Jon Stewart Weighs In On Presidential Debates from 2000 to 2012 | The Daily Show

(upbeat music) - The first question somehow ended up on the auto industry rescue. - And I know he keeps saying, "You wanted to take Detroit bankrupted." Well the president took Detroit bankrupted. You took General Motors bankrupted. You took Chrysler bankrupted. That was precisely what I recommended, and ultimately what happened. - Well okay. (laughs) (audience laughs) In fact, Obama's publicly financed Detroit auto industry managed bankruptcy is not precisely what Romney recommend. Romney precisely recommend private credit, which at the time was, to be precise, non-existent. Meaning under his plan, Detroit's bankruptcy would of been unmanaged and quite permanent. So the big question would be, which version of Barack Obama would respond? The first debate's sleepy-time McGillicuddy, or pretty-talk Jones. (audience laughs) - Candy, what Governor Romney said just isn't true. - It's alive! (audience cheers and applauds) It's alive! Whoo! Whoo! Yes, President Barack Obama decided to attend this debate! (audience laughs) And the two candidates could finally have a truthful, substantive discussion about how much they (bleep) hate each other! (audience laughs) - Governor, we have actually produced more oil- - No, no, how much did you cut licenses of permits on federal land and federal waters? - And we can actually make a profit. - And production on private, on government land is down. - No, it isn't. - Production on government land of oil is down 14%. And production on gas- - What you're saying is just not true. - You'll get your chance in a moment, I'm still speaking. And the answer is, I don't believe people think that's the case. - If you're asking a question. - That wasn't a question. (audience laughing and gasping) - I believe you meant to add, mother (bleep). (audience laughs and applauds) Romney was sharp, and drew blood. - He said that by now we'd have unemployment at 5.4%. The difference between where it is and 5.4% is 9 million Americans without work, (Jon imitates blow thudding) (audience laughs) - That's gonna leave a mark. But for every point Romney made, the president made more. - Governor Romney was for an assault weapons ban before he was against it. Governor Romney doesn't have a five point plan, he has a one point plan. The math doesn't add up. I don't look at my pension, it's not as big as yours. Governor, you're the last person who's gonna get tough on China. - The last person who's gonna get tough on China is that guy, Romney, I mean, for God's sakes, Romney was assembled at Apple's Foxcon factory in Beijing. I mean, that's why he's so well designed. (audience cheers and applauds) Romney had some other issues. - I don't believe that bureaucrats in Washington should tell someone whether they can use contraceptives or not. - Yeah, you should tell that to your disembodied voice that supported the Blunt Amendment, which does limit choice. - And of course, I support the Blunt Amendment. I thought he was talking about some state law that prevented people from getting contraception. So I talked about contraceptives and so forth, so I really misunderstood the question. - Yeah. By the way, for those of you, let's say in your dorm rooms right now, filling a large tube with water or carving an apple, (audience laughs) whose ears may have perked up at the mention of a blunt amendment, (audience laughs) it has nothing to do with that. And Romney had some odd moments, like when describing his efforts as governor to recruit more women for cabinet positions. - I went to a number of women's groups and said, "Can you help us find folks?" And they brought us whole binders full of women. (audience laughs and applauds) (audience laughs) - A couple of things. (audience laughs) One, the woman's group was called Mask App, and they approached Governor Romney, not the other way around. And two, my guess is they did not refer to what they presented as whole binders full of women, (audience laughs) but perhaps referred to it as, a well organized collection of qualified resumes. But hey, binder of women, book a broad's, notebook of nipples, whatever, whatever. But of course, Mitt Romney still had an ace in the hole. The Obama administration's confused handling of the consulate attack in Libya that killed four Americans. - It was a terrorist attack. And it took a long time for that to be told to the American people. Whether there was some misleading or instead whether we just didn't know what happened, I think you have to ask yourself, why didn't we know five days later when the ambassador to the United Nations went on TV to say that this was a demonstration? How could we have not known? - Boom, Mr. President, you just walked into a Mitt storm. - The day after the attack, Governor, I stood in the Rose Garden and I told the American people in the world that we are gonna find out exactly what happened, that this was an act of terror. And I also said that we're gonna hunt down those who committed this crime. - Okay, forceful, remind people that killing terrorists is kind of yo' thang. (audience laughs) But still does not fully explain the colossal confusion fueled (bleep) ups that were Benghazi. As long as Romney doesn't inexplicably walk into some weird nitpicky semantic trap that hadn't even really been set. - I think it's interesting the president just said something, which is that on the day after the attack, he went in the Rose Garden and said that this was an act of terror. - Oh, boy. (audience laughs) - That's what I said. - You said in the Rose Garden, the day after the attack, it was an act of terror. It was not a spontaneous demonstration. Is that what you're saying? - Please proceed, Governor. (audience laughs and applauds) - There's your first clue. (audience laughs) When you feel you're about to spring, what you, Governor Romney, think is the checkmate moment of the debate. And your debate opponent says to