Matthew McConaughey | Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

all right all right all right are you gonna puke no I'm ready for this all right you got to close your eyes then okay all right I'm G see if I can do it welcome welcome welcome it's armchair expert I'm your resident expert Dan Shepard I'm joined by Monica Mae how you doing Miss Mouse I'm good that's good that's good that's a good Mouse I would imagine you've already guessed by now from that Stellar impersonation that Matthew mccon is on the show today I thought you were going to do the whole thing as him I didn't know if I could sustain it that was good that was good yeah all right I might duck in and out a little bit okay great you know Matthew mccon who doesn't my God this guy is the most funloving good time and where is it all well Matthew MCC is a Golden Globe and Academy award-winning actor author and producer his credits include Dallas Buyers Club Interstellar True Detective I Lose a Guy in 10 Days The Wolf Wall Street oh Dazed and Confused magic mic it's got a new book green lights available now let me give him some real service you got to check out green lights it's his new Memoir and I have read the bulk of it and I [ __ ] love it as you'll hear he is a rare bird he is he's a unicorn he's a unicorn there's a unicorn tweet tweet he oh that was good that was in character he would say something I feel like he would yeah you'd say unicorn he'd say tweet tweet and it would make sense coming out of his mouth anyways manand we have a party talking to MC thank you Matthew mccon for coming on the show and please enjoy Mr [Music] MCC he's [Music] Dax Randle that's a deep dive where'd you get the Randall I don't know yeah you know I probably picked it up from my brother you not sure exactly what his spell it out my brother does this all the time he's like yeah man who's calling he go this is the P Pat okay thank you just slows everything down and spells it out now I really wanted to do this in person in fact I think think at one point I offered to [ __ ] fly down to Austin because you tell me if you agree I think we have rhythm well you and I I think we got rhythm too and we both noticed that sitting in two like little uh uh wicker lawn chairs in front of a lake at a friend of ours birthday party one morning or evening I kind of think it was a morning it was a morning and I'll tell you from my point of view what happened which is you know you're very attractive carismatic guy and a lot of people give you attention so I kind of slow played you I gave you your space Friday and Saturday and then Sunday morning I saw you in the morning you just gotten out of the shower and I said uh how you feeling and you go I'm building towards it I feel like [ __ ] now but I'm I'm around the corner from feeling pretty good give me time I know yeah I've learned over the years don't get in a rush the frequency will come what's up Rob they're on yeah the whole Fe through my damn it Rob basically what happened is we were just about to make love and then Rob don't blame Rob does Rob also know that you and I could go back and say the same things but take two always sucks compared to take one I don't believe myself take two I buy it no I don't either and I I I do it in front of the camera and I'll go they know I was bullshitting I was [ __ ] acting right there I was acting I'm always better the first time me too that's why I have to improv cuz I I just don't believe myself I got to say something a little different or I I don't buy it okay so so this me saying hello to you in the morning yeah as I recall built to you and I yes sitting on a lake people like you know they had packed up their stuff they were rushing out we talked about the the slow exits uhhuh and and our both of our our love for long road trips and then you told me a story about your dad that I think I've I've said out loud in my head probably 20 times since and we were talking about both of our dads died of yours died of cancer right no he died making love to my mother well yes he did for that's true but I I can't imagine that was the cause of death was it I mean the cause of death OB obviously his heart the heart attack his heart was unable to pump enough blood to the rest of his body to keep him alive at the time of climax and that might have had something to do with two and a half to three packs of filterless camels uh cigarettes he smoked today and yet still coming back to us while he smoked one and had another one already lit in the ashtray we go pop you sure you're supposed to be smoking he says oh yeah doctor says I got the heart of a 22-year-old high herdler Monica how many times have I told you that I the heart of 22y old yeah it's the best reference I think I've ever heard back to this Lake chat another thing was I had been dying to ask you this you know since I think I've been aware of you which is at one point I just said to you man you have some Constitution right because me you know I haven't drank in a long time and I had I couldn't handle the mornings I had to drink in the morning then it turned into like three-day thing and I see you [ __ ] jogging every morning and I just was like you have the Constitution I wish I could buy on a shelf well thank you I mean discipline I'd say probably some people close to me would say that would be one of my strengths I mean I never have been one of those people that the next proverbial next day goes oh God never doing that again well [ __ ] you are too hang on a second so and also I'll check in theight before we're going okay what do we got tomorrow morning you know um what's my situation here now what do we got tomorrow morning we don't start till 11 that's pretty easy oh we start at 7 okay okay risk reward here what are we measuring this look at the group what's everyone pouring is this night on the way down or are we about to switch into third gear and go up and then I got to go okay and if I choose to say okay the Rockets are going to launch here and this could go till sunrise I get in my mind right there I'll go head off that night look in the mirror and go hey buddy this is going to suck tomorrow morning now we're going to Bulldog through this we're not going to make any excuses we're going to get up an hour enough further we're going to go run and sweat this damn thing out and tomorrow's going to be hard but are you in and we'll shake on it or not and then the next morning just go here we go man ride the Baseline oh that's great that is great and then I also told you a story while we were sitting there which was a good friend of mine was with you on an island on New Year's Eve and you guys were having a great great time and eventually you outpaced him and he had to shut it down around I think he said 3 or 4 in the morning he could still hear you at the campfire and stuff he then crawls out of bed at like 10:00 in the morning he turns on the TV to watch the UT game and old Matthew mccon sitting in the [ __ ] Sidelines in Austin Texas and he goes what how did he time Travel how is he he said you looked amazing full of energy brigh eyed bushy tailed and I was like what a constitution I you know I mean yeah sometimes we do need more than 24 hours in a day but they just haven't been given any more than that last I check so I'm just trying to make the tally oh my God so I'm reading your book I'm a slow reader but I'm too extremely slow reader truly enjoying it you're such a good Storyteller thank you man thank you I've been keeping diaries for 36 years they end up in a treasure chest I always have them with me next to me daring to say hey one day I'm going to open those up and look in my past and see if anything's worth a damn and I never had the courage to do it really um just too scared of it I'm never really I'm not really nostalgic I always like to sort of move forward hey don't look back what you did you did and part of that's I think cool and the other part of is I was just too scared too mhm embarrassment oh my gosh you I was glad we forgot about that party or whatever I don't know maybe it's coming on 50 and I sat there and I had a few weeks I looked over at it and that old treasure chest was barking at me and said come on quit talking about it big boy and I was like all right and I told Camila my wife and she was like that's exactly what you need to do get the hell out of here with those Diaries go pack up your your your cooler and your meat and go somewhere and don't come back until you got something and I had always thought like hey you know I'll move on in martyrdom maybe Camila or a good friend will open those up and if it's anything worth sharing they'll do it and that was also kind of a chicken [ __ ] call too so I took off with all those Diaries I went off to the desert on my own with no electricity it's kind of the same thing on that next morning I said we're going to take our time here let's see what unfolds what comes out of these pages and I got this idea that it's going to be all very academic stuff uhhuh you know I'm really thinking a this is going to be like an educ ational tool well after about 4 days I'm looking at I'm going that's not what this is this is stories people places prescriptions Poems Prayers and a shitload of bumper stickers you know what I mean so it was philosophical but it became much more poetic and storytelling with a much more storytelling narrative to put together chronologically than I suspected once I had those categories that I just riffed off to you there the central theme that sort of exposed itself was man you've had a lot of red lights and yellow lights in your life hard times or or bumps in the road MCC but you found green lights in them either by turning them into green lights denying that there was a crisis at all in in the first place or just waiting it out and seeing how you know the Redlight death of your father actually turns you into the man that you've become because you didn't have him alive as a crutch anymore so over time going through the last 50 years of my life I just know geez a lot of those yellow and red lights I had turned into green lights and been talking to people I see that that happens with a lot of people too yeah that they will turn green for us either in this life or the next tomorrow or on our deathbed so immediately I related to you because I have kept a journal too very sporadically from about probably 17 to my late 20s you know just checking in occasionally but then I got sober and I got kind of superstitious about if I can't dedicate 20 minutes in the morning to writing in this [ __ ] piece of paper right how much am I really willing to put towards his goal so I did it sociopathically for 13 years never missed one morning but I wonder why you journaled I journaled because I had an inflated sense of purpose I thought I was going to be special I wanted to document it if I'm being dead honest and you were correct seriously I take these little adventures I was on like a six-month road trip once you know I think I had fantasies of being kowak or something but I was just curious what even motivated you to write down your thoughts in your life I thought that I was going to be special and all those things oh good good good good I remember being in a movie theater I don't remember the damn movie it was and I remember consistently in a movie theater laughing at stuff but I was the only one laughing and then not laughing when the whole crowd laughed I was always liked I lik the the the subversive or the second underbelly joke or the way it was delivered I would laugh in the Paw that pregnant paw I was like that's funny that and not maybe the punchline then I would have certain albums I would listen to or music or also films I would watch that I would cry at and everyone else was like what are you C what are you cry what's the ding I was like you don't get that man you know and and so I'd find something sad that no one found sad I'd get ticked off at things that other people were like what are you mad about that for but I wouldn't get mad at what they're mad about yeah so I started writing this down to go are you a unicorn here MCC or what is this and then got confident enough to say oh other people feel that way too but you need to jot these things down because this may be in window into who you are as an individual and I want to be autonomous as I can I don't want to just say hey what when are we supposed to laugh when are we supposed to cry when are we supposed to get mad when we supposed to be happy and I want to started jotting those down and sort of become a private investigator on myself yeah and just enjoyed that and then all of a sudden was like well if there's anybody to be interested in trying to understand no better person than oursel so that became a life project very sociopathic about that I did very early on notice that you typically go wri in a diary when you're having trouble sure when you're looking for an answer right MH