Gutfeld: Voters are noticing something the media wishes they hadn’t

[ Cheering and Applause ] >> Greg: I KNOW. I KNOW! I KNOW! [ Chuckling ] YOU ARE LUCKY TO HAVE ME. [ Laughter ] HAPPY THURSDAY EVERYBODY. SO WHILE FILMING A MUSIC VIDEO IN NASHVILLE, VON JAN GOTTA-MAC JON BON JOVI HEROICALLY TALKED A WOMAN OFF OF TALK -- JUMPING OFF A BRIDGE, BY PROMISING TO QUIT MAKING MUSIC. [ Laughter ] YEAH. THAT IS A GOOD ONE. KAMALA HARRIS IS FLYING TO NORTH CAROLINA TO GET THE UNDECIDED VOTES WHILE JOE BIDEN IS MEETING WITH ST. PETER TO GET THE DATA ABOUT. [ Laughter ] I GET IT! MORE OF THOSE JOKES. THE DEMOCRAT ADVISES KAMALA HARRIS NOT TO DO MORE INTERVIEWS BECAUSE SHE COULD SAY SOMETHING THAT COULD BE USED AGAINST HER, LIKE REMINDING THEM SHE IS CURRENTLY VICE PRESIDENT. YEAR CONGRESSMAN FELL ASLEEP DURING ACTUAL TESTIMONY FROM FAMILIES WHO LOST LOVED ONES TO ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT CRIME. GIVE HIM A BREAK, HE WAS UP ALL NIGHT MAKING LUNCH. ON THE VIEW, JOE TRIED TO GET UP POPSTAR USHERED TO ENDORSE KAMALA HARRIS BUT HE WAS NOT TAKING THE BAIT. THE BAIT HAD ALREADY BEEN EATEN BY AN END OF OUR OWN. [ Laughter ] HOW DARE YOU LAUGH AT THAT! IN MINNESOTA UNDER GOVERNOR TIM WALZ, FIVE MALE CONFLICTS HAVE BEEN SENT TO WOMEN'S PRISONS BECAUSE THEY IDENTIFIED AS TRANSGENDER. I GUESS HE HE IDENTIFIES AS PEOPLE WHO CLAIMED THEY ARE SOMETHING THEY'RE NOT. HIS A STOLEN VALOR, AND THEIRS WAS STOLEN A DINO -- VAGINA. STOLEN VAGINA DANA. >> YEAH. >> Greg: PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN POSED WITH A TRUMP HAT, AT AFFORESTATION A FIRE STATION IN SHANKSVILLE, PENNSYLVANIA WHILE A NEARBY, RESIDENTS ASKED HUNTER BIDEN IS TO PUT ON A CONDOM. THAT'S JUST TERRIBLE! I THINK THIS IS THE LAST JOKE. FINALLY THAT VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS WERE HELD IN NEW YORK LAST NIGHT AND POPSTAR KATY PERRY APPEARED SPORTING A TEMPORARY QR CODE AND THE SMALL OF HER BACK. IF YOU SCAN IT IT SAYS WELCOME TO OUR GRAND OPENING. [ Laughter ] OKAY! SO, THE VIEWS OF THE DEBATE AND POURING IN AN LIBERAL CAT LADIES EVERYWHERE REJOICED, THE DEBATE GOT FIVE STARS FROM THE MAKERS OF FANCY FEAST AND WHAT WILL PAUSE UP SAYS PURINA. OF COURSE SAYING KAMALA HARRIS WON BUT WHY WOULDN'T THEY? THEY ARE SO FAR UP HER ASS THEY CAN SEE OUT OF HER MOUTH. IT'S LIKE THE PARENTS WATCHING THE GRANDCHILD HITTING A HOMERUN IN T-BALL. LOOK HONEY, SHE MADE CONTACT AND DID NOT CRAPPER PANS! THIS IS A MONTH AFTER WARNING HER OFF THE TICKET. THOSE WERE THE DAYS, REMEMBER JOE SAID HE WOULD BE A TRANSITIONAL CANDIDATE? HE DID NOT KNOW SHE WOULD BE TRANSITIONING FROM PRESIDENT TO FERTILIZER. [ Laughter ] NOW THEY ARE SO GREAT FOR AFTER ALL, SHE DID NOT BULLY JOE BIDEN WITH A LOW BAR LIKE THAT ALL SHE HAD TO DO WAS AVOID SHOUTING ALLAH