Ray Romano on the Gift of Fantasy | CAROLINE'S COMEDY HOUR (1993)

Cold Shower good to be here I have a little cold I have a cold because uh I have a shower in my house I don't know if anyone else has this where it takes me an hour to take a shower I have the shower where you you cannot get the accurate temperature setting I don't know yeah you know how annoying that is my my shower will be too cold you know so I'll turn it a millimeter too hot there's no middle the the only time it's the right temperature is while it's on its way to being the wrong temperature yeah you got to soap up and wait for it oh oh there it is there it is you can't turn the knob any less I've tried every method of turning that knob as little as possible I you know sometimes I just brush up against the knob and then it has this weird thing where I'll turn it hotter and it gets a little colder first and then hot yeah like like the cold water has to back up and get a running start hot hot and then I lost my memory in the shower you have this is very frightening you have a memory lapse in your shower your daydreaming and then you have to try to remember if you just shampooed your ha or not yeah oh fight me I have backtrack in my own shower oh Backtrack let me let me figure this out so let me see I came in the shower all right what did I do first I sang patches okay and then you know what I do I bring a checklist into my shower now yeah it's easy you just check it off as you go all right I did that all right I'll do that next okay oh uh I'm not going to have time for that yeah do that twice tomorrow The Gift of Fantasy yeah the men know what that is men know he you can't blame us and we were given a gift and we use it we have the gift of fantasy that's our thing you know women can fantasize too but oh you have no idea what man are capable of oh we have a a cast of thousands we can call really there's too many there's people in there you don't even want half the time you know like my m get here why isn't here get out of here security go no I'm not hungry I'm not hungry oh my wait in the car you don't want to see this you know your fantasy your fantasy needs a director that's what it needs someone someone who can direct who knows what everyone's part is someone who can just take charge gather around everybody he he just got in the shower Showtime's going to be any minute now look alive we have a new cast member with us today hi you want to introduce yourself Julie hi and how did you get here oh he saw you bend down in the subway wellow that'll do it yeah that's all thanks welcome to the crew Jolie are you bisexual well you are now play [Applause] Rays Kids oh it's it's so true it's pathetic all right enough of that let's talk about my kids I'm a family man I have children I have a two and a halfy old daughter and twin six-month-old Boys in my house yeah no W [Applause] good those are single single people clapping parents are like [Music] oh anybody have twins anybody know what that's like twins good you how old are they four four boys boys or girls girls identical no yeah mine are identical I think it's better I like that they're identical because for one thing you save money on photographs you know yeah yeah that's the way I look at it hey there's my little boy and I got another one just like it I just told you need another picture it's the same thing nobody can tell him a part my me and my wife are the only ones who can tell him aart my mother comes over to babysit and she she gets me mad she loves the babysit but then she panics she she's afraid she's going to keep feeding the same one over and over again yeah yeah she's starting to worry me we want to go away for a week and I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm going to come home find one big fat baby hey M they were identical when we left come on what do you mean nothing happened it's cisc and Ebert now look at [Applause] that the other day she came over to babysit and she made it through okay cuz one of them had a little scratch on his nose yeah that's what she used as her Landmark yeah but you know I'll tell you what frightens me I don't think the scratch was there when we left really yeah I know it's a horrible thought but I just I think she got a little confused okay you're Matthew you're Matthew Matthew Matthew has a scratch and he's a cry baby shut up it's a lot of work isn't it it's great but boy you never rest in my house you don't have a moment's rest I find myself making little excuses just to get out of the house you know I anybody uh anybody need anything from the motor vehicle bureau anything at all let's register something I'll be home I'll be home in a minute I'm just going to apply for jury duty on the way out that's all thank you very much folks a lot of fun good night thank you