Roast Battle |Netflix Night #3| Tony Hinchcliffe + Dr. Phil + Jeff Ross + Jaleel White + Pat Barker

Intro Welcome to Night three of roast battle League's decade of Destruction our 10-year anniversary special are you ready for Rose battle Make some noise for our referee Brian motherfucking Moses hey [Music] the decade of Destruction 10 years damn right we got Rose B bands in the house maybe the commissioner should explain the tournament for a second Pat Barker our roast battle League commissioner what's up Pat tonight is the quarterfinals we got La Austin Chicago and New York still in this thing four people are going to advance to the semi-finals and finals tomorrow night it's going to be a great night thank you guys for being here make some fucking noise fuck yeah let's get into it it's fucking on right now our judges are here what it's going to be a fucking wild night straight from a soldout show at the Los Angeles Forum the Creator and star of kill Tony Tony Hench [Music] Cliff like like Tony Tony Tony Tony fuck yeah what the fuck is up Los [Music] Angeles who's ready to watch people verbally abuse one another who wants to see some fucking tears tonight where are my Latino people [Music] at where's my Dodger fan where's my Laker fan it's all the same people Tony thank you for coming Moses I didn't even tell you guys about this but this is one of those weird things that I never thought would happen you know it's a festival comedians get busy I asked my friend Adam Ray to be here he couldn't make it but he called his good good pal the one and only make it loud Los Angeles fucking Dr Phil is [Applause] here Dr Phil Dr Phil Dr Phil Dr Phil oh shit me will you come judge will you stay in judge with us I would love to be a part of tonight's battle one more time for Rose battle huh the best show on fucking mother earth we got all types of people we got Jews blacks I saw a guy with the cane limping up here it's going to be a great night give it up for the wave one more time they're on some there it is that was a little scary my man you can sit down we're all set you guys ready to fucking have some fun tonight let's rip it up huh let's get fucked up I can't here you make some fucking noise baby let's go let's fucking go I love it I love it I love it I love it 10 years old shout out Josh Martin Kenny lion they started this whole thing by having a a fight in the parking lot and that's appropriate because Netflix put us in a parking lot let's get to your first battle this guy's all the way from New York City he's a monster keep it going John a [Music] Jah nice very very racist coach thank you very very racist John aoda welcome back thank you you dominated last night how long youve been Rose battling uh like four years four years how long you been doing stand up like eight o shit yeah Jeff yes try to get to know this guy up here follow from New York city is this the same guy from last night same guy your Uber driver I didn't know Jeffrey dmer had a retarded nephew too much sorry no I was saying I did I knew we had one you knew that yeah I'm on Google you really do a lot of research Dr Phil you have to it's 2024 what's your favorite go-to website for research probably PornHub then GrubHub have you ever seen uh roast battle before uh I've watched it online I've been to The Comedy Store a few times where it was birthed by my man Brian Moses the one and only there he is right there the host of roast battle hanging out and uh yeah it's a good time the energy is uh enthusiastic and you get all sorts of creatures coming in to uh to to roast and toast I can't wait to see it live I'll tell you that much we're doing it live right now let's meet his opponent the most tenure battle in roast battle history all the way from Los Angeles om s [Music] wow hell yes I'm psyched for this one we love it we love it New York Los Angeles 911 711 we're having fun out here oh me how long you been doing roast battle hey I've been doing roast battle for 10 years 10 years oh since we started baby Undercard 1: John Ajodah vs. Omid Singh you're my man now you're battling this cat over here what do you know about John I mean I it's great that you guys arranged this battle and uh it's an Indian joke I haven't seen JN since we competed in that spelling be so it's really nice to be here it's almost the same thing all right uh it's one round five jokes who's going first I'll go first oh shit your AI version of you is going first are you ready ready are you ready are we ready battle battle let's Rose omid's mom is a yoga instructor uh is that why I got her legs up in the air so easily when I jizzed on her face she was like thank you come again and let me tell you boy did I come again and again and again I paid her for sex so many times I could sponsor a well in your Village San Diego [Laughter] John looks like he works on Wall Street and lives on Sesame Street om you look good I didn't know Hamas had Lumberjacks but uh they do the beheadings but um Omid is originally from a third world Backwater shit hole uh but enough about San Diego um omid's uh he's a devout Muslim so uh in honor of his culture after the show I will be cutting his clit off John wanted to be a doctor but then he realized he could just buy rufies himself yeah thanks for the good deal but um you're welcome Omid is a balding Arab he looks like George castanic Stan he's got the mail p and baldness of his father and the beard of his mother John looks like when he walks into a nightclub he says I could