AKBAR ARE CLAIM THAT MAROON FIVE IS AN UNDERRATED BAND. COMPARED TO JOE IT'S CONSIDERED EIGHT WIN SHE DID NOT ARRIVE IN THE BACK OR HURST, PLUS THE STRATEGY OF GAINING TRUMP WITH HOAXES PAID OFF, KEPT HER FROM SAYING ANYTHING ABOUT HER PAST, PRESENT OR FUTURE AND I'D TAKE HIS TRUMP OFF. IT HELPED THAT SHE HAD HELP, OF COURSE,, THERE IS NO WAY THAT SHE WOULD HAVE SO CONFIDENTLY RATTLED OFF THOSE HOAXES IF SHE DID NOT KNOW SHE HAD COVERED. IT'S LIKE A DRUNK GIRL OUT OF THE BAR PICKING FIGHTS THAT SHE EXPECTS HER BOYFRIEND TO SETTLE, EXIT HERE THE BOYFRIEND WAS THE MODERATORS. LIKELY THIS IS ONE RELATIONSHIP WHERE SHE DOES NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT A PREGNANT NANNY. [ Laughter ] NOW VETERAN AT GOP STRATEGISTS ARE SAYING KAMALA HARRIS WON BUT REMEMBER THESE ARE THE SAME GENIUSES THAT BROUGHT YOU THE CHARISMA OF NET RON MADE AS IS SO BORING HIS DOG ASKED TO BE TIED TO THE ROOF. THAT IS AN OLD STORY! BUT HOW WILL VOTERS? REMEMBER THEM? THE PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY DECIDE THE OUTCOMES OF ELECTIONS? OR AT LEAST THE ONES WHERE THE DAMS ARE NOT ACCOUNTING BOASTS? Y'ALL SPOKE TO UNDECIDED VOTERS POSTDEBATE AND WE SAW A COMMON THEME EMERGE, MUCH LIKE EIGHT NUDE STEVE BOOSIE FOR MY BIRTHDAY CAKE PICK THE HAD SERIOUS RESERVATIONS ON ECONOMIC ANSWERS AND SOMEWHAT FOUND THEMSELVES LEANING MORE TOWARDS TRUMP THEN KAMALA HARRIS AT THE END. >> SHE BASICALLY REPEATED EVERYTHING BIDEN HAS SAID IN THE PAST. >> SHE DID NOT TALK ABOUT HER POLICY SINCE -- POLICY CHANGE IT, DEFLECTED ON IMMIGRATION AND DID NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OR JOE BIDEN'S RESPONSIBILITY FOR LETTING PEOPLE IN ILLEGALLY. >> HE WAS ABLE TO GO THROUGH HIS TRACK RECORD AND I FEEL THAT KAMALA DEFLECTED TO THE ENTIRE TIME. >> THERE WAS SOME FOCUS ON POLICY BUT ARE NOTHING WE GOT TO THE MEAT OF THE ISSUE. >> MY LIFE WAS BETTER WAS TRUMP AND OFFERS, NOW WITH RE/MAX ADMINISTRATION AND THINGS HAVE NOT BEEN SO FANTASTIC AND SHE SAYING THAT SHE CAN FIX THE PROBLEMS ARE ADMINISTRATION CAUSED BY OUTER KNOW IF I CAN AFFORD TO TAKE THAT RISK. >> Greg: ALL OF THAT DESPITE THIS UNDECIDED HARRIS HAD IT WON ALONG THE POLITICAL MEDIA CLAUSE, THE NEW YORK TIMES EVEN ADMITS AS MUCH. WHEN THE TIMES SAID VOTERS ARE NOT SO SURE IT MEANS WE ARE [ Bleep ] our pants -like Biden after judging a chili cookoff. HELL EVEN ROTARIES INTERVIEWED UNDECIDED VOTERS AND OUT OF THE TOWN IS SAMPLED, SIX WERE LEANING TOWARDS TRUMP. SAYING KAMALA WAS TOO VAGUE, A BIG BALL OF NOTHING, THEY ARE WORRIED ABOUT A RISE IN GROCERIES AND SHE SAID NOTHING TO ALLAYING THOSE FEARS, AND YOU WERE THINK SHE WOULD BE GOOD AT THAT, AT LEAST ACCORDING TO WILLIE BROWN. I KNOW! THAT WAS IN BAD TASTE. [ Laughter ] FACT IS, VOTERS HER MEMORY SHE WAS VP THE ENTIRE