DNC Night 4: Kamala Harris Closes Out A Joyous, Highly-Rated DNC | Trump Is A Weak, Unserious Man

THANK YOU, EVERYBODY. COME ON NOW. PLEASE HAVE A SEAT. THANKS, EVERYBODY. HAVE A SEAT. YOU'RE VERY KIND. THANK YOU, CHICAGO. WELCOME, IN HERE, OUT THERE, ALL AROUND CHICAGOLAND. WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. [CHEERING] WE ARE LIVE AFTER THE EPIC NIGHT FOUR OF THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION. [CHEERING] I DON'T KNOW ABOUT Y'ALL. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT Y'ALL BUT AFTER A WEEK OF LIVE SHOWS, WATCHING ALL THIS ENERGY AND JOY AND PURPOSE TONIGHT, I FEEL LIKE I JUST FELL OUT OF A COCONUT TREE. BECAUSE HERE'S THE CONTEXT. MOMENTS AGO, THE DEMOCRATS FORMALLY NOMINATED THE FIRST WOMAN OF COLOR TO EVER HAVE A NATIONAL PARTY. KAMALA HARRIS. THERE YOU GO. WRITE THAT DOWN IN YOUR HISTORY BOOKS. PUT THAT IN YOUR WIKIPEDIAS. TO HONOR THE SUFFRAGE MOVEMENT AT THIS MOMENT, MEN DELEGATES AND SPEAKERS WERE -- MANY DELEGATES AND SPEAKERS WORE ALL WHITE. THE LAUNCH OF HARRIS' CAMPAIGN HAS BEEN A TREMENDOUS SUCCESS. THEY'VE RAISED AROUND $500 MILLION. CONGRATULATIONS, DEMOCRATS. YOU CAN STOP TEXTING NOW. [LAUGHTER] I KEEP TEXTING BACK "STOP." AND THEN I GET "OH, THIS IS NOT THE SAME PERSON. THIS IS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT TEXT. $5 PLEASE. TEXT STOP TO END." ALL THIS WEEK THE DNC HAS BEEN A BIG TV HAD. A BIG TV HIT. THEY CRUSHED THE RNC BY 39%. THOSE NUMBERS ARE HELPING THE DEMS ATTRACT BIG ADVERTISERS. CHARMIN HAS CHANGED ITS SLOGAN TO "WHEN WE WIPE, WE WIN." [LAUGHTER] ARE THEY A SPONSOR? THEY ARE A SPONSOR? OKAY. ONE REASON FOR THE RATINGS DIFFERENCE COULD BE THE SPEAKERS. NIGHT TWO FEATURED MICHELLE AND BARACK OBAMA. [CHEERING] WHIE THE RNC'S SECOND NIGHT CLOSE WITH LARA TRUMP AND MARCO RUBIO. THAT'S LIKE SAYING SORRY WE DON'T HAVE COKE. IS DIARRHEA OKAY? WHEN WE WIPE, WE WIN. TONIGHT'S HOST, KERRY WASHINGTON, REMINDED THE AUDIENCE THAT THE POWER IS IN THEIR HANDS. >> YOU ARE THE MESSENGERS. YOU ARE THE FIXERS. DARE I SAY AND, YOU ARE THE OLIVIA POPES. >> Stephen: NOW GO COVER UP A MURDERER AND HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH TONING G TONY GOLDWYN. THEN SHE OFFERED A PRONUNCIATION LESSON. FIRST YOU SAY COMMA LIKE A COMMA IN THE SENTENCE. SSO. >> THEN YOU SAY LA LIKE LA, LA. >> Stephen: SLOWED DOWN, YOU GUYS. WHAT WAS THAT? I'M SORRY, HOLD ON, SLOW DOWN. WHAT WAS THE FIRST THING? WHAT WAS THE FIRST THING? I DIDN'T REALIZE THERE WAS GOING TO BE ANOTHER COGNITIVE TEST. WHALE. BY THE WAY, IF YOU'RE LOOKING TO PRONOUNCE HER OPPONENT'S NAME, IT IS DON LIKE MAFIA LEADER AND OLD, LIKE HOW HIS ACT IS GETT GETTING. [CHEERING] WE ALSO HEARD FROM MICHIGAN GOVERNOR AND REPORTED VD SHORT-LIST OR, GRETCHEN WHITMER. >> LIKE WOMEN ACROSS AMERICA WE JUST GSD. >> Stephen: THAT SUDDENLY DEPRESSED, GLUE STUFF DOWN, GANGNAM STYLE DANCE? >> AT 29, I JOINED THE SANDWICH GENERATION. >> Stephen: MEALS ALSO. I AM ON THE CUSP BETWEEN GEN X AND GEN BLT. >> YOU THINK HE HAS EVER HAD TO TAKE ITEMS OUT OF THE CAR BEFORE CHECKING OUT? HELL, YOU THINK HE HAS EVER BEN TO A GROCERY STORE? >> Stephen: OF COURSE, THE FRIDGE AND THE HOTEL ROOM AT THE $$20 SNICKERS. THEN WE HEARD FROM DR. EVA LONGORIA WHO HAD AN INSPIRING MISSION. >> IN THE LATINO COMMUNITY WE HAVE A SAYING. [SPEAKING SPANISH] WHICH MEANS, YES. IT MEANS YES WE CAN HEAR WHEN SOMEONE ASKS YOU, SHE READY TO LEAVE THIS COUNTRY FORWARD? >> Stephen: SHE WE CAN! YES, WE SHE. SHE, WE, YES. MUCHOS BIBLIOTECA. SHOWING HOW THIS WAS AN EVENT FOR ALL AMERICANS WE HEARD FROM REPUBLICAN FORMER HOUSE REPRESENTATIVE ADAM KINZINGER. >> DONALD TRUMP IS A WEAK MAN PRETENDING TO BE STRONG. HE IS A SMALL MAN