Jon Stewart & Jordan Klepper on the Debate, Taylor Swift, and Biden's New Hat | The Daily Show

[Music] here we are less than two months out from the election and we've basically got a tide race the candidates are doing everything they can do to ramp up the excitement kamla is speaking to voters in Pennsylvania in spice stores Trump is speaking to voters encased in bulletproof glass and JD Vance is trying to counter accusations that he's weird by swimming in the pool with his shirt on starting to feel bad for this guy I mean this time around Trump may hang his VP out of Mercy although if you ask me this might be the most relatable thing JD Vance has ever done don't worry JD I'm with you and so are millions of other men with pepperoni nipples I see you I see you I see you now while JD Vance appeals to the self-conscious middle schooler vote Donald Trump has secured the endorsement of RFK Jr Tulsi gabard and Elon Musk three people who will help Trump reach voters who are undecided about what shape the Earth is meanwhile kamla Harris just got an endorsement of her own former Republican Vice President Dick Cheney announced that he will not vote for GOP nominee Donald Trump but instead will back the Democratic candidate kamla Harris wow wow wow see kamla has something for everyone whether you're a trans person of color or a white construction worker in the Heartland or an unrepentant war criminal who needs the blood of Iraqi children to power the machine that keeps them alive and out of the Flames of hell for one more day Kamala is your candidate and by the way apologies to those of you who saw Dick Cheney's name trending on Twitter over the weekend and were like oh my God this is it but sorry but all of these endorsements and campaign stops and solo wet t-shirt contests will will come to a head tomorrow night when kamla and Donald face off in a debate that could decide this election I don't need to tell you how high the stakes are because we all remember how the last debate between Trump and Joe Biden went he is being honed without Merc stop Dam [Music] down my God you know not as bad as I remembered now KLA definitely has an advantage compared to Biden because of the whole not being riddled by age thing but she's still preparing diligently perhaps too diligently sources who are familiar with how vice president Harris is preparing for the debate tell me she is diligently getting ready for this by going to a hotel in Pittsburgh spending hours doing mock debates including with an aid who is dressing like former president Donald Trump I'm I'm I'm sorry you're you're having a guy dressed like Donald Trump is that something the campaign thinks she needs to prepare for Madam vice president he might come out wearing a tie that's slightly longer than usual don't freak out we trained for this meanwhile Trump is preparing for the debate a little differently all the reporting indicates that he's taking this easy he's taking this casually he doesn't have debate prep so to speak he has what they call policy time just to refresh his memory about what he might say on stage oh they're giving him policy time so such an important part of childhood developments you can do it Donald two more minutes of policy time and then you can watch three PAW Patrols but you know what it's good to know that Trump is getting into the nitty-gritty of policy because you want a president who's up to speed on the nuances of the issues and isn't just pulling stuff out of his ass common support States being able to take minor children and perform sex change operation can you imagine you're a parent and your son leaves the house and you say Jimmy I love you so much go have a good day in school and your son comes back with a brutal operation can you can you even imagine this no no no I can't imagine this because it's an insane thing you just made up do you do you really do you really think a kid goes to school one day and comes back with a full sex change operation that's ridiculous Americans getting free health care not happening no look Donald Donald Donald do you think this is even remotely a possibility apart from everything else one time in middle school I told the nurse I had a stomach ache and she put a Band-Aid on my stomach I have a hard time believing they're doing fullscale operations well you know you know what everybody's thinking a lot about school safety and it's refreshing to see a politician take a step Beyond thoughts and prayers and actually do something to protect our children from the biggest threat they face at school Mass sex changes apparently but some people would say that Donald Trump's biggest challenge at the debate tomorrow is that he can't open his mouth without rambling incoherently but if you ask Trump about this he says no no I ramble very coherently and I look forward to the debate with her you know I do the weave you know what the weave is I'll talk about like nine different things that they all come back brilliantly together and it's like and friends of mine that are like English professors they say it's the most brilliant thing I've ever seen oh yes the weave I thought your brain was broken but now that you did those hand motion things I see it's a tactic I mean all your English Professor friends are impressed which Professor is that is that Professor Hogan or Dr Rock I mean forget English professors Trump's friends are barely English speakers both candidates have now entered the arena Biden and Trump did not greet each other and kamla oh wait she go she went for the handshake ladies and gentlemen what an incredible playay of the awkward tension that happens when your son is dating a biracial girl and you meet her parents for the first time do I kicha as per tradition in American politics the first question is always asked by the most handsome person in a 10 to 15 mile radius when it comes to the economy do you believe americ Americans are better off than they were four years ago ooh first [Applause] yaza oh yeah second answer the question Mr Vice President I imagine and have actually a plan to build what I call an opportunity economy my plan is to give a $50,000 tax deduction to Startup small businesses I intend on extending a tax cut for those families of $6,000 