and I learned after about eight years of doing I was like oh okay don't just go to this diary when you're like oh I need to hide out and figure something make sure you take that 20 minutes when you're flying high and you're like huh I got it all figured out yeah cuz there's a science to that satisfaction so let's write down what have we been doing who were we hanging out with what were you reading what were you eating but for me it's like you also catch your ego it's like a great time to check your ego because I'll be like ruminating on something and then I'll write it on a piece of paper and I look at it and I go oh my God you're you're repugnant that part has helped me yeah but but I don't you think that's also I'm look I don't think the ego gets enough credit I'm a fan of ego we don't have an ego we don't have judgment we don't have discernment and there are certain things trust me that I've written down that I think a and I look at it the next day I'm like no yeah you and I mentioned it that morning and talking about I think it's a brand of Comedy that has my favorite which is called delusional optimism yes it's some of it's one of the best things for comedy the delusionally optimistic character the ones that's just like bulletproof and you're like going no you're not yeah or in The Blues Brothers right when that that woman blows up the foam Booth they're in and they go Sky High and then they come landing and when they land the thing breaks open there's a bunch of C and they're elated and like oh my God what a great response to that all affirmative now it's been useful to me to have that I've only really consulted it to be helpful once in my life I was starting a movie the ego no no the journal the journal got it so I was starting a movie and and I had an audition for it I just got offered it right and so I I kind of just was putting off in my head what I was going to do and 3 days before the movie I'm in a hotel room and I'm starting to think I'm a fraud I'm not going to be able to do this I'm Terri and I just had the force I just thought I'm going to look at my journal from right before I started the movie before I go back I read it I'm a fraud I can't do this then I read day one of filming I'm the best actor that's ever lived I'm such an asset to this movie and I was like oh this is just my pattern and I'm just in fear right now and that helped me just go like yeah whatever I know where this is going to end up but I needed to see it writing you know it was helpful and and what about the fact that you also saw that oh I obviously give a damn enough to believe I'm a fraud leading up cuz I've got butterflies and what the hell am I doing I'm in the unknown I'm unbalanced and then all of a sudden when they put me in the game I perform and go you damn right I'm captain yes and yes wait hey better than the other way around oh God yes I know a lot of people and I've been in times in my life where the leadup I'm like watch this and then showed up and you know ate [ __ ] and was like oh now your childhood is spectacular I think I have some overlap with you but I just want to start immediately with the fact that your dad you got early divorce parents right I have early divorced parents I also dad was a big big figure big guy my brother had to fight him he wanted to fight me he wanted to fight me and he was he was about 9 hours out of a hernie operation so he's got his shirt off he's just shoved me on the bed and his stomach is just stapled together and my excuse I was so happy you wrote it the way you did that you were honest that you [ __ ] you were scared and you weren't ready to do that because I didn't want to do it either but I had the excuse of I'm like Dad I'll [ __ ] kill you if we fight I'll kill you know I'll rip your your iners are going to fall out so I always had that as a crutch to lean on but truth be told I wanted nothing to do with it no it's something about your father and doing that your your dad was 64 and 265 so that's that's a hell of a scrap to get into yeah it wasn't going to be much of a scrap I mean I was like I said in the story I mean I Pissed My Pants just the idea and I said my my fists were like I would have been papier-mâché yes and he offered you know put his chin out come on four to my one oh you know and it was not even in my mind an option that I wanted to engage with whereas your brother rooster who's similar size to you he went to the end right he did well that was his R of patch as he did earlier and from that day on and my dad were best friends but Dad challenged his loyalty it's in the book he did a similar thing with me and I would say it's sort of when he said the story to me when I asked him if I go to film school and he goes don't have facet that was sort of him going ah you stepped out of line and you're bold enough to go your own way well when he was with my brother rooster and it's the story about going to roll the pipe which they had always done that in their lives Qui God wants his dad sold oil piping and then his brother rooster who's considerably older than you how how much older is he 16 years older okay wow he then too became a Salesman he starts crushing he lands this huge account with a guy and his dad was like let's go steal some pipe which they had done in the past which they had done in the past and he dad says let's go steal it from this guy that you just got the account for God and my brother's like oh now come on man and then all of a sudden my dad starts to think wait wait where's your loyalty son with me or him and they're pretty drunk at this point alloud yeah Rooster's just like not doing it oh yeah you're not going to listen to your old man and they got into it and 2x4s were swung and rock was slung and and rooster almost knocked him out finally and Dad couldn't see and got up on the ground and that's when Dad cried and hugged him was like that's my boy oh my God you bucked me you bucked me you told me you told me no [ __ ] way Dad I ain't doing it and I'll fight you for it and that's when my dad was like from that down never another argument with rooster never like you ought to do that they were best buds because rooster him and said uh-uh uh-uh what a mental game yep now when I'm reading your stories man they're so similar to mine so my childhood was you know there was a good amount of violence there was a lot of divorces there was uh you know I saw my mom get beat up and I can tell the story in a very entertaining fun way and I have for years and to me some of the some of the [ __ ] that I think's really funny troubles other people or it sounds very scary and I I totally respect it but your stories you know you have a sense of levity to them and you put them in this context where it's like yeah it was really messy and it was [ __ ] up but it resulted in something I'm quite proud to have been given honored honored to yeah now within that though you're smart as [ __ ] and you know you we've learned about Aces like you know childhood trauma and they they have a pretty profound effect on people do you also have a sense that like yes some of the stuff maybe was a little too rough for a human is it just your point of view in life that's like everything happens for you and not to you or have you ever considered like you know the fight you describe between your mom and dad is insane so dad comes home he wants more mashed potatoes mom thinks he's a little too heavy flips the table up in the air she grabs a knife she hits him in the face with a foam breaks his nose like this is the kind of story I tell and at the same time I'm going that's a very stressful situation for a kid yeah so look I mean at the time I was just young kid four years old crying mom and dad are screaming at each other fighting I've seen where this could go no no no no no no no no no you know and the fact that 12-in blade was pulled out probably didn't make me go oh this could be mortal but it was just another it heightened the circumstances and it was oh no screaming no and mind you oblivious to me this is a great thing about my parents it's not like they were going to become objective in their own presence and go oh wait a minute Matthew's over there maybe we should send him to his room no no stepping out of it if you got front row seats to the rodeo good for you we ain't checking your ID no matter how old you are here it goes live there was also no in our family no later on hey can we talk to you about that time no no no you didn't dive in because what was the last thing the last image was the green light after they're bloody she swinging this blade at him they're dancing around this kitchen and all of a sudden he swipes this bottle of Hines ketchup and she's swinging out like this and he's he's like it starts slathering your catchup and dancing like a matador like this and he starts going touche touche sounds like it's out of a Bukowski story she's she's getting frustrated she can't cat him with the blade and he's she's covered now with ketchup all sudden she's like drops a knife she's crying and Dad bloody nose all going out drops a ketchup and then they just go into each other down on the floor and make love on the kitchen floor I'm just what oh what what you know so there was always a there was always you know that's that's what they needed to communicate was it was it wild and violent in front of me and something you go well that's not really for four years old's eyes or anyone's eyes sure but it was you see the reverence and the honor I have with the tell other stories and there's unequivocal love in my family that's what I think supercedes all of this is the halo around any of the events we knew we were loved I knew Mom and Dad loved each other I knew I was loved my brothers knew they were loved we had a saying I love you I just don't like you right now well that was one of the times where they didn't like each other my mom to this day goes oh I don't regret that fight or the other 20 of them she goes I needed that to communicate me my mom whose middle finger is broken four times and goes like she's like oh yeah I started those fights popping him in the head I needed it well I'm glad I don't need that like she does I'm glad my wife Camila doesn't need that that like she does I don't want to get into that into that state that my dad would had to get into with her and I don't want that Rocky of relationship but then it also I think is part of maybe it's generational as well well yeah I was going to say it's in a context and so I grew up in the 70s as well and I also grew up in a very blue collar area of Michigan where that kind of stuff was pretty regular so you didn't feel alone or isolated or unique because it was happening to a lot of my friends and it seemed normal so that's relevant as well I think I've never done any psycho analysis on any of that stuff that's why I'm here I've I've worked through I mean uh I'm not in denial of it when I tell about the love of my family I tell about the times that we were disciplined or the times when Mom and Dad got in a fight maybe because it's so vital and so alive and it never became something that was above the absolute love and passion and I'm not here to judge it I'm not here to say you know that's unfair and should have called Child Protection no none of that [ __ ] it's what I saw and and when I tell those stories I light up yeah not in fear that on paper like you said earlier you go oh no but no when I'm telling it or I'm writing it my heart is swelling I am beaming in love and pride and honor to tell those stories because they had great value in my life well and you got through them Essence is really is like challenges are inevitable how you going to react to them resilience is is a big thing I mean if anything that's something that is really ingrained in in our whole upbringing is you get up dust yourself and you move on you forgive and you forget you don't go to bed holding grudges you end up the fight what however bloody is Let's Make Love before we go to bed you know what I mean whatever I've got to beef with you if we can't settle it tonight forget school tomorrow we'll stay up all damn night and deal this and work this out until you and I can hug it hug it out and drop a tear and head off and we will never bring this moment up again I can't hold a grudge on you you can't play added up with me if I bring up two weeks later well Dax did this uh now I'm in trouble again for bringing the damn thing up because we settled that that was over we've moved on from that you know Pat gets busted with weed it's violent he lies you know how's it end we take a 35 minute truck ride across town to the best burger joint to go get Burgers and Shakes and to bring them home put them on TV trays watch TV o while we eat dinner which we never got to do unless someone got in trouble and stay up past our bedtime and all go to bed hugging and never another word said about it so there was great resilience and we could