned the Lights Off everybody's sleeping and I was like give them to me it was my time waiting your whole life this is what you were training for honestly so she hands me these two little dogs I cuddle up with them and I think I sleep with them for a fair amount of time oh my God don't know whose dogs these are just know that I'm needed I'm here don't care by the time the lights came up however many hours later we had realized that there were two carriers under one of the other pass passenger seats and that passenger was A- Rod was it Derek Jeter or A-Rod you know what in the telling of the story the last 10 years we thought it was Derek Jeter but I think I said that because I have a problem with Sportsmen sure Sportsmen it was A-Rod that makes sense I mean they're in the same team they're both the big names from the Yankees so easy mixup maybe it was someone he was traveling with they were in his group we realized it we put him back in the containers and informed him like oh maybe the Zipper was open here your dogs don't worry I snuggled with them all night but the point is Kristen the flight attendant came up to me and was like remember that and I was like of course I remember that that was the most unique playing experience I've ever had so now that I remember Kristen this is incredible because I can ask her like is the sound he heard a huge deal or a small deal what do you think the chances are because now we're just having casual conversation because she's waiting to get back on the plan what we find out pretty quickly and they make an announcement is the crew has timed out they can only be on the clock for so long so if the flight hadn't left by like 9:50 the crew was going to time out and they did not address the mechanical issue in that window she said we've got about 15 minutes left before we time out it doesn't look to me like they're going to come to a conclusion about this mechanical issue and once we're timed out they have to find us a hotel and we have to have a 10-hour turn around oh at that point it's like 10:00 at night and so everyone starts searching for a hotel the trillings they too have been calling every place and what we quickly find out is that the closest hotel and this is important because some of the criticism we received suggested that none of the hotels to our liking were available there was not any place to sleep within 50 mil of the airport and this was because the airport's under construction it was because there was a flight to London there was a dozen cancel cancellations and everyone knew before us cuz they kept kicking ours like it was going to happen in the night so the time we acknowledge no this fight's not going out tonight everyone's already grabbed the hotel rooms and there are hotel rooms full disclosure about 50 minutes away at night no 50 miles that's longer than 50 minutes because you have the traffic getting out of the airport and most people aren't driving 100 miles an hour exactly it be 60 but same difference but the point I'm trying to make is at 11:00 at night we can get there in an hour but we have to recognize that with all the Tunnel closures that coming back in the morning is going to be at least a 2hour commute I'll sprinkle on top of this we've got eight people so we can't just take one tiny room we have to have two rooms I mean I guess we could have one room but then the hotel sometimes asks you how many people are staying there and if I was like 8 I don't know if they'd be down for that and at that point they're telling us that the flight's going to take off at 8:00 in the morning so I was instigating this I think I was saying look let's just sleep here on the floor plus it was kind of kind of exciting we were like girls were sleeping at the airport they were like what this is camping this is so cool we're like we're going to go to that shop before it closes and again we had eight people so we had to buy everyone a little neck pillow and a blanket they're not cheap those blankets and pillows at the airport that are made of Styrofoam are $35 a pie oh they made a fortune regardless we lay down we have a great attitude and I think the video we posted is US partying like it's going to be a fun camping experience inside the Logan airport and we play a round of Spades we having pretzels for dinner it's great some kids fall asleep now it's like 11: now Larry and his wife had talked to a best friend who lived in Wellsley Larry said hey we're going to go to our friend's house and they said you could come to I said yes let me talk to Dax that's right and then I'm a lot more codependent so I'm like I'm not showing up at strangers house with eight people four kids now this is where I'm switching to like let's just commit to this and do this let's stop coming up with other plans let's just go to sleep it'll be fine I've slept in the airport a bunch of times so Larry and Jen leave they leave at like 11:00 at night or something someone comes and tells us hey they're going to kick you out of here at 1:00 a.m. TSA is going to come kick you out there's so many people sleeping in the airport at that point I don't believe this random woman who told me that there are so many people sleeping by our gate and at one point in the midst of all this the flight attendants are kind enough to go onto the plane and grab some pillows and blankets from the plane and they start unloading them and there's two older couples right next to us they give them like a blanket and a pillow there's another family that needs them so they're handing these out and then I said do you know if they're bringing any more pillows and blankets off the plane and she said I don't know I'm off the plane and in my head I was like well I can see that obviously I said do you know if they're bringing any more offer is there some way I could ask the people on the plane there's actually a lot of people out here could you bring kind of all of them and and she looked at me and said well technically they're not supposed to be bringing those pillows and blankets off oh Lord and I for the first time in my life got sassy and I said right well technically the plane was supposed to take off wow I finally rubbed off on her now she's getting into confrontation she I'll tell you did not like that uhhuh uhhuh yeah how that go over not well she then turned her back which was understandable but I will say this is a very new feeling for me I turned away and I felt like I nailed it you did felt good about it I did I was like I'm asking for pillows and blankets for not just us but for all the people sleeping at this gate there are 70E old people trying to get on here I was asking about something very reasonable I understand you're tired and also I thought it was a great Zinger yeah it was good good good very solid it's a great first foray into public confrontation yeah back sass what do you call what do you back talk back talk yeah okay now I just got to add one other element so we're actually being advised at some point that we should get in a car and drive to New York the flights aren't going to leave the next day either but we're kind of held hostage by the fact that our bags are on that plane and now they take the plane away to where they're going to work on it extensively so we're not getting our bags and this is huge we find out about 12:30 a.m. because the entire flight crew is still sitting at the gate and they're all on their phones and what they learn is that they are going to have to drive to Providence Road Island that's the closest hotel for them once they get there they're going to need 10 hours from when the door shuts on the hotel room to when the door opens again yes for anyone who says we were lying about there not being any hotels yes there were some in Providence Rhode Island where the crew had just left from and then had to drive to and they knew the following morning it was going to be like at least two and a half hour commute from Providence to get back in and rush hour it became clear that even if they left that second to go to Providence this is going to be a 14-hour turnaround all in and in addition I'll just speak to how great this flight crew was because Kristen was like I also heard the rumor that TSA is coming up here at 1:00 a.m. to clear everyone out she was like once you're through TSA you're through TSA let me ask some questions ask TSA are you going to do this or are you guys going to make an exception she was taking care of everyone in our area so well cuz even when we found out the flight was going to leave now at 11 or 12 we were still kind of pot committed we're like we still don't have our luggage even if we left now what's the point we're still going to do this then we found out that they're going to kick us out at 1. she came out with bad news she said unfortunately it's some sort of policy here they're going to take you down to baggage claim at 1:00 a.m. and offer you CS so then I finally cave and I'm like okay you guys are right I'm going to try texting Larry I already felt uncomfortable about it at 11: but now it was 12:30 at night Tex him is there any way we can still come he's like of course go downstairs now a lot of people are leaving 35 minute cab wait he had already taken his sleep aids yes yes I'm going to leave PM half a trazadone and some melatonin it's a race against the clock it really is it's a race against me and the two girls dragging his body into this we have a lot of luggage we've been gone for 3 weeks so I've got bags to carry finally we get to Larry's friend's house John and Christa and I want to add we've had a great time yeah the has been so fun whole thing has been fun the thing I got worried about when it got on the news is like I what hate for people think that we were upset or complaining about the experience I just thought it was novel and funny it was just the anxiety of making the right decision like do we sleep here do we go there how are we going to get the most amount of you said that you got mad when they said that they were making everyone leave I thought that was insane yes you threatened to stay great point I started realizing he's putting a stake in the ground here to stay the last thing I need is Dax fighting with the TSA guards to stay in the airport I knew that wasn't a good mix for me either how do you handle this how do you handle when you know this is about to escalate it's getting hot I make physical contact with him which he's very in tune with so I'll go up and like touch his shoulder or put my hand on his chest I'll make eye contact with him and literally just bring him out of fight ORF flight that's literally all that needs to happen cuz it's not like he's a person that makes insane rash decisions it's because he wants to protect all the outside variables when his family is involved so I know I have to bring him out of fight or flight and that's really all I have to do is ask him to connect with me again physically with eye contact and say what do you think is the best for our family right now or can you take a couple breaths and he always says yes yeah he even was the one that said I don't need to be talking to TSA at 1 I know it's not going to go well I can feel that I'm going to not cooperate the way I should so let's just get out of here we get to John and Christa's it was already kind of fun and then it switched into truly one of the most beautiful moments we've had as a family which is we walk into a stranger's home they're both up they greet us they're saying they're happy we're there they take us upstairs they've laid out mats they've put bedding down and it was just this insane Act of hospitality that you don't experience much in life and having had that feeling of like yeah I got to get these kids down somewhere that these kind people were willing to house 10 people and they were so nice and fun I walk into the dining room and there's knitting being blocked all over the dining room table and I was like Christa what is this she's like oh I knit on the side I have like an Etsy Shop there's the most beautiful knitted like mittens and hats being blocked for things she sold on Etsy there's also music books everywhere and a lot of instruments I was like what is all this she's like oh I'm an opera singer oh my God I was like what yeah it would be like if the guy was an AML motorcycle Champion that we exactly we sleep there so soundly we wake up the next morning they've gone to the grocery store and gotten eggs and berries and put out this beautiful spread our favorite cottage cheese our favorite cottage cheese good culture cottage cheese we go downstairs with this beautiful breakfast it felt like coming down the stairs in a Christmas movie yeah identical cuz it's an old house like it was a really cool charactery old house and there's this huge breakfast made and everyone's happy and there's 12 people in the K CHR is not there John's like I'm so sorry Christa couldn't be here she brings this music program to the juvenile detention center some morning so she has to be there and they exposed the kids to music and I was like yes these people were angels and then we got in the car and we went back to the airport it was delayed a couple more times which was fine and then the boot is we get on the plane we sit down and we realize almost the entire first class cabin are the flight attendant from last night sitting they didn't have to work because they were just getting back to their base but they were like worked for too long and I'm grateful that whoever their boss was made the call no they shouldn't have to work this flight they're all sitting in comfortable seats it was amazing I high five with Kristen as I walk by and then I remember she reminded me that she was the one that told me that an anagram to Kristen is stinker you love that yeah I do love that she told me not to tell anybody but I did uh oh you just told everybody anyways the flight attendants finally got to relax I'm not sure if it was the same pilot or not but it felt so special to have that weird camping trip in the airport and then also be involved intimately in the space of these strangers who were so generous