holy [ __ ] we're one question in we're all millionaires oh my God Donald your response to the question is the economy better now than it was four years ago we have millions of people pouring into our country from prisons and jails from mental institutions and insane asylums they're dangerous they're at the highest level of criminality they are taking over the towns they're taking over buildings they're going in violently ladies and gentlemen I just want to say after surviving the PTSD of the last presidential debate how unbelievably refreshing it is to go back to the same old nobody's gonna answer any [ __ ] questions this is unbelievable we're back America is back yeah you ask them a question they just turn the tide and answer whatever they want to answer and now that we're returning to the cliches the standards of American political theater I think it's only fair if someone would do the honors of the first baseless ad homm she's a Marxist everybody knows she's a Marxist her father's a Marxist professor in economics and he taught her well but when you look at what she's done to our country oh [ __ ] she's about to be like [ __ ] let's just do this I'm going to Boom she's about to a Marxist she's about to open up a can of ass capital on Donald Trump lindsy Davis you better change the subject before the fingers on kamla's hand unite I want to turn to the issue of abortion oh boy I'm not superstitious but this is where the wheels fell off for Biden he was asked about abortion and he somehow spun it into why are immigrants raping people and he ended with the classic phrase we'll never forget and that's when we finally beat Medicare they're feeling it too ladies and gentlemen as before President Trump you have the first crack at answering why you killed roie Wade we've gotten what everybody wanted Democrats Republicans and everybody else and every legal scholar wanted it to be brought back into the states and the states are voting and I did something that nobody thought was possible John Stewart from the I was watching this live times piun uh what you just said yeah that's actually insanely false the majority of people wanted it you know what Kam Harris came Harris Can you address this with a bit more eloquence I have talked with women around our country you want to talk about this is what people wanted pregnant women who want to carry a pregnancy to term suffering from a miscarriage being denied care in an emergency room because the health care providers are afraid they might go to jail and she's bleeding out in a car in the parking lot she didn't want that holy [ __ ] she Crush that this is like this is like what this is like one of those Groundhog Day movies where you get to go back and fix the bad way that something happened earlier to the good way and then you learn Italian in the piano and then you get sad and then despondent and then you learn how to love yourself anyway Trump will now finally have to answer to his abortion policy you know what it reminds me of when they said they're going to get student loans terminated and it ended up being a total catastrophe ah you don't have an student loan smoke bomb poof but we're settling into a rhythm here nice back and forth I got to give it to Trump he's sticking to his guns and he's not letting KLA Harris get under his skin I actually think she's not going to be able to needle them I'm going to invite you to attend one of Donald Trump's rallies he will talk about windmills cause cancer and what you will also notice is that people start leaving his rallies early out of exhaustion and boredom oh [ __ ] he's just going to start taking off his earrings I be like that's it [ __ ] let's go folks the eagle has landed she has attacked what is Donald Trump's most cherished family member his rally crowds Donald remember your training the question is about why you killed the bipartisan immigr ation bill you don't need to think about the other first let me respond is to the rallies she said people start leaving people don't go to her rallies son of a [ __ ] people don't leave my rallies we have the biggest rallies the most incredible rallies in the history of politics our country is being lost we're a failing nation in Springfield they're eating the dogs the people that came in they're eating the cats they're eating they're eating the pets of the people that live there what the [ __ ] just happened get these unbelievable rally people don't leave them they eating dogs Springfield the immigrants are eating people's dogs which reminds me uh if I may for just a quick moment a quick reminder of all the pet owners out there always remember to leash your dogs it's an important way to keep your dogs from fighting other dogs or being hit by a car or being eaten by your immigrant Neighbors oh I'm sorry uh also [ __ ] off Dick Cheney uh I'm sorry you were saying I just want to clarify here you're rig up Springfield Ohio and ABC News did reach out to the city manager there uh he told us there have been no credible reports of specific claims of pets being harmed injured or abused by individuals within the Immigrant Community all I've seen people on televis say here this is people on television say my dog was taken and used for food so maybe he said that and maybe that's a good thing to say for a city manager I'm not taking this from telis people telion dog was eaten by the people that went there again the Springfield City manager says there's no evidence of [Applause] that having spent some time in Spring field myself I believe I know what's happening here I believe Trump himself may be becoming one of Springfield's most famous residents and I believe we have some footage it's R and being old no one listens to [Applause] [Music] you someone ate my dog and finally no debate with the former president would be complete without addressing the president former president's closing number of the Trump Show's first term Mr President on January 6th you told your supporters to March to the capital you said you would be right there with them is there anything you regret about what you did on that day it wasn't done by me it was done by others it would have never happened if Nancy Pelosi and the mayor of Washington did their job jobs I wasn't