move on quickly now the loophole in that I found in my life is if you're so resilient that you just hop back up and get on with it quickly you never take time to actually get introspective and go why did we do that yeah yeah how do I head that off in the future yeah yeah we're we're also guilty of being repeat offenders yeah because we just we just so quickly hop back up and go yep we're good we're good instead of going like why why did I step step in that hole and trip to myself running downhill maybe I need to check that chain up the next time well it it will not surprise you Monica to learn that there were divorced twice and married Thrice oh that's nice isn't that wild yeah over 39 years yeah I was I was live for one of them and my other two brothers were live for the other one we thought they were extended vacations and they kind of were well I just want to add one last thing I only started re-evaluating some of my stuff now that I have two kids well I just kind of look at these little kids and I know the ages I was at when this or that happened and I go hm that'd be a lot for my kids to handle absolutely a whole lot mhm I think it would be more for them to handle than it was for me to handle I think same but also in that for me was like this great forgiveness for my dad who kind of split at three where I used to hate him over it and I look at my kids now and by the way it's why I loved Interstellar once you have kids the notion of missing your children's life is the most saddening that's the that's the last movie I cried in that movie huh but he missed the whole thing and the notion of missing the whole thing for me I'd rather be dead so right it also led to like forgiveness you know so I'm also I'm like critical at one point but then also there's a bunch of forgiveness yeah those two can be part and Par so I I I I say this in the book you also find out when you get older that some of what your who your parents were the messenger and the message were two different things made me angry after my father passed away and I found out certain things I like wait wait he didn't live by that he taught me that that no no no yes he did no he actually didn't he huh first was anger but very quickly for whatever reason I was able to get to oh okay okay well even if the the messenger didn't follow through 100% on the message don't forget the message even if he did you know what I mean and and and there's a form of forgiveness in that and it's also it's all right to give give each other a little break you know forgive each other we're human stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare I want to tell a couple of the fun ones they're so funny so Matthew's mom enrolled him or entered him into a u like little Mr Texas oh little Mr Texas P oh there's one in the book he is the cutest [ __ ] you've ever seen I don't want to ruin it for you so tell us about little Mr Texas yeah so we go down band Texas I'm like 8 years old oh made got my vest on made out of leather vest tassels I got my cowboy hat I go down there to Bandera Texas and we get up there we do the questionnaire and we walk on on a horse and stuff and the alasso and I'm pretty good at all these things and you know when to win the trophy there's a frame picture of me with the trophy and Mom puts it up in the kitchen W every morning look at you son there you are little Mr Texas the one and only little Mr Texas and so this going on daily weekly and then her introducing me this is my son you know he won little Mr T he is little Mr Texas goes on and now I'm just like yeah I'm little Mr Texas well this goes on for you know little Mr decades yeah not years grew up thinking he was little Mr Texas okay well I was little Mr Texas I was little Mr Texas until uhoh uhoh I no I happened to zoom in on that trophy name the plate on that trophy one day just a couple years ago runner up no oh my God runner up look what the gift she gave you yes oh and she did and she always to this day I I find you know I called her out on it just here recently she's like ah you were a little Miss is that some he and his family had too much money they were able to buy that three-piece suit and [ __ ] for him that you you're a little Mr Texas she still denies it in her mind yes isn't that great by the way wow this just hit me now but you know the greatest asset I was given and a big burden was my mom thought I was the second coming she thought I [ __ ] gold and that made me I mean that gave me way more confidence than I deserve that like the original bde was mom thinking you were the [ __ ] God yeah what if you didn't become you because of what if if you just thought you were a runner up your whole life you might not have become you we're not talking you know I don't know it's more it's more than a Mal I mean it little no that doesn't happen we're at Guero Matthews puts our enchiladas on the table I'm like that guy's pretty [ __ ] handsome I can't believe he's put I wonder what happens I wonder who is really little Mr Texas we got to find out he's out there he'll come to surface I want to do an investigative journalist piece on the real little Mr Texas and just see how doing now what's he doing now oh wow yeah cuz you know his mom didn't tell him he was running off no no no no and she probably didn't tell him that they outspent you either yeah true he's probably having a horrible guilt trip about the whole thing since okay and then another great like really telling thing was you know Matthew's in seventh grade and there and there's like a poetry contest yes and he works his ass off on this poem and then he reads it to Mom and then what what does Mom do yeah I read I go back write this poem that I'm pretty damn proud of and show it to Mom she looks at she's like yeah it's not bad not bad here go go back to your room try try it some more I go back to my room work real hard for another two hours come back show it to her she looks like she goes yeah yeah that's not bad um here have a look at this one she pulls out this book start ear Mark opens it up she goes read that one I got this book and I read it and I go if all that I would want to do would be to sit and talk to you would you listen it's good she goes you like that one I go yeah I mean that's really good and it's short and short the author was an I think Ann ashberry I think she like that I go yeah she goes do you do you understand it I go yeah it's like it's just you know it's like loving somebody sometimes you just want to you know we take some quiet time to talk she goes yes you you you understand that I go yeah I completely understand she goes write that and I go but it's a it's a it's a poet it's a seventh grade poetry contest and I got to write M she goes I know but you understand I go what do you want me to write that and sign an ash she goes no listen no do you understand it for you I said yes she goes then you write that and sign your name to it wow so I write all right if all that I would want to do would be to sit and talk to you would you listen Matthew MCC and I [ __ ] won that of course you did oh my God what doc did we just watch or something like almost identical to that happen we watched a doc recently I don't remember oh oh oh oh oh it was Lance Armstrong it was Lance Armstrong because he was too young to compete in these triathlons and so his parents just said you're 18 you're 18 and so they started off with a little bit of a fib and he [ __ ] won those triathlons and you're like did okay so all right that's informative starting off on a very specific foot oh my God that yeah that's exactly what it was huh mom was she would be my substitute teacher she tried to become the substitute teacher for my class she also taught me in kindergarten but she was the teacher that and mind you we're this is why we're sort of in the chapter Outlaw logic we're like very teach the real disciplines if you got to do this you better do this you better be honest you better not cheat lie dot do dot but damn man I have mom as a substitute teacher I come home and she's like here's the answer to that test tomor it's it's a stupid it's a stupid subject and don't read that book she come in there and tell me don't shut that book quit studying here's the answers it's a stupid subject and you don't need to spend your time on it just take the answers and go make a 100 I was like Mom you know instead instead of being like Oh it's harder cuz my mom mom like no this subject I don't know why they're making you study this don't even just shut that book don't say here's the answers and but she was also you know in kindergarten like you know they're studying trains and she was like what are we doing looking at these damn books reading about it everybody come on loaded up a bus drove a bus to am track put all the kids on an Amtrak and like took it to kville like didn't even ask the principal nobody they landed back at like 8:00 p.m. that night the local news is there the parents are there where'd you take our kids she's like what no no teachers assistant nothing wrangled like 20-some kids and just took them on she's like that's the best way you learn about a damn railroad track and a train you go do it you don't read about it okay okay so so then you had and I love how honest you are about it because you're just a Charming [ __ ] and you're handsome as hell so you get to high school this is a good one too do you mind that I'm going through all these they're so fun go for it man okay good I mean we could be talking about your whole acting career but I think we know your acting career pretty good this is more fun yeah yeah these are the stories of why I became an actor yeah he's a good-look dude he's got some light light acne you know a couple pimples sure that's normal but his mother is involved in I guess we' call now a multi-level marketing company where she's selling door to door mink oil at mink oil as a yeah say oil of mink sorry oil of mink is a is a topical face solvent so she notices that young Matthew's struggling with a couple pimples and she says son you got to you got to start using this product it's revolutionary so he starts applying it liberally I would assume and yes and religiously I mean right every night right before bed oil of mink all over my face says it will bring out all the impurities okay and then one once it brings them out they're gone and then for the rest of your life you have beautiful clean glowing skin sure so worse before it gets better yes darkest before Dawn Y and you're a fighter you're willing to put in the work you've already demonstrated that I'm into delay gratification I'm up for early pain for long-term gain okay so the as you might guess the uh the pimples are increasing in both volume and quantity got a lot of impurities in there Matthew keep it up oh this is great stuff look at all these impurities servicing oh my God and they now become I guess cystic right you you now you got a real problem on your hands I have a real problem I'm kind of unrecognizable and and and and yeah yeah and so despite his mother's urging he he seeks counsel with an actual dermatologist who shits himself when he finds out Matthew's been rubbing oil of mink all over his face yeah because it's for people for 40 years and over not a 14-year-old kid who's just going through adolescence who already has some some oil coming through his pores it's blocked all the pores completely so for the last month i' oh my God just swollen up and I have severe acne and he says if you don't get off that and we don't get you on acutane right now you are 10 days away from having ice picks for the rest of your life oh so I get on the Accutane yeah yeah so he so he gets on Accutane and now we all know that has its own side effects right very dry skin cracking all this kind of stuff but here's my favorite part this is exactly what my dad would have done his dad takes a look at this whole story and he goes we got a goddamn lawsuit on our hands they ruin this beautiful boy's face yes yes yes and the dad takes him to a lawyer the lawyer says I have to imagine you're in great emotional distress from this and he's a bright boy so he I look I clock dad and Dad's like and I'm like yes High emotional distress he had been doing well with the ladies now no one will talk to him of course that's for a high schooler confidence is shot yeah and he's now recording this and asking again I'm going to go again are you under have you been under emotional distress yes sir Mr ter major emotional distress is your confidence now oh my confidence is much lower sir how are you doing with like girlfriends and stuff well the girls used to like me a lot more it's like they're just not interested anymore it's actually people look at me funny when I walk I'm not doing near as good with the girls either my dad and the lawyer sitting there and guys's like oh [ __ ] Jim we're going to get 50 Grand off of this deal easy I mean I mean look at him he's all swoll up