Jon Stewart's DNC Recap: Oprah Calls Out Cat Ladies, Dem Vibes & Kamala’s Moment | The Daily Show

Jon Stewart Opens After the Final Night of the DNC [APPLAUSE] Hello. What's up? Welcome to The Daily Show. My name is John Stewart. And once again, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Chicago. [APPLAUSE] N/A Oh, what a lovely group. Lovely theater, lovely group. We are live. Right now, we are live. The Democratic Convention is wrapping up maybe hours from here. We don't really know where it is. It's far from this theater. Dems Speculate Over DNC Surprise Guest But what a night for Kamala Harris. By the way, the anticipation was high tonight, and not just for Kamala Harris. Speculation was running wild today that there would be a surprise guest. Boy, did they deliver. ANNOUNCER: Please welcome Michigan Representative Elissa Slotkin. [MUSIC PLAYING] N/A Oh! N/A (SINGING) Freedom! Freedom! N/A I am in the Slot Hive. [LAUGHTER] You thought it was Beyoncé because everybody thought that it was going to be Beyoncé coming out there, but it was Slotkin all along. [LAUGHTER] Everybody knew. Tonight was the final night for the DNC, and they did it all. They spoke in support of curbing gun violence. They spoke in support of investing in our schools, fighting climate change, and upside-down drumming. They-- [LAUGHTER] A remarkable story, born conjoined-- [LAUGHTER] --they didn't let that stop them from upside-down drumming. But it was Kamala's night. And her opportunity-- Kamala Accepts Nomination [CHEERING] N/A Hold on one second. I just-- hold on. She's not here either. [LAUGHTER] No Beyoncé, no Kamala. N/A OK. [SAD GROANS] Hey, hey! Tickets are free mother-[BLEEP]. [LAUGHTER AND CHEERING] N/A It's Kamala's night, and it was Kamala Harris's opportunity to be introduced as a presidential candidate to America. Growing up, we moved a lot. I will always remember that big Mayflower truck packed with all our belongings, ready to go to Illinois, to Wisconsin. [CHEERING] Just name swing states. Just say-- [LAUGHTER] --say that you moved to swing states. That you moved to Michigan, to Georgia, you moved to Arizona. Just make it up. [LAUGHTER] But this is great. We finally get to meet Communist Kamala, the radical that we have heard so much about. I believe everyone has a right to safety, to dignity, and to justice. A harm against any one of us is a harm against all of us. [CHEERING] OK, Stalin. [LAUGHTER] This is one of the reasons I became a prosecutor, to protect people. [LAUGHTER] [SPEAKS RUSSIAN] Comrade. I stood up for women and children against predators who abuse them. I fought against the cartels who traffic in guns and drugs and human beings, who threaten the security of our border and the safety of our communities. And I will tell you, these fights were not easy. Why are you doing the thing that they told us that you were going to do? [LAUGHTER] With the hammer and the sickle and the bandoleros with the jello shots and the-- why are you doing this? On behalf of everyone who's story could only be written in the greatest nation on Earth, I accept your nomination to be president of the United States of America. [CHEERING] N/A N/A N/A All right. By the way, how funny would it have been if, at the end, she was just like, but seriously, though, not for me. [LAUGHTER] This has all been great, but, nah, I've been thinking it over. By the way, if I was Donald Trump right now, I don't even know what-- I'd probably just be tweeting nonsensical shit to distract from the fact that she doesn't faintly resemble the caricature that's been painted. By the way, that is what he was doing. These are his real tweets. [LAUGHTER] N/A In all caps-- in all caps, "Where's Hunter?" N/A I swear to God, the guy running for president on the Republican ticket has morphed into a poor man's cat turd. N/A Of course-- of course, an important part of tonight Dems Speak About Harris was familiarizing people with the Democratic nominee's biography. A hallowed walk through the trials and tribulations that formed the ethos and spirit of the Democratic nominee. Because up until tonight, eh, they didn't have a lot. Sitting on the anecdotes, quite frankly. I mean, I know they didn't have much time, but this is what they were running out there. Vice President Harris came and visited my restaurant. [LAUGHTER] N/A