fuck any woman in here [Laughter] tonight Oh's great he reminds me he looks like what a spirit would show me that I become if I don't change my ways he's the ghost of Ramadan future John has been described as having rapy Vibes and that's just by his family John likes to stalk women just for the cardio guys give it up for isis's PR team but no uh Omid inherited a clothing company from his father after he passed away uh Indiana Jones hit him with a mine cart but I didn't know I didn't strike me as a fashionable guy you know I didn't know there was so many ways to style a burka at least my dad liked me John's dad John's dad walked out of him when he was 16 oh fuck I forgot it stay right here John's dad walked out of him when he was 16 I would have done it sooner growing up John wanted to be a magician but his dad was the learn but his dad was the one who learned how to disappear you know what let me tell you one more thing try it in Arabic maybe looks like a what' you say yeah you heard me all right I didn't hear you don't worry you'll get him [Applause] back that's that's the wrong Indian that's the wrong the wrong Indian John looks like a college lacrosse student that isn't invited to any of the rapes totally worth it hey keep it going that's all me seeing from Los Angeles J New York nice wow all right great way to start this this tournament off tonight give it up for Omid singing John uh what's his face a how do you say it John aoda you had great jokes Man Tony we haven't seen you at roast battle in a minute here in Los Angeles how's it going Budd home where it all started 17 years ago I love it I the show's changed since I've been here I never met those two judges over there did you find them at P Diddy's party this looks awesome over here I love this battle 50 shades of brown it's fucking incredible it was a real battle of the Titans it was it was incredible was it like a 737 versus a 747 Tower 1 vers Tower too they're both extremely brown but what I like about them is that they both dress white hell of a hell of a battle you know at the beginning Joda am I saying that right a Joda it doesn't matter a Joda no don't be embarrassed what's your name what did your dad name you before he left John oh why are people calling you Joda that's my last name I've got two yeah John Choda spelled a j o d a h take it from Jeff Li Schultz you need to change that can I be Jeff Li Schultz yes that would be fucking awesome yeah you know uh technically this was a a great great battle I had me way ahead uh up until the very end when you blatantly said that you forgot a joke like there was so many ways you could have handled that spin out instead you just like basically you pulled your phone out I thought you were literally going to grab a gun and shoot shoot yourself in the head uh and then it kind of like piled on from there really really really really really fucking close to me um but the ones that made me laugh the most the actual jokes that made me laugh are always the shorter cleaner punches and uh I I'm a little bit of a weird judge I'm going to give it to Omid on this one okay I think he landed the punches that were funnier than me I think the audience may have uh reacted L but I like I like omid's Style on this one all right well let's kick it the pet who' you like Al-Qaeda or Isis so first of all I was close enough to see what really happened he didn't forget his joke he got an Uber ride request you fucker no I love this Bollywood remake of billions this was great The Indian in the Cupboard versus The Indian in the closet um Omid looks like Slum Dog Build-A-Bear and John looks like he got friend zone by all 72 virgins um this was this was the only battle tonight that you could hear across the street and smell in Santa Monica um no I I love both of these guys two of the best Battlers in the world I think you're both awesome I actually I thought JN was a little bit ahead on points and Omid needed to pull out a Haymaker on the last one and then we all saw what happened uh I think John got the battle tonight oh one one one Dr Phil who' you like aam leum or chicken Tiki Masala well they both brought the funk uh uh Omid you look like a Chia Pet with a sex addiction John you look like a school shooter that works at the Apple Store so that's a good gig uh yeah I like to uh John you had the jizz 7-Eleven joke that was funny jizz is always funny right uh you said some about cutting a clit right true I'm a big fan of that I can't can't seem to find it so why not just get rid of it right yeah these fellas haven't seen it for sure uh how do you please a woman give some advice to some of these guys well first of all you get to know them you build some Rapport a deep connection you know like uh Omid you said that John probably doesn't get invited to the ray parties right correct yeah and I know what that's like so that one resonated yeah oh Oprah didn't invite you to the rap parties well I I well who you think filmed it I just didn't get to participate Brian let me finish my story Dr film Dr film yes but uh the Sesame Street joke I was a big fan of I grew up on that show uh and uh you know it's a tough battle you guys both went hard in the paint uh and delivered uh concise like Tony said uh jokes with a lot of punch but at the end of the day um you know Omid I like your shoes John I like your smile oh thank you yeah well I mean it's look yeah I mean you smile and then your mouth closes up real quick you know I don't know if you're nervous