Browse Transcripts

Category: Film & Animation

Ich war schnell wieder in einer beziehung, nachdem ich meine verlobung gelöst hatte. ich versuchte es wirklich nicht. viele freundinnen rieten: "du solltest eine weile single bleiben. "leg dir doch eine katze zu!" und ich: "mach mich nicht an!" nach begegnungen mit katzen fühlte ich mich persönlich... Read more

Category: Film & Animation

Viele meiner freunde pendeln sich ein. manche pendeln nur. punkt, satzende. kennt ihr diese paare? jeder kennt so ein paar, bei dem ein partner viel heißer und cooler ist als der andere. ich nenne solche paare gerne schokolade mit rosinen drauf, denn man kann schon beide zusammenbringen, aber wenn man... Read more

Category: Film & Animation

Ich zögerte, darüber auf der bühne zu sprechen. und dann brauchte ich neuen stoff und dachte: "ausverkauf! alles muss raus!" nein, ehrlich gesagt überraschte mich mein schlechtes gefühl dabei. ich bin ja recht aufgeschlossen. keiner sollte sich wegen der diagnose psychischer probleme schlecht fühlen,... Read more

Category: Film & Animation

Wo ich aufwuchs, spielte psychische gesundheit keine große rolle. wir waren religiös. haben sie schon mal versucht, ihrem konservativen vater zu sagen, dass sie psychische probleme haben? das klappt nicht so gut. zu high school-zeiten sagte ich: "dad, ich bin wohl depressiv." darauf er: "du brauchst... Read more

Category: Comedy

With okay so because i was a tennis player i dealt with like a lot of pressure before talk because i played tennis it was i know how to [ __ ] go all right just like i was just like running around with my balls and playing hitting stuff but like my i had a basically a tennis career before this which... Read more

Category: Comedy

Please welcome hannah berner. [cheering, applause] n/a n/a i mean, look, this is amazing. this is-- you're so daily show. i tried to match the energy. yeah. [laughs] [cheering, applause] that's great. that's great. congrats on your special. - thank you. it's doing great. its very funny. i feel like... Read more

Category: Entertainment

At the ceremony i sang a nice song for you here's me singing a song for you can we zoom in on your on your family because i'm singing a nice song to you can we just zoom in like what's going on you pissed my son off you were being an assho he was sick of it what are you talking about i was singing a... Read more

Category: Comedy

Is there pakistani porn mia khalifa mia khalifa she's not pakistani i bet do people you think yeah do you think people come up to her and go hey i thought you were great and butts and boobs four and she's like that wasn't me give me the plot of butts and boobs one and then i'll tell you how we got to... Read more

Category: Comedy

Who's into garment porn nobody great if you're gay you know that this website was famous famous it was a big porn website called mormon boys mormon boys is garment porn and it's very successful it is people talking in gments and i remember watching it for the first time and being like i need to tell... Read more

Category: Comedy

No not your hair, hers! i know i really think that why do you want my gum so bad you think about it the whole time your hair is so shiny yeah you wait but she's the hair girl and you're supposed to have all the hormones this is a [laughter] disaster there was something i really actually liked about... Read more

Category: Entertainment

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Category: Entertainment

This is for all the elon musk haters out there that say he never does anything good elon is seeking approval to provide free emergency cell phone services in wilderness dead zones to help improve search and rescue efforts by providing coverage from space in areas that are still beautiful because we... Read more

Category: Comedy

Here we go one woman seven men 0 in 401k savings let's do it we are suddenly in seattle and jen is walking down a road under a bridge that looks like it should be in an episode of law and order svu why would they put her here there's got to be a better place for her to walk as slow as possible they're... Read more

Category: Comedy

Here we go one woman four families who never asked to be on tv in the first place let's do it our first stop is houston where they show cows you're never going to see a cow if you go to houston you're going to see highways you're going to be in one part of town and someone's going to tell you wait a... Read more

Category: Comedy

We go one woman three fantasy suites three beds with wet spots to avoid let's do it so we're in hawaii this guy's giving very much survivor vibes like if your roommate walked in just now they're like oh survivor it's on you'd have to be like no i'm going to watch a woman maybe have sex with three men... Read more

Category: Comedy

So we start the men tell all episode with grant telling his mom that he's going to be the future bachelor and this conversation goes smoother than any conversation has ever gone with my own mom my mom would be like what why am i on speaker elaine satchler i play pickle ball with her why are you talking... Read more

Category: Comedy

[applaudissements] on s'intéresse enfin à l'écologie et c'est une bonne chose mais bon maintenant que tout le monde ou presque a compris il faut passer la seconde et trouver les bonnes solutions moi par exemple quand je voyage en france je privilégie toujours le train c'est écolo plutôt calme confortable... Read more

Category: News & Politics

Em nao's true self comes out at 2024 us openen emma naro keeps it close to the best in her press conferences the rising 23-year-old who dethroned defending champion cocoa to reach her first us open quarterfinal speaks about her tennis with the calculated phrasing of a political science professor but... Read more

Category: Comedy

Cold shower good to be here i have a little cold i have a cold because uh i have a shower in my house i don't know if anyone else has this where it takes me an hour to take a shower i have the shower where you you cannot get the accurate temperature setting i don't know yeah you know how annoying that... Read more

Category: Comedy

Nasa has to like rely on their enemy to help the astronauts get down they do they have to work with elon musk which cannot be assuring for those astronauts you talking to a nasa scientist they're like don't worry don't worry we got everything under control we're sending in an autistic racist everything... Read more