You know, I know you only had four weeks to put this movie together, but come on. You got to do better than, "I was working and she walked in." N/A "I drove her in an Uber." Come on, the big movers and shakers of the Democratic Party must know her well. She worked at McDonald's, and she greeted every person with that 1,000 watt smile and said, "How can I help you?" [LAUGHTER] N/A I think you have to say that-- [LAUGHTER] --when you work at McDonald's, or really any point of service occupation. "How can I help you," is kind of the thing. I don't know that the transaction can really take place if you do not acknowledge that delicate dance of whether or not they will supersize. N/A Are there less professional, more personal stories? My phone rings. It's Kamala Harris! She called me! My phone rang again, and it was Vice President Kamala Harris. If you're lucky enough to be her friend, she calls you on her birthday. [LAUGHTER] Wait, she calls you on her birthday? N/A [LAUGHTER] N/A That is very [BLEEP]. N/A On her birthday, she calls you? Hey, girl, it's Kamala. Anything you have to say to me-- [LAUGHTER] --that you should have said hours ago? N/A By the way, this is like night three-- we're three days into the convention and we're like, so she has a phone. [LAUGHTER] By the way, is literally one of the only things we knew about her before she took office. We did it. We did it, Joe. Had a phone. She called people. [BEEPS AND BOOPS] N/A [LAUGHTER] But credit where credit is due. Jon Recaps the Speakers at the DNC The Democrats, on short notice, exploited their newfound momentum and enthusiasm with a display of the breadth and width of this diverse, often contradictory party of Roosevelt. At their convention, they had union leaders and CEOs. They had Democratic Party icons and lifelong Republicans. They had a guy yelling, screw the billionaires followed immediately by a very happy billionaire. [CHEERING] He's a billionaire. We love him because he's-- he's our billionaire. N/A N/A It's all OK if it's our billionaire. [LAUGHTER] N/A I don't like-- I don't like billionaires, but he's all right. They had guys making fun of people for going to Yale and a bunch of people who went to Yale. [LAUGHTER] They had Barack Obama-- [CHEERING] N/A --and Jewish Barack Obama. [LAUGHTER] N/A That's always good for politics. You know what really works? A Jewish guy that sounds like a Black guy. [LAUGHTER] The Democrats had people who prosecuted sexual predators and-- [LAUGHTER AND GROANS] N/A N/A N/A There goes that booking. [LAUGHTER] They had Black Americans, Hispanic Americans, Asian-Americans, gay Americans, Jewish Americans, Palestinian-- oh. [GROANS] Well, oh, to be fair, it was only four nights, eight hours a night. N/A But really, it's best not to think about the consequences of our actions over there, especially DNC Theme is “Joy” given the theme of the week. I can feel the excitement in this arena. It's filled with energy and with joy. The air of joy. (CHANTING) Joy. Joy. Joy. We will be joyful warriors. The president of joy. Let us choose (SINGING) joy! N/A [CHEERING] Yes. Yes, yes. Oh, it was joyful, for a convention. I know what real joy looks like because I've watched Oprah on her show. You thought people were happy to see her endorse Kamala Harris, you should see what they do when she gives them lip liner. People want this. It's the Sony VAIO laptop computer-- [CHEERING] --with a built-in DVD player! [LAUGHTER] That's joy. Pretty good. The Democrats are about joy, and they are about excitement. Oh, and one other thing. I was a paratrooper and an Army Ranger. I flew in the Navy during the first Gulf War. I enlisted, fought alongside my Brothers with Lima 325 in Iraq. I gave the order directing our Special Operations forces to fly two helicopters 150 miles into Abbottabad at night. And by the time the sun rose, Osama bin Laden was dead. [CHEERING] [CROWD CHANTING "USA"] (SINGING) Proud to be an American. That's right. These are the new Democrats, man. They lead with joy and compassion and acceptance. And, oh yeah, we will (SINGING) [BLEEP] you up! N/A [LAUGHTER AND CHEERING] Listen. Listen to me. Whatever you're feeling, go with it. Whether that feeling is joy or perhaps relief at having a chance when you had none is exhilarating. And the Democrats were hitting all the right