yeah it was really really incredible so I guess I was confused when I saw these really angry comments on my post because I can't figure out what makes someone mad about that story but here's the thing you're treating everyone as though they have the emotional and intellectual capacity that you have or that your circle of friends a lot of people just get on the internet and they say buddy what should I Google and they just Google angry mad stuff they want to be angry about something so it was anything it was like you're not being kicked out of course there were hotels I can't believe you spent $600 on pillows yeah one of my favorite one was more like no hotels of up to your standards and I was like yeah we're sleeping on some of the places slept children that's what they're thinking but just the notion that the video is us on the floor you have to stop trying to prove things to people because it happens everywhere it doesn't just happen to us it happens to every single person no matter how known you are on social media someone makes a comment and you just have to ignore them because they're not on your level people suffer from outrage addiction I can see all that and and I'm not trying to change anyone but I am always going to try to figure out what's actually going on underneath of that that is always going to interest me and I'm always going to want to figure out someone's motive for that and I guess my conclusion after this which you guys may or may not agree with it was so hostile and angry that I thought this has to be part of the political Schism we have to somehow just represent liberals and no matter what we would do it would be proof that we're crazy or stupid or whatever it felt like the something political this is not how it was the sloth video when it went viral there was not any vitriol hatred towards us in the country was much less polarized back then like it was just like oh yeah that's funny and she looks really cute that she's that excited for a a sloth to be at a birthday wild animal in their home yeah yeah people could have said like these entitled ass know Instagram then Twitter we were fully on Twitter during that period but I feel like social media hadn't become what it is now at that time and who knows now now if you had posted the sloth video even then if there was social media it's undeniable over the last 6 years the country's gotten extremely politically polarized and Twitter was always a place to talk from the get and by the way have anecdotal experiences like where we've been going to the sand dunes for me 16 years but 10 years as a family there used to be this lovely understanding like oh yeah you guys are liberals we're conservatives but we're all out here for our family but it got actually hate and a little scary during Co and these other things that really turned up the heat on this divide where people are being actually mean out at the Sand Dunes because of this political divide and I was like God I don't like this but that's my explanation I don't know why you'd be so mad unless we just symbolize liberals you're not taking into consideration that it could be one person that has 80 accounts I think we're giving it too much thought also there are people that are unhappy humans desire and us and them it's in our software we have to fight it all the time and lately people are just arbitrarily choosing the Us and Them it felt like somehow we got filed into a lot of people's them ultimately it's not about us it's about the person making the comment people are going to make shitty comments and the more time and energy you give to thinking about it the more they're Justified to do it I don't really think about it I mean I think those are really good points but I also think evaluating what's happening around around you has some Merit I have evaluated it like you have I've just decided a way to deal with it which is I'm not going to give it the thought or attention and not letting it affect your mood we've also just had this debate about our show page and same situation just people being horrible I think I am like you and that if I see it it will affect my mood I can't remove those thoughts so I think it is like figuring out a way to deal with it which each individual person might that's my I don't need to know what everyone's thinking about me at all times I think that's too much agree but I love so many of the people that listen to our show on comment on the page and they write the most beautiful thoughtful things and I like to acknowledge them and say hey I saw this thank you for taking the time to do that to me that's letting the had win I'm not there to thank the people that are being so kind but they win if they're upsetting you but that's why you can just block people that's why block yes I do want to distinguish the difference between when they're critical to me if I have a post and they write something shitty about me that does hurt in a very specific way I am inoculated a little bit like when I see the blowback when it's Kristen and I for me it's super helpful because how on Earth could you hate this woman she's so lovely like if you hate this woman clearly you're Bonkers so actually when it's like shared hatred and it's with you I don't even mind it it's it's almost like I've been in a movie with Scorsese and they said it was terribly directed now I can buy into my own insecurities that I am a piece of but if you're involved in it that's actually what inoculates me where those actually don't affect me I just get curious like huh what happened between the sloth in the airport yeah I just don't think there's figuring it out yeah that's possible could be a mystery we don't ever get the answer to this was Heavy stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare well I had some fun questions this was fun yeah cuz you said tabloids I didn't know how many you were going to do some more the only other one I wanted to see that people are seem to be really upset you know we've had a list of them in the last few years is that we don't shower we're gross cuz we don't shower we don't B our kids that was me Ashton saying that they bathe their kids when they're stinky everybody does that when they stink you bath them somehow the four of us don't shower was one little wave of stories that was going around a couple years ago like they would get asked on talk shows about it and stuff but a new one is the fact that the girls drink NA beer sometimes yeah people are very upset about that they are allowed to be upset about that cuz they're not their kids well there's that it's not your kid you can think whatever you want but I will add this is where we're different and you're at peace and I'm not orange juice has a 05% ABV alcohol by volume it does hinin has a z0 so 05 versus 0 0 so if you're serving your kids orange juice you're serving them way more alcohol a hamburger bun oh 1.5% ABV alcohol by volume parts per million what's so cute about you to me is that you are so logical and fact- driven and evidence-based but if people want to be angry about something they're going to be angry about it of course they could look up that other foods have different abvs of course they would not choose to listen to the context of the story which is when they have tried to order Naas like at a restaurant or something it's because of a very specific connection to you because first of all they're educated on addiction and what substances are and how they affect your body and how scary they are and what they can do to you also when you used to walk with them at night being a great dad you'd have an NA in your hand and they'd paw at the bottle so that is like a very nostalgic feeling for them and they like the taste of it they take sips of yours sometimes they'll take one out of the fridge they'll order one at restaurants I thought that was kind of a cute story but again it just turned into I let my kids drink and I'm like none of this seems to connect seeing as though you're so open about sobriety and addiction and we're a family that strives to educate everyone about substances well here's another piece of the puzzle which is obviously parts per puzzle parts per puzzle when people are critical to you I get pretty emboldened so if like I read people are trying to insinuate you're a bad mom cuz of this na then I'm like well let me hit you with the facts you're full of I want to have a a confrontation or a debate with anyone she know she's a good mom I know but I'm always going to feel protective I appreciate that if anyone has a problem with the fact that I let my kids drink NA beer sometimes that's fine with me because I'm not going to change based on what anyone else Sayes cuz this is our family and not your business right okay that can be the last sex parties hpack there's a bunch cars in the drive I do just want to say there's one real if you do read this taid thing that a neighbors complained well if a neighbor complained we know who it was yeah I think that was I would not be surprised if a neighbor of course not of course not we have a grouchy neighbor yeah we do but that one was dead true kill him with kindness it was sent to you by Marcel you think a neighbor complained that we have vehicles in our driveway so we got an email from your publicist saying this Magazine's going to run this story they have a neighbor they actually can't allow themselves to be sued they can't make it up they have to have a source you're giving so much Integrity to these temp I don't think they have any Integrity 19yearold social media people I think they know how to not get sued I think they're quite good at that yesin and we won but also you might just have that in your head because you know for certain there is a neighbor in the vicinity who's Grouch well I go if a neighbor did sell this I'm pretty sure who the neighbor is I'm not trying to get hung up on whether someone did or not what's really funny is we read it and you were like well that one's dead on there are too many vehicles in our driveway that's what's important there's trailers and off was well what I also know is that we love all of our neighbors you know we even love The Grouchy one sometimes but we have so many fun afternoons with our neighbors and our Halloween trick-or-treating is crazy and we help organize it and we love this neighborhood so I'm not too sure that was a real Source but we can agree to disagree oh I don't even care one was much funnier to me is that they absolutely got one dead right after them saying we're having sex orgies or that I'm hped or that you drug test me every day no I think everything's very groovy but that one was spot on real quick before I do these because you said kill them with kindness I am over killing that neighbor with kindness cuz I did for a long time I do believe that doesn't work on some people I think it works on most I think it's a great first way to go probably the highest percentage chance of success is that approach 100% I think your mistaking what I mean by kill them with kindness and I'll tell you a story that will hopefully hit a home run so being polite and kind when you're first interacting with someone is only to keep your side of the street clean right so that you don't ever feel like G I can't believe I said that even though I'm saying this right after I gave attitude I didn't start it but I did end it yeah you did there's a point in killing them with kindness that you're never going to see the results and that's actually the point because then they have to sit with themselves because if you're going to be a person to other people on the planet I don't know what you're doing that literally doesn't make sense to me we were at a restaurant in Nashville with two of our closest friends and it was this old school steakhous with a salad bar which is why we went it's a great restaurant I don't mind telling people Spar it's incredible if you're in Nashville go to spar but it's the kind of old school that some of the clientele still really cares how the other clientele are presen in themselves well many of the patrons had come probably directly from the country club suits and ties but not everyone's in suits and ties it's a casual place it's a lovely place and the food is so good so we're sitting there and Dax goes to the restroom and huie and I over here that the man at the table next to us is complaining that Dax is wearing a t-shirt and he is complaining pretty loudly to his wife everything is going downhill this guy's in a T-shirt and Huey and I are kind of laughing hu's interpretation was it was intentionally for you guys to hear which I'm inclined to think my reaction was I feel so bad for this guy he's so concerned with how other people are dressing and he doesn't even think about the fact that this is a cool restaurant and the food is good and he's with his wife he's missing the point Dax comes back huie tells him the story and Dax starts to bristle a little bit just like why would someone be insulting me from Bullseye of my insecurities which is I'm low rent we're the poor family I don't belong here it's perfect set me stop stop stop hold on they're about to leave he goes to the bathroom the man I said Dax grab the waiter I said pay for that guy's dinner Dax grabs the waiter and says I'd love to pay for this table's dinner he pays for the people's dinner which I thought was an absolute kill him with kindness Bullseye yeah the older man comes back sees that his table has been paid for says to the waiter who did this the waiter points at Dax Dax waves his hand and says hi so sorry my outfit disrupted your dinner and the guy had steam out of his ears and they got up and left and his wife was way out rolling her eyes like you are such a chump because he was being a chump yeah stop concerning yourself with how everyone else is dressing or being or acting just do you and I was so proud of you because that is the epitome of killing them with kindness because that guy is going to have the shittiest ride home because he knows that you're a nice person it was an incredible idea and you had it immediately and it's kind of shocking that