TIME INFLATION SKYROCKETED AND THEY DON'T LIKE HER AND THEY CAN'T EVEN AFFORD THE EGGS THEY WANT TO THROW OUT HER. KEEP IN MIND THIS DATA IS COMING FROM REUTERS AND THEY LEAN MORE TO THE LEFT THEN IT DANA PERINO AFTER HALF A DAIQUIRI. USING A STOCK PHOTO ON THE SHOW. [ Laughter ] BUT YOU SEE THE COMMON THREAD? THESE VOTERS NOTICED SOMETHING THEY MEDIA WHICH IS A HAD NOT, KAMALA HARRIS DID NOT SAY ANYTHING WHICH WAS THE GOAL ALL ALONG, NOBODY LEARNED ANYTHING EXCEPT THAT SHE IS YOUNGER THAN JOE BITER AND CAN STAY UP PAST 9:00 PM, THE ONLY TWO QUALIFICATIONS YOU NEED TO BECOME NOMINEE. THAT IS HOW THE DAMS WANTED AN ABC WAS HAPPY TO HELP, EVEN VOTERS WHO DISLIKE TRUMP TRUST AND MORE ON THE ECONOMY SO DEMS CAN PUSH THE VIBE ALL LED BY CAN'T MAKE YOU FORGET HOW TRAUMATIZING A TRIP TO THE GROCERY STORE IS NOW THAN COMPARED TO FOUR YEARS AGO AND IS WHEN DETERGENT WAS BEHIND MORE PLEXIGLAS THAN A PRISON VEGETATION ROOM. PEOPLE CAN TRICK THEMSELVES INTO BELIEVING FANTASY AFTER THE EASIEST PERSON TO FOOL IS YOURSELF. ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE ALREADY A FULL. THEY CANNOT FOOL YOU, THEY CANNOT MAKE YOU PRETEND YOU'RE BILLS ARE NOT GOING UP LIKE HUNTER BIDEN'S POLLS AFTER AN EIGHTBALL OR THAT YOUR BANK ACCOUNT IS CHANGING FASTER THAN JESSE WATTERS AT A NUDE BEACH. [ Laughter ] AND THEY CAN TO MAKE YOU IGNORE THE FACT THAT THE CANDIDATE THEY WANT YOU TO VOTE FOR PRESIDED OVER THIS MESS. MAYBE UNDECIDED VOTERS ARE SMALLER -- SMARTER, WHO IS SHE? THAT STILL REMAINS THE QUESTION. TO BATTLE THE PENDANTS IN THE WORLD CAN HELP HER ANSWER THAT. LET'S WELCOME TONIGHT'S GUESTS! SHE SWINGS LEFT AND THE NEWSROOM, DANA PERINO! NINE OUT OF 10 AMERICANS COULD NEVER SPELL HER LAST NAME, KAYLEIGH MCENANY! EVEN ATHEISTS CONSIDER HIM A SEX GOT! JOE MACHI! AND A NEW BOOK IS TOPPING THE CHARTS, WHILE SHE IS GIVING FIGHTS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR KAT TIMPF! REPLIES. >> Greg: IS INTERESTING ISN'T IT? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M ASKING YOU WHAT IS INTERESTING! I CAN'T JUST SAY THAT CATALYST SAY THAT KAMALA DID A LOT BETTER THAN EXPECTED BY THE UNDECIDED VOTERS COULD SEE THROUGH THAT. THEY SAW THAT WHILE IT LOOKS GOOD BUT, I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING SHE SIGHED ABOUT ANYTHING. >> ABOUT 67 MILLION PEOPLE WATCHING ON DEALT -- TELEVISION ON VARIOUS CHANNELS INCLUDING OURS, THEN YOU GET TO THAT 80 MILLION PEOPLE OUTSIDE, AND TWO DAYS LATER THE UNDECIDED VOTERS ARE LIKE OKAY WE DID NOT GET ENOUGH OUT OF THAT. TRUMP SAYING HE WON'T DO A THIRD DEBATE AND NAVARRO TIKTOK MEDIA ABOUT EATING THE DOGS AND CATS, THAT IS WHAT WE ARE LEFT WITH! I THINK IT IS STILL A TIE, IT WILL BE A TIDE GOING INTO THE NEXT SIX WEEKS. >> Greg: YOU JUST MADE A GREAT POINT, IF WE JUST GET THAT