Best of Vicky Pollard & Dafydd Thomas | Little Britain | Lucas and Walliams

Vicky polard you have been charged with shoplifting on the 11th of April it is alleged you went into the KK skin branch of super drug once there you attempted to steal an eyeliner pencil and a can of Red Bull by concealing them in your leggings now in the face of the overwhelming evidence we've heard today against you do you stand by your plea of not guilty no but yeah but no because what happened was right was a happen what he don't know nothing about sh I wouldn't even supposed to be anywhere even near there the Meredith key mover start stirring all up start calling all these things like about this thing what he don't even know [Music] about right but you admit you were in super drug at the time no but yeah but knew because there's whole other thing what you don't even know that and Meredith says it weren't a thing but it was so don't listen to her she's a complete slam sorry Meredith who is Meredith she's the one You' done that thing about the thing but she gives you sweets don't eat them because she's dirty thing what what thing yeah I know and anyway there's this whole other thing what I didn't even know about or sumon or nothing because little B you told Wayne dougen that jermine fingered Carly right the back of the ice rank but I was supposed to be doing home but I wasn't right I was on the phone to Jules but anyway don't listen to her because she had a baby and didn't tell anyone Vicky were you in super drug at the time no but yeah but no but yeah but no but yeah but no because I wasn't even with Amber Amber who's Amber yeah exactly I wasn't even with her anyway I don't even know who she is so you better ask her viy I don't think you realize the gravity of the situation there thing right what I if you're found guilty def say that right you'll have a criminal record so I don't have to go into lesson this is a court of law you have are you going to keep interrupting me no no no no no I'm not I'm going to let you speak now we've heard from the social oh my God right there's a whole thing I could forgot to tell you about you know C he felt up me on the court SC a Towers no totally had an EP but then Dean went on to Mary Rose and was sick on Louis farren's head oh bloody Elan I'm so down oh why is that David it's so odd being the only gay in the village oh I just dream of the day I can meet other gays who understand what it's like to be a gay oh I was going to tell you I was talking to old marthens and she's got a new lodger from Cardiff and guess what he is a gay what in the village apparently yes I told you to send him over here tonight so you could meet him chm be him now hello can I have a bardian Coke please oh you must be da there you go I leave you boys to it no don't go just passing through are you oh no I've got a job here at the Florest and I'm looking for somewhere to live I saw a very nice Cottage but that's another story is it yes and uh you claim to be a gay do you oh yes I am and Mrs Evans said I should come and talk to you cuz you're the only gay in the village well now you're not now there's two of us no you are not a gay I am gay I am gay all right then if you're gay who played Dorothy in the film The Wizard of hor Judy Garland how do you know that it's easy everyone knows that all right then this will get you who is the gay character and are you being served Mr humph was it yes well that's very subtle then I always thought it was Captain peacock he's the one with the mustache well I seem to have passed your gay test so I must be gay no you are not the gay I am the gay you're probably just a little bit puffy I am gay I've had sex with men and everything that's more than you B DAV shway I am the only gay in this Village and that's that oh maybe I should go yes back to Cardiff we've already got one gain Clan do we brevy we don't need another one well goodbye then provincial Queens Davi Thomas you bloody fool you could have had a bit a [ __ ] there oh I'm The Only Gay in the village you're full of [ __ ] you are that's exactly the kind of homophobic attitude I come to expect in this Village for day packet part scratch and never packet part scratch and Bo the matches anything else um Four Points of snake bites please you uh got any ID no but yeah but no because you know more than you she said I've been going around saying that s gwan has got mustache which she has but never said it but anyway Paul Murphy told he hasine that I showed him my tit on school trip to W but I never I just showed him my W ho if you ain't got idea I'm not serving you no cuz what you need to do right is ask kin Flanigan's brother cuz he reckons I look at least 15 and anyway I am old that because one of my best friends in the world is T McKenna and she goes to school with Gary's sister and Gary sub is like the hardest person in Cott cuz once right he went down the canal and he found