I went with the program so quickly cuz I immediately flagged the waiter when you said that and boy were you right that's a good move he and I together were beside ourselves cuz we think we were both planning on getting into some kind of verbal right but that's so standard he would have left and felt total conviction that he judged me that way cuz look how I behaved is so right you would have proved him right exactly but if you can find it in yourself to stop the outrage addiction or stop the anger and just go what would be the coolest move I could make here that's killing him with kindness and a lot of times you'll change how people walk through the world just by doing that I never change him when I get into showdowns with them I just confirm their worldview that everyone's out to get them just like I think everyone's out to get me I don't know how that relates to The Grouchy neighbor but I'm going to think of something It's tricky because that is such a killer move and I would definitely tell our audience to do something like that but that's on a person in your life if there's going to be someone in your life actively you have to figure out a way to live to me that sometimes means boundaries and boundaries can mean confrontation and not in a bad way just in a very direct way I am not someone who's going to get dragged into the mud with you I'm not going sure so you can talk like this to me and I'm either going to ignore it or I'm going to say directly back no you may not anyway okay so there is a quiz it's old it's from 2015 it's called the 36 questions that lead to love okay from the New York Times very trusted brand this is fun know now it's getting fun okay it's got so heavy for a while I thought you would like well look our very first episode we were fighting yeah a little bit I know but this why I get insecure oh but we weren't even fighting no I know just heavy but you're good at heavy combos okay yeah yeah you get deep okay so this refers to a study by the psychologist Arthur Aaron that explores whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions the 36 questions in the study are broken up into three sets so we won't be able to do them all obviously and you guys are already in love but I still think they're fun and I've done this at a dinner party where we just went around the list and it was fun okay so I'm just going to pick some and you both are going to answer okay at the same time no okay it's not a competition no no you don't get it okay we'll start with the light one what would constitute a perfect day for you I think I can answer yours better than can answer mine what's do you feel that way too mhm it would be a dead quiet morning one of krist's many great impersonations that's right oh yeah who is it again but as played by Jillian Anderson yes Crown yeah so you would wake up around 10: this is a perfect Day right also feel free to say no I would think earlier now that I'm older okay 9 eight okay well I'm Cal on eight okay you would wake up no one would talk to me on my way down to make my tea no one would say a single word not Mom where's my insert object here everyone in this scenario knows where their belongings are and everyone has maybe also done their own hair oh sure sure doesn't have to be school day this happens eight days a week okay you would go downstairs and you would have your tea what kind of tea I am drinking something called Pirates chai right now that I've been utterly obsessed with full disclosure dax's mom got it for Me 2 years ago at Christmas and it was one of those things that your mother-in-law gets you something and talks so highly about it that you have kind of no choice but to ignore it sure great great thank you so much she's like this is the best the best the best the best it sits in a Cupboard probably about 8 months ago I pull it out of the cup I'm like oh I'll make this it's a half matcha half chai I put it in the cup I've never been the same it is like lightning in a bottle it's so smooth it's beautiful it's hot water it's two they say teaspoons but I'm a caffeine addict so I'll do two tablespoons a little bit of Ripple pea milk on the top forget it okay yum all right and she said to me I'm eating crow this thing your mother told me was so great two years ago is the best the best thing I've ever tasted Pirates chai It's very small company you can only get it I think on their website I've reordered it a couple times right so it's pirate chai and then it's some light phone activity it's just browsing your phone and kind of checking with this maybe looking at a New York Times article and then we put that down and we transition perfectly into puzzle time and we just start putting pieces of our puzzle back up okay what do I have to do in the morning poop take a py yeah but that's like 30 seconds of my day that's never something I stop you cold plunge I need to cold plunge I crave it reset come out curl up mhm more tea puzzle yeah then start thinking about maybe what you want for lunch and then start picking maybe a favorite Lunch Spot maybe you want to go to for the win maybe you want to go to Cara maybe you want to have a European experience great burger place right at Franklin in the 101 okay delicious really good and then you would do some internet shopping I think you would get on your phone and fill some baskets with stuff I'm going to tell you this when I internet shop and put things in baskets which I have so many things in so many baskets cuz that's my soothing that's when I'm overwhelmed and not having the greatest day I feel like oh I got to go on a website and put the 10 things I like in a basket and probably never buy it but I need to know that it's in the basket that I've chosen something to make my Nest or my life better that's a soothing mechanism what I'd actually like to do after my puzzle is go outside and paint or garden a little bit all the things that are stereotypical of an older mom loving her nest I like to Garden I like to puzzle I like to paint I like to read I like to just walk around my house yeah you like quiet but you also like having people over just to be there I like having my tribe and then I want to plan our pod to come over and put out a bunch of decks of cards and I want to get a meal planned together I want to cook a little bit and then I want to have everybody come over and about 20 minutes after they get there I want to know they're having a great time and I want to go back up y you did a new one recently that I said I was going to tell this story which was you and I and the girls on a Saturday afternoon were playing Spades which is tremendous the little girls play spades now which is so fun and we are in the middle of the game you had dealt and then it went to me and I shuffled the cards dealing and shuffling takes a couple minutes okay and I had dealt them and then me and the two girls are sitting there we're sitting there for a very long time specify very long time well we're not going to agree on it hit me with a number I think it was about 12 minutes I'd agree so she just stood up and left presumably to go upstairs and get maybe a nicotine spray or God knows what but now 12 minutes goes by now we're really kind of curious what has happened to Mom we're all too lazy to go investigate could have had a seizure not that curious and then you come downstairs and you sit down and you go oh I should have told you guys I was taking a [Laughter] shower like H yeah oh my God you shouldn't get up and take a shower in the middle of a card game but if you must then yeah you probably want to tell us where you're going to took a shower in the middle of a c it occurred to me when I was in the shower sudsing my hair oh I didn't tell them I going to take a really quick shower Spades games are long and often times there's a break like oh does anyone want to get a snack or something cuz it can be a 2hour game and so I was on that road in my own head and I forgot to inform my partners about the fact that this was the break yeah well we found out eventually that's all that matters okay new question do you want to do his I think it would be waking up I'm not sure what time your body wants to wake up these days it's getting more and more confusing I know that's why I said I want you to pull mine back cuz now sometimes I pop awake at 7: a.m. and I'm like I'm a grandparent you would wake up you would also have silence because you would be able to meditate and then you would be able to jour journal for your 20 minutes and then you would write an hour of Pros because after that hour you'd feel very accomplished yeah I'd like myself yes then you'd come downstairs and you'd cold plunge by the way after the meditation coffee would start just in the IV drip You' cold plunge and then you would go outside and lift weights feverishly in I'm getting the garage yep and then you would do some Sprints in the yard oh my gosh because then you would feel like you can do whatever you want with the rest of your afternoon cuz you'd accomplished everything and what you'd want to do I think is find a really good movie at a theater that has some sort of IMAX or good Dolby sound and go see it and then come home and have a maybe small interactive dinner party where you could play spades for the next few hours God that sounds like a good day and then you would order barbecue yeah and then you would have me or someone else put the kids to bed cuz it's just such a thing with them sure it's like an hour of Harry Potter now only because of how long it is not cuz you don't love to do I come in I do 15 minutes of it yeah you do great job yeah good job no you do a great job it's just their needs are different all the time so it takes a long time to put them down and then there would still be people over then we'd go downstairs and watch another movie maybe sauna in there but yes have a good sweat and what about F1 in there oh is it also an F1 weekend if it were an F1 weekend the whole weekend has to change or we'd have access finally to the sky zone is this called skyone No trampoline park yeah that's a good place though Sky Sports F1 Channel which would just be on in the background all day oh that's nice okay cream in my jeans great so she got it she nailed it yeah much better than I did no no I think so good job buddy thanks okay this one's quick if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about your self your life the future or anything else what would you want to know when I'm going to die you want to know I'm so consistent with you why well it goes back to our monan I's favorite story about you is when you were reading your 23 and me or I should say you were misreading the results of your 23 of me and you just so casually goes oh I got the braae I got early onset Alzheimer's and early onset Park and oh I'm 40% polish just right into the positive my God you can't change those fact better to know him than not boy you handle that in stride you really did we were we were having heart attacks hearing this information just Parkinson's an early onset Alzheimer and bra oh my God oh my God and you were like oh Elite muscle mass it said click here I didn't see that it said click here and then when I clicked there it said no you don't have it you but you did think it which is the most important thing yeah I'd want to know that what would you want to know if you're going to become insolvent at some point yeah of course if I could alleviate that whole area of my distraction for the rest of my life that would be a blessing if I just knew like no no you died with money you didn't have to wash cars ever again and your family was fine I feel like I could proceed a little more gently through life yeah what about you Monica that's a hard question I want to say something like I want to know if I felt safe if safety was going to continue that feels very vague but I don't to say if I have a partner I don't need to know that but I want to know that I'm taken care of it is weird cuz if you ask it a question this crystal ball and you find out some info you don't like then can you course correct and change the outcome of that if not then really why know I guess well because you may choose to change how you spend your time from this moment till that event true I guess I feel well unsafe these days cuz Chris and I picked me up off the side of the street the other day cuz I was scared yeah well scared is an okay feeling also though there's this I think might be a psychologist Lisa damore who I read a New York Times article that she had written about mental health and she explains mental health so brilliantly she says that mental health is not feeling happy or okay all the time it's having appropriate reactions to appropriate circumstances and then being able to use the tools to help you so you were on a dark Street very late at night not like mentally literally I was on the sun was down your car had broken down you had the option of trying to walk to a friend's or call a friend who you knew had kids very late at night or walk home and you were like I don't want to bother anyone I'm just going to walk home and that made you scared I think that's perfectly reasonable you were supposed to feel that way it's a scary Street to walk down at night yeah I do feel the reaction was outsized and so that was then what I had to sit with is like why was that yeah why was I was so upset by that that is when it flipped into like oh my God I'm alone and then I'm alone is its own other thing yeah so maybe the question is will I be alone I don't know okay how about what does friendship mean to you friendship to me is a place that you feel in entirely safe to be your authentic self without any judgment that's what I saw on Aaron immediately like oh I'm going to be able to tell him I'm scared to fight Charles and I'm also this and I'm that and he's going to like me the exact same yeah that's like the gift of a lifetime I agree with that and I'll also add maybe this is because I like to be alone so often but I think friendship also has to do with when you need to cast a line for a need being picked up on the street Street on a dark night