or you're just uh horny what is it John a little bit of both I feel yeah see that that's what that's what I'm talking about that's honesty from John and I appreciate that but if I had to pick one uh I'm going to go with the brown guy which one which one oh that's right uh the one that looks like Toby Maguire's chiropractor Omid oh shit okay Jeff are we giving it to Omid are you gonna make a tie with Joda well Omid you know how much I love you I've seen you perform all over the world you represent roast battle in many countries you're fucking awesome but for whatever reason New York City John Judah your fucking jokes the calling him aamas Lumberjack that did it for me so I'm going to vote for John Who tie it up for sudden death oh we might have to settle this at the Allah Alla back [Music] bar God is great but that joke was terrible sorry Tony I love you all right we are freeing Palestine all over this stage this is a joke off you went first last time no you went first last time you're up first this time let's roast John is in Tech taking a dick up his ass am I right you know all right you know what wait wait wait wait wait stay right there it's a joke yeah cheat I love it it's a bomb Detonator all right I know he really struggled with that last joke in English so let me uh put this in terms you can understand it's like John doesn't know that he's also Brown you had it one try already all right anyway Omid looks like he goes through airport security just so someone will touch him TSA pre-check baby that's it judges give me a winner wow we need one more judge for this my good pal Jalil white come say hi for a second come here Jal what's up buddy welcome man where the fuck were you great actor amazing guy Jalil white come sit down come sit down commissioner slide over one slide over one slide over one right [Music] here News newspaper love the tradition of the Grand Des people say it's even hard to must be mag this gentle all I see the power of Dreams out of every come on give biger love for the family but that's the best part nigga you can't cut down give it up for Arie give it up for JAL welcome Jal Jal did you watch [Applause] that hand it to who I think won I'm just G to hand it to who I think won okay I think my man stumbled out the gate a little bit he capitalized John came on strong at the end I got to give my Oracle gummies to John oh oh is that a bag of purple Ur that's a bag of we purple Ur gave you a bag of purple Oracle is that a b is that a bag of Cosby ruies I hope so oh my goodness those are good ladies and gentlemen moving on to the finals tomorrow night [Music] Joda MC in the Rock I came to see the my in a spot [Music] [Applause] [Music] now look me and my man coach went to high school together and he knows I got picked on I was called urel my whole fucking life terrible this is like that Spider-Man meme right now looking at you oh my God you have way more money than me all right let's get to this next battle I'm going to kick it to the commissioner because he booked this battle he booked this whole thing actually one more time for Barker a thank you guys thank you but go ahead and tell them about this next battle so so this battle this was supposed to be for the tournament Katie cancade Advanced last night she was supposed to battle to try to get into the semi-finals her opponent backed out with four hours notice emergency situation and show business an emergency means he got a better gig reg regardless Katie is going to move on to the semi-finals anyway but she still wanted to come out here and put on a show for everybody so we got one of our our favorite Battlers from La Paige Wesley and they're going to do an exhibition match for you guys it's going to be great okay all the way from Los Angeles keep it going for Rampage Wesley oh F I almost wore that oh my God hey go fore Win It goe win it coach coach that is that's very mean is that the theme to free willing it is it is I enjoy B can't get you nowhere coach it's been six years you've never played the free Willie theme for me I'm so excited that was great historical you're a child star and we really love you here all right this next ladi's moving on to the semifinals which you're here to put on a show Chicago Zone Katie King [Applause] Undercard 2: Paige Wesley vs. Katie Kincaid K all right good to be here between two women who are my type all right uh prove it Brian I'm right here oh good to see you Mo Moses will bang the girl on his left during the daytime and the girl on his right after a bottle of tequila it could be vodka all right one round five jokes Chicago Los Angeles who's going first I'll go first you got it I'll go yeah let's go are we ready for this they just learned their batt they had 3 hours to write are we ready come on let Katie looks like she keeps her dildos on a tool Bell okay uh guys give it up for our favorite o pickme girl uh this Easter Island head is paig Wesley uh Paige actually told me that she bought a house last year uh the house is is the outfit she's wearing right now it's true I'm fat Katie works out so I guess you could both say that we push plate uh so Paige is Italian I know this because if you cut her open you'll find the entirety of an Olive Garden staff unlimited bread sticks let's go Katie says she's more gay than straight which is why she showed up tonight in a U-Haul [Laughter] uh thank you Bild deore you're welcome Kathy Bates uh so Paige has actually been having a tough time finding TV work here in La I