Browse Transcripts

Category: Comedy

I remember we had this old woman once she came in friday afternoon 5:55 hello i need to buy a birthday card for my grandson if you're not out the shop in 5 minutes love the only card he's going to be requiring is a condolence card make it qui cuz that's the thing isn't it there are some things right... Read more

Category: Comedy

That's a bit of fun you can have right if with nervous flyers i shouldn't say this because i am myself a nervous flyer but this is definitely something you can do a little prank if you will go to a fancy dress high costume shop rent yourself a pilot's outfit get a really good one the capat the jacket... Read more

Category: Comedy

[applause] so i haven't yet mentioned where my father lies in all of this uh which is really to not give a flying f about any of it cuz uh my dad right he's uh he's from an older generation of fathers he's quite old-fashioned uh old-fashioned racist because he's an older dad you know like oh we got... Read more

Category: Comedy

Ladies and gentlemen please welcome to the stage mr jack [applause] [music] whitall yes good evening london wow o to arena saturday night people this is what it's all about netflix special in london at the oour arena and i see they got my request to put all the youngest sexiest people in the front row... Read more

Category: Comedy

We also get couple envy in our relationship i don't know whe anyone else suffers from that we had it recently right we were in a restaurant someone really suffers from it i go away i we were in a restaurant in greece right and there was this old couple in the restaurant at one of the tables like properly... Read more

Category: Entertainment

They're in the park grabbing up ducks by their neck and cutting their head off and walking off with them are running into trash cans they're running into buildings they're running into they flipping cars in the middle of the street and i don't know how like this is a dude that is against haans so i... Read more

Category: Comedy

So freunde ja ihr habt jetzt ungefähr eine woche von mir nichts gehört ich wollte nur bescheid geben ne wenn ich mal eine woche oder vier wochen 6 wochen keine videos hochlade nein ich höre mit youtube nicht auf das hat meistens gründe ich hatte die letzten 7 bis 10 tage viel mit papierkram zu tun okay... Read more

Category: People & Blogs

I'm sure you've heard the news zach galanakis didn't just walk into hollywood he stumbled joked and laughed his way in zach started his comedy journey in the most zach way possible doing standup in dive bars his big break a quirky show called late world with zach that was as unpredictable as his beard... Read more

Category: Comedy

You know that that joker to i think is coming out it's a it's a musical but they don't want to admit that it's a musical because you know all the the guys don't want to be like i'm seeing a musical and there was so there was a press conference with lady gaga today and and she said she said it's not... Read more

Category: Comedy

But anything sets me off just anything i just see those david wams books oh i hate them know those kids books is oh i got on strike in my house i refused to read them to my kids so i'm not reading it i'm not my wife says it's because i'm a bitter twisted jealous pathetic husk of a man who's lost all... Read more

Category: Comedy

-welcome back! -hi. -here's your tour right there. come on. that's a big deal. -thank you. thank you so much. -taylor, you came on the show and did stand-up here. it was one of your first appearances. i was so happy and lucky to have you. i'm, like, the biggest fan of yours. -thank you so much. yeah,... Read more

Category: Comedy

Traci stumf - my own college i didn't go to college yeah yeah thank you you know i'm okay with the fact that i didn't go to college it's the entire world that is not okay with the fact that i did not go to college and when you don't go to college you notice stuff about life you know like what i've noticed... Read more

Category: Comedy

[applause] and look i feel bad dissing are there american people here there's a couple over there going woo just live the stereotype uh mean i i love you guys i just think we we look up to you a little bit too much do you know what mean we try to impress you too much and look i love you because you're... Read more

Category: Comedy

Remember that you you know that american tv show i was telling you about i made the biggest dick of myself on that show it was called chelsea lately now some of you all know this show it's it's and i don't want to diss the show cuz i was so excited to be on it but chelsea handler is a late night american... Read more

Category: Comedy

It's a loads of things will'll just do your edit daily it's weird i mean you know if you ever hear me moaning about this job please just punch me in the face like i do i i love this job i mean i'm lazy like i said i'm not you know i don't really leave this little bit i don't know why they bother lighting... Read more

Category: Comedy

So now before the show uh i ask you guys to write down your own first world problems and uh i've got them here uh obviously i can't read them all out i've had to forward to them and onto the police uh there some proper nutters in this room okay let's have a little look through some of these if you hear... Read more

Category: Comedy

I i once told a joke on the telly that got 147 complaints and i'll be honest with you i'm still not sorry and i was this was what jimmy car feels like every day about three and a half years ago in a huge news story hit the uk when an old woman put a cat in a bin do you remember this story and the country... Read more

Category: Comedy

[music] thank you nice one good he nice one thank you how are you michael mcy everyone how good the what a legend the apollo look at this is anyone else thinking they've scrubbed it up quite nice haven't they it's nice now it's on the telly when we usually e it's all right [ __ ] all is it but look... Read more

Category: Comedy

The ultimate first world problem i think is this right just imagine this picture this scene you've all been there you've had a long day at work and you get to the end of the day so tired so tired you get home and maybe you make to like you go for a drink you're like oh i don't really want to but you... Read more

Category: Comedy

My parents have been together 35 years now and uh they got together very young actually my mom was well my mom was young my mom was 16 and my dad was 24 there was an eight 8ye age gap and now my mom's got to an age where she's starting to lie about her age she's starting to take two or three years off... Read more