you, "Please, proceed." (audience laughs and applauds) hold on, are you trying to open that door? Allow me to open it wider. The door that you appear to wanna walk through. But when your opponent does that, you might wanna take a breath and wonder if, a la Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner, (audience laughs) that door your opponent is pointing to is merely paint on a rock. - Please proceed, Governor. - I wanna make sure we get that for the record, because it took the president 14 days before he called the attack in Benghazi, an act of terror. - Get the transcript. - He did, in fact, sir, so let me call it an act of terror. - Can you say that a little louder, Candy? - He did call it an act of terror. (audience cheers and applauds) - Can you say it a little louder, Candy? Can you say it a little louder now? Just the ladies, can the ladies say it? (audience laughs) Can I get a whoop whoop? Please, Governor Romney, proceed. (whimsical music) It was that kind of night for Romney. And the evidence of Obama's victory and resurgence was everywhere post-debate. MSNBC no longer seemed suicidal. (audience laughs) CNN of course looked to be shooting a virtual dick in a box video. (audience laughs) And of course Fox News, well. - And the questions. - There were 11 of them, six were clearly pro Obama. - They were softballs. - Topics that we haven't heard much about. - Three extra minutes for Obama - Moderators in these debates should be part of the furniture. - Did she assist the president. - Mid-sentence to fact-check him. - Threw the president a lifeline. - It's the worst debate moderation. - What the heck is that about? - No, no, no, don't help them. Just let them cry themselves to sleep. (audience laughs) It's the only way they'll learn. (upbeat music) Now, prior to the debates, both candidates obviously tried to focus their campaigns on economic issues with this election, possibly coming down to which candidate can convince the public that he and he alone can protect America from a post-apocalyptic sand and mohawk based economy. (dramatic music) You know, Secretary of the Treasury Wes is right, times are tough. All right, gentlemen, what do you got for us? - I will help to create jobs for Americans. Millions of new jobs. - We'll create another 2 million jobs. - 5 million new highways jobs. - We're gonna need to hire another million people just to count all the other millions of jobs. (audience laughs) All right, boys. Looks like we got ourselves a good old fashioned, not pander off, pander auction. Gentlemen, I'm delighted you've created a new job for me, but aren't I going to be paying taxes for those wages? Get your auction paddles ready. Can I get an opening bid on some type of tax relief? The shapely gentleman in the front row. - 95% of workers and their families get a tax cut. - 95% of workers get a tax cut. That's gonna be tough to beat, going once, going twice. - I will cut in half the capital gains tax. - Oh, the distinguished looking gentleman on the right bids a 50% capital gains tax decrease. Do I hear 51% decrease? Going once, going twice. - I've also proposed eliminating all capital gains taxes. - Dude, you're not getting this. (audience laughs) 95%, I'm gonna eliminate all of it. It's an auction. You go slow. (audience laughs) Try and outbid the other guy by a couple. He said 50, you said all of it. You'd be the worst "Price is Right" contestant ever. (audience laughs) Why don't you just cut it by 150%? Why don't you just promise people extra money? Let's get serious here, let's talk housing. - I'm also proposing a three month moratorium on foreclosures. - Ooh, won't kick you out until the middle of winter. McCain? (audience laughs) - I will direct the government to refinance troubled mortgages for homeowners. - Ooh, the government will help us figure out what's reasonable to pay. Obama? - I've already proposed a mortgage tax credit for struggling homeowners. - Ooh, I'll kick in for your mortgage. Nice. McCain? - My plan will protect the value of your home. - Holy (bleep), John McCain just offered to buy your house at asking price. (audience laughs) No questions asked. I gotta say, McCain's playing hardball. Nationalize the housing market. Going once, going twice, last warning. - I propose that we allow every family to withdraw up to 15% from their IRA or 401k. (audience laughs) - Your proposal is you will allow me to take out some of my own money? (audience laughs) 401k, that's my money. Why would you give me my money? I've clearly already proven I can't be trusted with that. (audience laughs) What do I want? your money. When do I want it? Gentlemen, start the bidding. - The hour is late. Our troubles are getting worse. - We face an immediate economic emergency. - + We have to change direction now. - We can't wait any longer. - What we need to see now is swift and bold action. - Urgent action. - Immediately. - In fact, if you look in your wallet right now, you'll see it's all in your wallet already. (audience laughs) All right, bottom line, both men are- (audience cheers and applauds) Order, order! - That means quiet, doesn't it? (audience laughs) Mobs are so hard to control. All right, bottom line, both gentlemen are impressing me with the impossibility of their plans. (audience laughs) Our final item up for bid will be random economic figures you've just pulled out of your ass. Who will start the bidding? - Six or seven. - 94. - 95. - 700. - 2000. - $5,000. - $10,000. - $15,000. - $50,000. - You know, it's times like these I wish there was a legitimate third party candidate. - $1 million for one night with your wife. (audience laughs) - Ron Paul '08! (upbeat music) As for the famously verbose Senator Kerry, his main task tonight would be concision, The ability to directly convey a strong and consistent message. Ladies and gentlemen, the first question of the night. - Do you believe you could do a better job than President Bush in preventing another 