think it's because whenever a TV show premieres her Clos captioning just reads heavy breathing asthma's no joke y'all a flying pigs Katie is actually an improv comedian so I'm going to need a suggestion from the audience of how else she's disappointing her parents oh man paig is really on a roll right now I'm sorry Paige really wants a roll right now with butter baby uh so uh anytime when Paige gets eaten out they just call it eating family style Katie if you're here which Home Depot employee is on break man I love roasting myself if I was from Wisconsin sorry if I was the entire state of Wisconsin uh so actually Paige this is like a fun fact Paige met her husband on Facebook Marketplace uh yeah he thought she was a mattress yeah when he saw her his heart stopped when he when she saw him he she went into temper pediac arrest keep it going Katy k k Chicago that's Paige Wesley from Los Angeles now Jeff they only had three hours to write this I know but it was still great Katie tell that last joke you stumbled I want to hear what that joke was yes uh so Paige met her husband on Facebook Marketplace uh he thought she was a mattress when she ran into him uh he she went into tip her pediac S I think I did it better the first time I'm sorry I just wanted to hear it it sounded like a great joke but I was wrong Give It Up for Katie and Paige wow Katie thank you for jumping in that wasn't even good on three hours notice I'm just teasing you're awesome and I appreciate you running out no time to do your hair nothing you're a good sport Paige didn't even finish getting dressed have to get out of the house fast I'm try I'm kind of nervous to ask Tony about this battle because I think we're gonna get the whole show fucking they'll cut our mics off but Tony's writing like he's got his fucking suicide note going all right we'll come back to you Jalil how you feeling man I just I like the way Paige just responds you know she can take a Punch Yeah she really does right A lot of them anything Katie said Paige was just sound of like bitch I've had better punches before um Katie I love the heavy breathing joke eating family style that was the imagery on that was great oh no it wasn't uh it's great it's great don't hate don't hate no I'm hating who doesn't appreciate Family Style thank you uh but damn Paige with the Home Depot joke I like that uh you know what I'm GNA give the edge to Paige just on a tire alone that's the tiebreaker she came out with her tits out and really just laid it on the line hell yeah I don't think it's on purpose though I think broke a a button flu off this shirt doesn't close that is a one more joke that's a b I've heard of a bulletproof vest not a button prooof blouse no you know what this little security area is for in case that bra breaks Splash Zone haters what do you think about this one Paige that was an awesome battle but if you win for the love of God do not crowd surf dear God I don't think she's going to make it there but I did enjoy the battle between trailer trash and the trailer she was raised in I I I did I did have fun yeah it was I love your outfit too I like how it's covered in eyes because no one would ever look at it willingly w we got the before and after pcks of OIC it really works wow oh my God yes all right let's go to the commissioner who' you like buy or trp first first of all I thank you guys for doing this on three hours notice one more round of applause for them for that fair enough fair enough I uh 3 hours notice crazy crazy uh and I I love this battle this looked like the Real Housewives of Willy Wonka's chocolate factory um it's ironic that Katie is from Chicago but Paige looks like a deep dish person Y and uh Katie congrats on making it to the final four final four is also what guys call Katie when they leave the bar with her at the end of the night um [Applause] [Music] no I'm just having fun I love both of you I think you're both amazing uh I appreciate you doing this Paige The Improv joke the Home Depot joke the U-Haul was great but for me the the close captioning saying heavy breathing uh took me out it was very relatable as a heavy breather so um I'm going to I'm going to give the edge to Katie all right all right Tony which one of uh Roseanne's daughters did you like I just love what's going on here tonight and again I love the addition of those two judges over there shout out to you guys I mean it's amazing I've always wondered what it would look like if the I saw the Black Eyed Peas inside of a nightmare um but this this is J that's the one that I was writing like a crazy person no uh but this was a great battle between uh the Itty Bitty Titty Committee versus the biggy biggy dish Commission [Laughter] wow we'll be right [Applause] back herey you're right this is like an East Coast West Coast battle diabetes one and two I got you but I love it I'm G to go with Paige on this one oh yeah hell yeah all right uh diagnosed this trauma Dr Phil yeah I mean all these jokes felt like they were coming from a real place I appreciate that I I appreciate the wardrobe choices um I think I've had a wet dream about both you guys uh Paige keeping your dildos on a belt I keep my wife's dildos in my car so I can relate uh you said something about Kathy Bates so you know that was fun I had thought about her for a hot minute you said at one point asthma's no joke y'all which I appreciate you bringing a real issue to the for let me fuck finish Paige okay catch me outside how about [Applause] that