this tire and he like throw it in this SW come on get out no but I have got ID but I burnt X I don't even need that you dropped your ID card Becky oh yeah I just remembered I never burnt that oh my God that's like so unfair H Chapman reckon she went down the fro him and load the makeup on and they gave her four pron and blacks go she's so lucky she's got her own Council flat three kids and she's only nine I'm not serving you don't matter anyway cuz we got one of these come on let's go this place is rubbish hello Mrs lellan oh hello DAV and what can I do you for today I'll have a quarter of Bon bonss and a copy of Gay Times please it's my only Outlet is it not on the rock love I couldn't see it we must have gone then I'm sorry you only get the one in for you so I imagine somebody must have bought it I don't think so I think you'll find I am the only gay in this Village oh I remember somebody definitely came and bought it yesterday it's got Hazel Dean in it and a very informative article on [ __ ] who bought it you know I can't remember think well no um come on woman well now let's think who came in yesterday D Davis the music Master he might have bought it he's not gay but he does share a cottage with the English master they're just friends no come to think of it he just bought vog see he's not gay who else quickly father use a gay priest what planet are you on woman I remember go on yes I was quite surprised actually cuz I'd absolutely no idea he liked [ __ ] who who well I just popped next door to the t- room for a bun and when I came back for the love of godwoman tell me Noel Jones who the blacksmith right hello DAV I'm Comm heing this vehicle g m right I want to away with you what's this I've been hearing about David David Thomas you must be no no I me brother Reese no well I no I I left something in the OV project in by first thing next week Vicky po stay behind good luck Vicky yes thank you Kelly you come here please Vick [Music] F it's been 2 weeks now and I still haven't received your law kitner knew because what happened was was I was going around cars but then whole thing at M shell Todd is a b anyway has been completely going around saying that Desy stole money out Michelle's PR but i't not even spoken to relle because she like Dash micha's hair VI I'm not interested in that I'm more interested in your cours work you because what happened was was this whole thing at I don't even know nothing about because Ashley K has been going around saying that Sam's brother smells him up but anyway sh never even sto no car so shab Vicky have you even started this essay new but but new yeah new yeah but new because I'm not even going on the pill because n reckons i sto me from getting pregnant you know if I don't get this epod by the end of the week I'm going to have to fail you yeah but Lu Baron Ed a whole bottle of fans into Shannon's bag but anyway L reckons the finger them bacon around the back of the language lab Vicki do you want to pass your gcsc GCS what don't give me evos another bardan Coke please my coming right sir I wish there were more things for gay people to around you it's so lonely being the only gay in the village what you on about there Lords of things to do you just got to look in the local paper now lesbians bisexuals transgender oh here we are gay section oh there you go there's a gay night on Thursdays at the BJ and the Bear in abaan we oh no I I couldn't possibly get over to abaan we it's only half of M no the stor path is quite treacherous but the number four goes to Aba van we oh no I couldn't possibly get on a bus I'm gay you see Gay Men's Choir gay rambling Society gay book club gay sex club gay Nation of Islam not much going on is there oh gay chies now that is right up your street you love Star Trek don't you well I don't like Deep Space 9 look the gay cheis have a meeting on Mondays at 8:00 oh well I've missed it then right here let me see that that must be them over there they don't look like Star Trek fans to me of course they are well they can't be gay oh I tell you dear he was hung like a klling on go over and talk to them oh no my me I couldn't possibly walk all the way over there these are pants going to be terrible CH fans [Applause] David greetings um I've just been speaking to the B maid and she says would you mind drinking up and leaving only they don't want your s around you well I did Tryon I'm ra down you now about this essay I that yeah I have uh one or two problems with it what was Lord kitner role in World War I no but yeah in World War I or something there was this bloke right called kitchen or some ink or nothing who done this thing but he ain't even not done it so shut up anyway Kathy reckons she saw candies getting off with Tony toer toer yeah in Foot Locker but anyway don't listen to her because she's got one tip bigger than the other thinky they simply won't do what is there a problem with spelling for