Sean Lock Hates One Thing About David Walliams | Keep It Light | Universal Comedy

but anything sets me off just anything I just see those David WAMS books oh I hate them know those kids books is oh I got on strike in my house I refused to read them to my kids so I'm not reading it I'm not my wife says it's because I'm a bitter Twisted jealous pathetic husk of a man who's lost all creative spark and is's quite happy to buy the way his career taking easy cash on panel shows cuz we're quite honest with each other you know then I just point out one of our nipples goes off to the left and I win but no there's a reason there's a reason I don't like them there's a reason I don't like his books because there's a lot of fart gags in his book lot of fart gags in his books and the best thing about a fart gag is the noise isn't it the sound of a you don't reading the sound of a f but also we already do those jokes at home they're the easiest jokes to do with your kids you know oh who farted who smelt it delted oh that was a they're one of the few things that break up the tedious grinding repetitive monotony of domestic Family Life the endless repetition of task after task after task load the dishwasher unload the dishwasher load the dishwasher unload the dishwasher cook the food put the food on the plates put the plates on the table get them to eat the food they don't eat the food scrape the food away Lo the dishwasher again would somebody please just Fu but also I think I think you should offer kids something a bit more imaginative you know there's no fart ganks in Treasure isand is there is there there's not a bit where Long John Silva lifts up his wooden leg we can't do it the other way can he yeah [Music] Winnie the Pooh perfect place for a fart gag not a sniff Charlie and the Chocolate Factory both sets of grandparents share a double bed and live off cabbage soup in the wrong hands in the wrong hands that book would be packed with fart gags from beginning to end it would just be there'd be no OA lumpers there'd be no magic lift at the end it' just [Music] be I think I'm right you as you did that with other Classics of children's literature like o sorry about that said [Laughter] Heidi as she brought the goats in from the field my cheesy grunt seems to have tainted the Alpine freshness of the morning pull my finger said [Laughter] ndy better out than in shriek Tinkerbell as she flitted across the London rooftops sprinkling fairy dust and a faint whff of [Laughter] [Applause] [ __ ] we can go in that wardrobe for 10 [Applause] minutes said Alan kill a witch that would so my wife said to me she said she she said if you think it's so easy why don't you write one why don't you why don't you write a book I said well piece of piss any idiot could write a kids book it's easy they're [ __ ] idiots I said I'll tell you what I tell you how easy it is I'll write one quicker than they can read it that's how easy it is I'll write a book faster than a child could read it so I gave myself an hour right I went off for an hour right I didn't write one I wrote three in an hour three kids books first one right I thought we got Postman Pat fireman s Bob the Builder time for a prison guard I thought we good teach kids about the consequences of their actions so I created sirel the screw he drives the van from uh from court to jail you know drives the van and uh his best friend isn't a cat like Po and Pat it's a spider that goes around and listens the recriminations of the recently convicted prisoners so they in the in the back going oh must stop being so naughty it's a kids book there's no swearing obviously foiled again blooming DNA and uh and he has Adventures he has Adventures like one day he's driving off to jail and he noticed that Mrs B the postmistress is broken down so he pulls over to help her but it's not Mrs boggins is it she's tied up in the boot it's one of the gang with a wig [Music] on and he punches sirel and he lands upside down in a blackbery bush his little leg sticking out the top and they drive off but the Spider goes into the satinav rewires it and it goes to jail anyway so yeah that was I mean think of the merchandise on that alone that's book one second book I wrote It's called gout boy right about this boy he's got terrible gout oh shocking gout because his mom drunk quite a lot during pregnancy but she's a solicitor it's middle class drinking so nobody comments you know also he's got a long flat head right cuz he was born on a dance floor during a chamba wber medley anyway one day he goes to the hospital for some tests right turns out turns out I shouldn't be the only one laughing should I that's not good goes to hospital and says turns out he hasn't got Gout at all no he's got a very rare disease very very rare disease he's got you know that Benjamin Button syndrome you remember you SE that Benjamin Buton film you know where he's born as an old man and then he get turns into a baby gets older and older turns into a baby he's got that but it just affects his legs he got basically he's got lower Benjamin buttons syndrome he he's got lbb he's not full-blown he hasn't got he hasn't got fbb BS full-blown Benjamin Button syndrome it's just so he's like a baby from here and he's got Old Man's legs like barcus veins nobly knees you know gr toenails but as he gets older his legs get younger and younger and younger you when he dies he's got a little puffy baby feet e