can't even recognize the kid I mean I mean it doesn't say a damn thing on this bottle about not giving it to adolescent kid should have said that this company's irresponsible oh we got 50 Grand easy all right so I go through the acutane creases them out all this stuff T you know all you get the dandruff blah blah blah but it works yeah as you know in lawsuits they go on a while well about a year and a half later now I'm a senior the acutane worked Skin's great we're back I get called in for the deposition now with the defense attorney right back in Jerry Harris's office same office where he's like H 50 Grand you're all swell up look at you so now I'm in there and the guy across the table he's sitting there he goes oh my God you poor poor boy most so emotionally distressful wasn't it and I'm like I can't believe he just used our term sling me a softball I'm going to hit this out of the park I'm like yes heavy emotional distress sir my confidence was low he's like I bet it was I bet you weren't wen't doing near as well with the girls I was like no sir I can't believe he asked me that question too I'm just he's teeing me up I'm like going no horrible girls wanted nothing to do with me oh and all that then you got that danger I was like yeah it was it was horrible I'm sitting there thinking this is the worst defense attorney in the world he's just played all in my hands we got this guy we're going to get 50 Grand or more reach on the table and pulls out this green yearbook opens it up turns it around and slides it in front of me and goes who's that I look down and there in this picture was myself next to very pretty girl named kamisa Springs across her chest she had a sash that said most beautiful across my chest there was a sash that said most handsome oh wow that year I won most handsome so all of a sudden it hits me I'm like [ __ ] we blew it the case is done and I looked up at him and he goes so oh emotionally distressful huh and I was like it's over and and the case was thrown out and my dad went on for freaking a year going God damn you boy I mean I'm telling you we got a case we're going to make 50 Grand and you got to go off and win goddamn most handsome damn it why didn't you sandbag that wear an eye patch for a year Jesus Son yeah I blew it dud that that kind of brought me back to uh so my dad too my dad was involved in many a lawsuit and then another thing was he he had all kinds of businesses and one of them was you couldn't call it selling it it was under a charity guys and it was a hugs not drugs workbook that would be distributed to children to keep them off drugs so when I was uh 15 he kind of wrangled me into this and he wanted me to start making calls to try to get donations from people and people donated they got a little ad in the hugs not drugs book right and it escalated to me actually going to like Rotary Club meetings at 15 and L and telling these people that I had had a really bad history with drug abuse and that if I had had this hugs not drugs book I wouldn't have seen all those dark days and your dad was in on this story oh yeah he helped me craft so I was touring Oakland County making these really impassioned speeches about how Wayward I was and how I would have been saved if I had had this hugs nut drugs workbook and I crushed I sold so many full page ads Matthew that book never made it out I we sold a bunch of ads and I'm not sure that there was ever a distribution of the books so how ironic cuz now you can really tell very ironic but I know I don't know that the hugs nut drugs book would have helped I mean I love yeah I love how our parents you know used us solicited us to like go yeah we going to make using you to make us some cash son come on now well I yeah I grew up with a different kind of ethic which is like by hook or crook we got to get some money child labor child labor oh that's great that reminds me of the one where Dad they were my dad was out with a bunch of his friends at a ranch they were having who could pee the highest contest yeah let me break this down oh yeah this is news to me okay okay so what they would do is they'd stand against the wall then they put a little line over their head and they had to pee over their own head basically and it was a shootout and his dad was 6'4 so that was an impressive height for sure that was the second tallest height though there was another guy there got Fred Smithers who was about 67 and so dad had won the the 6'4 no one could pee over his head but then nobody could B PE no one could go higher up to 67 they couldn't get that high and they fredman was like ain't nobody can piss over my head and then my dad gets an idea cuz he's got his eye on this little miniature dirt bike in the corner and he goes my son can and he goes I go what no way and dad goes yeah you can well Dad had to drive 112 miles back home at whatever 1 in the morning to pick up my brother Pat wake him up out of bed and of course what do you do when you're kid you wake up right in the middle of the night you got to go pee dad's like no no no no no no come on come on hold on to it son put him in the truck gave him a beer and said you just sip on that and fill that bladder up2 miles back it's now about 5: in the morning oh my God Pats in his underwear and Dad shows up and they're all kind of hanging out just still about to go to sleep says get up wake up boys here it is my son's going to piss over your head Fred Smithers Fred steps up there puts a mark and Pat gets over there by about 5 in cuz what he had bet what he had bet with Fred Smith is that I didn't add a story was was he goes I'll bet you that little motorbike that my son can do it why did he do that because Pat was asking for a motorbike for Christmas but my dad couldn't afford it a so child labor taunt he loaded up the motorbike took it home pack got a motorbike for Christmas Annie wager his pickup truck kind sweet yeah it's a mix it's a mix it's a mix of child abuse and super sweet yes yes exactly wow mix messages okay so you graduate from high school Matthew's mother suggests that he go study abroad before he goes off to college and so the Rotary Club says yeah we'll do this we'll send you down to Australia you can do a year in Australia there's one thing all these people we send want to come home in a couple months they're lonely whatever they come home so we need we you got to sign a contract that says you are not leaving within that year I'm not going to I sign a contract to say I'm not leaving year I'm telling you I'm going for the year I'm what I'm not going to sign it this feels weird to sign thing I'm going for year like no son I'm telling you everyone wants to come back everyone says they're going to go for the whole time but they all want to come back so you need to sign this say look I'm not going to sign it but I'll I'll shake on it I'm going for a year that's my full intention he agrees so next thing I know I'm on a plane headed off to Australia really quick can I just say what your fantasy is of what's well I'm picked Australia they offered Australia and Sweden all right so I'm sitting there going beaches waves El mcferson English speaking Australia it is good day mate here we yeah right yeah down under all right so bam I'm off here we go now I've got a family that's written that's going to be my host family and their not oh we're so so glad to be having you come over here Matthew we got a great little spot here on the outskirts of Sydney it's beautiful we got sunny beaches it's just great you're G to love it wow Sydney Metropolis major city all those El mcferson probably there somewhere we're going to surf here we go man well I show up and uh get off the plane and this family I you help me with what details not to do because it's a 43 minute story if I tell it full okay okay okay the dues meet him and how old is the boy they have a son how old is he he's about 26 okay and they start driving my little brother yeah they're excited they're it's his new little brother and they start driving and uh all of a sudden Matthew notices that the skyline of Sydney is is pretty far in the rearview mirror but but okay I still see the beach then they get to another town maybe it's 70,000 he thinks this is it no no we still got a little while later okay well this is getting a little dicier now we're in a town of 12,000 that they've now said that's where they basically live and as they go through that town he's thinking okay well I can still see the beach and they go it's a little bit further they end up in a town of 800 people completely Inland not by the beach 305 population 305 no and these people are [ __ ] weird they are [ __ ] dude it sounds like a horror movie oh no it sounds like a horror movie the dad is Tiny and rotund he wants to act Posh and elevated and smart and he tells Matthew like you know why don't you make us dinner and he says great I'm going to make you guys hamburgers and he goes you know I'm not going to make you hamburgers I'm going to make you cheeseburgers cuz the man who invented the hamburger was smart but the man who invented the cheeseburger was a genius the man immediately takes him to office and he points to a picture of Winston Church H he says Mathew that man's a genius and he doesn't want you using that word yeah I would like you to from now on in your duration of your stay here in our household you learn to appreciate Fine Wines fine cheeses and not to voice your opinion for the masses what I go which part he goes a while ago you stated did not question stated that the man who invented the hamburger smart the man who invented the cheeseburger was a genius Matthew that is merely your opinion and I'm went okay cultural difference we made what it what it's just it's a phrase spe Matthew as I said well Mr dly it's look it basically means I like cheeseburgers more than H as I said oh do you understand and I'm like wow what's going on okay yeah well quite a few other things happened after that that were it gets weirder and weirder and let me say one of the things that's probably sensitive but the 26-year-old boy also has a a girlfriend there did she have a crush on me or did the mother kind of want us to in have a crush on each other in front of oh boy their son who's 26 in front of everybody and got the whole family lined up one day Saturday and they're about to leave and I'm washing dishes and I get called in the room they go give her a kiss goodbye oh God give a kiss on the lippies E I'm like see what hold on really quick just two weeks ago was explaining to Monica that in New Zealand and in Australia they they love baby talk so kisses I just was excited you're not kind of confirming they love to do at ease at the end of things okay yeah yeah so you know and this was in the room with with her and her boyfriend boyfriend yeah brother their son my big brother and it was just it was it it was off it was rude I'm confused what's going on does she have a crush on me or wait is the mother trying to set up a situation here is this just a bad joke going wrong whatever anyway I handled the situation in as cool a way as I could with myself and her and she thanked me for it and I was okay but again I was like what was that what was that all this time I'm telling myself after everyone of these situations okay mccan it's cultural differences this is cultural differences so I keep taking the high road I'm not judging anyone until the night came this is about 5 months in over dinner 5:30 where we had dinner every night now mind you by this time I don't think I'm going insane but when I look back my Diaries I was kind of going what I'm saying and let me just say this is a part I really related to you with because my year in Santa Barbara I just up and said oh I'm going to be fat free and I just started jogging and I don't know why I got down to like 158 I'm 6'3 I looked insane like I was so out of control that I just wanted to control whatever I could something some sort of reachable discipline to accomplish a day to keep your [ __ ] sanity yeah yeah I'm running 6 miles a day I've decided I'm going to be vegetarian I don't know how to be vegetarian so I basically eat a head of iceberg lettuce a night I get a knife of fork a head of iceberg lettuce and a bottle of ketchup put iceberg lettuce cut and that's my deal I'm celibate I'm celibate I've decided no that when I leave this year here I need to go to South Africa and help free a Mandela that's my calling and then after that I'll become a monk even though you went there for El mcferson so things really 180 El mcferson is way in the rearview mirror right now yeah you were going to be Foster surfboards and mcferson and now you're going to TI B wow the first letter back home was hey Mom Dad throwing some shrimps on the bar we love you Matthew now I'm writing like 16 page letters in this very minute writing with way too many adjectives and adverbs just imploding right I don't notice it and I've got two albums