notes. Oprah’s Cat Lady Cam The cameraman? Not so much. When a house is on fire, we don't ask about the homeowner's race or religion. No. We just try to do the best we can to save them. And if the place happens to belong to a childless cat lady-- [CHEERING] N/A [LAUGHTER] N/A N/A N/A I love that the camera just stayed on her. She literally turned around like, are these mother-[BLEEP] saying that I-- is this? Hold on. Let me just. [BLEEP] off! N/A Here's the crazy part. After this cutaway, the woman was interviewed. She is childless and has two cats. [LAUGHTER] And you know what that means. N/A C-SPAN don't play. C-SPAN does the research. Fox News on the DNC But ultimately, look, Democrats have already drank the Kool-Aid. It's very difficult when you're inside that convention environment to know if this has been a successful endeavor. Perhaps the best way to see how well it actually went is through the eyes of a more objective observer, a fair and balanced organization-- [LAUGHTER] --that will give you a more clear-eyed perspective. [LAUGHTER] How did Fox News experience this convention? At the beginning, I've got to be honest. I'm not sure they cared for it. There's not much joy in this convention hall. There were empty seats here when-- even as late as when Joe Biden was speaking. The vibes are off. No one's talking to each other. This is probably the most boring scene I've ever seen in my entire life. Ooh. So boring. I forgot what a daredevil like you is. I forgot your life is a never ending joyride of talking to Brit Hume in between catheter ads on Fox. [LAUGHTER] Ooh. You're a madman. What? What? What? But unfortunately for Jesse Knievel over here-- [LAUGHTER] --the next night, even Fox had to acknowledge, fire emoji, fire emoji, fire emoji. People are having a great time down here. Stevie Wonder just performed. And there's more electricity in this room. What? Good vibes. And you'll never guess what. They had a problem on this night as well. No one's talking about the actual issues that matter. All about fuzzy puppies and little kittens. All the joy, all the vibe, all the emotion is nothing but empty calories. They burn fast and make you fat. MEGYN KELLY: The good vibes aren't going to-- you can't eat good vibes, right? Oh, so which is it? Do the vibes fatten you up or are they emotional Ozempic? Which one? [LAUGHTER] But I guess you're right. You can't feed your family on vibes. You can only feed your family on immigration fear mongering. You can't eat good vibes. I think you might be confusing vibes with the tomato-infused, soup-adjacent fondue, the weapon of mass lactation that this city calls [BLEEP] pizza. I'll tell you that much. Yeah! That's right mother-[BLEEP]. Come on. Come on. You want a piece? Do you want a piece? [BOOING] N/A N/A N/A Hey, hey. I want to order a pizza. Oh, yeah. You want a personal or backyard-pool size? Look, let me tell you this. [LAUGHTER] N/A All right, I will say this. The bar pies are good. All right. N/A I am [BLEEP] winded. [LAUGHTER] The point is this. By the third night of the convention, even at Fox News, the walls came tumbling down. DANA PERINO: Tim Walz, I said earlier tonight he had to do fine and that would be enough. He did great, for him. They're proud. MALE REPORTER: Kept it tight. Kept it tight. I even followed the football metaphors. He'll be a great wingman for Kamala Harris. [CHEERING] N/A Yes, Fox News now knows the experience of being a Mets fan, N/A watching the Yankees always win the World Series. Yeah, that Derek Jeter, very talented. [LAUGHTER] Most of Fox News was admitting defeat, except for young Jesse Watters, who bravely continued the pretense that the convention was going badly, even when the footage right next to his [BLEEP] head disagreed. Last night wasn't as jubilant as the media tells you. Seats were empty. It looked like there was a formal dress code. The lines to get in the stadium were long and silent. The only joy in the building was Joy Reid, who nobody even recognizes. You see these liberal media anchors walking around and no one even stops them for selfies. Actually feel bad for them. Last night felt like a funeral, and it was. [LAUGHTER AND CHEERING] N/A Yeah, yeah. Last night felt like a funeral. And we all know funerals always have a DJ. [LAUGHTER] Goodbye, dearest grandfather. [BEATBOXING]