9/11 type terrorist attack on the United States? - Yes, I do. But before I answer further, let me thank you for moderating. I want to thank the University of Miami for hosting us. - Smoke 'em if you got 'em, it's gonna be a long night. (audience laughs and cheers) Let's get to it. Blair then questioned the president on one of the controversial assertions that his campaign had been making. - Do you believe the election of Senator Kerry on November 2nd would increase the chances of the US being hit by another 9/11 type terrorist attack? - I don't believe it's gonna happen. - Oh my God, we're not going to have an election. (audience laughs) I can't believe he just came out and said it. (audience laughs) Of course, for the most part, the debate was focused on the war in Iraq and the president laid out his plan to win that war. - We'll never succeed in Iraq if the Iraqi citizens do not want to take matter in their own hands to protect themselves. (audience laughs) - I, I think that's what they've been doing. I, I think that's actually kind of been the problem. (audience laughs) Blair then hit on a touchy subject for the Bush administration, the way they've prioritized Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein. Bush painted a portrait of the evil we're up against. - This is a global effort. We're facing a group of folks who have such hatred in their heart. - Group of folks? (audience laughs) We're facing a group of folks? A group of folks is what you run into at the Olive Garden. (audience laughs) With the salad and the breadsticks and the soup. (audience laughs) As for Senator Kerry, he accused the president of dropping the ball domestically in the war on terror. - 95% of the containers that come into the ports right here in Florida are not inspected. Civilians get onto aircraft and their luggage is x-rayed, but the cargo hold is not x-rayed. Does that make you feel safer in America? - Not anymore. (audience laughs) Thanks a lot, Scaredy McFearalot. (audience laughs) But ultimately the biggest difference between Bush and Kerry came in their approach to coalition building. - My opponent says we didn't have any allies in this war. What's he say to Tony Blair? What's he say to Alexander Kwasniewski of Poland? - Your second country's Poland? (audience laughs) That's where literally if you're going from England and then Poland, that's your? (audience laughs) England! Poland? (audience laughs) I guess, you know, to be fair, Costa Rica has put us on the do not call list. (audience laughs) Kerry continued to hammer his point. - When we went in, there were three countries, Great Britain, Australia, and the United States. That's not a grand coalition, we can do better. - 30 seconds. - Well actually, you forgot Poland. (audience laughs and applauds) - What did I just say? (audience laughs) But perhaps the biggest task for Senator Kerry was to address his reputation as a flip flopper regarding his position on Iraq. - I've had one position, one consistent position that Saddam Hussein was a threat, there was a right way to disarm him and a wrong way. And the president chose the wrong way. - There he goes again, rambling on. Wait, actually that was pretty clear. (audience laughs) I got nothing. (audience laughs) In fact, Kerry's directness caught the president by surprise. - I will never let those troops down and will hunt and kill the terrorists wherever they are. - Excuse me, real quick. - All right, sir, go ahead, 30 seconds. - Yeah, I... (audience laughs and cheers) - Well, maybe he was just giving his response from behind the podium, you know, meh. (audience laughs) But as Bush spoke, Senator Kerry could be seen writing furiously. What was he writing? (audience laughs and applauds) (upbeat music) Each candidate initially played to their strengths. Gore talked issue minutiae. - For every dollar that I propose, I will put another dollar, and for every dollar that I spend, I'll put $2, $3, one out of every $6. For every new dollar, $3, $2, every dollar, $5 for the wealthiest 1%. Those are very clear differences. (audience cheers and applauds) - How many apples do I have? (audience laughs) For his part, Bush played up his sparkling Texas wit, - I'm beginning to think, not only did he invent the internet, but he invented the calculator. (audience laughs) - Sadly for Bush, Gore had yet to invent the laugh track. (audience laughs) - I believe they've moved that sign, the buck stops here, from the Oval Office desk, to the buck stops here on the Lincoln bedroom. And that's not good for the country. (crickets chirping) (audience laughs) - Well, like a trooper, Bush was like a trooper though. You can't cave in on that. Like a trooper, Bush carried on. - I think that people need to be held responsible for the actions they take in life. (audience laughs) - That's an old AA gag, I remember that one. Both candidates tried to add the personal touch, Bush told the story of KIPP Academy, a charter school in Houston. - It's a school full of, so-called at-risk children, so it's how we unfortunately label certain children. It means basically they can't learn. (audience laughs) - Wow. That's quite a night for the KIPP Academy. (audience laughs) Gore trumped Bush's show and tell by actually naming names. - There's a man here tonight named George McKinney from Milwaukee. He's 70 years old, he has high blood pressure, his wife has heart trouble. They have income of $25,000 a year. They cannot pay for their prescription drugs. - At that point, McKinney was in the audience and could be seen doing this. (audience laughs and applauds) Sorry, but Gore wasn't done, he had other friends in the audience. - There's a woman named Winifred Skinner here tonight from Iowa, she has to go out seven days a week, several hours a day, picking up cans. She came all the way from Iowa in a Winnebago with her poodle in order to attend here tonight. - Here's the sad part, the poodle was driving. (audience laughs) (upbeat music)