of three albums of the Maxi priest Maxi priest n excess kick and a YouTube Ratt Rattle and hump one of the great albums of all time first CD I ever owned really damn good choice good choice all so so here's my ritual every night now mind you this is still when I don't think anything's wrong we eat dinner at 5:00 5:30 I clean up the dishes then I as fast as I can get back to my bedroom bathroom I'm reading a lot of Lord Byron I get the bathtub nightly read Lord Byron list my ROM jack off nightly ritual have a yank work it out but hey everything's cool I'm nothing wrong oh my God you're driving right it's sweat I'm doing great I'm in the honey hole you are opening up your cultural Horizon infinitely yeah you went down there to get worldly and your [ __ ] world became a pin prick oh my gosh extreme closeup um so I think I'm fine cultural differences yeah yeah and I'm not even halfway through this year trip and uh one night I get this the dinner T Matthew we've decided that uh for the duration of you stay here in Australia you will uh refer to us as Mom and Pop isn't this a hor this is a horror movie yeah yeah but again I take the high road and I go well thank you for thinking of me that way and I remember you'll love this text I remember saying this line and I remember clearly in my mind like thinking I needed to give that comment more context I go thank you for thinking of that that way but I've got a mom and dad and they're still alive I remember throwing that little like if I just throw that wor in that'll win the argument they'll understand if I say and they're still alive yes yeah yeah like oh and by the way now you understand right and and anyway they as I said the of you you this m and pop well I got up clean the dishes made sure to go call everyone their name not Mom and Pop when I said good night and the next morning my alarm clock was a howling shrieking voice of Mrs dly screaming he [Music] Co can you believe this so oh my God this is so horrifying I go you know to her and I me I really liked her she was really caring lady and I go to her and put my arm around her and then we just have a cryfest and I'm going man you got your sons you wouldn't want them calling anyone mama and D you wouldn't want me and we cried it out and H Comfort you're 18 and you're comforting an adult yes and anyway went through the the year finally got the well real real quick real quick he he eventually thank God went to the Rotary Club I assume and said I I'd like to try another thing not because I don't love it but I just want to have as many experiences as I can I didn't sell them on the bus or anything and I just said look I'd love to is there any other families that could take me in got a year here could maybe think you know and it was tough times over there the economy wasn't great you taken another exchange student you got another mouth to feed but let me check into it well the guy who had managed the bank that I worked at earlier as a as a work experience job agreed I liked his family liked me I liked him they took me in hold on hold on hold on there's one great thing so he gets cleared to leave and then he tells his host family the D that he's going to leave how is that going down and they just basically ignore it for a day or two they don't bring it up in IGN for four days so this comes up we agree on this that I'm going to move out Mr douly agrees me Mr duly and the president of the road talk it's brought up in the Thursday night Rotary meeting on a microphone in front of everybody sh Matthew's going to be leaving the dues going to move over with the ton and everyone hey and thank you to the dues for paying such great host yay thank you thank you thank you and thank you to the so and so for taking Matthew in next yeah now then we meet afterwards hug out shake hands see you Tuesday uh the guy who's going to pick me up that I worked with at the bank's going to pick me up Tuesday at 600 PM great all set then I ride home with Mr Julie not a word is said about me leaving we get home next day not a word said dinner silence the next day not a word said the family knows now but not a word said the next day that was Thursday so Friday nothing said Saturday nothing said no group over for the family to come over for a goodbye dinner for our exchange to Matthew no no no none of that no one's there just our family 5:30 dinner nothing said Sunday again nothing said Monday not a word is said it's just silence I'm getting a silent treatment and not one word of oh you're leaving Tuesday night is come up Tuesday we're at dinner find my final sit down with the doues I've got my iceberg lettuce and my ketchup I'm talking here we go I've been packed since last Thursday night now I packed up that night when I got home once we agreed and I'm sitting there going like this is so weird this is so weird I go back to my room after we eat it's about 5:45 I've cleaned up I'm quadruple checking my bags man make sure I got everything which I do and all of a sudden I get a knock on the door open it and there's Mr D I dud we have decided that um the duration of your stay you'll be staying with us so unpack your bags you'll be staying with us for the duration of you stay in Australia again I take the high road oh my God Mr dly thank you oh my God for well for offering your home and your family y'all been great and and you know it's it's my year over here I just want to make sure I get with other families have a different experence as I said unpack your bags you'll be staying with us for the duration of your stay here in Australia why [ __ ] lost it I threw a left hook through the door and it was a plywood door I remember my arm going all the way through the other side and I ripped it out and the plywood had cut my arm all up and I had blood running all down and wood shards and [ __ ] here and I'm just faking shaking probably got a piss spot just started on my crotch and I sat there and said Mr Dy you get your fat [ __ ] ass out of my way right now or I'm going to take you out the [ __ ] back door and drag you down your gravel driveway and you're going to be pulling [ __ ] rocks out of your back for the rest of your [ __ ] life [Laughter] turned around and scamed off down the hallway and I'm going what the [ __ ] man oh he found your Breaking Point congratulations found my breaking point I'm wiping sweat off my brow go clean up my arm pull the shards out going what's going on all he beep beep I look at six o'cl guess who's here to pick me up yeah my next family I get my [ __ ] bags I go down the hallway past that office where he took me to tell me you'd talk to Winston Church Hill and down through the living room out the kitchen through the garage into the and there's my my man ma and who's there to pick me up in his Land Cruiser and around him glad handing and hugging and drying tears is the dly family oh my God and I roll my bags up and they helped put them in and they're like oh you such a great young l oh God this experience has been great we're going to miss you so much and I'm going yeah yeah yeah y'all too man you know what's going on and even Mr D's drying a tear man oh wow God we're going to miss you man I get in the car drive off they sh at the top of driveway wave all the way to a back on the highway and I'm like what the [ __ ] now wow cut to five months later it's my last night in Australia the last five months were much easier and less acid trippy yeah less Twilights yeah I never found L but still you know everything went everything went well I still maintain being cibit actually and I and uh came off the old iceberg lettuce and ketchup diet uh a little bit and and ran you know three miles instead of six put on a little bit of weight and still thought I might be going to South Africa to free help free Mandela but thought that maybe a monk wasn't my way in life because I wanted to communicate and like people again yeah so we're around the last night doing what we always did drinking port wine playing guitar reading Woody Allen side effects laughing our ass off telling stories and all of a sudden one of the families that ID stayed with they were all friends the last three FS I stay was all friend one goes hey mea how in the bloody hell did you stay with the D hell long I was like what are you talking about what he was like oh yeah M how'd you do that I'm like what they start laughing I'm a gas going you [ __ ] you knew you KN and they laugh even harder now we're all rolling around and I start laughing and I was like was this a big Aussie prank was this a six-month bit wow I say it in the book I mean was I in a crisis sure but I was denying there was a crisis and there's Great Value in that I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you right now if I didn't have that year and that six months with those Jules I was in high school rolling you know popular had money in my pocket a four handicap little Mr Texas Mr Texas you still think you're little Mr Texas still think I'm little Mr Texas right and then all of a sudden I run into a great amount of resistance and forc to go inward because I have no crutches I have no friends I have no cars I got no girlfriends I got no nothing and I'm there at the dues imploding but it was good overall and I and I I honestly know that I would not be sitting here now if I did not have that year over there yeah yeah stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare now I do just want to touch down on a couple things which is you more than anyone in a very Applause a way you've Jagged left you've Jagged right you've I think you've evaluated and you're like this was good now I'm going to take a completely different Mountain I see that Peak I'm going to try to climb that I just wonder yeah what is it that you learned there that has allowed you to go from my favorite performance malbos is packing a 454 with 411 Outback you know to take that role and make it what it was and then have this you know time to kill experience and then and then be in a ton of hugely successful romantic comedies and then go like okay now I want to do something El those are all hard things to pop out of and pop into other things and so you have some resilience and I'm curious what is the process and more importantly in those periods just before you made these left right turns were you feeling humbled by it or were you feeling scared like what were those feelings that led up to those big Jags a lot of fear but a lot of sleepless nights not sleeping well with the life that I was what what I was doing say workwise or or where I was heading so a lot of fear from that cuz I go between I'm sure like you man I mean on one hand I'm so damn thankful oh yeah to be in this position so on one hand I'm going like who the hell do you think you are to even be thinking like oh I want to get out of this you're successful at what you do you're making money look at where you live so on one hand I'm that on the other hand I'm like well no what no no no wait a minute I still respect that I'm not being disrespectful to where I am right you're not ungrateful no and I'm not going to be Arrogant with it but I know I want something different and I I want to try and get it and either I can go to it or like I did before I took the two-year Hiatus with no work when I got off of romantic comedies if I can't get what I'm going toward I'm going to by process of elimination stop doing what it is that I am doing and what is coming to me so I've had phases where I didn't Rebrand I unbranded by just going I'm pressing full stop and I'm out no one sees me no one knows where the hell I am so all of a sudden two years later M becomes a good idea a new good idea I've been pretty good when I look back at saying I got to get the hell out of here because I got to hear myself think I don't know who's wagging who whatever happens I don't care if I fail at this career what I need to be wagging the dog and not not not not the tail wagging me yeah it's almost like the analysis of when to leave a party right you're like okay that person's out of the party that person's out of the party I'm still standing here huh it's either time for me to find a new party or I'm going to be the last one standing here yeah well and the and the hard part for me probably in particular is that my greatest strength is resilience and I can look around at those people the party and going why they quit so soon so I'll stick with something you know and go I'm gonna so sometimes it's bulling through to the other side just persisting and enduring I'm going to keep my head above water until I come out the other side and things will change for me sometimes it's like no I'm going to back up I'm going to readdress this I'm going to Pivot and make a different decision and there will be consequences that come with that and consequences that come with the the persistence part too I think as much as I acting my celebrity that's never for one second inside of me being like