yeah kick his ass go punch Dr Phil in the face it's fat baby yeah Dr Phil yeah tell me which one of these are my baby mama fuck well it could be either one Brian um something about the Olive Garden from Katie was fun you made a fat roll joke about dinner rolls I think we can all relate we've all had too many rolls at one point um some about you said a a a cardiac arrest with a bed right temper pet yeah that was a fun play on words and then I like the Facebook Marketplace uh joke I bought a cock ring uh on Facebook Marketplace really yeah um I could send you a picture of a page if you're uh you still got the same email www.d donuts.com that was stupid I just thought of that um I'm going to give it I'm going to give it to Paige she came hard in the paint she did it's an exhibition but Jeff you want to uh you want to announce a winner uh what was the voting what's the final voting here it's 31 page right now yeah they scale to page yes dare I say Jeff page eight Katie Katie Katie I just for the record I thought your close captioning joke was the best joke of the tournament so far this is the third day of the tournament but Paige Wesley from Los Angeles you got this battle three hours notice p w is your winner hug each other [Music] [Applause] one more big round of applause pae Wesley K King K how did Paige go so fast without a tugboat Gigi this you know Mexico from Atlanta you've been to Atlanta you have HIV yeah we met before yeah exactly which down low club which one was it Mexico it was Swinging Richards oh shit I didn't know you going to say that out loud it's a Down Low fuck shouts out to Atlanta shout out Atlanta everybody number three in HIV all right I'm ready for this next battle two of my favorites we got two battles left let's keep the ladies night theme going all the way from New York City make a laugh for Diva Good Care how long you been doing uh how long you been Rose battling maybe about three years about three years and you're battling Heather Keith here what do you know about her anything cool anything bad she's hilarious I'm excited to battle her she's amazing she's a monster she's all the way from Austin Texas make it loud for Heather K all my hell yes hello welcome back to the show all right from Austin battle in New York City mhm how long you doing Rose battle Heather uh I think three years two what's your favorite thing about this show um when I win fuck yeah that's real hell yeah thank you niggas thank you all right one round five jokes to move move on to the semifinals tomorrow night who's going first I can go first you got this yeah damn right you ready are we Undercard 3: Divya Gunasekaran vs. Heather Keith ready battle battle battle Heather give me roast all right I uh I actually thought I was supposed to be roasting my Grandma tonight uh it turns out I'm roasting the person who stole her identity uh Heather thank you for taking time away from filming I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant to be [Music] here all right let's get this straight Heather is gorgeous according to the body positivity movement uh Heather actually told me she has an overbite yeah no shit Heather all your bites are over bites you're less Girl Next Door more just house next door uh div's had chyia so many times we started calling her disease andsorry [Applause] [Applause] yeah all right we really got to wrap this up so Heather can get back to walking around a Walmart [Laughter] Barefoot uh Heather actually lost her virginity in a ditch or as scientists would call it a crater uh the sex didn't Rock her world but Heather rolling around on the ground rocked ours uh you're mad that I lost my virginity cuz you can't even get an arranged friend zone oh oh oh [Applause] [Music] that was my round all right keep it going for Rosanne bario okay Heather is a pothead and pot body and is most beloved for her pot hole that's a lot of fat jokes coming from someone who praises C let's go [Music] yeah um that's why I like you so much thank you thank you so much uh Divia Divia looks like she works in a call center that only sells terrible blowjobs all right thank you Vanessa Pudin I like that [Laughter] one Heather is actually half Native American so she knows all about reservations uh usually Applebees TGI Fridays that sort of thing uh Heather Keith is actually her tribal name it means she who ate Keith last joke oh last joke okay uh Diva on behalf of me and everybody else in the service industry uh can y'all at least tip like five% that one was B wow again that's the wrong Indian oh man oh that was all right y'all give it up one more time for this sexy Mucinex blob [Applause] uh Heather's pussy is like a dream catcher uh if your dream is to catch herpes listen if you want to have sex with Heather and you don't uh just know that she is a squirter and when she squirts it is going to be Mountain Dew yo make some round Make Some Noise n good care from New York City he the king from Austin Texas makes noise audience wow everybody give it up for Heather and diva from Atlanta and New York City Austin Texas sorry that's what I meant to say Austin Texas autism Texas sorry governor of Austin Texas that is correct I love walking around Austin Texas with you Tony yeah we have the best best time it's the best I love you how was kill Tony last night it was unbelievable how many of you were at The Forum last night huh how many of you are going to the soldout YouTube dater tomorrow all right good how many of you are going to steal those