or something like that having an emotional problem getting a deadline done at work when you can cast a line and someone is there with no questions asked that to me is friendship for you Kristen correct me if I'm wrong but I feel like it's about being there when you need it's not about constantly reminding each other that you're there it's a safety again in knowing that that person is always there there's an unspoken commitment cuz I have friends I don't talk to but every 6 months but when we talk it's still the closest we've ever been because those people I put in that category aren't looking to find cracks in our foundation yes they're not looking to find ways we've separated they are able to jump back into it and I know if I were to call them cuz I was walking down the street late at night and needed someone to pick me up that they would do their best to be there and it would be authentic and genuine but to me it's not how much time we spend together or how much time we spend even interacting because because I don't know maybe it's just in my old age but I like to be alone with someone else but I also want you to be quiet I also want you to be there also alone did you marry an ironic partner if I can't hear my voice talking I'm not sure I'm a li well i' like to hear your voice your definition of friendship Dax do you think is different than your definition of a love interest or romantic relationship well I think it has to have that for sure I don't think I could be with someone that I felt was judging me as having poor character or something Kristen's Exemplar in that anytime I've failed and admitted it to her she's never once shame me she's never drugged my nose through the dirt she's never been punitive in 16 years so she definitely has that but I will say my girlfriends have been different than my best friends and this is not negative I know these words get negative connotations but I just think they're how relationships work I think lot of my male friendships are like Alpha Beta type relationships where I have friends who they're looking for someone to take them along on a ride they want an adventure in their life they want someone's going to go let's go do this thing and take them along with them and my romantic Partners have only liked Alphas that are on it and on a mission I want a challenge I want to have to earn it I get bored if there's not a substantial challenge which is also ironic because I consider myself a very agreeable person I do too I say I want someone who doesn't talk and you talk a lot and you want someone who gives you a challenge but I'm pretty agreeable I don't think so you're living the life you want to live at all no in fact I disagree with your agreeability you are not along for the ride you're on your ride and it's been so lucky that our rides have coexisted so beautifully together I guess I could agree with that sure I'll shower in the middle of a spades game if I tell you like hey I'm out of the film business we're retiring we're going to Montana you're like the we are that's not for me do you think any healthy relationship the other partner would just go okay I think there are people in relationships that they're like hooked to someone else's locomotive I think that's pretty common you're just not that way at all you love me but you're not going to betray who you are because I want to do something that's true I have friends who are rich and have Partners who have never worked and that person has a bunch of Leverage and they're not good Dads because they don't have to be the arrangement is I'm paying for all this so I'm going to be at work 10000 hours a week and you're going to raise kids that's what you want to do not our thing yeah those are very outdated Arrangements I actually think it's totally fine for people if that's what they desire there are a lot of people that desire that and I'm not in Judgment of that but I don't desire that I don't know that I'd say that's an okay thing because your podcast is your Endeavor the children are our Endeavor surely but what I'm saying is there are a lot of men and women who are getting by on the notion of I've got to be out there working so I've got to travel 300 days a year and you guys are all going to benefit from that from this house house and the private school and that's the agreement I'm out generating all this and you're taking care of it and that works for a ton of people and I really think that's fine it's just what you want and I want to be kept honest I don't want any leverage over you I want it to be equal so it brings out the best version of myself because I'm lazy like everyone else if you give it to me like that I'll probably exploit it and I like having an equal there's like a side conversation about child care because it's 24/7 so even if you're on the road 300 days a year there's still 65 days a year I just have deep thoughts about the children have to be an Endeavor shared by both people but I think the one thing I would add to Friendship versus relationship is that what I desire also in a partner is someone that I can kind of what you said initially be my authentic self completely feel stupid in front of and try different ideas or try to explain a thought that I don't know how to explain and misuse a bunch of words and still have you smile and know what I mean and then maybe politely tell me what I should have actually said well the ability to feel stupid in front of you is one of my most prized feelings and I would hope it would be rooted in the obvious fact that I think you're brilliant you know it maybe I'm just not able to describe it like that but maybe that is the feeling you feel safe to do it because you're not risking anything really I hope it's very clear to you I don't think you're a dumb Dum even if you can't think of a word I've never had that thought yeah cuz remember when I said 100 miles an hour hour and you so quickly said 60 like I I'm still in that head space really reeling she said no one drives 100 miles an hour anyway and I said it'd be 60 but still she said it's so fast I like oh my God she's good it fast math too well I think it's very clear that you two and I was just talking about this on sync oh maybe it's upcoming episode Easter egg yeah Easter egg I think what really holds relationships together from what I can see from the outside I think this is why my parents are still married because there are so many reasons that they shouldn't be truly but they really respect each other as individual people my dad looks at my mom and is like I respect her yes yes like she's gotten through this and she's done this when he compliments her to us I can tell he really has a lot of respect and same with my mom and him like when she talks about his discipline it's real she really is like like wow he has things that are so respectable and I think you guys both have that you respect each other as individual people a ton I might even say I admire you I would agree to add one more layer I think the beautiful thing about being in a relationship are the twists and turns when I remember oh you were once an 8-year-old boy there was a lot of authority in your life that was not nice and that's why when you see a TSA agent you bristle a little bit like it comes from somewhere and there's no judgment there but that is the times when I actually feel closest to you because I remember you are an autonomous human being that I have respect for but I have respect for who you were throughout your life and the things that you experienced I don't think you can walk into a relationship and expect the person to treat you exactly how you want to be treated I think you have to figure out how you want to treat this other person the mere image of what a relationship seems like it should be like I want to find a person who's this and this it's like no no the road map of relationship should be who do I want to be to someone do I want to be a person that helps calm them down when they're in fight or flight do I want to be a person who protects them from this that I know they won't love or do I want to be a person that surprises someone with something that they love plan who you're going to be in a relationship and it'll work out so much better yeah well also what's really inherently confusing about a relationship is that you start living the same life so like we've been living the same life for the last 16 years and we have the same children and we live in the same house and we drive in the same car Our Lives now are the same and it's easy to assume that the life before you arrived or I arrived was the same so sometimes it's confusing if I were you I'd be like you have a Charmed Life and you can't just be generous to this person at TSA who has a challenging job that's annoying I can't say that to you I have no right to say but I'm just saying if you evaluate our current life it's totally true and we have the same life for so much of the time that you have to really actively remind yourself we weren't living the same life for a lot of this and we have different issues because of that and people aren't really taught to love the building blocks that makes someone unique I have to love who you are now you know the cars are always filled with gas I don't have to worry about that that's lovely you are an exemplary father you are a great partner you look for tons of date nights and stuff for us to do together you listen to all my long annoying nonlinear stories there's so many fun things we share together and I can love you for that but I also have to love the building blocks that made you that man and I felt like when I was in my 20s and talking to girlfriends that part of the story is often left out I do want to add one element to that I think has been very helpful for at least me which is to have children that are so similar to each other we see the little version of each other in the house each day and we see the stuff that's kind of genetic the little person in these big people yeah and I'm so in love with Delta that when I can connect the dots that the thing that you're doing that might annoy me as an adult it doesn't annoy me at all with Delta because I have a commitment to love her through everything and then I go the behavior isn't objectively anything it's that in one case I have this endless dedication to comfort her through all of her struggles and this other person I've decided they're an adult and they should handle their and I shouldn't be responsible for it but it's it's only Annoying cuz I have that position when I turn the Delta light on to you which I think I've been doing a good job at the last couple years I am excited to help you when you're having a hard time I at least feel like I've experienced that with how great you are at dealing with Lincoln who also acts similarly to me I think you've seen Lincoln and me a few times I could feel like I could feel it yeah so that's an interesting helpful thing as well okay we're back when did you last cry in front of another person and then by yourself here's the Most Fascinating rooll reversal Kristen and I have had Inc 16 years when we first met I cried at everything I was days a open wound something sad in the news a commercial that had really great music a movie anything I would cry all the time I cry when I'm happy and I cry when I'm sad and I haven't cried in a while you cried to Barbie I was inconsolable at the end ofie really fun right cuz we walked in the house Monica and I just been recording and we came in and we said how is Barbie and you attempted to tell us and I just broke down because there's that line they said a mother stands still so that their child can look back and see how far they've come it's an incredible mind God it is to the yes so that was in front of people right but you cried all the time I hadn't cried until Aaron got sick kids in Aaron getting sick started this whole trajectory and then all these great documentaries about these female singers so now I'm crying all all the time cried at the Taylor Swift documentary at the lizard documentary at the chenade Conor documentary was big time I think because you have little girls and when you see a woman accessing her internal power and standing up for herself you're just a mess so sweet and then it happened of course the other day on the Shelf we were doing armchair Anonymous and this beautiful girl told us that she had gone to treatment for an eating disorder and that she was at the Grove and she pushed play on day seven in that she was in the middle of a relapse and then so she was crying telling me this I just started balling it was the sweetest moment this is also a great lesson for remember ing that you can be fluid your whole life I'm not a crier I used to be a crier now I'm not really I can't remember the last time I cried by myself I cannot remember it I agree and you wow that is wild right it might have been my EMDR very successful 12 sessions with an EMDR therapist that kind of changed my outlook on life and my ability to just speak and walk through the world with confidence I'd say it's the biggest change that I've witnessed wied since I've met you yeah was the EMDR and it feels just like witchcraft it feels like absolute Voodoo you're like this isn't do anything what are you talking about hold my finger where move my eyes like this okay I'm got cured thanks but it has made the biggest difference in my life but people can be different things at different stages I only say that out loud because it's a reminder that I think a lot of people need to hear you don't have to be one thing you used to not be a crier now you cry kind of a lot you're allowed to have different phases and you don't need to like well I'm this person because I was this person 10 years ago this kind of person yeah it's funny identity feels like safety and then you get stuck and married to it cuz it feels scary to have a different one that you're not used to then just Google something you know you know just get there find out some new information much to Google well what about when did you cry by yourself well I was watching the Shen Conor documentary