Oh that's who you are oh that's your identity that's your existence that's what I mean when I say where just keep living comes from I mean that's our right as humans first maybe it's the spiritual side maybe it's a family side maybe it's self-respect side of going hey are you being as true as you can to you right now M okay so so what I really relate to is like I'm from a family of hustlers my dad was a car salesman my mom started as a jander built a business like I'm all about the hustle so yes I've been in these moments where I'm like you got a much nicer house than you were ever supposed to have you got the cars you weren't supposed to have so shut the [ __ ] up but then I also am addicted to challenges you know that's really what I'm addicted to is I I like that that's the soul feeder is the can I do that that's that's it right and let me go try it out and then I'll know if it doesn't work I can look in the mirror and go yep guilty if it does work I can also look in the mirror and go yep guilty that's a great feeling it's the unknown when you're being wagged you're like how did I end up here I'm not feeling any demarcation between events it all feels like one thing and my feet aren't really on the ground that limbo it is a gilded cage right so what you're getting offered in that point in time is very hard to turn down if you have the background that you had or that I had which is like who the [ __ ] am I to say no to that that many zeros my family said that to me not Camila but my blood family yeah and if I do will I ever get those amount of zeros thrown my way cuz well I've been seen as ungrateful and all these things and well did I did I jinx myself did I get cocky why did I jack knife my situation it was going well so everyone on the outside would go you are catching green lights but then that's for each of us to only each of us can answer what our own personal green light is you know would I be right from the outside to say that it's kind of Wolf of Wall Street that's the Breakthrough to where you wanted to go creatively as an actor well the first thing that came through was 20 months of dry no offers came through nothing first it was just romantic comedies that said no to and then it was just nothing for a year and then the first thing that came my way was I think Killer Joe uh maybe it was Lincoln L but I think it was that little run Killer Joe paper boy Magic Mike mud Wolf of Wall Street then Dallas PES club which I had control Dallas spers Club just no one wanted to make it with me yeah and then it was a a run there of like oh there's the dramatic fair that I want I talk about it in the book I mean the romantic comedies were great they were fun it just got to where I felt like oh I'd read them and I go like oh I could do this tomorrow morning and that's cool I don't know I wasn't getting complacent but I was just wared I didn't know how to do any more real work that would make me go oh uh oh and that's the theory I've got in the book about the art of running downhill there's a lot of times where when it's easy we should be damn appreciative it's easy and go do not make this straight line crooked bro you're you're rolling downhill do not trip yourself in face plant and you're also making a living doing this and you enjoy it don't get all heady on this situation there's other times where we go I Need A Little Resistance here I need some gravity here I need to run up against something that I so I can mold something different yeah of myself so it's a fun one to measure in many many different circumstances well I think I told you when when uh we were sitting by that Lake mud for me is that's probably my favorite movie years there's something about it I think from where I grew up and there's a bad lands kind of vibe to it it's so great everything's so patient understated real no hurry it's it's so awesome uh that's a very special film to me and probably I know it's one of my favorite maybe my favorite because you know my dad's been been he moved on in 93 five days after I started my first role in days confused which was kind of serendipitous that his life overlapped with me starting the first thing that would not that would be more than a hobby yeah but mud I've always seen my dad and I see him when I daydream many times coming to me and going hey buddy you seen this movie Mud like noer oh come on we're g we're gonna watch tonight it's a good one it's a good one I can just hear him with his arm around me saying oh it's a good one yeah and that that gives me tingles so let's piss some people in Austin off right now by talking about how great it is because every time I do people get pissed hey you're gonna make more people live here maybe I'm lying to myself I feel like if I could that's where I would live there's something there it's Barton Springs it's barbecue it's liberal Hillbillies I don't know what about that place but the second I step foot down there and I see the grass growing up between the concrete and all the cool uh manhole covers they're all different from different time everything about it I'm like Yep this is where I'm supposed to be at all times it's the people there it is that mix it's the blue berry and the tomato soup of Texas that freedom and prog ress Progressive thinking that Austin has next to the backbone being the capital traditional legislation and and surrounded by a vertebrae of red counties is part of what makes it beautiful if it was surrounded by more blue I don't know that Austin would be the place it is you're right there is a Unity there and at the same time it's a come one come all all you got to do is be yourself place it's not saying stay out red counties it's going no we're still wearing boots and scraping [ __ ] off our boots in Austin too you know what I mean so it's a great Push Pull with the university so you got 50,000 students right here at an institution which has youth coming up liberal arts questioning things progress and across the street you've got the capital and there's the suits and ties and the backbone of a legislation that has been around for a long time tradition and where those two reach out and engage and play is the honey hole you know what I mean that pushpull if the capital wasn't there and we weren't surrounded by the res our identity could sort of Pander out and become a little too obtuse you know what I mean yeah yeah yeah no it's a weird wonderful yinyang that is just palpable when you get there my last question for you so I have many times on here expressed deep gratitude that I don't have sons I am so glad that I don't have to be in the position where I tell the son listen you're just going to have to knock that [ __ ] out I'm sorry you're getting picked on you want you can get picked on the next eight years or you can blast this dude once in the nose and that'll be that I don't want to be a part of that cycle and yet I don't know what other advice I could give and I also don't want to fight my son when he's 18 like right I'm so informed by my childhood that I don't know how I would transition into this world I certainly want my kids to live in so I just wonder with you having boys how have you set that course great question cuz I'm in process on that obviously my my sons are 12 the one that came in and brought me the yogurt minut go seven and then they have a sister in the middle I would say that is one way right there they have a sister in the middle in some form of fashion boys you're going to be younger Livingston you're going to be older Levi and you're going to be in the same school a lot of times yall look out for your sister in whatever fashion that she's your sister now you got to look out for each other as well and yourselves but that's that's your your sister look out for her uh and you're going to know the boys that like sister now you be real honest do you condone do you approve cuz we're going to go to you when your sister gets first aid I'm we're going to go to you you know you know that boy is he a good young man is he worthy of taking your sister out so giving him a sense of that is one you know I've got one child that is very much a pacifist that he's going to turn the other wants to turn the cheek every time with him have to lean him with going hey that's beautiful at the same time people will try and take advantage of that and will sit there and keep pushing it if you don't stand up for yourself and fight back and so there will come a time probably on that proverbial playground you can have S physically do something or I've said this and it's happened before you know what your answer is to that kid on the soccer field that's picking on you you go down right now and score on his ass and just when you go by don't gloat or you go guard him tell your coach you want to guard him yeah yeah and and then and then beat him yeah and beat him and don't say a word do that as your version the other child is much more physical and of him he's more the one I'm like going you don't have to hit everybody body yeah yeah yeah I me you can talk some of these out too yeah you could you can and he and he's by no means any a brute or a bully but he's much more physically confident and and would be the one that would much more quickly go oh yeah yeah and you see them work it out between themselves a lot too though especially in these covid times where we're not on the playground with everyone in the school physically you see them work it out I mean our youngest one has tested our oldest one because he's actually more physical and will come at you harder and the oldest one is faster though and a little smarter at things and I'm talking to him like all right if you don't want to engage with Livingston on the physical side just out witht him yeah Jud Judo you know and so so just Tee It Up to where you tricking and he'll be like ah how'd you get the last piece of cake I thought I said cuz I knew where to put or whatever that is so I mean I'm still navigating year by year day by day with with them and as I'm told it's about to get all more complicated because those teens come up and we'll see oh yeah yeah well you got to get that oil of mink out out baby start conditioning that skin get it glowing well that's you know the other another big question here and and and you know this man and being in the affluent positions we're in coming from similar backgrounds where we had different resistance and given to us in different ways from where we live to what we drive to how we were raised disciplined everything else how do we give our children the right amount of resistance to be autonomous individuals because if we're saying yes all the time and going yeah just use all this influence it's who we are it's how life is yeah we're doing them a disservice I know I think about it all the time I'm like I I look at my kids I go they got a goddamn swimming pool in their backyard I knew one kid in my town with a swimming pool yeah how can you tell what do you mean you're bored you're bored well that's good now go figure it out and you're not turning on the tube you know whatever that is yeah I also think like oh my God like I grew up somewhere where I wanted to go somewhere there was a shangra la and I wanted to visit but they're already here so I'm like I don't know where are they going to want to go you know it's all interesting and at the same time we want our children to own the affluence that we have yeah don't do any false modesty like no my dad and mom aren't they aren't they're not no yes we are yeah keep your chin High you know when someone says oh I bet you live in big ass so don't get shy and go oh feel don't feel guilty about just own it yeah and acknowledge Your Privilege and know that you've got a responsibility to help people that's that's that you know I had a responsibility try to go get all this [ __ ] now you got a responsibility to help other people who don't have the [ __ ] yep and take it up a notch in another way but what do you know we talk about this a lot of time in our family we all want relevance but we need to ask ourselves first relevant for what you know and what's America say success is right now well genuinely Fame and money sure well that value system's a little out of place we try to talk talk to kids it's not about the bigger thing is better always you know I I have that thing in the book about when you can ask yourself if you want to before you do yeah you know you get all these things well you and I grew up in ways where if you get offered something you go yeah I mean shoot I never had a option before and then you have to go wait a minute do I really like my jeans pressed uh no I don't and also I'm sure you've had the same experience I did which is like okay I got all these things I thought were going to magically make me feel a certain way and then I had those things and said oh no I still need purpose I don't I haven't given myself purpose that me [ __ ] saying lines in front of a camera ain't