responsible for security Nancy Pelosi was responsible she didn't do her job I had nothing to do with that other than they asked me to make a speech I showed up for a speech you spent two months riling up your base that our country had literally been stolen from them through fraudulent means that you could never even get a whiff of in a court of law and let and let yourself just abused them you you pressed on you abused their trust you showed up for a speech you [ __ ] tweeted join me on January 6th it will be wild but suddenly now I was just a hired magician did it B MIT I didn't do anything I showed up with a hat and a rabbit and then the whole party went out of control and this is it ladies and gentlemen I I don't know if there's debate's going to change anything I really don't people are awfully set in the manner that they view these proceedings what I think is a home run answer for one candidate someone else views as a Dodge or a lie or any of those other things in some ways it doesn't matter what they say anymore but one thing will always be true and it is the quality of the former president I respect the least whenever he is cornered and forced to face even the smallest of consequences for his own mendacity and scheming he reverts to the greatest Refuge of Scoundrels as Shaggy would say wasn't me I did nothing wrong I just showed up they're the ones who went crazy this man who constantly professes to be your champion who says they're going to have to go through him to get to you will always when the boat is going down be the first into the lifeboats because in that moment he will always say the same thing I didn't know anything about it I was just told to show up for a Cruise even though everybody knows he was the [ __ ] captain of the ship in any other country that La in any other country in any other country that lack of accountability would be disqualifying but in this country it means the race is tighter than a would you excuse me for just one second last night KLA Harris and Donald Trump took to the debate stage to make their cases to tailor Allison Swift and whoever else happened to be watching it was not a good night for Trump in terms of personal tragedies for him I'd put it somewhere between losing the 2020 election and the day Fox News started letting female anchors wear pants somewhere in there and there was one moment that was probably the best example of just how badly Trump did at the debate in Springfield they're eating the dogs the people that came in they're eating the cats they're eating they're eating the pets of the people that live there sir the question was state your name now if you were one of the many people people last night wondering why Trump was shouting they're eating the dogs let me explain it started with a random Facebook post where someone accused a Haitian immigrant of stealing and eating their neighbor's daughter's friend's cat and if there's one thing we know about Facebook posts is that they're always rigorously fact checked but as with any unfounded rumor on Facebook obviously this got picked up by the right-wing establishment and spread across the internet even JD Vance promoted it while simultaneously acknowledging it was completely unfounded you might say he jumped in the misinformation pool but kept his shirt on which brings us to last night if there's one thing we know about a racist conspiracy theory is that Donald Trump's brain will swallow it whole like a hungry immigrant at Petco and that's and that's how a random Facebook post turn into Donald Trump's campaign slogan they're eating cats and dogs so it seemed like Trump had a rough performance but you know what that's just my opinion you can also tell that Donald Trump was the loser because he did all the things losers do when they lose number one complaining about the refs I thought they were very unfair the moderators everybody did I thought it was terrible from the standpoint of ABC it was 3 to1 it was a rigged deal as as I assumed it would be because when you looked at the uh the fact that they were correcting everything and not correcting with her yeah man they were correcting you because of the things you were saying That's barely factchecking the moderators were reacting like normal human beings react when you hear the craziest [ __ ] you've ever heard like if you were at a cocktail party and your friend said trans immigrants are eating dogs in Ohio you would say what the you talking about Stu no they aren't you wouldn't be like okay thank you for that let's move on to foreign policy you know what it wasn't just blaming the refs another way you know Trump lost is that he was accusing his opponent of cheating they had a rigged show with somebody that maybe even had the answers I mean I'll be honest I watched her talk and I said you know she seems awfully familiar with the questions okay okay you think she was cheating because she seemed familiar with the questions it's a presidential debate they always ask the same questions it's like being suspicious that someone knows all the words to Take Me Out to the Ball Game how will you fix the economy what's your stance on abortion do you promise not to overthrow the government standard boilerplate debate questions meanwhile Trump seemed awfully familiar with the questions that nobody asked like who's eating all the cats in Springfield Ohio but maybe the best way you know Trump lost the debate is that he repeatedly insisted he won I think it was the best debate I've ever personally that I've had we're getting polls that show 92 to6 88 to to 11 every single poll last night had me winning like 90 to 10 we had uh uh cpan at one point was at 80 to 20 we looked at one poll it was 92 to7 we had a 92% rating in one poll we had an 86% rating in another we had 77% 90% 60% 72% 71% and 89% wow those certainly were numbers [Applause] is is this what Trump did during his debate prep memorize all the numbers between 70 and 98 in fact every moment since the debate ended last night Trump has been spinning and spinning and spinning I mean just listen to his response after Taylor Swift announced she is endorsing kamla Harris well I actually like uh Mrs uh I actually like Mrs momes much better if you want to know the truth she's