and Kristen walked in the room it was beyond a cry it was like my eyes were red my shirt was wet I had been letting it Fly you were having a moment she tells a very compelling story yeah she told a very compelling story when people that other people tried to stomp out stand up and open their chest up Veronica Mars that whole Super Bowl everyone in that halftime show Dr Dre Snoop Dogg Eminem Kendrick Lamar them all having grown up in the shadow of that place being oppressed and they get out in front of the world and let it r oh my God yeah to see Spirit live despite it it gets me that's how I felt to the Taylor Swift concert in a different way it was more like this person was born a baby every single one of us just this little baby and look what one person has done the power of bringing all of these people together Community love like so so much brightness and happiness one human did that yeah force of nature but the trick is can we look at everyone we run into with that kind of reverence would be great because the person at the grocery store might not have been able to gather hundreds of thousands of fans but that person got through Earth and Earth can be really shitty so I think everyone deserves a little bit of that reverence like everyone deserves just kind of a thumbs up agre you know what I mean you're making it through that should be your slogan when you run for office Kristen B Thumbs Up America I just feel like it's real okay well why don't we just do one more last one last one last are there any rapid fire ones let me see cuz I'm really bad at those and that's why I want to challenge you want to practice no these are all ways to get people to love you so well I mean I guess this is rabbit fire how do you feel about your relationship with your mother I was kidding that's not rabbit fire that's like so deep and very very deep intense we don't we can skip but I can say post MDR really good I love that okay this is the last one share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it so it has to be a current problem okay you want me to go well give you time to think I'm never trying to cut you off I'm really just trying you're always saving me listen I can help you at the airport I know when you look into my eyes and see there's just bunch of hamsters running around on Dead Space that you take the wheel and I appreciate that the goose on the TR Mill is dead asleep inside the cartoon Sleeping go yes so I'm dealing with a current bow of pessimism financially career-wise I just feel like I can see the light on the approaching train it's pretty far away but I can see it's coming I got to figure out how to get out of this tunnel I'm mad at myself cuz my life is Charmed and beautiful and wonderful and then so I'm kind of in judgment and I'm mad that I'm not living in a state of gratitude you know my journal for the last 8 days is just my fear fear fear fear fear fear fear I think you're already doing a good job handling this cuz we've talked about this already this is sort of like when our old therapist used to say do something nice today and don't get caught you have been wildly generous with more than a handful of people recently out of the blue I was astounded by the amount you were withdrawing from the bank account in a great way where my first thought is always is he trying to make me horny right that's what I say I mean I think this is something that actually may be really good with EMDR because a feeling and a reaction that is locked inside your body so tight that no amount of logic or processing can make it come out is the kind of issue that EMDR is really helpful with but I feel like you've done sitting there looking at me and the girls and even simultaneously opening up your bank statement and going like I have to be okay with this or I don't know Tak $1 bill in your hand and a lighter in the other and decide you want to set the $100 bill on fire or do you want to set me and the girls on fire you have to put your faith and your happiness and your mindfulness in one or the other and it's either going to be the numbers coming up on the screen or the lifestyle happening right around you that you might miss I agree with you I would argue the related so it's like I'm looking at you three and I'm like I'm the one that has to make sure everyone's okay for the rest of their lives well first of all you're not because I make none of this none of this is anchored in reality let me just say I'm not running out of money that's actually why I'm saying something like EMDR which I know might feel a little bit wild to get in front of that question but I think maybe reminding you that me and the girls if we slept at the airport for the rest of our lives if we were together the internet would hate us well the internet would hate us but we'd still be happy yeah yeah we don't need all this stuff we have if all of it were to go away tomorrow it literally doesn't matter I mean I have Parkinson's early on set Aller yeah you want to deal with it is going on making it to 62 like my dad I think it needs to be an exercise where you like picture all your worries in a balloon and then you let it go this has to be dislodged from your body I don't think any amount of talking will fix this although I'm happy to talk about it with you I would like to try thatd are I'm throwing every other thing at it plunging and this and that this and the that holy smokes stru ual failure another thing I all coming down yeah literally I'm trying to think of a problem that I have but most of the problems like whatever I've been having this hip issue but Dr K the chiropractor is like taking care of it can you think of something that I have that you want to give me advice about unsolicited advice uhhuh no I think you're humming along just great no one doesn't have a problem of course well the internet's mad at her could that be one well you did admit the other day that I'm getting to much attention I'm starting to get self-conscious I don't like that when I want to post on Instagram I don't want to think about it I want to think I like this moment I want to share it because someone else may want to view it I don't want to think about what someone could say and after we went to Idaho and I posted the picture of the dinner party I don't want to be in headlines I want to make people smile maybe when they see something I'm in I don't want to be a headline it really triggers my sense of justice so literally the previous post post that you had was us at your black Friend's Wedding what the Injustice to me is you've cherry-picked something that's so blatantly a lie and not true and you willfully decided to not look at the frame above it I think you need more context for someone who doesn't see it so there was a dinner party that was had in Idaho 30 maybe at the table just a huge huge long table outside they were our friends we go camping with them it was beautiful I took a picture I didn't really think that you could see everyone that was in there and everyone in the picture well there were six Asian people and the rest were Caucasian and the news headlines that came out about the story were that there were no black people at my dinner table I felt insecure and then I was like wait a minute I don't have to answer this question I don't have to check the ethnicity of everyone I go to dinner with I was frustrated with just the notion that it's just simply not true about you we both have diverse group of friends but that's also why I was like after I I felt in about it for like a day I was like oh you have to let this go if I can speak on your behalf I think what frustrated you and made you uncomfortable was it had Incorporated all these other people that didn't want anything to do with it that's was the sense I think of angst was like oh now everyone else at this dinner presumably is also guilty and I sent out a text to everyone saying like I'm really sorry I even posted that picture I thought it was just like a fun group pick and it was the wrong thing to do I really isolate what I don't love about it it's that now I sort ort of think through that before I post I like that my Instagram is ugly and not framed well and Reckless and spontaneous and silly that's more authentic to who I am than everything being beautiful and well thought out yeah again the thing R to me of there's a lot of people posing as liberals online to agitate the Liberals online I don't really think those were liberals saying that I think it was kind of false flaggy people on the right going trying to stir up trouble yeah like if you're so inclusive why that's my person again I think everything's so political that that's the only way I can explain it I can't imagine anyone who really likes you could have possibly made the conclusion that you don't like to be of course with black people I don't care about any of that well you just know it's not true so even if people thought it also once I know something's not true and it doesn't deserve my time the one thing I'm decent at in my older age is deciding where the real estate of my brain is going to be spent where you going to place your attention yeah so I just stopped thinking about it but the one thing that has been plaguing me lately is should I cut my hair you did ask me in the car thinking about going short again or what's your advice I said to keep it long oh wow because the last time she cut it short she was upset she cut it short so I feel like that's likely to be the outcome again it looks good short it looks good long too I mean that's also not really a problem by the way I said do whatever you want I said I know I suffer from when my hair is short I see one picture of me where my hair look great long and I ignore the 99 pictures that I thought my hair didn't look good long and then I decide oh my God I look way better with long hair I'm going to grow it out and then I see a picture with me with short hair that looks good one of the 99 then I decide I need short hair I'm embarrassed that that problem was so superficial but I will say one thing I feel good about is I'm not plagued by any gigantic problems that I can't figure out like when I'm falling asleep at night that's great I just don't let it happen I used to a long time ago but then I realized I can only help or harm the things that I'm touching and everything else doesn't really require my influence I think maybe what you're healthy about is I'm not that important or impactful like I think it's a humility yeah maybe but also I think it's been a lot of time deciding what I'm going to think about maybe I've decided to think about nothing for so long that that's why I'm a completely blank page now and I feel like my brain doesn't even work anymore cuz there's not I've just gone like nope not going to think about that not going about that because I spent 20 years of my life thinking about so many problems in the world suffering and wars and injustices that it was drowning me yeah and it's not that I don't care anymore I just realize how I can be impactful and influential in those situations and if I can't do it actively I'm bring it home the laidback version of you has raised more money for more causes than anyone else I know in the last year I mean that's just a fact yeah cuz I still care about all that stuff I'm just not crying about it at night that's that I mean there's so many questions but we're out of time we we've hit the limit we're running out of memory card yeah well honey I love you I'm so grateful and excited that you came to do the back wide episode because I think Monica and I can both admit out loud we've both benefited greatly from that horseshoe up your ass oh big time it was on vacation this happened a lot where Eric and I would be in the front seat of the car there's eight of us in this SUV and we'd be pulling up to a very very crowded packed country Mark and Eric and I would go it's gonna be fine Kristen's in the car there'll be a spot directly up front and every time we pull up someone would pull right out you just have to will it it's karma you just have to will it karma as karma she puts good out there she gets good well I'm grateful you guys had me on I still don't feel confident but that's okay this is not the space where I'm ever going to feel confident and I'm okay with that I'm going to stop thinking about it put a huge pile of things you don't think about that's what I'm going to do keep that brain blank all right well I love you love you and thank you for this life we'll see you again when we extend out into the universe outer space outer space space you think the aliens are already listening I mean I think they have the capacity but I think it's too boring yeah I think they're like so low level yeah what are they trying to figure out how light travels through the what why do they take so many pictures oh my God they're obsessed with themselves jeez Lou I really want to meet them yeah they're sound cute pretty ows look like aliens when they're standing up have you ever seen it no but I'm guessing get that animal feed out let's see probably already forwarded it to us this is a skeleton one freaky also looks like a chicken wait what is that an alien hold on hold on I'm going to find a better okay here you go I hate that I hate that I hat that oh my God yuck that's real yeah that's not real they were hiding in the Attic no no noing in the standing now is that real yeah they have really long legs no we had an ow expert on she did not tell us how long those legs are for modles guys look how long their legs are oh my God they're long-legged yeah yeah the bottom plumage hides the length of the legs so many longle owls out there D long legs owls are daddy long legs no wonder I like them so much yuck all right well I love you I love you guys tremendously thanks for doing this you're the best happily okay see I'll meet you in the SAA okay stay tuned for the fact check so you can hear all the facts that were wrong look at this look with the big gold necklace oh thanks when did I don't know that I've seen this well how old is that necklace you've seen the necklace I wear it sometimes times