purpose right right and I think that's the ongoing thing you know I mean I I've got a uh that Langston Hughes poem America yet has really been sticking in my mind with so much about not just for America for the world for each of us individually to realize that we never arrive right but if we just stay in the race and commit to the Chase and go ah well I mean we're trying to achieve the unachievable and so just keep trying it stay on the adventure of it and that's when if you're a Believer that's where I think God's going there we go yeah I think a lot of the general anxiety is the a fantasy that we will achieve this Utopia and then we will build a wall around it but that is not how this is all working every single generation after us is going to want to take it somewhere else and that's the given yes yeah indeed you're awesome your [ __ ] book is so well written written and so fun to read I cannot wait to finish it cuz I got to find out about the Peyote and the cave and is there an audio version yeah I did and I and I do the audio version that's for me I perform a lot of those characters we were talking about when is that out the audio version uh I think the same date October 20th October 20th okay oh this is great oh if I could hear you telling the stories I just read yeah it was fun to do the audio too but thanks for talking about it man I I quite enjoyed talking to you and it's been too long since since we sat around that Lake and said we were going to do it and here we are and next time maybe we'll do it in person yeah can't wait you're wonderful we do have rhythm I was right and I can't wait to see you again next all right look forward to seeing you too all right be good man amen and now my favorite part of the show The fact check with my soulmate Monica padman here we go it is fact [ __ ] fact cheack time at the AP hello I don't know that song that's not a song I just put together a bunch of words and they barely went together I thought it was the song that you love from Lost in Translation oh Midnight at the oases oh put your cam to bed that one yeah oh my God it that's the one it gives me the worst feelings iys really icky feelings because I think the woman was staring into Bill Murray's eyes why she sang that quote sexy song and it just wasn't sexy yeah owie boy taking a big swing on being sexy is is scary I know but also like necessary you got to do it you got to do it but you got to figure out what is sexy and what is just too perverse well sexy is authentic how about this know your [ __ ] audience well yeah authentic is a great thank you that's probably the key yeah because if she was trying to be sexy that's what cringy yeah that's the rough part yep also again now on to step two Which is less important know your audience agreed you know but if it's a stranger in that case it was a stranger you can't know your audience wasn't it a well how about this you go um you go midnight at you I'm just kidding can you imagine like you would see pretty quickly and then you just try to play it off like it was a joke okay right I'm down with that but then what if that guy the audience actually hates jokes and so then you have to do so take three okay okay Midnight at bad look I'm just kidding can you imagine and can you imagine if I make jokes all the time that would be the worst I hate jokes let's [ __ ] okay you handle that well did I steer back yeah um this's a parallel park situation parallel park parallel park that was good uh your buddy Call's in town yes my BFF your Aon and weekly is in town and it is lovely and she's living in London London and I asked her for some Intel about your theory on break pedals so we asked her about some Intel about the break pedal cuz she's been there for since January so oh going on 10 months yes yeah and from what I heard I can't give specifics but from what I heard it seems very true it seems a little true that the men hard for you to admit I'm gonna say a little true okay leave you leave a little wiggle room I don't know that it's that the women don't have a break pedal but it does seem like the men do have more of a break pedal in the English culture than it here and just act in general more of the role that a female would play here conventionally yes anyway I just thought you'd find that interesting because we can never really find real data on that and um she's doing some research for us yeah we got a nice piece of anecdotal data that supported my theory uh did you take her to your new house I'm taking her today okay can I tell you something that you have to get at your new house yes okay you're going to get annoyed by this because I'm in love with the entire product line but another thing Delta faet oh tell me about part three listen another thing Delta sent Delta faucets is this glass rinser oh I got to say I maybe I've seen one at a restaurant what does that mean before okay well let's just start with the problem my complaint and I know you have it too you want to clean out a glass you cannot get the sponge in there and your hand to get the corners that seam where the base of the cup meets the walls of the cup I have a particularly hard time doing it with our blender bottles that I shake up all my drinks oh my God there's so much residue left yes and so what you do is then then I I resorted to getting this big stupid long scrubber that doesn't work either and it and it takes up way too much room on the sink so then it's under the sink the whole thing is a pain in the neck and I hate it the glass rinser all you do girl is you set the glass upside down on this sprayer the glass rinser has a super high powerered water jets and it reaches every little corner and all you do you set it down and you look at the glass and it's spotless oh my I I want that um my coffee cups another time that I really hate I hate cleaning those coffee cups put it on the glass rinser high power Jets done also I really wish we had it when we had baby bottles that was because I have so much anxiety that you really want to get your baby bottles clean obviously CU your baby's drinking out of it you don't want gunk in there and those are nearly impossible to clean cuz the the mouth is so narrow dang these people are geniuses they're they're revolutionizing the kitchen there's no question about it they're also incredibly easy to install you must have it at your new house okay and in fact I'm getting one for sure when we build the new attic you are absolutely we need that for our $2,000 mugs well these expensive Lefty mugs are just floating around this attic dirty I hate to say that because we don't have a glass rinser here but we're going to get one yes I'm going to take her there to the house um and then I'm probably I would like to figure out away for us to eat Houston's oh that's going to be toughy I might have to be a pickup which doesn't sound fun yeah that's uh that's good oh oh oh oh oh oh that reminds me I bought a new car yesterday a new old car yeah and I had to ride my electric bicycle out cuz I didn't have anyone to get me you did yeah well cuz you have Co I do not don't say that but you had Cali there and you hadn't been you had been tested but the results weren't yet yes so I couldn't hang with you that's right so I had to ride my electric bicycle over to get this new car how far was it well it was out in uh Mount Washington which is I was not far from Pasadena I could have just kept on going to Houston's wow that is a long way you rode your bike well I rode it even further when I dropped off my last purchase the 454ss when I dropped that off further away than the airport what yes you don't know I told you the story and then I wrote my bicycle my electric bicycle back 26 miles through a war zone and remember I was saying oh my God the city's got so many facets to it any I don't think I remembered it was that far geez this was not far this was only five miles you know the Houston says the crow flies is probably only 7 and a half miles from here but you know through the highway system in La it can be a beat down o anyways are you going to drive out there and get it I don't know TBD we are not supported by Houston so I just want to say that but we are um men Mally supported by Houston because we love it so much and it brings us joy we do I haven't eaten there in so long and it breaks my heart I like the environment the food is off the charts but the environment is really spash it's very sexy in there that's where the woman could have sang that song and it would have worked the context would have would have bolstered would have buffeted would have would have brused it woulded her performance the lighting would be just musky enough that you'd be like yeah like I'm into yeah put your camel to bed why does someone put their camel to bed does that mean you tuck it in and two options one you've Mard yeah likely likely and two the Camel cigarette put it out oh no but an oasis is exists in a desert where you ride camels across it's clearly a Arabian Nights themed song Oh Midnight at the Oasis put your camel to bed could The Oasis be a club and it's saying um lights out what's it called last call last call don't let the door hit you in the assk well the only Oasis that was in mine area growing up was the standard gas station Oasis truck stop where Timothy McVey plan the Oklahoma City bombing do you know that for real for real oh my God you know he's part of the Michigan militia oh and this gas station is was just five miles from my house wow you could have stopped him I should have stopped it you get to time travel yeah I know you're going to go hang out with my grandma and do naughty things yeah that I won't want to hear about although remember I amended that and I really just want to take Brad Pit back with me so that those two can make love and I can witness it that's true but also um while you're like in route can you stop Timothy McVey would you okay this is a this is well first oh you're this is a trap but go ahead why is it a trap cuz I'm gonna there's going to be an ethically correct question and there's going to be what I'd really want to do question no do you feel like if you could time travel you would go back and change something like that something big man is it's it's always so hard to say I wouldn't you you wouldn't kill Hitler I yeah it is hard to say because I think people be mad at me but it's like the movie frequency I don't know if you remember that movie with I think Dan qu Quail qua Dan Quaid what's his name um I think it's Dan Quaid no the it's not it's Daniel Quaid or Danny qua Daniel Quaid it's Daniel Quaid okay and his brother Randy Quaid Dennis oh my God oopsies sorry Dennis Dennis is a great actor who I like a lot so silly that I yeah Great Balls of Fire he played Jerry Lee Lewis uh he's got a great buddy boxes you know he's you know everything about him but his name he was married to your girl from uh you got male megar for years yeah really you got it you got mail you got it mail okay well frequency so in that movie um he's communicating with his son over short wve radio ex that's right and he's dead he's a firefighter and he dies at the beginning so of course the sun wants to stop that oh yeah and it's turns out you shouldn't do that or let's take a lesson from Back to the Future when Biff takes that Sports Almanac like a a list of Victories and then he becomes super rich and then we can't right yeah it's really hard to say because you know well World War II it's hard but you know all you'd have to do you wouldn't have to kill Hitler you'd have to go back and kill the Assassins of arch Duke Ferdinand and there' be no World War I right but here's the thing but then guess what there probably would be a World War I like the Austria Hungarian Empire probably would have invaded some [ __ ] they had an excuse I don't know it's hard to know it's so hard to know but what if you killed Hitler in the second you stabbed him in the gullet you vanished because somehow by killing him led to a different version of how we discovered the nuclear bomb and maybe everyone had it at once and then maybe it was all out Nuclear Assault the first time they were used and maybe there's no humans here exactly that is a lesson from frequency you bring one person back to life some other people go God okay what a movie what a great tale what a great lesson I wonder how many people were like on the fence about whether they wanted to time travel or not and they saw that and they go well that settles it I'm not going to do it I mean I kind of thought that thought about it you did well I would definitely time travel I would just try not to Tinker with anything yeah but would if you brought Brad if you brought Brad if you br you brat broad pit if you brought him to my grandma you are you're going to vanish me if you because you think she won't be able to get enough of it well obviously is it that I'll vanish you or you'll be even prettier because you'll have half of