Trump Gets Last Words in Presidential Debate Against Kamala Harris

-Good evening. I'm Seth Meyers. This is "Late Night." We hope you're doing well. And if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news. Before we get started, a little housekeeping. If you're watching this show on TV right now, you probably watched us do a live show about the debate in primetime a couple of hours ago. But we're no fools. We tape this show yesterday. So if you're wondering why I look younger and healthier now, it's because this Seth hasn't been through a presidential debate and a live primetime show yet. We did it this way because of "Late Night" Seth and primetime Seth ever accidentally meet, it'll tear a hole in the space time continuum and open a portal to what's called the Sethverse. And I've been told many times that one of me is more than enough. Now let's get to yesterday's news. Election day is now less than eight weeks away, which is also not for nothing about how long it takes to get your passport renewed. During last night's debate, Vice President Kamala Harris' campaign held more than 1,300 watch parties across the country as opposed to the last debate where we all attended can't watch parties. [ Laughter ] Ahead of last night's debate, former President Trump won the coin toss, saving him the trouble of getting the Supreme Court involved. Last night's debate was hosted by ABC news and simulcast on Fox, CBS and NBC. Although, NBC, haven't we done enough? Second Gentleman Doug Emhoff and Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro attended a Pearl Jam concert over the weekend in Philadelphia. Wow, that makes me feel old, said Pearl Jam. [ Laughter ] The FBI said in a new report this week that cryptocurrency fraud increased last year by 45% to 145%. A lawsuit was filed this week against the makers of Trojan Condoms that claims their products are not safe because they contain forever chemicals. Wow, so whether you use them or not, you're going to have something forever. [ Laughter ] And finally, The Wall Street Journal recently published an article titled Dear Men, You're Eating Too Much Meat." They also published a rebuttal titled Dear Women, I Said, I'll Be Out in a Minute. And that was a monologue, everybody. We are off and running. We've got a great show for you tonight. She's an Emmy. and Golden Globe nominated actress who has starred in everything from "Ghost" and "A Few Good Men" to "G.I. Jane" and "Feud: A Capote vs. the Swan." She's currently starring in "The Substance," which is incredible. It's in theaters next week. Demi Moore we'll be here, everybody. He is a Tony-winning an Oscar-nominated actor known for roles from the high spirit of Prince Philip. He is Emmy nominated this year for both "The Crown" and "Slow Horses." Jonathan Pryce is joining us, you guys. Amy Ryan, the great Jane -- the great Amy Ryan is on "Family Trips" this week. Check that out, and you guys, we are moving on. Here at "Late Night," Every night I deliver a monologue made up of jokes written by a diverse team of writers. As a result, a lot of jokes come across my desk that due to my being a straight White male would be difficult for me to deliver. But we don't think that should stop you from enjoying them, so we'd like to share them with you now in a segment called "Jokes Seth Can't Tell." [ Cheers and applause ] These are two of our writers, Amber and Jenny. -I'm Black. -And I'm gay. -And we're both women, -and I'm not. So here's how this works. I'll read the setups to these jokes, and Amber and Jenny will read the punchline. So here we go. According to a recent census, gay men tend to gravitate to big cities. -While lesbians tend to gravitate to the sale rack at L.L.Bean. -A Black Trump supporter is suing a Republican group after claiming they called him a slave. -Buddy, I got news. That's the nicest thing they called you. -What's the worst thing they called him? -The other Black guy's name. [ Audience "oohs" ] -During a recent game, Boston Red Sox player Jarren Duran called a fan gay slur. -[ Scoffs ] Who does he think he is? The Pope. -Jenny, do you think that happens a lot at Fenway Park? -Uh, is the Pope Catholic and also homophobic? -According to the Department of Agriculture, there's been a surge in the country's number of Black farmers. -And this time, it's by choice. -Amber! -Hey, you think there's a lot of Black farmers now? You should have seen the 1700s. -Amber! -But the songs were fun. -A dog shelter in Las Vegas is overcrowded with 465 dogs. -I'm sorry. I'm hearing that's just some lesbian's house. -Okay now. Now, Jenny, do you have a pet? -No, I'm allergic to dogs and cats, so I can't date a woman who has either. And that's why I shall remain single forever. -[ Laughs ] [ Laughter ] -Sad because it's real. [ Laughter ] -The Virginia African-American Cultural Center is launching the second season of their podcast about Black neighborhoods. -That's my favorite podcast, said gentrifiers. -A new documentary explores the rumor that Abraham Lincoln was gay. -It's called "Gaybraham Lincoln." -Now, Jenny, do you really think Abraham Lincoln was gay? -I will say this. He definitely had a beard. -Ah. -According to a new poll, 83% of Democrats have a favorable view of Kamala Harris. -And I bet Joe Biden must be rolling over in his... What's that? He's fine. Oh, good for him. -According to a recent study, lesbians live shorter lives than straight women. -Because unlike straight women, at some point we all have an orgasm so good we just die. [ Laughter ] -Now, do straight women really live longer? -I mean, if you can call being straight living. -A new museum in Charleston specializes in Black genealogy. -It's called the Thomas Jefferson Museum. -Amber! Thomas Jefferson is Black people's where's Waldo. If you look at your family tree close enough, he's in there. -Hey, Seth, I have an idea. -I really don't think I should. -Come on, just one. -Why don't you tell one? -I feel like they already are really on edge and I don't want to do one. -You should do it. -I don't -- they're very on edge. -I think they're gonna like it. -You guys promise I'll be okay? -They will love it. -Okay. -It's gonna go great. -Thank you, guys. I trust you very much. -Yeah. -This year, the U.S. men's Olympic swim team had its first Black coach. There were no survivors. -How dare you?! -You told me it would be okay. -You should be ashamed of yourself! -You wrote it and you emailed it to me and you told me to say it! -I don't know what you're talking about. -Black women and lesbians or liars. [ Laughter, cheers and applause ] We'll be right back with Demi Moore.