popping today yeah thanks thank you people get mad when we talk about our outfits in the back cuz they can't see it it's a very fair comp i' be mad I would too like oh my God Rob's wearing feathers and then 20 minutes of look at Rob wore feathers do work and then you can never see Robin the feathers cute feathers yeah yeah um I'm wearing a new tank top where did that come from I feel like I guess this now is a good time for us to talk about about this okay it's from I don't actually know how to say her name hannes nope oh whatever it's a it's like a fashion brand yeah sure it's not the row okay but it might as well be you know sure and I guess I assume people hate when I talk about some people don't like when I talk about fancy clo like spending a ton of money on clothes uhhuh and I understand that to an extent I actually don't understand it because it's my money and I get to do what I want with my money uhh and I don't have children mhm and I do feel that I'm a generous person uhhuh so I feel okay about spending a a kind of very dumb amount of money on a tank top uhhuh which is a dumb amount of money but um yeah I guess if people are upset about that and I don't know if they are I only this is why I can't read the comments yes because even when we had this debate a few fact checks ago uhhuh and you you said I don't even want to tell you it's in the comments MH and then you like kind of sprinkled in at some point if someone says we're spoiled so I was like okay so people are saying that about me that's now what I'm guessing and that's okay don't know that that's exact well whatever I don't want to know because even that vague of a conversation has stuck with me okay so all to say sorry if you're offended that I spend a lot of money on clothes but it is look it is what I'm going to continue to do right well first I would say first I'm on your side it's no one's business you what they'd be happy if it sat in a bank and did nothing and left the economy all together and you I I don't but I can explore my very best attempt at what the experience might be that you're literally on the verge of getting kicked out of your apartment CU you don't have $700 right you're somewhere in America and you cannot come up with $700 and you're about to get text me I'll I'll help you out um this isn't you I'm going to use me so you're you're about to get kicked out cuz you can't afford that and you're late on your car payment you're afraid that that's going to get repossessed and you're drowning and you're so desperate for some money and then you hear me talk about the inconvenience of being stuck in an airport because I had enough money to go to Martha's Vineyard and then I had enough money to do this and that that that's somehow a problem when I'm about to be really yeah they don't even have to hate me for just it to compound how they feel course yeah and and feel that there's an injustice and I understand that that how how is it possible that I can't make rent and this person is spending that amount of money on a pair of pants or something yes that is upsetting I understand it but I don't know what to do yeah yeah exactly to not be yourself I'm I'm not saying you should do anything differently I think it should be you I got no advice here I'm only saying I can imagine if I were dying of thirst and I was listening to some people talk about how they decided to divert some of the water into the ditch on their property because they just have too much water it might have an impact on me yeah you know what I'm saying is I don't approve of it and I'm sympathetic to it I have a different hang-up about it though and I've said this on here before we so vigilantly defend the American dream everyone's ability to make a lot of money yeah and in fact we kind of hurt ourselves in pursuit of that so if that's a principle and it is I think there's something a little bit hypocritical about hating everyone that then accomplishes that yeah and I I have been guilty of it in the past so I that's why I can't cast Too Many Stones I have been so jealous in the past being broke and yeah judgmental of how people lived I remember being judgmental my brother I think I've said this like being judgmental my brother that he had like too many motorcycles and things weren't being taken care of and maybe um he was wasting money and watching him waste money when I needed money so bad I was judgmental and he said to me at one point like if I can fix a problem with money that yeah I'm going to do that that's that's and I remember thinking that that was crazy H I just am very familiar with that feeling but now yes I I am now my brother where I go like well why did I make it if not to fix these problems with this thing you know why did I even try to get it yeah so it's a very heavy powerful emotional topic it is I guess what I don't want to do is lie or be fraudulent or act like I act like the shirt is from Kmart it's not right and if you like it and you want know where it's from I'm going to have to tell you um and that's that's that if I could help all these people which in some ways I can and in some ways I do in but in these Mass ways I would this is great I think I may have just stumbled upon something okay like if you and I entered a room and there was a man in a wheelchair and we were in the middle of talking about what an incredible hike we took and how we wouldn't want to be alive if we didn't weren't able to take hikes we would you and I would have the good grace to not tell that story at that moment yes right and you would not be in someone's single wide trailer looking at them as they're counting their food stamps telling them what you spent at the row no we wouldn't do that yeah one-on-one and individually but it's impossible to account for everyone that hears us talk on here you know there's a million people some people are excited to hear where the TOs from because they're going to buy it so it's going to benefit them so it's like we're talking about a good hike on here and some people have legs and some people don't I think that might be the confusing Dynamic is you are in their home you're in their ears I'm in their ears I'm in their car we have this relationship it feels like I'm talking about my great hike yeah and that's just like an unavoidable part of there being a large audience you know I don't want want anyone obviously to stop listening uhuh uh but I also can't change myself for people yeah you can't change who you are to please other people yeah yeah that's what I'm saying all things are true I think you should be you and I recognize what the trigger is I think this is kind of interesting because this is Kristen's episode oh so grateful that she came on it was very fun and I do think it's fun to hear people in relationships I mean because everyone's so specific in their relationships and and I think what's really sweet and and cute and special and and I think part of why people are so attracted to you too specifically is you put her in a category that is just filled with so much love that like I think you we we just had two similar conversations right like when she came on she was talking about how she was getting some flak and stuff for the picture for the picture yeah mainly for the picture yeah and I think it's sweet like you can't help but be very protective of her true thousand per. yeah and it's and when people come for you too I'm very protective I think you but really quick I actually can't like I just was able to make the argument about when I talk about being at Martha's Vineyard or buying a really cool truck I can I can make the argument and I can actually empathize and understand it I cannot I truly conceptually can't imagine looking at a picture and going there should be a black person in there or I'm black and I feel excluded why wasn't I that I actually don't I can't even comprehend nor do I think nor do I really believe that's happening I don't think TI is looking at the picture like why aren't I there or Anderson pack is looking at going why aren't I there I actually don't believe it's happening I think it was just a very unfounded way to attack somebody you already hate well look I mean the thing just in the same way that you made the argument for for someone who's like annoyed that triggered that I have a for Raptor fancy clothes yeah I as a minority can see I don't think it's accurate or right and I don't think anyone has the right to say people should have this kind of friendship group or whatever well also really quick they do no I know I know I don't want to get in a like because I'm just saying you can see both sides in one perspective and or or you can at least make the argument for people right and I can too I can to see like a group of one type what it seems like and feel like I'm I can never be that because look I don't agree yeah and it makes me ey roll but I'm like okay like that's the thing they're going to pick pick to be mad about great and then this is the thing these people are going to pick to be mad about great like for me I'm just like okay people just kind of want to be mad they're going to find a thing to be mad about so but again it does it's just not relevant because there is diversity in all these people's lives so that's why it's stupid but if they didn't know that and they just saw the picture whatever I guess question truly would be like it's because everyone's famous if if anyone saw a picture of 12 people at a thing giving t a family dinner and everyone was white no one's going to go like well you should definitely have representation at your family dinner yes but it is a bunch of liberal people who claim to to be supportive of marginalized people which again it's stupid it is stupid but if we're going to do the exercise of of of what you just did I can do that there and I guess and you can that's probably maybe maybe that's my roadblock of being white which maybe is the case like you can feel the feeling of why isn't there a black person at the table I've never felt that mhm but I can imagine what it could feel like just like you can imagine what it would feel like to see someone wearing a fancy outfit and be like GH I don't have any money yeah well right um cuz you were you didn't have any money experienced it yes yes so I'm saying maybe there's a block yeah and then like in high school if there's a if there is a lunchroom table of a bunch of popular white kids and I feel like how am I ever going to get in on that table like you know yeah I like it can trigger something old I think for people perhaps anyway whatever this was all to say that I do think it's sweet because you are very protective in a way that I think is unique to her and I assume that's I guess that's I hope that's what all spous relationships are like I think that's something to hope to have uhhuh in a husband or a wife don't you think it's interesting too that there's like people have an individual identity and that together a couple can have it's almost a Third identity for sure sure yeah I was doing this exercise this woo woo exercise with a a single friend not Liz people will assume I'm talking about Liz she had done this before and was like let's write down all the things that you want and need out of a partner that you hope for and you write it all down and you have it on this paper and it's what you're manifesting and you know we were coming up with all these things and then at the end of it I was like I think what I want to move to the top of the list is someone who has my back mhm mhm yeah the world's a scary place and it's really nice to have the safety net of like someone's ride or die with you yeah exactly any who okay so I just asked Delta a fact because we couldn't remember the name for Kristen's boobs okay that the kids gave her okay she knew immediately she did Sloppy Joe's sloppy sloppy Jo I mean what cruelty they're capable [Laughter] of oh my God that'll be the next headline hopped up on NA beer Delta assaults Kristen's breast by referring to them as Sloppy Joe's probably because they're not washed oh my God so funny sloppy Jo God I me it is it's it's so mean and it is so funny it is that's what you're supposed to do as a kid you're supposed to ridicule your parents God to let them have it painful since I've had kids I've curved how I talked to my mom really yeah just because I was made aware of it I'm like oh wow they have no regard for my feelings whatsoever nor do I want them to I don't want them to I'm not asking them to have that for me but I did think like oh yeah I always would make fun of my mom for six or seven different things and we would as a family would and we would all laugh and she would laugh but I'm like you know she's also a and now I realize she's a human yeah oh Stu out there I know we would call her Bucky why cuz we're teen yeah that are so cute they're the cutest Delta got him I know I love it but yeah that like something like that I'm like you know maybe we don't that's some we call Mom do you do that to your mom no I'm I'm I was horrible to them but not in that way not teasing them no we weren't a very teasy family okay which is probably why I'm very sensitive to teasing that could be why yeah I did not grow up in that kind of household I was getting blasted from day one by my older brother and my dad and my mom like that was definitely our sense of humor was and you can see it between Carly and I probably and yeah it's very it's very playful it's very loving yeah but uh yeah if you don't grow up in it it can hurt yeah absolutely okay was it Linda Hamilton in the original 80s Beauty and the Beast yes good job Linda 1987 here I was born only watch it on DVD that's that's right that's right that is right okay what does Bart Simpson's laugh sound like cuz when you were talking about that I I don't watch the Simpson I didn't know so I'm going to play oh great his his laugh [Music] and what kind of pencil do we take again number two take a number two looks like you took a big number two yes quite so as you can see I'm holding a big number two in my hands enjoying the weight and feel of [Applause] it oh that's so cute that's