Brad Pitt's DNA in you it won't be me you you understand that right like it' be you exactly you but you'd be better at riding motorcycle CES no one time I you know I think this is the thing kids think a lot like I think I was telling Delta about this way too young um but she has a very big brain she could understand it not the faucet Delta your daughter oh right we are not supported by Delta the daughter just soever well we are again like we're supported by Houston we're supported by them emotionally oh okay that's true so Delta the daughter said something about then that person would be my mom or dad or something and I said well actually no if mommy had a baby with a different person it wouldn't be you it would be a new person that's a mix of Mommy and that person and it wouldn't be you that's a hard she didn't care oh good yeah but anyway so if Brad Pit and my grandma engage in sexual activity sexual Congress which is likely Yo God they saw each other even okay hey here's the thing this is how slight it is even if they do mhm and my grandpa and my grandma still have the same life like just extra just one night she has a little secret that she keeps tight in her heart and at night she you know maybe she lets the fingers do the walking oh and remembers that evening with Brad Pit who arrived in a spaceship oh fingers do the walk masturbating well it used to be a phone book saying for the Yellow Pages let your fingers do the walking and their logo was two fingers walking because people go through the pages they'd flick the pages like like okay so I'm now using that please don't sue me Yellow Pages if you're in existence still uh you could let your fingers do the walk-in wow it's the euphemism for masturbation for your grandma for granny MB granny bation I guess it'd be Grandma ba Grand masturbation Grand masturbation yeah Grand masturbation Grand masturbation it sounds like Grandmaster Flex a little bit it sounds a little Rony no it sounds a little like uh white supremacist Grand masturbation something about Grand Master oh yeah with all the clan members they have those goofy titles like Dragon master and exactly imperial knight of the seventh Kingdom but I guess I could also think of it in terms of Harry Potter I'll think of it in that way Terence bosner yeah so my grandma and Brad Pit engage even if it's just one one time random night still the mix of over the O egg O them the egg that would have been um the egg that would have been mixed up with my grandpa's sperm to make my mom no no hold on a second she's not getting pregnant but um Brad I'm going to tell Brad pull out and we're going to visit her in a moment in her cycle where she's not ovulating this is going to be this isn't going to y baby well of course you can listen listen listen not a baby not a baby but what if because she has sex with Brad she she doesn't she has a period okay okay I don't know how that's going to affect that because some eggs are going to get released during her period Oh you mean why does Brad because okay tell hold on Brad can't affect your grandmother's ovulation let me tell you something about her period okay when Brad comes over it's a Friday night she's going to start her period on Saturday Okay okay so she instead of having sex with my grandpa to make my mother she has sex with Brad okay and he pulls out everything's fine then he leaves he comes back to 2020 and she has her period back well hold on just to be clear he's coming back to 1997 I'm going to swing in and get Legends of the Fall Brad Pit to have sex with your grandma I'm Sor I for anyway just yeah I got a couple stops to make okay um so so then she has her period so then after that she has sex with my grandpa and makes a girl but that girl's not my mom cuz my mom was the period egg that still that doesn't make any I it does no yeah it doesn't yeah because the egg that's coming out in one period is not the same as the more different eggs how does bread pit affect Grandma's psycho I told you this is so easy to follow oh you're saying that she had sex with with Brad instead of on the day of conception no no no no I'm I can look up when nurmala was born okay and I can backdate that and I'll get Brad in there before they that moment okay this is so easy to do correctly without any Butterfly Effect oh yeah Butterfly Effect another one man this is a really well-worn thought experiment it is yeah yeah yeah I didn't didn't invent it we're no we're diving into a lot of well material all right well Matthew mccon speaking of movie stars speaking of hot hot movie stars there's few people well there's no one I would want to trade lives with I like mine the most yeah but if at gunpoint I was either going to dematerialize and never have existed or jump into someone's body yeah he'd be high on my list what about Brad I think Matt's having more fun wow wow I think he's having a lot of fun I've met his wife she's absolutely stunning and nice and smart and lovely yes he lives in my favorite place already that's true he drinks successfully that's true yeah that's you could do worse he might we by the way we should commit some real time to who would be our backup body okay all right so I'm just I'm throwing him in there right now there might be others that that end up passing him but I don't I can't think of one now I would trade bodies [Music] with well it's not just trade bodies them you're them okay if I'm them Bill Gates Ruth Bader Ginsburg she's passed yeah oh do they have to be alive of course oh okay yeah I can't pick like um Stalin well then I would have lived that life and I would have felt happy I don't know okay well not as Stalin but no no as Ruth Bader Ginsburg okay let me think of someone alive yeah thriving comparable age preferably ooh maybe Michelle Obama oh really good yeah that would be a you sleep with your Dream Lover yeah and I look mine's the opposite of yours I'm not picking a life that's easy I know you want to be proud of yourself and I want to have a great time I'm I feel like I'm already burdened with trying to do the other thing and it seems nice to just have a good time yeah I'm not interested in that yeah you don't want a good time no for a good time don't call me or though I know who you might be oh who Michael Jordan well I hadn't thought about boys I might be Tom Brady really although I he's not having as much fun as conah Jordan I would not pick I might pick zazzy beat so I could stare at myself in the mirror all the time I would never need to do anything but stare in the mirror you know who I'd pick who well uhoh I'd probably pick I was gonna say Jennifer Aniston obviously oh yeah you would have been on friends I would have been on Friends Brad that's right or Dave Chappelle you'd want to be him I would definitely want you'd be real proud of yourself if you were him I'd be so proud of myself I'd be enlightened I'd be magical I'd be a genius that'd be exciting yeah he seems to have a good time he's been through the ringer too he's been yeah and he made a decision of high integrity he navigated right out of it I love in the calmer Waters and weather I I was thinking about him last night as I was um falling into my Slumber and are you is this a boy girl difference do when you like someone that much are you horny for them so I am not horny for Dave Chappelle but I am you want his respect more than anything and I'm never going to get it no there's no what would he what would he be he hey hey oh no well I just don't think we do the things that the people that he seems to admire hold on are like really talented hip-hop artists that seems to be who he respects a lot he he hangs out with a ton of hip-hop artists that's why tb's friends with him she hangs out with enlightened people yeah who also can slang great verse well no can Bradley no and they're friends no but he is a better actor than Us exclusive he's a much better actor than us okay I'm gonna quit everything and then I'm GNA start a new profession where Dave Chappelle will respect me oh well we got to find out what it it would be he of course would resp respect you I'm having fun you don't do the things that I feel like he's drawn to he's probably not going to cross paths with me yeah I feel actually I'm not gonna say that I'm gonna will that into being okay and we're gonna be friends okay great would you be satisfied just being best friends with him but he doesn't respect you no I rather it's not cross paths if that were the case all right here's your options okay one is he has the most undying respect for you like he's listened to all 250 episodes and he's like this is the best woman on planet Earth and I never want to meet her yeah or you are best Bros with Dave Chappelle you hang with him you go to his live shows in the cornfield in Ohio he like runs material by you you guys go out to eat you get to hear all of his interesting points of view on every little topic Under the Sun and your besties I think you would but listen you think I think pick the first one I do and that's horrible it's just ego I think but listen is but I'm also smart to know which is why he respects me I'm smart to know this that the situation you just laid out is impossible why you can't be he especially can't be because he has such high integrity he can't be that close with someone running material by them and not respect them I have zero people in my life who are in my top TI who ien in this hypothetical I created that is the case okay well they're like who do you love more than anyone he he'd be like Monica who's who's the most fun to be around Monica you respect her no that's what that's how it go my God cuz he like what does that mean or respect her I like her that's what's important no yes yes I hate this question I'm breaking through more stuff than your therapist I think I'd pick the second cuz he'd want me to pick the second and I'd gain his respect oh my God oh my God it's the worst pick okay so I only have one fact for Matthew okay good because we ate up all of his time with a bunch of hypotheticals about Brad [ __ ] your mom getting remarried I mean your granddaddy grandles he he's [ __ ] over my granddaddy Grand masturbation which maybe is racist we don't know the glass sprayers unparalleled oh yeah and okay and now we're here to the fact Dave Chappelle in my respect or in the balance okay now Laura sent me one fact it's who is the real little Mr Texas oh wow is it known listen I can't find it but I can find he was runner up yeah learned that's another thing I'd gain if I took over his life is I would have been runner up and beauty pageant I didn't have a shot at that in my real life you couldn't find the real life little Mr no I saw a list of the people but it didn't say who was the winner oh and there were a few people who were like my brother was in that pageant with Matthew mccon but nobody is claiming because he was so disparaging about their advantage their financial advantage they're embarrassed oh man I hope this leads to us finding out if you know the real winner of the little Mr Texas is it little Mr Texas that's right I'm so sorry if you you are the winner I don't mean to laugh at it 1977 if you're the winner of the 1977 little Mr Texas pageant and or you know who won and better yet if you're associated in any way and you can put us into contact with them we'll interview them I'll say that right now we'll do it on a fact chat right yes we will but we need photographic evidence and [ __ ] not that you and I would know if it was faked or not yeah we're going to need some hardcore evidence okay I'm gonna run it by Dave Chappel yeah he'll know he can sniff out a fake in a second he doesn't respect you at all but he wants to go on every vacation he ever takes in his life with you all right well look we got to get Dave Chappelle on here if for no other reason a settle this debate he is my number one guest that's a really good number one guest thank you yeah man if if for me boy between him and Bill Murray that's a that's a real that's a that's a tough one that's a Sophie's choice I get that oh I never really WRA this up real quick so he was on the Letterman interview show that's on Netflix I watched it last night so I went to bed Dave Chappelle not B Murray Dave Chappelle and I went to bed thinking about him in my Slumber no I was not horny for him ding ding ding but I did think wow this person is an anomaly okay okay and he is a gift to this earth you think he's a god oh well I'm just you're you're you are teetering into deity status well no I don't think he's a [ __ ] and stuff of course of course I I don't mean that and he doesn't want to be that he's makes that very clear he doesn't want to be anyone's leader or anyone's anything he's not comfy with it but it's because of that have I already aired my grievances against the dolly llama on here I don't know it's not the time play yeah I don't think we should do that all right um that's all I love you love good night [Music]