PRETENDING TO BE BIG. >> Stephen: HE IS TWO DOZEN HORNY RACCOON STACKED IN A SUIT PRETENDING TO BE A MAN. KEEP HIM OUT OF YOUR GARBAGE. TIGHTEN THE LID. KINSINGER SAID MORE. >> DEMOCRACY KNOWS NO PARTY. IT'S A LIVING, BREATHING IDEAL THAT DEFINES US AS A NATION. IT'S THE BEDROCK THAT SEPARATES US FROM TYRANNY. WHEN THAT FOUNDATION IS FRACTURED. >> Stephen: TIM WALZ WOULD RECOMMEND YOU BUY SOME SAC-CRETE AT HOME DEPOT UNTIL YOU CAN LEVEL IT UP WITH FOAM. SKIM COAT IT AND SEAL IT AND THEN YOU MIGHT AS WELL -- YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO REGRET IT. YOU'VE GOT TO STOP THE BLACK MOLD. THEN IT WAS FINALLY TIME FOR KAMALA HARRIS. SHE WAS INTRODUCED BY NORTH CAROLINA GOVERNOR ROY COOPER. >> HELLO, AMERICA. I'M ROY COOPER. THE LAST GUY STANDING BETWEEN YOU AND THE MOMENT WE ARE ALL WAITING FOR. >> Stephen: BEYONCE? NO? I'M JUST ASKING. I'M JUST ASKING. I KNOW THE DNC SAID SHE WASN'T COMING BUT TMZ SAID SHE WAS. THEN FINALLY KAMALA HARRIS TOOK THE STAGE AND STARTED HER SPEECH WITH A SHOUT OUT TO HER HUSBAND. >> LET ME START BY THANKING MY MOST INCREDIBLE HUSBAND, DOUG. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, DOUGIE. >> Stephen: OOH. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] WHO LET THE DOUGS OUT? I'M SORRY SHE DIDN'T HAVE A GIFT FOR YOU TONIGHT. IF YOU WAIT A COUPLE MONTHS, SHE MIGHT GET YOU A NEW HOUSE. THAT IS A CHIN STROKER. INCREDIBLY POWERFUL SPEECH. EARLY ON HARRIS TALKED ABOUT THE LESSONS SHE LEARNED FROM HER MOTHER. >> SHE TAUGHT US TO NEVER COMPLAIN ABOUT INJUSTICE BUT DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. THAT WAS MY MOTHER. SHE ALSO TAUGHT US, AND NEVER DO ANYTHING HALF-ASSED. >> Stephen: I ALWAYS DO EVERYTHING FOAL ASSED." DURING THE CONVENTION, HE TRUTHED THIS, WALZ WAS AN ASSISTANT COACH, NOT A COACH. OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. OF COURSE HE WAS AN ASSISTANT COACH, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. WALZ IS ONLY QUALIFIED TO BE SOME SORT OF VICE PRESIDENT. IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] GOOD CATCH. GOOD CATCH. HARRIS TOLD THE CROWD SHE KNOWS THE GRAVITY OF THE JOB AHEAD OF HER AND SHE'S READY. >> YOU CAN ALWAYS TRUST ME TO PUT COUNTRY ABOVE PARTY AND SELF. TO HOLD SACRED AMERICA'S FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES FROM THE RULE OF LAW TO FREE AND FAIR ELECTIONS TO THE PEACEFUL TRANSFER OF POWER. >> Stephen: TO REPLACE THE TOILET PAPER ROLL IF IT'S EMPTY, NOT JUST REST A NEW ONE ON THAT LITTLE SPINDLE ANYTHING. IF I HAVE TIME TO CLEAN, I WILL NOT LEAN. VICE PRESIDENT HARRIS MADE OF VARYING... IT'S LIVE SHOW. VICE PRESIDENT HARRIS MADE A VERY GOOD POINT ABOUT HER OPPONENT. >> IN MANY WAYS DONALD TRUMP IS IN UNSERIOUS MAN. >> Stephen: "NOT TRUE, KAMALA. I'M VERY SERIOUS. JUST ASK MY DEAR FRIEND THE LATE GREAT HANNIBAL LECTURE." HARRIS HAD THIS WARNING ABOUT TRUMP. >> UNDERSTAND HE IS NOT DONE. >> Stephen: MADAME VICE PRESIDENT, I POLITELY DISAGREE. AFTER YOU YOU ROASTED HIM THIS HARD, I THINK HE'S WELL DONE. THERE WE GO. KAMALA HARRIS' SPEECH WAS EVERYTHING WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR ALL WEEK. SHE HIT HER OPPONENT ON HIS POLICY FAILURES. SHE HIT HIM ON HIS DERELICTION OF DUTY. HIS LIES, HIS TREASON AND CRIMES AND CRIMES AND HIS CRIMES. SHE IS A PROSECUTOR IN THE TRIAL OF DONALD J. TRUMP. HE IS GUILTY AS CHARGED AND NOW IT IS TIME TO SENTENCE HIM TO 48 YEARS OF PRESIDENT HARRIS. WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT LIVE FROM CHICAGO. MY GUEST IS ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ. A PERFORMANCE BY CHICAGO'S VERY OWN MAVIS STAPLES AND JEFF TWEEDY. WHEN WE COME BACK, I SPENT AN AFTERNOON AT WRIGLEY.