a cute laugh okay you typed in Bart Simpson's laugh on YouTube and that came out oh that's great isn't it great you can hear absolutely anything yes I've had this smidgen of a song stuck in my head for like 3 days and I don't know and I've been trying to think of how to figure out but it says something like wiggle wiggle oh yeah what is that wiggle Wiggle Jason dero is he no yes I so no it's not yeah Wiggle by Jason dero let me hear it though let me hear if that's what I that would make sense Jas that's a big intro yeah that's it wiggle wiggle wiggle that's the Easter egg Easter egg it's good it's a good song wiggle wiggle yeah I don't even know if that's the one I was thinking of but I like that I feel like this is more I know what you're thinking of and I only know it this is such a deep cut Alison R and one of the my cooking video they do great editing on those videos and she she was cutting a chicken and it wiggled and she was like wiggle wiggle and then they played a different Wiggle Wiggle song yeah mine feels like more of a 60s song that's in my head like a playful oh this from 1960s whatever you whatever one you heard is the one I'm thinking of I've got another one let's see if this is the out there Brothers you know what that is no oh or this is like Russian [Music] Roulette this is get that donkey booty or something sounds [Music] like Jesus I don't hear anything about Wiggles in that say song is don't stop wiggle wiggle let me see if I can find Alison Romans this is a um like a case now this is like mystery ding ding ding Veronica Mars ding dinging ding Veronica oh we're not allowed to say that on DVD I do own those on DVD yeah so do we yeah okay let's see Chicken in fact I know it's not that first wiggle wiggle you said cuz it can you just faint wiggle wiggle okay I think it's probably a little John song or something no I think it's older I don't it's not hip-hop per se but I don't know I kaka I think spray works best ads when your family actually wears I mean I love ads yeah get odor-free 8 Hour protection from mosquitoes and ticks without the ick I need that body repellent people love it bugs hate [Music] it another ad good for Alison yeah I know true so the first thing we're going to do is we're going to cut our chicken breasts so we'll prepare our parchment paper these are two chicken breasts totaling about a pound this recipe serves two people I would average about one chicken breast per person the other night when I made this I only served it with some smashed cucumbers and a little bit of like kale that I had wilted that I had left over I am going to basically go in at the thickest part here and I'm going slowly and I'm just doing my best to kind of cut this in half and so now I have two relatively even pieces of chicken are they perfect no is anyone perfect absolutely not the thicker the breast and the bigger the best the easier this is but pressing on this Top Hand will kind of keep keep your knife centered like otherwise it's like wiggle wiggle chicken don't that's the one that's it jig jiggle yeah that was the one yeah it's like a it almost sounds like a French song or something Jones with Lou thur let me see oh my God good job we did it wiggle wiggle that's it [Applause] [Music] that's is it like a French man or something Duke and Jones and Louis thoro oh wow thoro is French t h e r o e x yeah whatever that was yeah wow lot of vowels and then X theow I love that we solved the mystery that's incredible what a chase down boy we followed the leads we had some um red herrings we did yeah that's a mystery that had been haunting me for like 3 days I just heard that little taste of Wiggle Wiggle Louis thorow and I'm like what is it are you secretly watching Allison Roman's cooking videos well I'd rather not say um speaking of Taylor Swift cuz she was there I went we haven't talked about it we haven't oh my god let's tell people wow about Taylor Swift wow Liz had a funny post that said like these two blondes have the ENT economy on their shoulders and it was Taylor and Barbie they really do I first of all the concert was as everyone knows by now unbelievable shocking like how how is she doing this I don't understand yeah physically physically how is she doing this yeah just moving for three and a half hours take out the singing just moving for that long is amazing right oh it's just so powerful but also Jess said something really accurate I think he was just like looking around before the concert had started and he was like I'm going to cry before before it had started and I was like oh my God you're like in it and he was like no I feel like I feel on Molly uhhuh and he was like everyone is so happy here and so nice and kind and everyone's offering to take pictures for people and and everyone's trading these bracelets and talking everyone's just in love with each other in love he was like it feels like everyone's on Molly but nobody is and well 75,000 people maybe a couple people might be you know he was like it means like you don't need that like life is can get there special enough but it takes a force of nature but yes it sure does but yeah and then I ran into a couple beautiful arm cherries this spectacular man he said he got out of a long line to come say hi to me and then that was a worrisome cuz he should not have gotten out of a long line keep his priorities straight those lines were too long speaking of that I need to do a shout out okay because you know I've been really hung up on the merch situation a lot of stress over where whether you're going to get it or not yes because the lines are so long and we had some friends who went for the folks who haven't gone myself included what is long 3 hours 3 hours from merch so you can miss the show apparently it well some people they open the merch line at 12 noon okay for a 7 o' show 6:30 is when the opening act starts so she goes on right around eight so eight hours of selling merch as fast as they can sell it so many stands but they're all so long I'm upping Rob my earlier estimate yeah yeah yeah over two million when I said that 75,000 people all spent $100 for sure yeah look can you look mer sales cuz I I wonder do you think that's public they couldn't make that public would they does Sofi get a portion of that I assume they do yeah usually well so I was really anxious about this and we had some friends who went a couple days before and they said it's okay the lines aren't that long and I was like oh okay and they said that they had walked by when there was only like 10 people and they should have gotten that but they didn't but then they got some at the end great okay I feel calm I'll be able to get it then we go no the lines are so insane and I was like I'm never gonna be able to you do this and I I was feeling very demoralized but I didn't want to feel demoralized because there's so much love and happiness there yeah and you're there to see Taylor Swift not getn I need proof for my I need it I hear you I hear you can't relate but I hear you and I'll defend your right to get it I just I do get happiness uhhuh from seeing the thing and remind me of the memory uhhuh so this is what I did and people probably won't like this either but also but also I think it was smart uhuh and clever okay and not illegal M and it's also a tip okay I went up to the March line I picked out two girls close to the front mhm who looked about my age okay and I said hey I know this is so weird and bad but is there any way if I give you my credit card that you could get me a T-shirt and please get yourself a t-shirt as well uh-huh and they were like what like At first at first they were like what uh yeah um no we'll just this kind of like asking um an adult to buy you beer when you're a kid which you probably never did I never did that but that's got the same ring to it to me it did feel weird and wrong like it felt elicit and I guess it is because in some ways I'm cutting this line yes well and I guess all the ways I am but I am and I'm not because they are already in line right whether they hand them three t-shirts or one the slow part's ringing you up well the slow part's waiting no I'm saying of the transaction right like if you were to cut in line you would have slowed the person behind you down because you would have initiated a whole new sale they'd walk back to the things for the first time again and then they would start a whole credit card process right but to say grab me two or three is inert there's no movement there yeah and then the credit card is still one swipe I'm making a case for you thank you do you think this is a bad thing I did well I think all things are true I don't think it's a bad thing you did because I don't actually think it slowed anyone down right and I think if I was in back of the line I've been waiting for two hours and I watch you walk up and get a shirt in five minutes I go you get in line yeah and you got that shirt because you have money and I don't have extra money to buy someone else's shirt yeah yeah no that's right and I applaud what you did and I don't think it slowed anyone down I should have bought the whole line that their shirts the internet says that she's making an estimated $87 million in merch okay total yeah whatever that means yeah I'm trying to find anything specific to the show I bet she's doing 85 million in merch just on her La run I bet it's eight million a show $100 per 75,000 people well the shirts are about 40 so depending on how many people get I guess yeah apparently she has generated over 300 million so far through 22 dates uh brings in more than 13 million a night I don't know if that's just ticket sales I think that's just ticket sales right now what's funny is no one Minds that Taylor's rich I don't think there's a handful of people sure they do yeah sure they do well but I love the notion that one human being has figured out how to become a money tree like that like just a bottomless ATM of self-generation there's no like some product running off the line at the end anything it's I'm a human I know and I have I I'll open my mouth and I will create 13 million a night I think is incredible and it's just her it's Taylor Swift not the Rolling Stones no but it's the thing is that's one way of looking at it and the other way is that and the way I was feeling in it is yes this One Singular human on earth has caused this much excitement in the world like it brought so much joy to so many people that's the more important part for sure but I guess I'm more just saying like Tom Cruz still needs a crew of 200 people and a great director and a great script and great locations and you know like he can't generate a billion dollars on his own just by him as the product he needs this whole other thing around him and a great story I think it's wild that a human just can invent a billion doll mean she needs good music producers she needs like production show yeah and the the show itself is it's so much more than her there there's like amazing dancers and amazing like sound design set design everything is incredible and that's why but she knows because she just gave $55 million in bonuses to all these people right so she recognizes that but yes I mean whatever she's just like a girl in her room I would also say a standup like the stand-ups are also very impressive that way where it's like you give them a microphone yeah and turn them loose and they're a product it's it's amazing cool but yeah it's it was just so so heartwarming to see 5,000 people okay now getting back to now I have to feel like I have to defend myself but I also want to shout out those people okay so they um they were like no they were like no we'll just get you a shirt uhhuh I was like no no no we and we'll pay no no but they were like you don't have to buy us a shirt and I said yes I do yes if I'm doing this you have to gain something yeah and so they finally they agreed to let me do that they were so so sweet were you strategic in picking them yes of course I wanted to ask that same thing like what were you what were your signals they were about my age is I think they might have been younger um two of them okay dressed amaz like dressed so Swifty like really obviously like good fans yeah and they just seemed approachable and nice that's like kind of it and there were sisters so really quick that was a route to go obviously cuz it worked also maybe a great approach would have been to go the complete opposite direction where I'd be looking at like a grifter like oh this guy this guy's got an angle for everything he'll want a free Merch this will be like totally good for him cuz this guy looks like a grifter right both would work work potentially I didn't feel like there was going to be many grifters at that concert no it's going to be hard to find but someone probably got drugged there that's a little bit of a grifter well the the women's names were terryanne and Joyce oh wonderful and if they're listen in thank you I really appreciate it I am going to I'm going to throw out one thought that just crossed my mind we know how dangerous it is to potentially mobilize the swifties against anybody you think they're going to come come for me I don't know I just think we should consider you cut a lot of how how incredibly mobilized they are when they need to be but don't you think think like don't you think now swifties will know that that's a good option not if everyone's doing it well it's kind of like then it shortens the line one person just stand sits one person walk I have 1250 Smalls and 1100 mediums this is tricky cuz this is back to my original thing where I I probably wouldn't have told the story because I guess it makes me look bad but I also want to shout out to very very kind nice people so I'm choosing to do that okay great over myself and I'm just demonstrating that I am protective of you as well yeah and wobby wob and anyone I love I'm just making sure that the swifties don't come from me because Jak Jake she's going to write a song about me God about cutting the line I heard it 1989 I can't wait to hear it I would it wouldn't even matter I'd be so thrilled if she