big mouth statues over there we are in Hollywood Jal what's it like being married ah man I like it man I'm out of the streets I love it what do you think what do you think uh you know when Divia first came out it just reminded me I need to get my computer fixed and I I was wondering I was like where is the mean that's going to come out of her she looks so pleasant right but I know how many white girls have asked her can I touch her hair so nice um you don't like Indian Myra from Family Matters Indian Myra I like that rest in peace um yes um but Heather man disase Andor Crush for me I mean everybody like Disease an sorry uh what was the arranged arranged friend zone that crushed it too I gotta go with Heather man turn it over to the pros I gotta go with Heather you want this one t yeah you know uh this was a great B so far all the Battlers look like they were uh inside of a college campus fighting for Palestine like sitting like these people all look like they they got major scholarships tonight Moses but this was a this was a special battle for me because for the Tom Brady roast uh two weeks ago when I found out that I had a shot at it I put together of the best four Austin roers that I could recruit to build my own little team to spitball with and put it together and he uh Heather Keith was an amazing contributor on that very small team so I am extremely biased so I had to like take my Austin super bias out of it but I counted four wave activations from Heather Keith 4 to zero I think Heather dominated this battle I think Austin is the new comedy capital of the world and I got Heather Keith in a dominating one-sided performance representing the ATX before we go to the commissioner to break this down yeah Jeff you want to kick it to the uh your girlfriend over there well I just saw Gigi laughing more than every other battle so I know you had fun baby oh it was so good stand up why don't you show off why do you like hanging out I mean oh yeah she's she's having a balls Jeffrey are you going to let fucking Ben Shapiro's boyfriend talk to me like that Tony lay off that's mine I swear to God you keep talking to me like that I will suck your fucking cock right here in front of all these people prove it hell yeah you will hey hey you two drag queens chill the fuck out okay different show that's that's we prefer to be called bottoms thank you oh wow G has a show tonight called drill Tony afterwards oh drill with a strap on drill Tony drony Dr Phil please save this family dysfunction that we're having well I ran into diva at Whole Food she was trying to get me to donate to planed Parenthood and I did it cuz I'm a good guy uh your jokes were good Heather I have that same bowling jacket so uh you look good but the overbite joke was uh div you really funny right it was a nice play on words uh I wrote down you look like you have a tampon on your book I don't know what that meant but it's uh your Walmart Barefoot joke was really funny uh cuz it's true uh disease i'msorry was hilarious uh fuck I don't know it was a a bang for bang Buck for buck a true roast a true battle um I got to go with Heather but both both you are rock stars all right let's go to the commissioner here break this down Styles make fights Austin New York M break this thing down pat I thought it was the Battle of the night frankly I thought you guys had the battle of the night so nicely done um Heather I always love seeing you it's just good to know that the kid from the movie Up is getting work um Diva great job tonight your jokes were clearly monitored for quality assurance which was nice um yeah I mean for me like the the thing I wrote down a bunch of stuff for both of you but for Divia it was more the first part of the joke she was going for multiple hits on every joke and like Roseanne bario Vanessa Pudin sexy muin X blob I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant all of those were great and then you couldn't quite follow it with the second part I felt like whereas Heather stayed consistent the whole way through landed a couple of huge punches disease Ansari uh the arranged friend zone uh the the bad Tipper was the most simple joke I've ever heard the bottom line is I am leaning towards Heather Keith and not just because of the gravitational pull I think she was I think she was legitimately a little bit better tonight Battle of the night but Heather got it for me oh my God all right Jeff who wins in this allom reboot of Curious George and the Man in the Yellow Hat from the weird City of Austin Texas Heather you got it congratulations moving on to the semifinal hea ke ke hug each other battle battle battle battle battle we love it one more time from Dr bills in the house my guy my guy last battle of the night are you guys with [Applause] us yo our day one you come over here Jeff come over here we love this cat right here his family's in the house make a laugh for our boy boy artistic thund Josh living legend battle ble battle battle battle battle of the night this is it everybody and you know what actually this is a good time to remind everybody get your children vaccinated that's right make more of me shout out Jenny McCarthy all right last battle this guy's the LA Champion we love him Nasty Nate Welch Nate Nate Nate Nate let's go nasty nasty all the way from the by you the swamps of the New Orleans we hate New Orleans but we love you Nate all you're the LA Champion right now how long you been Rose battling been doing it for four and a half