a she's a big Trump fan I was not a Taylor Swift fan oh really really Donald you prefer Britney Mahomes what's your top five Britney Mahomes songs is this really his angle well I don't care Taylor because I like your boyfriend's co-worker's wife better this has just been a day of pathetic desperate spinning I mean imagine if Donald Trump spent all that energy on doing things correctly instead of pretending he did things correctly I mean if he had worked harder preparing for the debate maybe he wouldn't have had to pretend he won the debate if he had worked harder to win in 2020 maybe he wouldn't have to pretend the election was rigged and if he had worked harder on January 6th maybe he could have overthrown the government and wouldn't have to be debating in the first place it's called work ethics Donald come on of course Donald Trump wasn't the only one spinning his performance last night his aforementioned vice president JD Vance was asked about why Donald Trump ranted about illegal immigrants eating pets and his response was Illuminating why push something that's not true well first of all City officials have not said it's not true they've said they don't have all the evidence no evidence heard from a number of constituents on the ground Caitlyn who both firsthand and secondhand reports saying this stuff is happening so they very clearly meaning the people on the ground dealing with this think that it is happening and I think that it's important for journalists to actually get on the ground and uncover this stuff for themselves okay I'm sorry this is not my main takeaway from the story but someone's cat went missing so they called their Senator I mean were they like hm should I go right to the president of the United States or should I start with my Senator you got to update those emergency numbers on your fridge Barry come on meanwhile on the Democratic side kamla Harris is Basking in the endorsement of Taylor Swift who posted her support to her 283 million Instagram followers this week which I'm sure the conservatives are taking it well I'm allowed to criticize Taylor Swift and I don't give a [ __ ] who gets upset this this is disgusting she if she wants to vote Harris walls she can do it all she wants but to say the reason she's doing it is because of Tim Wall's stance on lgbtq F Taylor [Applause] Swift I guess I'll find someone else to go with me to the Aros tour huh you know what maybe I'll just rip them up who cares at all they're easy just buy them un stub up guys I'm sure not all conservatives are as mad as Megan Kelly in fact some of them went to Great Lengths to reassure themselves that Taylor Swift's opinions just don't matter we admire Taylor Swift's music but I don't think most Americans whether they like her music or fans of hers or not are going to be influenced by a billionaire celebrity who I think is fundamentally disconnected from the interests uh and and and the problems of those Americans yeah yeah can you imagine people relating to a celebrity billionaire someone who's been on Time magazine or hosted SNL or been in a Kanye West music video I can't imagine anybody being impressed with that I'm JD Vance and I have no sense of ironing so who else in the right-wing ecosphere is completely unbothered by the tailor endorsement here's the thing who cares okay I I buy music or I go to a movie because I like what the actor is how his acting or I like the singer I don't give a damn what you think politically you're not going to move me one way or another what makes you think that the way you think should influence other people you sing for a living just deal with that okay okay a little harsh but judge Janine Piro has standards she's not going to be impressed by some celebrity taking a political stance that's not something that's going to excite her ever the rock is delivering a SmackDown on the Biden campaign okay you know look you really expect judge Janine to remember what she said four months ago I'm pretty sure she's had a Pacific Ocean amount of white wine since then you know what it's honestly exhausting trying to keep up with the right-wing media spinning and its Li and if you were paying attention yesterday you probably saw this picture of Joe Biden where he's wearing a trump 2024 hat and a bunch of trump fans called him scile and demented which was mean and also a weird thing to say to a guy for wearing your candidates hats but I actually I want to show you what actually happened in that moment because dare I say it was a moment of actual fun and when was the last time this campaign gave us something fun they're eating the dogs okay yeah okay okay all right aside from that uh yesterday Joe Biden was at an event honoring the First Responders on September 11th and several people at the event were wearing Trump shirts which frankly is a cool thing about America I mean nobody in Russia is meeting Vladimir Putin with wearing a naly shirt you know if they do they're not leaving through the door so Joe Biden not only didn't throw anybody out a window he approached a man wearing a trump hat and the two of them kind of hit it off presal hat presidential sale on it you an autograph it oh sure I'll autograph H you remember your name I don't remember my name I'm slow old old part yeah I know man I'm an old guy you're an old I know you would know about that what about being old oh I know okay see that's sort of a nice moment two old men from opposite sides coming together to share a laugh while neither of them run for presidents and then it got even better there you go man got I need I need that hat Want My Autograph hell no my name come on I ain't going that far yeah do FY there he [Applause] goes now you know what I'll tell you what I will tell you what if you ask me you ask me this is what you want from the president of the United States when he meets a voter on the other side he doesn't get mad at him he doesn't try to hardell him he just shows warmth and empathy and they did a remarkable thing you don't see among two people on opposite sides these days they had a laugh and with a simple exchange of hats they're able to share something much more meaningful lice itchy disgusting impossible to get rid of lice and that warms my dead heart [Music]