wrote a song about me oh my god um no this is this is hilar this is wonderful I'm sorry guys I'm sorry cuz it now is feeling like it doesn't doesn't really add up with the atmosphere of the [Laughter] place but I oh my God this is funny okay if you want a t-shirt DM me and I'll buy you one online if you didn't get it if you miss some of the concert only if you were there on Monday though cuz I you weren't you can't speak for Friday I do it on the other days and then she played Tuesday she played Monday Tuesday Wednesday okay she she had played Friday Saturday Sunday right Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Wednesday what Thursday no six nights in La six nights didn't she announce some like big thing the last night yes she announced she going to do now play on the moon she so smart this woman is a marketing genius genius she is I know listen I've been listening to you talk about her for six days now and I love it I'm so impressed by her she's your idol the way you talk about her I have witnessed now a bunch of times yeah and it's just adorable to watch watch but it's I don't want it to be adorable I want it to be to see you this excited about a human being and their accomplishments is adorable why is that is that dismissive to you no not to me but I don't want it to be dismissive to her cuz like she's doing okay I don't think you need to worry no no no no no but the thing the thing I am obsessed with is how insane of a business person she is yes I mean it's like how I feel about Mary K and Ashley uhhuh sure where you respect the hustle I really I respect her so much and in the little thing you know there's all these secrets that are in the songs listen this is what I'm saying to you I wasn't present when you were consuming Goodwill Hunting but I know the way you were talking about Ben and Matt is mirroring how I'm getting to witness you talk about Taylor Swift true that is true and the there's an obsession yeah yeah and it's very fun to watch I am and I think um I want to Contin be her yeah I want to be her oh so what did she do that was a genius marketing stroke of she does all these like secret things for her fans it's all for the community and there was like this whole list I tried to memorize before that was like after this line of the song everyone does this they clap yeah and I missed it um yeah I I didn't do a good job but it's you know for the fans to feel this camaraderie so you know this is actually the main reason I respect her she's re-recording all her music so that she owns it okay she has all her albums before lover uh she didn't own right and it was yes it was a whole thing so she is re-recording all of her previous album that's so cool so you can do that it's called Taylor's version and and she's like putting out on each one songs from The Vault that never got released I mean it's and so when she announces these drops it's a big thing it's a big deal and so one of her albums 1989 she announced on Wednesday at the concert that that was going to come out in October but it's it's because it was her 19th concert of the tour okay I think and it was 8 it was August 9th eight 1989 oh my God numerology we love it yes yes which they were even numbers but sure well yeah people were uh anticipating this too they did they predicted it oh my God what it's like fan fiction or something yeah it's so like going to ComiCon I've had a smidgen of that feeling when we've gone to I think I've pointed it out at Disneyland yeah when we were at David frier it's very Rarity you go to a place with massive amounts of people and everyone has decided this is going to be the best day of my life yes it's very infectious it is that's why it's the happiest place on Earth because people decided that was going to be a happy chice yes yeah it's really nice it is anyway great day what a good day I'm so glad you had that experience yeah I feel guilty now well I am that's why it's a little incomplete the thing you said about at the beginning yeah about me defending Kristen which is true and by the way even if she did something horrendous I'd go down swinging that's 100% true but there's a ton of behind the scenes conversations about oh I did this thing I'm not sure how it's being uh interpreted and I will often be critical or I'll go I think that that I'm imagining there's going to be some people that are going to feel this way about it so I I do it's not blind loyalty yeah it's like a partner ship of co-piloting yeah it's nice it's nice I'm I like it yeah yeah I just wouldn't want to mislead anyone to thinking that you had blinders on or something and she challenges me I'll post something and she'll go I don't know hun I think you're you know like she will call out now if the mob comes for me she'll stand in front of me when they arrive but she will tell me yeah that's probably not going to be interpreted well yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah um I will okay now to defend myself okay you know I bought those tickets uhhuh and I bought my merch even though I did it that way uhhuh most people who you're seeing celebrities who are at that show okay did not buy those tickets and did not buy their merch oh so I feel a little bit in some ways like when I was when I was sitting really quick you know that angers people people that like why do celebrities get free they're already rich right yeah no I know so I'm saying I'm saying when people are going to come for me that someone did something worse that I I I like earned my spot there yeah I did what everyone else did I got tickets the way everyone else got tickets I didn't really get merch the way everyone got merch but I did still buy it uh-huh um you're not you're not making this better you you no did you just did what Trump did which is like other people are worse than me so you shouldn't be mad at me okay that's number one how do you feel Rob what I think it's fine I don't think yeah it's an AR it doesn't matter I'm calling the important thing is just like when I say something sexist or misogynist you or racist you call me out yeah and everything's clean I'm calling out what the person in line so it's not like you're going on challenged by this they should be upset right okay great so but I want to go back to my point which I think is more Salient in this situation is anyone in your Friendship Circle who you told the story to judgmental of you I don't think so well I can tell you from when I heard it I wasn't at all I was like oh good you that's clever you figured out how to get and then they won and you won and no one will slowed down yeah so I think often these times with these little kind of storms of public you know yeah you have to remember does anyone that know know does anyone that knows me and Kristen think we lied about their not being vacancy at the airport I mean that's so stupid no no one does and no one thinks anything negative that knows us and that knows you but that's but you didn't lie but I did pay someone but you didn't lie about it I didn't lie about it no I'm being really honest maybe to my detriment I guess I don't know um any who that's we we got track it's Taylor Swift you love you love her so much and she's a genius you were using the word listen and I respect the out of her she's a monster oh I know she is a she is a Goliath she is a force of nature she's all those her on this show more wanted anyone ever on this show and she'll never the amount of times you use the word genius in many different categories while you were telling I've overheard you telling other people about it yeah there's a lot there's like genius is being bandied about a lot of things and I just enjoyed it yeah yeah she is she's something else I never Ed that word I don't even use it for like Bill Gates but she is right A genus smarter than Bill Gates yeah and honestly she is she is honestly she is honestly do you think we could be best friends or somewhat friends I mean she's good friends with may actually was going to ask you about that I was like do you think she'd come on with may I don't think she'll ever come on because May she's a marketing genius as you just said she has 100% of control of the narrative cuz she's the only one that lets the narrative out she is so disincentivized she can't gain anything from coming here she can only sell so many seats that she's at capacity but she could do it for us for what for for us well no you have to think of an incentive they currently we don't offer one of course our show good but and I think it does show parts that maybe like her dock was amazing so I feel like it'd be like an extension of her dock okay do you think may could tell her the we can't even get May on I know I know would you pick her over Ben Affleck if they both only one of them could come on yes yeah and over Ashley Olsen oh God don't make me do that that's what we're going to make you do they have a rivalry and if one goes on guarantee the other can't come they'll agree well I hate woman onom fighting you trick them and have them both come and do an intervention yeah make them the fences I know what you'd pick and but you don't want to say it CU you don't want to burn that bridge yeah yeah but I know all right um Taylor yeah I would yeah yeah yeah I know you're going to be blocked from the roow website they can't just that right there somehow our IP address I hate this episode I hate this fact everything's going poorly for me everything's unraveling my God you would just pay someone else to oh yeah you call up Rosie and Tiana wow um let's talk about something good I did I made a yummy pudding oh how did it turn out last time I saw you it was in the fridge chilling yes it turned out so good it did yeah thanks for bringing some over as you always do I was going to because it's I only have like a day left of the pudding like I it's GNA go quantity or it'll taint it'll it'll taint it'll turn so I did want to bring some today but I am still don't have a car and I can't walk with around big ping oh my God you'd be inviting so many weird oh my God I know advances I know in this outfit with a big bowl of ping I had a crazy I had a crazy thought today okay I can't talk about it based on what we've already been talking about oh or is it or is it the perfect timing too is my career over this will be our biggest episode go oh my God I can't even think about the fact that everyone's listening to this episode I'm going to edit it all out but I passed I passed this unhoused person on my walk I mean you passed so many sadly and unfortunately on these walks um but I passed this man and you know I get I get a little anxious when I'm walking past yeah and um he wasn't intent he was just on the street but no no I said you get tents oh yeah not that he was in a tent which is also likely exactly but no yes I get a little tense and then he smiled at me and I it like really really broke my heart yeah and then I really almost took this bracelet off and said go sell this but that he wouldn't that would yeah he would not get market value for that bracelet let's just say that I know he can't walk into an actual place that would so he's going to sell it for 20 bucks that's the part no one wants to really deal with but it was sad yeah it is sad it's heartbreaking and overwhelming it's so overwhelming because you can walk six more feet and have the exact same experience and then you walk six more feet and have it again and then at what point do you go well I can't even get down this street if I'm going to let all this in and you have to naturally get protective of yourself yes you kind of just disassociate it's really it's bad I don't and and then yes I thought the was like I need to just like go get everything out of my closet and just like hand it out right it'd be great if that solved it I wish that solved it it's really sad I hated it I'll give him my shirt my Taylor Swift shirt not this one oh my God no okay cut that okay um So Lisa danmore is a psychologist Kristen told us about an article she read and wondered if my computer just died uh is a psychologist and she is okay yeah it's always so hard to remember if someone's a psychiatrist or a psychologist I'm sure that anger psychiatrist since they have a medical degree sure yeah they had to go to a little bit more schooling MH um let me see do you want a charger um yes please I will take one but I actually think that was the last fact so might be fine but let me just there it is um that is it that was it yeah are you sure well I wrote one more thing to talk about but we didn't but like it was just to talk about if we wanted to but we've been talking for a bit yeah yeah yeah yeah what a ride yeah I aide sorry I'm sorry I feel like I'm a bad person I don't think you're a bad person Ted all have to see anyway well that's it uhoh what are you sad now well I don't know [Music] I don't know what I feel it felt like normal it felt clever uhhuh it was clever and it didn't feel like it was hurting anyone correct but I guess it was it's like if everyone does that that's a problem yeah oh boy life it's so full of these complicated I have it lane splitting on the motorcycle right like lane splitting is cheating yeah well but you don't have to wait in traffic um it's certainly legal yeah so that motorcycles don't overheat and cause traffic jams because they're mostly air cooled and have to keep moving but in my mind cuz sometimes people are angry that you get to do that especially if they've been sitting in tons of traffic for a long time people even like swerve into you yeah and then I get a little indignant because I'm like I can't even impact the flow of traffic I'm riding in the middle of all these cars like I'm going to go up in the middle of the stoplight and I'm going to take off like you'll never be impacted by what I'm doing yeah I know you're frustrated that you aren't also getting to skip this huge line but certainly I'm not adding to anything you're your weight in this traffic jam is the exact same whether I ride up the middle or I don't yeah and so I feel like it's in that zone a little bit feels different well no anyway I love you love you [Music]