years you're run your own show at the called Comic Wars that's how much of a fan you are he went and fucking did the white guy thing and tried to take a black guy show but you're battling Patrick deari from Austin what do you know about uh Patrick darari I know Patrick's a very funny dude I met him yesterday he's now my friend and I'm really excited for this battle between me and him this guy's a monster we love him out here he's one of the to boys make it L for Patrick De [Applause] yes yes hello all right you're battling you with alipa yeah why you doing this tonight uh well I actually originally applied for the job of being a shirtless retard jumping around the stage but was already already that position was already filled so and I'm next in line bitch all right this is one round this is five jokes this is going to be a fucking slobber knocker not just because Main event 4: Patrick DePari vs. Nate Welch you made fun of Josh but who's going first I got it you got this this is La this is Austin last battle of the night let's fucking make it so loud they call the cops battle let's y'all make some noise for my opponent 13 Reasons Why hot dogs are sandwiches woo look like he go to the club in order a ketchup bottle [Laughter] service Nate looks like he fucks pigs and asks them to squeal like a [Laughter] woman all right that's a good one you look like Jason Kelsey fuck Travis [Laughter] Kelsey oh was that it yeah all right Nate if you're here who's sticking it to the Man Nate actually told me he's uh he's sober uh yeah he's currently going to alcoholics a nom nom nominus yeah you look like a Pixar character that was a homeless guy uh you look like uh you look like Bert lives in a Chrysler Patrick's been drinking since he was nine and reading since he was 23 they looks like he jerks off to the missing children on milk cartons and then when he's done he shotguns the carton Patrick's visiting from Austin he just got off Waffle House Arrest ah man Nate looks like what a hacky sack smells like yeah no Nate Nate told me he doesn't have his license so it's pretty awkward when he's done raping a kid in his van and then he just can't leave okay last joke you look like you've been doing methamfetamine [Music] meam God Nate's got a face only a coat hanger could love Jesus Christ you guys hate each other Nate uh Nate's actually uh Nate's actually dating a woman with no teeth I assume all all right that was the last battle of the night one more big round of applause Nate Wells from Los Angeles Patrick dear from Austin guys give it up for Nate and Patrick I mean or don't I feel like maybe you guys should hug before we declare a winner because that shit was fucking brutal you know it's supposed to be fun right all right you got all right just want to make sure it's fun all right it's cool just because you didn't get arrested for January 6 doesn't mean you get to come here and fucking be stressed out I want people to have fun Nate you good buddy yeah that was a lot of fun huh you had some great jokes manks yeah that was so much fun fucking Patrick you were even better you're better tonight man way to bring it the jokes are great but you guys you know I thought just enjoy yourselves a little bit more I was having fun Jesus Christ you you were it was like you were trying to it was like one spot to get out of the fucking country during a war and you were like arguing for it what do you think Phil it's intense intense fucking closing battle here today let's uh let's start with the haters this time yeah before we get to these uh this firing squad over here I just find it hilarious it was two fat niggas doing fat jokes like there's no self-awareness no Nate gave me a cigarette he wins bribery always works let's go let's let's start with the RB Comm in here who' you like and uh dude wears my car on January 6th listen not to correct you Jeff but these guys look like they wanted to storm the capital but overslept like just woke up on January 7th like fuck fuck God damn it shit Nate you look like I Can't Believe It's Not Butterbean I can't believe over there looking like lizos skeleton um he looks like the second level of a jeffros Russian nesting doll okay that's uh that's all I have um and I got nothing for Patrick you bore me um no honestly I yeah I don't know it wasn't really connecting for me it wasn't really connecting with the crowd it's weird that it seemed so like hostile but it it was mostly just like weird word play um but it seemed kind of like weird and hostile it just wasn't it wasn't totally hitting I um to me I think it's pretty even right now uh Patrick's shit was way darker uh but Nate Nate made me laugh a couple the drinking at 9: and reading at 23 was really really funny um overall I I'm not ready to weigh in just yet I think it's it's pretty pretty even at this point okay okay man let's go with uh you want to go with Tony on this one who' you like Tweedle uh D or Tweedle Dum well you know just like I said that uh you know in the last match first of all how about one more time for Heather and Diva because I'm serious because their jokes were so fucking smart and Evil it was a perfect combination of the bo that you didn't know what was coming next it was like ginger between the sushi pieces whereas this was just like dark dark right we were all waiting for like a big smart Banger and it didn't happen like I was looking at the wave and they were all dressed up like babies and stuff and had shovels in their hands like they were