EATING THE DOGS AND EATING THE CATS MEME FROM OF THIS DEBATE, AMERICA HAS WON. >> WE WON! >> Greg: RIGHT? IT'S GREAT. IT SO ORGANIC, YOU CAN CREATE A. THE ART EATING THE CATS, THEY ARE EATING THE DOGS! I CAN LISTEN TO THAT ALL NIGHT. AND I THINK I WILL! KAYLEIGH LOAD TO BE HONEST, FOR TRUMP, I NOTICED WHEN YOU COMPARE THE DEBATES THAT HE DOES NOT CHANGE, PEOPLE SAY -- >> YOU ARE JUST NOTICING? >> Greg: YES! HE DOES NOT LISTEN TO ANY DEVICE, CORRECT. DOES HE LISTEN TO YOU? >> AT TIMES HE WHAT YES, BUT HE KNOWS WHAT TO DO. >> Greg: BUT THE THING IS, DO YOU THINK IT WOULD BE WISE TO SHIFT YOUR SENSIBILITIES OR YOUR STRATEGY WHEN IT KAMALA IS SO DIFFERENT THAN JOE? JOE BIDEN IS A CORPSE, SHE IS NOT A CORPSE. BUT HE WAS COMPLETELY THE SAME PERSON, YET THEY SAY HE WAS ANGRY PAIRED HE WASN'T ANGRY, SAME GUY PICK SURE AND HE ADDRESSED A LITTLE BIT? A. >> LOOK HE COULD PRACTICE PIVOT POINTS WHEN IT KAMALA HARRIS MAKES AN ATTACK, PRACTICE THE PIVOT POINT. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE THE SECOND DEBATE OF THE JOE BIDEN, IT WORKED. HE DID NOT HAVE TO HAVE A MOCK DEBATE, HE NEEDED A GAME CHANGES, PAVING POINTS PICK BUT LOOK TRUMP IS WHO HE IS, YOU HAVE NOT NOTICED THAT BY NOW I FEEL BAD FOR YOU. HE IS A FIGHTER, HE'S A BRASH, BUT HE IS A FIGHTER. HE WILL FIGHT EVERY GROCERY BILL TO COME DOWN, HE WILL FIGHT AGAINST NORTH KOREA, HE WILL FIGHT WHEN IT COUNTS IT WHEN I DID AGAINST KAMALA HARRIS. BUT WHAT I TOOK FROM YOUR MONOLOG, THE JAKE TAPPER, THE EVER SO CLEVER STILL SO, THEY MAY BE WRONG PAGE THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND MIDDLE AMERICA, THE BEST I'VE HEARD IS FROM 34-YEAR-OLD CHELA MILLER, A BLACK WOMAN FROM MILWAUKEE AND HER QUOTE WAS THIS, I GUESS IN LEARNING MORE ON HIS FACT THAT HER VISION. DONALD TRUMP HAS FACTS, HAS A RECORD. SHE HAS A VISION I GUESS BUT WE KNOW WHO HE IS AND THAT NEVER CHANGES. >> Greg: I WANT TO COMMENT ON THAT -- [ Applause ] >> Greg: -- ALL RIGHT, APPLAUD! I'M ASSUMING GEAR IS -- APPLAUDING FOR MY NEXT QUESTION. AS STILL THINK THAT IF YOU THINK THAT HE IS ANGRY, YOU WILL THINK HE WAS AT HER KNOW MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT, AND THINK MAYBE HE SHOULD KNOW HE IS BEING PLAYED, THEY GOT HIM MAD ABOUT THE RALLIES, THEY GOT HIM MAD ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE THAT THEY BROUGHT UP AND IF THEY JUST KNEW HE DID NOT HAVE TO PLAY THAT. BUT YOU'RE RIGHT, HE WON'T LISTEN TO ME EITHER AND WE ARE CLOSE FRIENDS. WE GO WAY BACK, WAY BACK JOE! JOE, HAVE BEEN LOOKING AT THE DATA HERE AND THERE IS A MOST ATTRACTIVE WOMAN IN AN AMERICA PLAN ON VOTING FOR YOU, IS IT BECAUSE OF YOUR MEMBERS ONLY JACKET? >> I LOOK VERY GOOD GREG. >> Greg: YOU OWN THE FIVE REMAINING MEMBERS ONLY JACKET, AND YOU ARE WEARING THEM ALL RIGHT NOW! >> ON THE MALE