Jokes On Airline Customers | Come Fly With Me | Lucas and Walliams

when we boarded Peter sorry Judith when we boarded the flylo cruise liner we were shown to our quarters in the bows of the ship only to discover that our cabin was flooded way steep with sea water but we thought oh H let's get on with it it's only our bottom half they're going to get wet so we set sail Peter I'm talking it's very rude sorry Judas so we set sail and we'd only just left the port at Athens when it emerged that all 780 passengers on board the vessel had contracted dis you had to queue for 14 Peter you and I are going to come to blows in a minute you had to queue for 14 hours to use the lever Well we'd been waiting 13 hours and it was very nearly our turn when we heard gunshots and discovered that the boat had been boarded by Pirates they rounded up all the pass pet they rounded up all the passengers on deck and singled out Peter and I and took us hostage which meant we missed the buffet we were then taken to a room and told that one of us was going to have to perform six ax upon the Pirates at gunpoint well I po my hand in the air and volunteered Peter but before my husband had a chance to engage in anything other than mile foreplay with three of the men the boat was stormed by the Greek Coast Guard there was a shootout bodies everywhere and just as I thought surely this Cruise can't get any worse we discovered that the cabet that night was John Baran that's when I Boke on well I didn't know that did I me this passenger is due to fight Mala for his sister's wedding but there's a problem he can't find his passport well I've got me nectar card any good sorry sir he clearly got me name on it but when you arrive in Spain without a passport they're just going to send you straight back home even if I show them a boot Advantage card sorry Blockbuster video cards no Dudley swimming baths early bird pass sorry yeah but what if I get to Spain and get them to call Dudley swimming baths and get the lady there to vouch for me and she can say yeah it's Neil I'm sorry sir but you do need your passport all right all right I'll get it oh h on a sick thought Park Family path come on this is madness apparently you have to have a passport now to go to another country wait excuse me but I wasn't home that's fow for you a it I'm not to take your money but you forget a little thing like your passport and that's that hope you've all got your passports apparently you now need a passport to go abroad I'm never flying fly L again you come pay me me passport just in me pocket I would like a complaint form please what's the problem well we booked a holiday through your so-call company and we have had the holiday from hell it was our anniversary so we booked to go to Cyprus it all started when we got off the plane yes thank you Peter it all started when we got off the plane and discovered that the flyow hotel complex hadn't been built yet it was just a mound of Earth well that was our first disappointment but we thought ho home let's get on with it and we dug a hole in the ground and stayed there oh we B for Continental V yes thank you Peter we booked for a continental breakfast meats and cheeses a selection of pastries a choice of tea or coffee but there was no food at all not a sausage yeah you're now complicating matters Peter because In fairness to fly low they never promise sausages to my apology accepted Peter yes there was no food whatsoever but we thought hoam no point feeling sorry for ourselves and we survived on a diet of insects and grubs I'm a vegetarian so I just at soil yes I was coming to that Peter Peter is a vegetarian so he just ate soil now the problem was I don't know if the soil hadn't been cooked properly but Peter had a very very bad upset stomach new stools oh Peter don't be disgusting we don't need to hear about that so do this Peter had very loose stalls and for the remainder of the trip was lying on the ground clutching his guts with a cork up his anus wasn't the worst holiday we've been on but it's certainly up [Music] there it's 300 p.m. and the woods family are checking in for their annual summer holiday but there's a hiccup I have actually got you booked in on this flight but not until next Monday huh you're on the same flight but I'm afraid you come a week early John oh sorry love D what are we going to do well there's no point driving all the way home and coming back is there we might as well stay here can we wait here well I'm sorry sir that's not so good for the other passengers we all right here no sorry sir we right here though no here well passengers do sometimes get the dates of their flights wrong I mean we had a gentleman recently turned up a year late for his flight to Manchester but luckily for him the plane was delayed so actually he managed to board on time by way of apology for the previous Deb barkle flyo offered us a very good deal on a package holiday to Colombia now as soon as we came out of B soon as we came out of bogatar airport Peter was bitten by rabid dog within minutes he was howling and foaming at the mouth my first thought was can I have Peter put down I looked into it but the doctor said it was unethical yes thank you Peter but the doctors said it was unethical Peter became more and more ill I had diarrhea and was projectile vomiting Peter don't be so cruel sorry Judas Peter had diarrhea and was projectile vomiting if you'd spun him round you'd have thought he was a Catherine wheel so we decided so I decided that the best course of action was to take the first plane home now while we were waiting at the airport very Charming Man called Carlos approached me and offered me $5,000 to take his briefcase through customs I had reservations Peter had reservations but we were saving up for a loft conversion so I said yes and gave the briefcase to Peter to carry but we leared in England Peter if I could just get a word in edgeways sorry you this I should hope so too Peter when we landed in England Peter was stopped at Customs they searched the briefcase and found 20 kg of cocaine with a street value of half a million P Peter was arrested and is looking at a prison sentence of no less than 12 years if I activate the holiday AR five I'd struggled to give it more than three it's been a long week for the woods family who are still waiting for their flight he's been all right we make do yeah I mean you talk to the other passengers and you make new friends then they have to fly away of course yeah but then you see we're here to greet them when they come back which is nice yeah it was our anniversary last night so we sat the kids in front of the departure boards and we took the monal down to Terminal 2 and went to the Cafe Rouge yeah they gave us a lovely little outside near TI rck on the weekend we took the kids out for a treat down to baggage reclaim yeah we played a little game with them didn't we can you guess what color the next case is going to be yeah sometimes they're black sometimes they're gray oh the red one oh yeah we saw a red one the other day that was very [Laughter] amusing well we went to the bureau des shange and we changed down money into Turkish and then back again that was a fun 8 minutes smoothies oh yeah we've discovered that they give out little samples of smoothies and if you collect enough of them during the day by 6:00 you got your own full size smovie it's about it really been a Qui sort of week oh you w that Ferrari in the raffle I did that was nice for