waiting to do something that's what I'm saying that's what I was saying the last battle yeah and there were zero wave activations because there just was n one huge Banger in this but um you know I have to say and I am bias towards Austin Texas uh but I I have Patrick darari winning this one as it stands right now oh all right might a jump in Dr Phil I have a I have a pretty even as well how you feeling well uh both you guys are Gunslingers you came out I kind of liked that it was all over the place you know there was a coat hanger joke and then you said the El brothers are gay at one point you know it was tough to follow it said meth ham which uh got me thinking about food and drugs and and then I wrote uh I wrote Patrick you look like you fuck puppets I don't know what that means but put Nate you look like you cheick IDs in a glory hole so I'll see you later um I don't know I I was you know you guys uh felt prepared but I would have loved it to be a little more Loosey Goosey you know one more joke one more joke I love one one more J one more joke joke one more joke I with that really yeah for sure one joke one more joke one more joke one more joke give him a second I think about it Shake It Off come on but fucking have fun with this shit play some music coach coach hey put on not like us have some fun with it come on buddy come on come on Patrick have some fun with this loose enough come on know yeah got to find who moves on to the tomorrow yeah you guys are playing like I don't know John Goodman or Tom Arnold cosplay you got to fucking loosen up in this thing by the way special guest judge tomorrow night the hilarious Chelsea Handler will be here it'll be fun my jersey girls wow only the autistic I made noise for that you went first you're first this time this is joke off give sudden death let's roast all right uh here's a fun one Nate uh Nate looks like every time he sees boobs he goes H are those boobs I like that one I'm just really glad Patrick could join us this weekend no one's seen him since he entered the uh Fitness Protection [Laughter] Program are you saved that one that's crazy okay you say okay let's do one more come on let's do fucking one more for the fucking championship this is the final battle final one more joke one more joke all right I'm really enjoying this you I'm really enjoying this reunion between Bruce Willis and hel Joel Osman yes yeah it's it's the Molester the Molester and the moleste finally reunited like keep going all right let's get it then last joke you're a first Nate let's roast Patrick look like he licks his fingers when he folds his underwear oh oh oh the wave just really wanted to do this one yeah Nate Nate looks like if Friday the 13th took place at Camp Crystal Meth okay that was like three jokes in one but I liked it well I mean you know they they like to go back for seconds all right uh Jeff what' you think about this whole battle seven jokes we did an extra one because this guy's from Austin and Tony's a homer and he wants to make sure that you know his boys got a chance yeah but Nate Welch has been loyal to roast battle in the belly room doing it every two weeks for fucking years man so both of these guys deserve it it's not about where they're from you know this guy s Nate is great he sacrificed his time living in New Orleans fucking his cousin to move to Hollywood and now here he is in a parking lot in front of an empty apartment building going I hope my hopes and dreams come true I can't even pay for the fucking valet parking he's actually he's actually a security guard here he's off the clock right now all right who's uh let's start with h Pat on this one who' you like um I thought I thought it was really even the whole way in double overtime I thought Nate joke popped a little bit harder so I give the edge to Nate okay it's one for Nate I definitely got to give it to Nate I like the swag uh he was a lot more surgical than the last two uh I'm I'm surprised he took everybody so long to realize my man Patrick look exactly like Haley Joe Osman but my Bo is for Nate thank you thank you me go ahead Tony I'm going with Patrick darari here on this one uh no doubt about it I have to uh CU I'm going with him because uh I we're all going back to Austin together and I have to see him every night after this so it's great reason the boat fair enough fair enough all right two Nate one Patrick Dr Phil we really well uh P go ahead yeah go ahead yeah uh again both you guys I think tried your best and that's what life's all about right waking up putting your best foot forward Patrick you did call my friend Josh a retard I thought that was rude U considering you look like a guy that fucks retards that's a compliment though they're people too um Nate uh yeah you were uh you you were funny you you had more fun and I'm a big fun guy Patrick you got a nice smile you know but I didn't see it enough so I got to go with Nate oh shit he's a big fun guy but Dr Phil loves mushrooms but moving on tomorrow Jeff Nasty Nate Welch La Z Nasty Nate Welch New Orleans Louisiana thank you so much our commissioner Pat Parker the amazing and awesome and hilarious J white Tony the golden pony and the one and only Adam Ray I mean Dr Phil everybody Josh marwitz everybody our referee Brian motherfucking Moses Coach T Jamar neighbors Jeremiah Watkins Willie Hunter this fucking guy GG what's happening baby we'll see you tomorrow night at 30 I love you thank you Netflix I love you Netflix but I love you more Jeffy