MODEL. [ Laughter ] THE ONLY THING IS I'M NOT DOING VERY WELL WAS ON ATTRACTIVE WOMEN BECAUSE THEY KEEP THEM UNATTRACTIVE WOMEN. TRUMP AND I ARE SIMILAR, WE ARE BOTH BRASH, THE REMOTE -- BOTH FIGHTERS, AMOR A LOVER. LOOK FROM A TECHNICAL STANDPOINT, HOW YOU CAN SAY THAT KAMALA WON IS A DEBATE IF YOU HAVE THE MEMORY OF JOE BIDEN. DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT IT'S LIKE GOING TO THE SUPERMARKET AND SEEING THE PRICE OF EGGS OR PEOPLE MOVING OFF A AIRPLANE BUT SHE HAD NO SUBSTANCE PICK SHE MOVED HER WORD A SOLID AND I WOULD NOT EAT AT THAT RESTAURANT OR VOTE FOR THAT CANDIDATE. BUT I WAS FRUSTRATED WITH TRUMP BECAUSE HE HAD A SONY OPPORTUNITIES TO KNOCK THEM OUT OF THE PARK. EVEN WHEN DAVID O'MEARA ASKED HIM ABOUT THE ELECTION LIES, HE SHOULD HAVE HAD THAT CUTE UP LIKE INTELLIGENCE AGENTS LIED ABOUT A HUNTER LAPTOP, THERE WAS GOVERNMENT CENSORSHIP AND ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS PROVE -- IS A MARGIN OF VICTORY WAS LESS THEN IT IS A MARGIN OF BALANCE. >> Greg: THIS I GUESS, JOE IS ANSWERING YOU KAYLEIGH, I FELT HE MISSED OPPORTUNITIES. AND I BLAME YOU FOR THAT! [ Laughter ] AT BLAME YOU! >> BLAMING, I WAS NOT THERE. >> Greg: YOU KNOW WHAT, IS KAT, WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THIS MYSTERIOUS UNDECIDED VOTER. ARE WE UNDERESTIMATING THEIR INTELLIGENCE THAT MAY BE THEY ARE SMARTER THAN WE THINK? >> PERHAPS. I DON'T KNOW, ACTION DON'T KNOW AND UNDECIDED VOTER. I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE! >> Greg: WE SHOULD FIND AND UNDECIDED VOTER. >> I KNOW THEY'RE OUT THERE -- >> Greg: AND KILL THEM. WITH KINDNESS! WHICH IS THE NAME OF MY GUN. [ Laughter ] >> IT WASN'T -- THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE, THE POLLS SHOW, IT'S A SLIGHT MAJORITY THOUGH, BY THE VAST MAJORITY OF PEOPLE SAID THIS DOES NOT CHANGE THEIR MIND AT ALL. I DO THINK HE DEFINITELY LEFT SOME POINTS ON THE TABLE. HE COULD HAVE JUST DONE OVER AND OVER AGAIN IS JUST SAID, OKAY,, WHY DID YOU NOT DO THAT YET? THEY AREN'T REALLY WANTING AS OF THEIR OPPOSITION WHICH IS CRAZY, HOPE AND CHANGE FROM SOMEBODY IN OFFICE NOW IS CRAZY. IF I WERE A PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE IN WHICH GOD HELP US, THAT IS PROBABLY WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE. BUT YOU PROBABLY GOT FLUSTERED, NOT FLUSTERED WHAT IRRITATED. IT WAS UNBALANCED WITH THE MODERATORS I WAS PRETTY OBVIOUS TO WATCH BUT OVER AND OVER AGAIN, BRINGING THAT UP IN ANY SITUATION, OKAY,, WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE YOU WILL DO THAT WHEN YOU HAVE NOT DONE THAT IN THE PAST FOUR YEARS? >> Greg: AMAN, ALL RIGHT! WHAT YOU THINK JOE, THREE BLONDES ON THIS SHOW AND STILL KIND OF SMART. [ Laughter ] I DON'T CARE, WHAT YOU GONNA DO TO ME? [ Laughter ] THER